The Time it Took Getting There
by iaimforthestars
Summary: Sometimes you meet someone and it feels like your whole life has been building up to that one moment. Everything makes sense, the timing feels perfect and it's just rather simple... And sometimes... It's not like that at all. When Naomi meets Emily, sadly, it's just one of those complicated times. AU
1. PART I: Chapter 1 Smile to me

**A/N: Hey there people. This is my first attempt at a story. I'm not sure what it's worth at all. Before we begin, I want to say that this is not your typical "girl meets girl and fall desperately in love" type of story. It'll be quite more complicated then that so if you expect it to be that... well you probably shouldn't be reading this, but then again, I don't want to tell you what to do.  
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**I'm not sure exactly how long I intend to make this story. In my mind it's a short of like... 15 chapters tops, but you never know where it'll actually end.  
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**Well that's about it. Enjoy. Hopefully!  
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**PART I: MEETING YOU  
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Chapter 1: Smile to me

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The first time she meets Emily Fitch, it's probably one of the most unplanned moment of her life. It happens, of all places, in a library. It's the closest library to Naomi's apartment building and she has easily been there fifty times before since she started Uni a few months ago. She reckons she might know the librarian better than her own flatmate actually with all the hours she's spent browsing the endless rows of books.

It's not that Naomi is socially challenged and is afraid to make friends or anything, but she just loves books, finds them awfully comforting. And it's not even necessarily the stories that she likes, although that often helps, it's the volumes themselves. She loves to feel the different covers, from the brand new shinny colourful ones to the older tougher monotone ones. She also loves the types of paper and ink that are used to print books. She has long ago figured that they all have different smells and, sometimes, she just likes to pick them up to see which combination she'll get; reliably ancient musky, eagerly fresh or something else entirely.

Maybe she is a bit socially challenged if this is how Naomi likes to spend her free time, but it's not like she cares that much about what other people think. She's always had a special relationship with books and she likes it that way. She doesn't even try to tone it down, doesn't even try to come less often to the library. In fact, she sometimes makes detours just so she can fit the place into her day. It's gotten to that point.

Really, the librarian calls her by her name, started calling her by her name a while ago actually, and she knows all the regulars. There's Maggie that comes pretty much every Thursday to peruse the Woman Studies section, there's Jacob who always comes randomly, but can always be found with World War II books on his table, there's Bailey who is 12 years old and comes every Wednesday to read comics- and even if it's comics, Naomi thinks it's kind of awesome that she's spending so much time at the library at her age- and there's Mendel who's there every single day at noon to read 5 different Newspapers- which is totally okay because he's studying journalism and he's very dedicated.

And apart from the regulars, Naomi thinks she's seen the entire library population at least twice even if she doesn't know their names or anything. So when Emily comes up to her between _The Second Sex_ and _She Came to Stay_, she's not just surprised because the other girl is talking to her, but she's surprised because she has never seen her there before. And, really, with her bright raspberry red hair, Naomi would have definitely noticed her if she had.

It's not just the hair mind, Emily is quite noticeable in general. She's got thin features, but her cheeks are round and her lips are full. She's got a small button nose and a set of gorgeous brown eyes that just seem to shine with mirth. And as if her face isn't enough to make her noticeable, Naomi thinks that her sense of dress completely does it. It's not that it's ugly or anything, but it's pretty colourful and hard to miss. Not that she's got any way of knowing if this is always how the other girl dresses, but today, Emily is wearing purple skinny jeans with a loose white V-neck top and a grey jumper attached to a blood red leather jacket. She's also got a grey scarf; probably because it's quite cold outside. Naomi is a bit overwhelmed by the whole ensemble. The fact that Emily is standing right next to her isn't helping either and before she knows it, Emily is talking to her.

"Hi" Emily says as if it's nothing at all, as if they are old friends.

And Naomi can't quite find it in herself to simply reply or at least smile, so she just stands there and frowns a little at the petite girl in front of her. She knows she's probably being rude and she wishes she could think of something, _anything_ to say, but nothing comes to her. She really doesn't want to see the redhead's smile falter from her face because she's being too daft to just utter the word "Hi" though. It comes as a ridiculous relief then when Emily doesn't lose her smile at all when she's confronted with Naomi's sudden muteness, but instead just carries on.

"If you're trying to figure out if you know me, you can stop right now" Emily says and now that she's spoken for a longer period of time, Naomi notices that her voice is pleasantly deep and soothing. "We don't know each other, I just thought you looked nice… and I figured I'd just come over and say hi" the petite announces with ease. "I'm Emily"

Emily is all smiles, not even shy by what she's just said and Naomi automatically admires her for it. She knows she'd never have the guts to do what she just did. She remains silent a few seconds and then, a smile cracks her lips and she starts chuckling, because as blunt as the other girl's introduction was, it really was all kinds of adorable. She knows Emily is quite pleased with herself when she chuckles along and beams at her.

They laugh together for a minute at best and Naomi pushes one of her blonde locks behind her ear before looking up at Emily. She studies the other girl's face for barely a few seconds before finally finding words.

"Is that how you approach every girl you meet?" She asks her in a teasing tone.

When she hears her words, Emily blushes a bit, scrunches her nose and shakes her head. She's still smiling though so Naomi knows she got the playful vibe in her words.

"No. Just the pretty ones" Emily concludes shyly.

The blonde feels her smile widen because it's kind of amazing how Emily can say something like _that_ to her and then be so shy about it. Her cheeks are still a bit red and Naomi can see the relief in the redhead's eyes when she laughs. She's not sure why she's laughing and not telling Emily to piss off, because that's definitely what she feels like she would have done to anyone else telling her that. The petite girl is really adorable though and Naomi can't really find it in her to be so rude. Besides, she doesn't want her to go away even if she doesn't really know why. Maybe it's something in Emily's brown eyes that's immediately putting Naomi at ease.

"I'm Naomi" the blonde says before her brain can even register that she's going to introduce herself.

Emily smiles even more broadly then.

"I'm very pleased to meet you Naomi" she says and the blonde sort of has to contain herself not to demand that Emily repeats her name endlessly.

"Likewise" she replies instead.

They stand next to each other for a few awkward seconds then. Naomi's not sure what to say and, besides, she's not the one who approached the redhead. It doesn't take too long though before Emily smiles up at her again and takes a big breath before talking.

"Listen, I know this will probably sound weird, but well… Maybe we could go for coffee?" she says quickly, her cheeks blushing even worse. "I mean you're probably busy because you're in a library and looking for books, but if you're not we could go… Or if you are maybe we could go some other time" she continues even quicker.

Naomi sort of stifles a laugh then, but not so well since Emily obviously sees it and then they're back to giggling together.

"I'm so sorry, I'm rambling… I've never been quite as… forward before" the redhead admits.

The blonde gives her an indulgent smile because she doesn't mind the rambling at all. Well, that's not quite accurate, most of the time she _does_ mind rambling, but apparently today she tolerates everything. Or maybe it's just Emily she tolerates.

"It's alright, I don't mind" she reassures the redhead.

"Good… well then… do you… want to go? I promise I'm not a nutter" Emily says while flashing a very fake but quite funny grin that totally makes her look like a bit of a nutter.

"Yeah okay" Naomi still replies automatically.

"Great!" Emily exclaims and she looks really fucking happy.

It's when they step out into the cold air of February that Naomi realizes for the first time that she's going to get coffee with this girl, Emily, that she's only just met. Then it occurs to her that that's pretty much what dates are supposed to be like. And it's after she understands that simple fact that Naomi sort of freaks out. Her cheeks lose all their colours and she feels a shiver run down her spine. She feels slightly sick and ridiculously guilty.

The reason why she's suddenly feeling so ill has nothing to do with Emily though and everything to do with her. She feels awfully guilty because she had to step outside to remember that's she's actually taken. Well, that's only if you can call what she has with Michaela a relationship and sadly, she's never quite sure that she can. Still, in her heart, Naomi feels very much taken and now that she's walking alongside this brand new girl who's by all means gorgeous, she feels like she shouldn't.

Because it's one thing to joke around with her friends that she's pretty much single since Michaela never seems to know what she wants and what to call their relationship, but it's a whole other to casually go for coffee with beautiful button nosed redheads. Also, the blonde feels bad because she's probably led Emily on by accepting her offer in the first place and now she'll have to admit that she's with someone. She feels like an extraordinary twat, not that that's anything new though.

Of course, the longer they walk and the more Naomi tells herself that maybe she's read this all wrong. Maybe it's not a date at all and maybe Emily's not even interested in her that way, for fuck's sake she doesn't even know if Emily is gay! But as she's trying to find a loophole, Naomi realizes that her excuses feel feeble, even to her. The other girl did randomly approach her and told her she was pretty and Naomi doesn't know a lot of straight girls that go about that way to meet new friends.

They still make their way to the coffee place though. Naomi just follows Emily and can't quite bring the subject up. She doesn't exactly know how, but also, she's enjoying her time with the petite girl. They haven't even talked properly, but just by the casual chat they have as they walk to the place, Naomi can easily say that she likes the other girl's company. She's smart and funny and, well, not hard to look at if it must be said.

Once they've arrived, it takes little time before they both have their coffees and are sat at a table in one corner. Emily takes off her jacket and her scarf and it's rather cute the way her nose just seems to be bright red because of the cold. They sip at their drinks, not really saying anything important. Emily's making most of the conversation while Naomi sits there awkwardly. It's not that the blonde regrets going per se, she just really wishes she had told the redhead about being taken before they left. Now she feels like she's wasting the other girl's time. Naomi feels even worst when she spaces out while trying to figure how to bring Michaela into the conversation. She's working her brain tirelessly to try and find the perfect way and she's just about to abandon when Emily ends up making it all so much easier for her.

"So…" she starts uncertainly. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"Yes!" Naomi nearly shouts and then, of course, she's blushing profusely. "Sorry I didn't mean to be so enthusiastic about that…. I just mean… I am and I feel like I should have said earlier… I'm sorry"

Emily gives her a bit of a disappointed smile, but it's a smile nonetheless.

"It's okay. I figured you might have someone" Emily reassures and even if Naomi isn't sure the redhead is being completely honest, it _does_ reassures her. "Besides, I _did_ say you looked like a nice person first, so well, I'd still like to be friends, if I'm not annoying you already that is"

Naomi nods vigorously to that because, she really does want to get to know Emily better, wants to be able to call her a friend. She's not sure why she cares, doesn't usually care about people she's _just_ met, but that doesn't stop her from caring this time around. Then she realizes that she's just nodded after Emily asked her if she thought she was annoying and she goes pale.

"I mean I'd like to be friends!" She says quickly. "I didn't mean I thought you were annoying"

Emily giggles though and that shows her she didn't actually have to clarify that, the redhead isn't daft. Still, at least now there's no chance of a misunderstanding.

Really, it starts from there, from that little moment where both girls know that they're on the same wavelength. The conversation just flows after that and it's filled with laughter. It's been a very long time since Naomi's hung out with a girl she's had so much fun with. She doesn't have a lot of girl friends to be honest and every time she hangs out with Michaela things are a bit complicated. Everything is _always_ a bit complicated with Michaela.

A few hours later, they have to part. Naomi has a class to attend and so does Emily, but they still take the time to switch numbers. In their time together, she's learned a fair few things about Emily, one of which is that Emily is a bit older than she is and in her last year of nursing. The redhead wants to work with kids as much as possible because she just loves children. Naomi nearly dislodged her eyes by rolling them when Emily told her. But now that she thinks about how the petite's eyes lit up when she explained how much she cared and how much she dreamed of being a nurse, Naomi thinks that anyone would be fucking lucky to have Emily by their hospital bed, kid or adult.

It's one thing she noticed right away about the other girl, this ridiculously generous soul she seems to have. The blonde has to admit it's bloody refreshing to see someone with so much compassion, so much love to give. Emily isn't guarded, not like Naomi is. Oh no, the blonde has known her for 3 hours tops and she can already tell that when Emily presents herself, she's showing you the real deal. There's barely any carefulness too in the way she just willingly strips herself bare for Naomi to see. It's fucking impressive and fucking special. At least, it is to the blonde.

When Naomi walks home that night after a semi interesting class of "Political Economy and Public Policy", she thinks about Emily. She's a bit surprised when her stream of thoughts automatically brings her to a small feeling of disappointment about the fact that she's already dating Michaela. She shakes the feeling off though because she's wanted Micah way too long to suddenly want someone else.

And that's very true though, she realizes instantly. She _has_ been wanting Micah for so long that now that she has her- sort of- she can't just let her go. So maybe their relationship isn't exactly ideal… Okay, perhaps it's shit most of the time, but it's at least something. At least Naomi isn't longing after the girl anymore, she's got her even if it's just a bit. The more she walks and the more the blonde remembers herself. She's worked so hard for this, tried so hard to get Michaela to trust her. And it's not just the hard work, it's the achievement. She got the bloody girl in the end!

And what a girl she is! She's so fucking gorgeous with her deep blue eyes that have absolutely nothing to do with her own pale ones and her wavy auburn hair. She's also all curves, Micah is. From the shape of her hips to the delicious curves of her chest, Naomi's always been a bit speechless whenever she sees the other girl. Of course, Micah has issues, who doesn't? Naomi doesn't judge her. Who is she to judge anyone really?

By the time the blonde stops walking in front of her apartment building, she realizes that she doesn't want to be there at all. So she spins on her heels and walks to another flat where she knows she'll feel much better. And she's totally right. The second she opens the door to one of the most ridiculous dodge she's ever seen, there's already a smile on her lips. She can hear the telly in the background playing some football game she really doesn't give a toss about and 2 minutes later she hears a gruff voice calling over.

"OI! Who's penetrating the man cave?"

She outrights laugh and then replies.

"A _man_ cave? Please! You lads are just boys!"

It doesn't even take half a second for cheers to erupt in the living room and she knows she's been recognized.

"D'Art!" the same voice from earlier yells. "Grab yourself a bottle and come sit your fine arse out here"

So she does just that. Naomi walks to the fridge and shoves it open, only to wrinkle her nose at the smell she finds in there. There really isn't much apart from the bottles of beer, but whatever actually _is_ in there is definitely rotten. It's nothing that new though so she just grabs the closest beer, uncaps it, throws the cap in the sink and walks to the living room area. Surely enough, there she finds two of her favourite people on earth.

"Alright?" Freddie asks, a spliff lazily dangling from his lips.

"D'Arty!" Cook yells again before patting the spot beside him on the couch.

She sits on the spot and leans her feet on the already dirty coffee table before taking a long sip of her beer.

"Where's Jay?" She asks taking the time to look around herself quickly.

"Still at school. Something about a project… or something… whatever" Freds replies casually without taking his eyes off the match.

Cook doesn't say anything at all. He's a bit too enthralled with the game for that. When the referee calls a red card about 30 seconds later, he stands right up and starts shouting loudly at the telly.

"Red card!? Are you fockin' kidding me?! He didn't even fockin' touch him?! That's bollocks, you fockin' arse!"

Freddie looks equally outraged and swears and nods along with Cook, but he remains seated. Naomi just laughs and takes another sip of her beer. She's been here five minutes and she's feeling more relaxed already. She always does when she's with the boys.

"Fockin' game is rigged" Cook complains under his breath before sitting back down and grabbing a beer from the coffee table.

He finishes it with one gulp, puts it on the floor next to the other dozen bottles already there and grabs a full one within the mist. There really is only Cook to drink his beer at room temperature just because he's too much of a lazy arse to get up throughout the night for refills.

"Anyway, how's you D'Art?" he asks, turning to look at her with a big grin.

It's their thing, D'Art, hers and Cook's and Fred's and JJ's. It's Cook who came up with it though, years ago. It was a few months after they started hanging out, back then, they were all still in high school. Naomi had just moved from another part of the city and joined their school. At assembly, she'd had a run in with Cook when he had made a pass at her. To the boy's credit, he'd laugh real loud when she'd shoved his advances right back in his face with a few witty remarks. The boys had already been mates since way before, but they'd all taken a liking to her somehow and she had just gone along with it.

Naomi hadn't expected it, hadn't expected to fit in with a trio of scruffy boys, but she had. It's not that she was a very manly girl either because, for the most part, she wasn't. But there was something in the simplicity of those three she had immediately loved. She was just glad really that they hadn't seemed to mind that she was a girl and that she was breaking their all-men gang.

One evening, they had been hanging out in Freddie's shed, smoking spliffs and just generally laughing at everything. JJ had had to piss and Freds had shoved him _the_ piss bottle. Naomi had crinkled her nose in disgust because that freaking bottle just _had_ to break every sanitary rule in existence.

"Urgh, that bottle should not be allowed to exist" She'd said which only made the three boys laugh.

"Oh come on sugar tits. If you're going to hang out with us lads, you're gonna have to get used to it" Cook had replied.

"I don't think that's possible" She'd shot back disdainfully.

"Aww look at Naoms being all prissy" Fred had teasingly cooed.

"I'm not! It's just disgusting is what it is!" She'd snapped.

"Well excuse us princess" Cook had continued.

Naomi had glared, but she'd also felt her stomach drop. Since she'd started hanging out with the trio, it was the first time any of them had teased her about being a girl and the blonde had to admit she didn't like it one bit. As if sensing her discomfort, Cook had readily latched onto it.

"Oi Blondie Bird, it's a compliment that you're different" he had said.

Naomi had turned to eye him curiously and had expected both Freddie and JJ- who had since then come back from his piss- to look curiously at Cook as well, but they were just smiling lazily.

"I don't see how me being a princess is a compliment" She had complained.

"Nah mate, we're just joking, aren't we? It's affectionate, innit? You're different… you're like…" he had started and then stopped for a second to think.

Naomi had nearly laughed sarcastically when she'd seen his forehead scrunch in concentration. But then he'd shot his head right back up and looked at her gleefully.

"I know! You're our fockin' D'Artagnan!" he'd said triumphantly.

"What?" She'd asked with a chuckle.

"Our D'Artagnan! We're the musketeers aren't we?" He'd explained.

"Yeah…"

"Right so I'm like that fockin' Aramis bloke 'cause I'm the ladies' favourite man, yeah? And Fredster is Athos 'cause he's the boring one-"

"Oi!" Freddie had yelled, but Cook had just continued.

"We'd have to get JJ's food on for him to properly fit Porthos, but still, he's like the nice likeable one"

She'd stared at her friend for a few seconds after that while the other two just nodded vigorously.

"And then there's you Naoms. Newest addition. So you're D'Artagnan and since you're like well clever, it really fockin' fits, doesn't it?" Cook had concluded proudly.

And really, the blonde had been freaking touched by the boy's confession. So freaking touched that she'd been afraid she'd cry for a second. Of course, she held the tears in. She really didn't need to show them just how much of a girl she could be for fuck's sake, but still, she thought she was really blessed to have met the little misfit group.

"Ain't no musketeers complete without their D'Art" Cook had chipped and coming form him, it almost sounded wise.

The blonde had tried to grapple onto a proper reply to that afterwards and it really had been a mind fuck. She just didn't want to be emotional. So she had smirked at Cook and chuckled.

"Jesus Cook. I didn't know you had actually _read_ the fucking book" she'd teased.

"Fuck off!"

"No I'm serious. You can _read_? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She'd pushed.

And just like that, the emotional moment had gone and passed, but since that day, the boys had nicknamed her "D'Art" and it warmed her heart a little every time they did.

She smiles at Cook who's just looking at her expectantly. She's fairly sure he has no clue how much she loves that he still calls her that, but she does.

"Good, nothing much to tell" she finally replies.

"Yet you're in the man cave" Freddie says smartly.

"Shove off Stoner" she teases as Cook chuckles.

But she knows Freddie has a point. The boys know her schedule by now, actually it's taped to their fridge, and all of them know she's got class in the morning. Yet, here she is, hanging out with them. Boys are boys and often, they don't really notice when she's having a bad day, but they're not totally insensitive or stupid. She just shrugs her shoulders and brings a nail to her mouth. She's decided to just say nothing when her cellphone goes off. She fishes it out of her pocket and sees that she's got a new text message.

_**Library girl- Emily**_

_Hey, I know you said you were with_

_someone, but I just wanted to say_

_that I think you're really gorgeous._

_I had a great time today, hope we_

_can do that again sometime._

_Ems xx_

Naomi smiles despite herself, because she didn't expect Emily to text her and she definitely didn't expect her to write something like that. In a way, this kind of straight forward message doesn't fit the petite redhead she met today, but at the same time, it _does _fit the girl who had the balls to ask her out in the library.

"Anything interesting?" Cook asks, of course he's seen her smile.

"Hum" Naomi mumbles vaguely.

"Who's texting ya?" he pushes.

Naomi knows it's her business, knows Cook is being nosy, but she gives it to him, tells him who it is just because it's kind of been on her mind all evening.

"Just this girl I went for coffee with earlier" she mutters.

"Yeah?" Cook says, a huge smile already crawling on his lips. "Fit?"

She rolls her eyes because it's totally typical of Cook to ask that first. Then she shrugs.

"Where d'you meet her?" Freddie asks, lighting a fag.

"Library"

"Ha! Why am I not surprised?" Cook laughs.

She just rolls her eyes again.

"So? Was that like a date?" Freds asks as if Cook hadn't said anything at all.

"Course not!" Naomi defends instantly. "I'm with Michaela aren't I?"

"Are you?" Freddie says and it's not even meant to be mean.

"Yeah…" Naomi drawls out, feeling a bit sheepish that her best friends can't even tell anymore.

"That girl is a waste of your time" Cook spats and the blonde finds herself frowning automatically.

She really doesn't want to get into this argument with the boy. She already knows he doesn't like Michaela and she doesn't exactly want to be reminded.

"Mate don't start…" Freddie pleads and Cook just cocks him an eyebrow.

"Fuck off Freds! You know as much as I do that Michaela's a-"

"Cook!" Naomi cuts him off.

Her heart is beating painfully in her chest and her stomach is in knots. She hates that her closest friends and her girlfriend don't get along and it just makes it so much worse when Cook bad mouths the other girl.

"Whatever mate, you know how I feel about her" he says. "And you know I'm fockin' right so…"

"Can we _not_ do this?" she sighs and the boy shrugs.

Freddie's drinking his beer in silence and it's clear by the apologetic look in his eyes that he wishes Cook hadn't said anything. Naomi's glad he tried to stop the other boy, but she also knows that Cook is right, Freddie doesn't like Micah either.

And really, Michaela is a handful, but she's not a _horrible_ person. Not like the boys seem to think she is. She's just been hurt a lot in the past and that makes her careful, less trusting and Naomi totally understands and respects that. And yeah, if she's completely honest, it hurts sometimes when Micah just shuts her out or makes a big scene of something Naomi did or said, but she can deal with it. It's worth it and it's definitely not a waste of her time.

"I… I love her okay? Why can't you just accept that?" She ends up whispering.

She knows she just said she didn't want to go into it, but it pains her, really does, that she feels like she should choose between her friendship with the boys and her love for the other girl. Cook turns to look at her and she can see in his eyes that he's sorry.

"I accept it D'Art you know that… I just wish you fockin' didn't, you get me?"

She nods because, yes, she does get him. If the blonde can handle whatever Michaela throws her way it's her business, if she wants to stay with her even when she's being hurt, it's still her business, but that doesn't stop her friends from worrying. And it really doesn't help Micah's case that every single time they've hung out with the lads she's ended up yelling at Naomi for ignoring her- even if the blonde was nearly freaking glued to her- and locking herself in a bathroom stall with Naomi left to plead with her to come out.

They've been silent for a bit when Cook lifts his arm and Naomi cuddles up to him. They have tiffs now and again, but it's never serious. She doesn't mind him being so harsh because she knows it's his way of looking out for her and she appreciates that he tries to.

"So what's her name then?" Freddie says to break the silence.

"Whose name?"

"The girl you had coffee with"

"Emily" she whispers.

"Nice. Has a good ring to it" Cook comments and they all end up chuckling

It's obvious that the only reason why Cook approves of Emily is because she's not Michaela. But at least they're laughing about it now and the tension is gone. They switch the channel sometime after when the boys' footy team loses the match painfully and start watching re-runs of Red Dwarf. Naomi's on her third beer when JJ comes in and sits with them. They just continue to watch telly until Naomi falls asleep on Cook's shoulder. Not before she has time to send a quick reply to Emily though and not before she has time to notice that Michaela just didn't text her at all.

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**So this is the first chapter. Like I said, I'm not sure it's any good. Feedback would be appreciated :) Let me know if you want me to continue or not, alright?**

**Thanks :)**


	2. PART I: Chapter 2 Dance with me

**A/N: Hi again :) Thank you so much for the feedback on the first chapter. I genuinely didn't expect much so it was nice to see that some of you got curious with this story. I've realized I wrote Part I last chapter but never said how parts there will be. For anyone interested, the answer is three. So far, the story is still profiling to be rather short. I hope you'll enjoy it though. Now here's the second chapter, hope you like it.**

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**PART I**

**Chapter 2: Dance with me**

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It's meant to be simple, or at least it's what she always thought. Being with the person you love should be simple, shouldn't it? The more time Naomi spends with Michaela the more she doubts it, because they fight all the time. The blonde doesn't even know why they fight so much, but they just do. She doesn't mean for it to happen so much, but they have ridiculous communication problems.

It always starts because Naomi says or does something that makes Michaela angry. And really, the blonde doesn't know what it is with her, but she seems to be doing and saying things wrong awfully often. Every time she does, Micah shuts her out, barely gives her a chance to explain. It takes hours afterwards to coo her back into trusting her.

Like that one time when they first started seeing each other, where Naomi asked Michaela if she was interested in anyone else. The blonde didn't mean much by it, just wanted to clear the air. They'd only _just_ started dating and she didn't know if Micah was considering their "thing" a relationship. She just wanted to know if they were openly dating or if they were exclusive. She'd thought it was a legitimate question to ask, but then Michaela had flipped. She'd locked herself in her bathroom- it's kind of her thing- and refused to get out for hours. She'd yelled and cried and accused Naomi of calling her a slut, of all things. The blonde really hadn't known that this was how Micah would see it. She'd felt ridiculous for asking in the first place, wished she hadn't. Of _course_ Micah didn't want to see anyone else. She shouldn't have thought that.

It had taken ages before the other girl had finally let Naomi in the bathroom. The blonde had wanted to hold her in her arms, to reassure her, but Micah had told her not to touch her. Naomi had been stupidly hurt, but hadn't said a thing. She had deserved the treatment after all since she had been the one to hurt Michaela's feelings in the first place. But even knowing that hadn't changed the fact that she'd felt torn from the inside, that she'd felt so afraid, so bloody _terrified_ that this would lose her Micah.

When she'd told the story to Cook, Freddie and JJ a few days later though, they hadn't agreed. Cook had completely lost it and told her forcefully that Michaela was a nutter. Freddie had been a bit more poised about it, but he'd agreed with Cook that Naomi had done absolutely nothing wrong and hadn't deserved that treatment. The last drop had been when JJ had gotten locked on saying a monologue about emotional abuse. She'd frowned and argued that it was far from emotional abuse, but none of her friends had been on her side. She'd ended up at Micah's that night and had cuddled with her, mentally cursing the lack of support her friends were showing her relationship.

This time, they start fighting about Emily of all things. And Naomi really thinks it's silly because there's absolutely nothing going on between her and Emily. Besides, they've only hung out once since that time they had coffee. It wasn't even been a big thing; they had only gone shopping. Emily had told Naomi about how her twin sister Katie couldn't stand the way she dressed and had therefore given her a gift certificate to TopShop for Christmas. So Emily had asked her if she fancied going with her to try and find some stuff. The blonde had agreed because she hadn't had anything better to do that day so, why not? Besides, Emily was fun to be around.

They'd had a laugh at the store picking up stuff for Emily to try on. Naomi had soon learned that when the petite didn't wear something colourful, she still wore something that caught your eye. At the end of the day, they'd managed to buy a pair of bright turquoise jeans, a black polka dot knitted jumper with a polar bear on the front and a grey vest with a T-Rex with its head cut off on the front among other things. Emily had been totally gleeful at the idea of showing off her new purchases to her sister. She'd explained to Naomi that Katie would most likely have a heart attack when she saw the clothes and that was exactly the kind of reaction Emily wanted.

"My sister either dresses like a refined slut or a freaking WAG, so her disapproval is a good thing" she had said.

And Naomi had nodded along because Emily's style really worked for her. If it had been her in the clothes, she'd probably have looked like a retarded woman-child, but on Emily, it was adorably dorky and completely unique.

And that was all there was to that day. They hadn't decided to hang out at any other time, hadn't done the juvenile game of going out of their way to make a physical contact. They'd just genuinely hung out as friends and that had been that. So really, the fact that Michaela is totally flipping about Emily is unjustified.

The fight starts when they're hanging out at Naomi's place. The blonde's roommate is gone to Leeds for a few days to see some family so she's got the place to herself. The evening actually starts nicely, with a lovely dinner Naomi cooks for the both of them. She's not an extraordinary cook, but she can manage some recipes and the one she makes Micah is simple enough that she doesn't fuck up. They have a glass of wine and they settle in the living room after dinner just to relax.

The fighting starts when Naomi comes back from the bathroom. She left her phone on the coffee table when she went and when she walks back in the room, it's still there, but not in the same spot she left it. Also, Micah is looking at her with deadly eyes. She gulps slowly and barely has time to think of anything to say before the other girl questions her.

"Who's Emily?" She says, her voice extremely cold.

"Euh… what?" Naomi replies lamely.

"Who is Emily, besides being the _library girl_" Michaela repeats slowly, almost sneering on the last part.

"Oh… well she's a friend. I met her at the library" The blonde shrugs.

Naomi figures there can't be anything wrong with that can there? She's allowed to have friends. Apparently, there _is_ something wrong though.

"She texted you" Micah says and her voice has not regained any warmth.

The blonde gulps again and walks the rest of the distance to the coffee table. She grabs her cellphone and checks the message.

_**Library girl- Emily**_

_Wore the T-Rex for the first time_

_tonight. Katie totally lost her shit._

_You should have seen her face!_

_It was precious! Thanks again for_

_going with me btw, I had a right_

_laugh. We should do something soon._

_Ems xx_

Her heart's beating a bit faster after she's read it, but Naomi also feels a bit relieved. There's actually nothing wrong with the text and it really is entirely friendly. At least Emily didn't say anything about finding Naomi beautiful or anything. So she lifts her head again to look at Michaela, only to find that the other girl is seething. She doesn't quite get why though.

"Are you mad?" She asks Michaela directly.

The blonde can see that Micah is, but she just wants the other girl to say it.

"Well what do you think Naomi?" the other girl says rolling her eyes.

"You look mad" Naomi replies bluntly.

"Can you fucking blame me?!" Micah shouts.

And Naomi is truly at a loss for words. She scrunches her forehead and shrugs. She really doesn't want to get into a fight. They were having a nice time, weren't they? Why does it have to turn sour?

"I don't understand why you're upset" she admits and that makes Michaela even angrier.

"Oh that's precious Naomi! You don't understand? You think you can just go and flirt with other girls and I won't care? Is that it?" she spats.

"What? What are you even talking about?"

"Emily!" the auburn haired girl replies as if that explains everything.

"What about her? I hardly know her"

"Well that's so much better, innit? Do every girl you hardly know tell you you're _gorgeous_ then?"

And that's when it hits Naomi. Micah didn't just read the one text.

"You read through all our texts?" She asks the other girl a bit baffled.

"I'm glad I did, aren't I? How long were you going to keep this from me?"

"Jesus Mic! Since when do you go through my phone?!"

"I don't! But when I see some random slag text you and I've never heard of them I think I have the right to check who the fuck they are!"

"Emily's not a slag" Naomi defends automatically.

"Oh my God! I can't believe you're defending her!" Michaela accuses, her eyes filling with tears. "I have to go"

"No Micah wait!" the blonde says, feeling her heart accelerate painfully.

But the other girl is already walking around the place, gathering her stuff. She's pulling on her coat and heading to the door, but Naomi sprints there first and blocks her way. She's full on panicking now, her heart in a frenzy.

"Please Mic, it's not what you think at all! Please just let me explain!"

"I don't think I want to see you right now, Naomi, move" Micah replies stubbornly.

"No, babes _please_. It's nothing! She's nothing! You _have_ to believe me! I love you!" the blonde pleads.

Her eyes are filled with tears now and she doesn't even care that some have started falling on her cheeks. Here it is again, the crippling fear she always gets when Micah and her argue. She can feel it invade her completely, swallowing her whole. She used to be a proud woman, once upon a time, before she met Micah. She didn't use to cry and didn't use to care. But Michaela blows everything she's ever been out the window. Naomi feels addicted to her. The auburn haired girl is her drug. She's petrified at the idea of losing her, yet, physically, she's shivering like a leaf. It's completely contradictory.

"What is there to say?" Michaela says petulantly.

"I promise she's nothing! Nothing's happened! It was just a text" Naomi whines.

The other girl stares her down for a moment. Her arms are crossed and Naomi knows she's still furious, but she seems to be calming down a bit.

"Look… I believe you-"

"Oh God thank you!" Naomi interrupts.

"But!" Micah says with a pointed look. "I still need to go. I need some time to think"

Naomi's face falls and her heart sinks.

"Don't call me" Michaela says. "I'll call you when I'm ready"

And with that, she pushes past the blonde and leaves her on her own, shutting her out yet again. It takes a moment before Naomi is able to move at all. She can't believe how out of hands things got in such a short time. Eventually, she closes her front door and walks back to her living room. She lets herself fall onto her couch and squats into a foetus position to cry her little heart out. She feels so tired, so exhausted of all this fighting. She feels like a wreck, like there's this never ending source of anxiety that's been building in her chest for the past few months.

JJ's words come back to her mind then. She wonders if he was possibly right. Is this what emotional abuse is? How can she even know? Is it something she's supposed to distinguish? Because so far, Micah has pushed hard against her, but Naomi has always let her. Naomi has always mended things and forgiven her. Can it be abuse even if Naomi is a willing participant?

The minutes pass and the blonde sobs harder and harder. She doesn't know how to stop anymore. She just feels so confused. She doesn't know what she's doing, not anymore. Maybe her friends are right though, maybe this is too much. She's been arguing for ages that she can take it, but, evidently, she's having a hard time if she's questioning everything now.

The thought of letting go of Michaela crosses her mind for a second. It's fleeting, but even so, it crushes her. Naomi doesn't know why the idea of not being with the other girl feels like her world is falling apart. She doesn't know why she feels like someone is clutching her lungs, making it almost impossible for her to breathe.

She feels destroyed, like a shadow of herself and she doesn't even know what to do about it. She can't even call her boys because she _knows_ it'll just be worse if she does. Naomi is feeling too fragile right now, too fragile to handle Cook's anger, too fragile to handle Freddie's pity and too fragile to handle JJ's shattering truths.

So she just keeps sobbing on her couch like the pathetic sod she is. It's not before a long time that she stops. She doesn't feel any better though, but she just thinks she's cried all the water out of her body. The blonde feels drained. Drained of all her energy, but also drained of all her essence. As she sits back up on her couch, she starts wondering how much longer she can carry on like that. Somehow, she feels like the answer is "not long".

;;

Usually, Naomi loves to be right, but this time, she really fucking wish she had been wrong. It's barely two months after their massive argument about Emily that Michaela and her end it. And she's fucking devastated. It's as every bit atrocious as she always thought it would be. The blonde is completely torn, completely broken.

She hasn't slept properly since it's happened. She stays up every night until the sweet hours of the morning, even when she's got class the next day. She just can't get into bed without feeling shattered to the point where she just passes out. Because when she tries to go to bed before that point, her mind inevitably brings her to Michaela and how much she misses her.

And Naomi can't stand it. She can't stand how much she needs the other girl, how much she longs for her. The most fucked up thing is that it was her who ended it. She's the one who decided that it couldn't go on any longer, yet she's positive she's also the one who's the most upset about it.

As if not sleeping wasn't enough, Naomi also can't eat. She doesn't even remember the last time she felt hungry. All she knows is that every time she tries to have a proper meal, she feels like she's going to puke.

Of course, she's not alone. Her boys are being all kind of supportive. She knows they're glad she's finally cut things off with Micah. Still, even with all their love, all their support, it's not enough. Micah has left a gaping hole in her body right where her heart used to be and Naomi just doesn't know how to fill it anymore.

;;

About two weeks after she's broken up with Micah, the boys decide that she needs to get out of her flat. It's true that she hasn't done much except attend her classes- she's not really listening, but at least she's there. It's Freddie's birthday coming up anyway and they want to celebrate that. So Naomi agrees, can't find a good enough reason not to attend. Besides, not attending one of her best mate's birthday party is a pretty shitty thing to do.

The more she thinks about it, the more she feels like going. She's been stuck in no men's land for two weeks and she needs out. The promise of alcohol, drugs and loud music sounds alluring then. She'll be able to lose herself in chaos, an actual physical chaos. The prospect of losing herself in something tangible sounds like a promise. She really needs to get out of her head, even if it's just for a bit.

They meet at the boy's dive of an apartment and pre-drink their way through several bottles of beer and a bottle of Jack Daniels. For the first time in two weeks, Naomi manages to get Michaela out of her head. She manages to laugh, manages to smile and manages to have fun. She's a bit surprised when she realizes that, once ridden of Micah, her head fills with thoughts of Emily.

She's seen Emily once since the shopping trip. It was a bit before she broke up with her girlfriend. They hadn't done much, just had coffee again and chatted. It surprises Naomi how easy it is with Emily. It's a fucking world away from how it is, or rather how it was, with Micah.

Before she has time to think too much of it, she sends a text to the redhead inviting her to the club they're going tonight. She's not sure she makes much sense, she's probably a bit too drunk already, but whatever. Her heart leaps a bit when Emily replies back not that long afterwards that she'll join them gladly. Cook is fucking ecstatic when Naomi announces it and ushers them all out to the club right away.

They've probably been there for about half an hour when Emily arrives and Naomi's eye widen the second she spots her. It has to be said, Emily looks ridiculously fit. She's wearing electric red leggings and a black vest top on which two set of women lips are kissing. There are numerous bangles on her wrists and she's wearing black heels that make her legs look deliciously long. Her makeup is a bit heavier than what Naomi's seen before and her hair is loose, its vibrant red shade made even more prominent because of the leggings. Naomi thinks the whole ensemble is stunning, but with Emily in it, it's plain breathtaking.

She's full on staring and she's aware of it. It's only when she feels a presence next to her that Naomi takes her eyes off the redhead for a second. She turns to see Cook, openly staring at Emily as well.

"Fuck _me_" he utters with a hungry gaze. "Massive babe at 12 o'clock"

Naomi turns around to look at the petite again and that's when Emily spots her. Her face erupts in the most gorgeous smile and the petite makes her way towards Naomi.

"Fuck mate! She's totally making her way towards us!" Cook says excitedly.

She frowns a bit then before she remembers he's never actually seen Emily before. That's when it hits her that he doesn't know the woman he's obviously gushing over _is _Emily. She laughs throatily and he stares at her in confusion. Then, Emily steps right in front of them and hugs the blonde's shoulders to greet her.

"Hey Naoms" she says close to her ear so that she'll be heard despite the music.

"Hey" Naomi replies back with a grin.

She turns to look at Cook and scoffs when she spots his wide open gob.

"Ems this is my mate Cook, Cook this is Emily" she introduces quickly.

"So _you're_ Emily!" Cook says laughing happily. "Fucking tip top! Alright, I have to ask babes, are you quite sure you're exclusively into fannies? 'Cause if ya ever want to try cocks, I'd be more than willing to let ya have a ride on me stick"

Naomi punches the boy's shoulder in embarrassment, but Emily just laughs.

"I'm quite sure, but thanks for the charming offer" the petite replies with a wink. "I'll go get a drink, yeah?" she adds after looking at Naomi.

The blonde nods, promises not to disappear and Emily goes to the bar. The second she's out of ear sight, Cook grabs Naomi's shoulder with one hand and clutches at his heart with the other.

"Fucking hell D'Art! I can't believe _this_ is Emily! She is proper fucking _mint_"

Naomi nods along, her eyes shifting a bit around the crowd to see if she can still see the redhead anywhere.

"What the _fuck_, and I mean the _fuck_, are you waiting for mate?" Cook tells her forcefully.

She frowns and he just shakes his head.

"If I had a woman like Emily pinning after me, I wouldn't even hesitate" he explains. "Just… Like I know you're still hung up on that other cunt, but D'Art mate, this Emilio chick is a fucking _bomb_. And it looks like she wants to munch your muff for some reason, so like, get to it, yeah?"

Naomi blushes a bit at her friend's words. She's never quite evaluated her friendship with Emily like that. She's never been as certain of the petite's intentions towards her as Cook seems to be. Of course she knows Emily was interested when she approached her, but that was a few months ago. She's not sure if that's still how the petite feels anymore. Even if deep down, she thinks the other girl might still harbour an interest for her.

Cook leaves her on her own the moment he sees Emily making her way back to them. He doesn't disappear before giving her a thumb up though and muttering in her ear "Just go for it babes". Naomi rolls her eyes at his enthusiasm.

"Hey again" Emily says when she's level with her.

"Hey… Ems you look…" She starts because she just cannot _not_ comment on the other girl's attire.

"Stupid?" the redhead offers with a blush.

"Fuck no! You look… you look stunning Ems…" she says sincerely and she's quite proud of herself when her comment is rewarded with a bashful smile.

"Thank you. I think you look stunning too…" Emily says with a blush. "And the credit for my outfit totally goes to my best mate. She's the one who chose it"

"Well she's got a knack for fashion then"

"I wouldn't call it that" Emily says with a chuckle. "Effy just loves very tight or very revealing clothes"

"I'm not complaining" Naomi says, her gaze trailing slowly up and down the redhead's body.

The blonde can't ignore that she's flirting now and she's not quite sure it's a good idea, but, well, Emily is looking too good right now and her inebriated brain has a hard time coping. Emily blushes sweetly and looks pleased with herself. Her brown eyes are shinning and Naomi isn't sure it's her doing, but she hopes it is.

"Let's dance yeah?" she says after, breaking their staring contest.

She grabs Emily's free hand to pull her deeper into the crowd and find the boys. She finds them not too long afterwards. Freddie is dancing with a black haired beauty and Naomi laughs when he spots her and bellows "Oi! It's my best mate D'Arty! D'Arty mate, it's my fucking birthday!". Cook isn't too far away, grinding away with a sleazy looking blonde with fake tits. JJ is right next to both of them, clearly a lot more sober, just bobbing his head along with to the beat.

The second she's joined them, Naomi drops Emily's hand and throws her arms around JJ. She dances with him for a few seconds, pushing her hips against his and they all end up laughing loudly when JJ gets so nervous that he looks like he's having a seizure. She kisses his cheek and lets him go and he just grins at her. He knows the blonde loves to tease him for being so shy around woman.

She turns around and sees that Emily's looking a bit out of her depth so she grabs her hand again and pulls her in. They start dancing together pretty much right away and suddenly, Emily doesn't look as shy anymore. Naomi brings her arms around the redhead's waist and the other girl even puts hers around Naomi's shoulders. They're not grinding though, just dancing and it's nice, Naomi thinks.

They all dance like that for a while. They switch partners once in a while so that Naomi and even Emily get to dance with both Cook and Freddie. It's maybe an hour after Emily got there that Cook disappears, only to reappear shortly after with a full bottle of Jack in his hand. Naomi's not sure if he bought it or if he nicked it from behind the bar, but, knowing her friend, it's probably the later. It doesn't bother any of them though as they start passing the bottle and taking shots.

Naomi's well beyond fucked by that point and she'll probably have the mother lode of hangover tomorrow, but she doesn't care. She's feeling great, feeling better than she's felt for months. She's having an amazing time out. Emily gets along superbly with her boys and that pleases her more than she can explain. So she keeps drinking even when she knows she shouldn't and she takes the pill Cook is offering her when it happens.

Another half hour later and Naomi really is having the best time of her life. Emily's dancing in front of her from a fair distance, but suddenly, it's not what the blonde wants anymore. So she takes the few steps separating her from Emily with a seductive grin on her lips. She feels a lot more satisfied when she slides her arms around the petite's waist and brings her flush against her body. The redhead doesn't complain, doesn't lose one beat and brings her hips colliding against Naomi's.

The blonde's breath hitches and she tugs Emily even closer to her. It's crazy how _good_ the other woman's body feels against her own. Naomi lets a hand wander in the small of Emily's back and hears her gasp when her fingers brush against some skin. It's enticing how warm the skin she finds is. It's warm but also a bit sticky because the club is ridiculously hot and they've been sweating, but it doesn't bother Naomi, doesn't bother her at all. It doesn't take a full minute before both girls aren't so much dancing anymore, but full on grinding.

Naomi's heart is beating so fast in her head that she fears she'll lose it soon if she doesn't take a break. She pulls away from Emily, only to step closer again and tell her she needs the loo. She convinces Emily not to follow her by asking her to dance with JJ who's looking a bit bored now.

Naomi isn't sure why she doesn't want Emily to follow her to the bathroom. It's not that she fears what might happen if they're left alone in there, she doesn't. She just felt the need to be on her own for a moment.

On her way there, Naomi stops at the bar and orders two shots and drinks them in quick succession when they arrive. Then she carries on to the bathroom and it doesn't escape her how much she's struggling to walk. Her brain feels fuzzed and her limbs are a bit heavy. Everything is flashing around her and she can barely concentrate on the faces that surround her. She does make it to the bathroom though, eventually.

She takes a quick piss and washes her hands. When she's just about to head out again, she sees the usual tampon dispenser on her right. What catches her eye this time though is that, among the typical tampons and condoms options, there's also chocolate. Rolo, to be exact. Naomi isn't sure if it's the drugs or the alcohol, but she thinks it's the best discovery she's made tonight, so she pushes a pound in the machine and promptly buys a bar of Rolo.

She nearly skips to the dance floor, the chocolate firmly in her grip. She's a bit too happy with her find to be honest. It's most definitely the drugs or the alcohol. Nevertheless, she does eventually reach the dance floor and she stars looking for her friends. She spots Freddie making out with the black haired girl from earlier and lets him be. Cook is nowhere in sight and she concludes he's probably pulled by now. She searches frantically for JJ and Emily, but she can't spot them anywhere.

Her heart picks up nervously the longer she looks and the more she fails. She's not sure if she feels worried for them or if she's feeling jealous. The thought punches her in the guts and it's completely unexpected. Realistically, she understands that the chances that JJ and Emily disappeared together for _that_ kind of business are more than faint. But emotionally, it scares the shit out of her.

It's a bit aggravating though because Emily isn't hers or anything. She shouldn't be feeling this possessive. Yet, there she is, clearly bothered. She reasons that she's the one who invited the redhead to tag along after all, she _should_ be upset that she fucked off with her friend.

Naomi feels like she's been standing there, on the edge of the crowd, for hours when a hand presses against her lower back. She swerves around and feels a wave of relief when she's faced with a grinning Emily.

"Hey" she says. "Where were you?"

"JJ wanted to go home. I helped him find a cab" the petite explains and Naomi nods.

They stare at each other for a few seconds and the blonde is very aware that Emily's hand hasn't left her back. She remembers the Rolo then and raises her hand to show the redhead.

"Look what I found!" She says excitedly.

Naomi reckons she probably looked like a kid when Emily's smirk transforms into a ridiculously tender gaze. She doesn't really know how to respond to such a look so she just ignores it.

"Do you want some" She asks and Emily shrugs.

So the blonde walks them to a table not too far and they sit on the leather sofa. It doesn't take a second before Naomi focuses her attention on the chocolate's wrapping. She claws at it clumsily before she finally manages to dislodge one piece. She turns to Emily with a proud grin, the chocolate safely poised between her fingers.

The blonde has to take a pause when she sees just how close the redhead is. Not only that, but Emily is looking at her with hardly disguised hunger. Their gazes lock naturally and Naomi gulps, feeling the tension build around her. The moment feels intimate and she's not sure what to make of it. If her mind is confused though, her body certainly isn't. She can feel that her breathing is a bit laboured and there are goosebumps travelling the length of her neck.

She raises the candy and brings it close to Emily's mouth. The other woman takes it from her slightly trembling fingers, never breaking their carefully established eye contact. When she feels the redhead's lips on the tip of her fingers, Naomi's cheeks flush bright red, she's sure, and her heart rate picks up a little. Her mouth feels really dry all of a sudden.

The blonde takes another piece of chocolate which she brings to her own lips this time. Her gaze still hasn't left Emily, not even for a second. She can feel the beat of the music pumping in her head and in her chest, but it's like she can't hear the music itself. She's a bit too engulfed in the moment to care. Emily's got all her attention.

As she lowers her hand again to take the next piece, Emily shuffles a bit closer so that now their knees are touching on the seat. The physical contact nearly makes Naomi break their eye lock, because she feels like she should check if the redhead just touched her or lit her leg on fire. She doesn't look away though, because the depth she finds in Emily's eyes is drawing her in more than any touch could. At least it's what it feels like.

Naomi brings a second candy to Emily's mouth and, again, the redhead takes it between her lips. Instead of moving her fingers away though, the blonde leaves them there this time. It's mostly because she feels like leaving them there, but part of her realizes it's because she's curious to see what Emily will do about it.

As it is, the other woman chews the chocolate slowly and swallows. Then, she darts her tongue to lick her top lip and it's inevitable, the moist organ connects with the tip of Naomi's fingers. Her breath hitches and, if the coy smile on the petite's face is any indicator, it's probably what Emily was hoping for. It's rather fucking sexy and if Naomi's eyes weren't pure black before, they certainly are now.

Then, very slowly, Emily raises an eyebrow and kisses very carefully the blonde's fingers. And that does it. Or actually it undoes it, it _undoes_ Naomi. All her logic and all her thoughts leave her brain and the next thing she knows, she's hooked a hand behind the redhead's neck and she's pulling her in for a kiss.

When their lips meet, all her senses flare. It's not fireworks, not exactly. And anyway, Naomi always thought that saying was pure bollocks. So it's not fireworks, but it's still pretty fucking blinding. Emily's lips are just that perfectly moist and warm and they feel pretty amazing on her own. It doesn't take much before Naomi is half gasping, half moaning into the kiss.

She feels the redhead part her lips and takes the hint. She pushes her tongue in the other woman's mouth and quickly crashes against the organ she got the chance to glimpse earlier. It tastes like hops, caramel and lip gloss and the contact is a godsend. A wave of pure pleasure ripples through Naomi's body and her fingers twitch on Emily's neck. That's when she realizes that her other hand is clutching the petite's top around the level of her hip.

Of course, the blonde doubts Emily minds at all. Well that's if she bases her assumption on the fact that the redhead is kissing her back with enthusiasm and barely controlled want. Somehow, Naomi thinks she's not being too presumptuous with her assumptions.

She feels Emily's left hand make its way beneath her t-shirt and graze the skin of her lower back while the other is located in her hair, fingers absentmindedly massaging her scalp. She hums in pleasure and lets her own fingers find the petite's skin. Naomi hasn't kissed that many people in her life, but she's fairly sure that, as far as kisses go, this one is pretty great.

Eventually, they let their lips part completely. Naomi's feeling a bit out of breath. She's not sure if the reason why her heart is beating so fast is because she's just snogged Emily or if it's because she was in dire need of air. Maybe it's a bit of both.

Naomi tries to focus on Emily and, by how hard it is, she gathers that she's still very much trolleyed. But then her gaze catches brown eyes and the focus makes itself. The look she catches is full of wonder, full of surprise and very full of lust. Naomi chuckles because she can't believe she's just snogged Emily. She never imagined it happening, so it's funny that it just did and that she enjoyed it so much. She smiles lazily at the redhead and gets a smile in return.

The blonde makes a move to reconnect her lips to the other woman's because she's had plenty of air now, but Emily moves her head back a little.

"Are you sure?" She asks her and this time Naomi glimpses a hint of doubt in the brown orbs.

"Course I'm sure" she assures frowning, because why would she be anything but sure?

And the second she's asked herself that, she remembers. Michaela. It strikes her painfully right in the heart. She hasn't thought of Micah all night, properly managed to take the girl right out of her head. And they've been wonderful, these last few hours without thoughts of the auburn haired girl constantly hunting her.

Naomi closes her eyes for a second because remembering Michaela is like receiving a huge blow to the face. She feels like she's been punched on the nose and elbowed in the chest.

"Hey…" she hears Emily whisper close to her ear. "It's okay if you're not…"

Her voice sounds pained and Naomi hates it. So she opens her eyes again and plasters a smile that she hopes looks genuine on her face again.

"I am, don't worry about that" she says before surging forward and capturing the redhead's lips once again.

Emily feels a bit hesitant under her eager kiss at first, but when Naomi trails a hand through her ruby locks, the hesitation is gone. The blonde deepens the kiss and grabs Emily's scalp to push their mouths more firmly against each other. She wants this, she _wants_ to kiss Emily. Because when she's kissing Emily, there's no trace of Michaela.

If Naomi wasn't so fucking drunk, she'd ask herself if this is the _only_ reason she's kissing the petite. But there's still way too much alcohol in her bloodstream and probably still drugs from earlier. So she doesn't ask herself anything and wills every single memory or thought of Michaela to fuck right off.

The blonde ends the kiss and sends a smile to Emily. She brushes her fingers across her cheek and leans down to peck her lips again. When she pulls off completely, she grabs the redhead's hand.

"Now, how about we dance a bit, yeah?" she asks and Emily nods vigorously.

Naomi gets to her feet and perhaps it's because she's been sitting too long and now she's suddenly standing, but she feels the entire room wobble dangerously around her. She feels Emily at her side squeezing her hand to keep her in place while her other hand stretches out to find something to hold on to. She takes a minute to regain her balance and then they set off.

After that, things get a bit blurred and if she's honest, Naomi has to admit she doesn't remember much. It's probably the two shots she took on her way to the bathroom or probably the ones she remembers having when they find Cook and Freddie in the throng of dancers. One or the other, the result is the same and Naomi's memory is completely rubbish and doesn't get any better for the rest of the night.

She does remember dancing with Emily though. Remembers their bodies moving together closely, remembers trailing her hands all over the redhead and feeling the other woman do just the same. She also remembers latching her lips on Emily's neck and peppering it with kisses and licks. She doesn't know how long they ended up dancing, but she knows they at least snogged a few more times on the dance floor. This, she knows because she remembers seeing a gleeful Cook laughing and pointing at them.

She doesn't know if they danced the rest of the night away or if they sat again at some point. She vaguely remembers though complaining to Emily about not wanting to go home and she thinks she remembers the redhead offering her shyly to go back to hers.

She doesn't remember grabbing her jacket or leaving the club or even saying goodbye to Freddie and Cook, but she probably does. What she's next conscious of is the pressing need of a wee that leads her and Emily to some crappy fast food joint. She presumes she does pee at some point, but she can't recall it. Instead, she recalls making out with Emily on the counter of the bathroom and being caught by a very startled looking old woman. It's probably because her hands are up the redhead's top that the old lady is so embarrassed. Naomi just laughs it off.

After that, the blonde knows that they catch a bus because she has flashes of her sitting next to Emily and muttering dirty things in her ear. But then she also remembers sitting in a cab so she's not certain if they had to make the switch or if she dragged them out of the bus for another pee break. Both are quite possible, she's got the bladder of a 2 year-old when she drinks.

Naomi has absolutely no clue how they get to Emily's, doesn't remember walking down her street or walking in her flat, but she guesses they've arrived when she finds herself in a bedroom. And in her state of drunkenness, she doesn't really need more than that assumption to step towards Emily and kiss the life out of her.

She wishes she could remember more of what actually transpires after that. She knows they most likely undressed each other, but she can only hope she made it slightly gracefully since she doesn't remember how it went. To ease her mind though, she remembers perfectly the sight of Emily's naked tits and remembers clearly how she grabbed them in her hands and kneaded them roughly. She definitely remembers the redhead's moans in her ear and the feel of her hardening nipples against the palm of her hands.

There's a big blank after that though. The next bit her memory can still hold on to is her and Emily both lying naked in the petite's bed. She recalls being on top of Emily, a firm thigh pressed to her core. Her brain is really being a twat though and she doesn't remember much apart from that. Everything else she can recall are flashes, moments in time. Like she can remember Emily writhing in pleasure underneath her and she can remember seeing a sheen coat of sweat on her perfect stomach. But then she can't remember exactly what she even _did_ to the other girl. She knows she at least licked a path on her stomach to her jaw, but that's about it.

As for her memories of the audio, except the moans and groans, she remembers one sentence she thinks Emily just repeated over and over again; "You drive me crazy". She remembers it being said between pants and remembers it being hoarse and full of lust. For her part, she's not sure she said anything at all, expect perhaps "you're beautiful".

There's one last thing she can remember from the night and it's Emily asking her something in a serious tone.

"Are you sure you're not going to regret it?"

And Naomi remembers laughing it off, remembers reassuring the gorgeous petite redhead before proceeding to shag her. So when she wakes up the next morning with Emily cuddling her from behind and she feels an overwhelming wave of guilt hit her as her memory quickly attacks her brain with bits and pieces from the night before, Naomi genuinely feels like the biggest arsehole in the entire universe. She probably is.

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**A/N: So that's the second chapter. Still worth continuing, d'you think? Please let me know your thoughts. xx**


	3. PART I: Chapter 3 You Confuse me

**A/N: So I'm trying to update regularly. I know it can be a bit aggravating when stories go without being updated for weeks. I'm trying not to do that and so far it's working. I truly hope you're enjoying the story, keep the reviews and alerts coming, they do make one's heart flutter :) Thank you for the support.**

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**PART 1**

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**Chapter 3: You confuse me**

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Naomi squeezes her eyes shut and tries to control her breathing as she leans on the brick wall. Memories of the morning are still attacking her and she's not sure she can bear it. She wrenches her eyes open when leaving them closed makes her see Emily and the heart broken expression she wore when the blonde stepped out. The petite had only been in her knickers and a long t-shirt and had tried to get Naomi to stay by offering to make her a cup of tea, but the blonde had still left.

"Shit" Naomi mutters to no one and brings a hand to her hair.

Her head is pounding dangerously and it's been a long time since she's felt this hung over. Actually, hang over doesn't even feel like it covers it. She thinks she wouldn't feel much better if a truck ran her over. She feels like proper shit, both physically and emotionally.

Her mind brings her back to the morning once again and she sighs. She knew she should have tried to stay a bit, tried to talk, but she just had to escape. When she had woken up tangled in Emily, she had felt sick. It had nothing to do with the redhead, nothing at all. But now that Naomi was sober, her mind, that had been properly blank the night before, was filled to the point of breaking with thoughts of Michaela. It could have been alright if the thoughts hadn't brought along an immense sense of guilt.

"Fucking hell" Naomi curses hitting her head against the brick.

She's not over Micah. Not even remotely over her. She knows she did nothing wrong, knows she owes absolutely _nothing_ to Michaela, but she still feels guilty. It's a horrible feeling too. She feels dirty, as if there was tar coating her skin, blocking up her pores. Although she knows it's not the case, Naomi can't help thinking that she cheated. She didn't, of course she didn't- Michaela and her have broken up, so it can't count as cheating- but it _feels_ like fucking cheating. They've barely been over for two weeks and here the blonde is, already waking up in someone else's arms.

She thinks about Emily again and it hurts just as much as thinking about Micah. Because if the redhead didn't have hopes and ideas about the two of them together she surely has some now. Naomi can't even blame her because she remembers clearly that she was the one to make the move. She's the one that fed chocolate to the other girl and kissed her and danced with her suggestively and whispered things in her ear and slept with her. Above all, she's the one who laughed at the idea that she'd regret it afterwards.

Emily had given her all the chances she could have wished for to stop it before it was too late. The petite had asked her after they'd kissed and she'd asked before they slept together. And Naomi hadn't taken those chances and now… well now she wishes she had. It's not because sleeping with Emily was horrible. Hell, Naomi can't be sure because her memory is a bit shit at the moment, but she thinks it was great. Or at least Emily was great, the blonde isn't too sure how good of a shag she can be when she's pissed drunk.

What she regrets is that she can already tell she'll hurt Emily- if she's not done it already- because she's not ready to be with someone new. If she's honest with herself, Naomi thinks a part of her is still waiting for Micah and her to work out even if she knows there's no chance of _that_ happening. She just can't give her heart to the redhead if Michaela is still holding on to it tightly.

Naomi sighs and starts moving again. She's still not okay, actually, she's not even a little better, but there's nothing she can do about it now.

;;

The blonde spends the full day feeling like she wants to crawl under a rock and die, right to the point where she passes out in her bed. When she wakes up the next day, first, it's already the afternoon and, second, she's feeling slightly better. Her mouth feels dry, her head is still pounding a little and she's starving though.

Naomi realizes that she hasn't showered since the day they went clubbing so she decides to do that first. She almost feels like a brand new person when she steps out and gets dressed in black jogging pants and a t-shirt. She's in the process of looking through her cupboards for something edible when there's a loud knock on her front door.

"Can you get that?" her roommate yells from her bedroom, so Naomi closes the cupboard and walks to the door.

Another loud knock resonates through the apartment in the time it takes her to reach the front door. She opens it carefully, almost scared of what she'll find behind it and her heart properly drops when she sees a fuming Michaela on her door step. Her heart squeezes painfully in her chest when Naomi thinks that she's just as beautiful as she ever was. Fucking hell, she's really not over her, is she?

Micah doesn't give her time to speak before she pushes past her into the flat. The blonde's heart rate has picked up now and she's nervous. She hasn't seen the other girl since they broke up and as good as it feels to be able to just _look at_ her, Naomi knows she's upset and that this isn't going to be a nice visit.

"Is it true?!" the auburn haired girl asks, turning around to face Naomi.

"Huh… I'm not-" the blonde mumbles confused.

"Did you fuck her?!" Micah bellows.

Naomi feels all colours escape her face then. Shit, she thinks. She's not sure if it's just a wild guess or if the other girl really does know, but that doesn't stop her from feeling guilty. If Micah isn't sure about what she's asking, Naomi _is_.

"I… who…" the blonde tries, but the words keep getting stuck in her throat.

"Because it's been two weeks Naomi, _two fucking weeks_, and like Marcy texted me that she saw you snogging some skimpy slag at Dojo's on Friday"

Naomi has no clever reply to that. She doesn't even have a stupid reply. She's just speechless, because if one of Michaela's friends saw her at Dojo's then she can't deny anything, can she? Besides, she's not sure denying anything is the right thing to do either.

"You fucking did, didn't you?" Michaela chokes out when she sees that Naomi still hasn't uttered a word.

"I..." the blonde stammers, but it's really hard to explain herself.

She wishes she could just tell Micah to go fuck herself because she owes her nothing and they've broken up, but- fucking _hell_- it's not that easy.

"Just say it!" Micah shouts.

"Why do you even fucking care?" Naomi snaps then.

It's not what she first thought exactly, but it's as close as can be. Really, the other girl has no right to barge in her flat like that after two weeks and demand anything from her. They _broke up_. And Micah did nothing to stop it, nothing to salvage the relationship. Maybe it was Naomi who finally did it, but Michaela had bloody well driven her to it. They'd been arguing for weeks and the other girl was always leaving the blonde feeling like shit, cutting her out.

"You said you loved me" Micah accuses. "Then two weeks later you go and fuck someone else? That's a nice conception of love you've got there Naomi"

There are tears in her eyes and Naomi really feels guilty.

"I'm sorry..." she mutters.

"I never thought you were one of _those_ girls... I'm so fucking disappointed right now" Michaela says.

It cuts her up inside to hear that. It hurts a little bit too much if she's honest. There's disgust in that voice she can't erase and the words are harsh. She hates the idea that she's disappointed anyone, always has, and whatever _those_ girls are, Naomi is sure she's not that and doesn't want to be. It's a bit too painful, the whole situation is.

"And like... I was thinking we should give it another go, you know?" Micah continues and Naomi's eyes widen. "But now you've fucking crushed it, haven't you? No way we're getting back together"

"Look... I was drunk okay?"

"Charming..."

"Just fucking listen, alright? I was drunk and it meant nothing. I get that you're mad, but we weren't together anymore"

"We're _still_ not together" Micah interrupts with a bitchy look on her face.

"I know. Fuck. I just... I was lonely..."

"Oh that's rich Naomi, you were lonely? Well whatever, I don't even care"

Naomi knows that's not the truth, but she's been too hurt by Michaela to actually believe the other girl is truly upset over this. She'd been having doubts about the other girl's feelings even before they broke up, so it's not like she's all sure now.

"I never had any hopes of us getting back together. I mean... I wanted to have hope, but I never really had any. Micah, when I told you we should stop seeing each other you told me to go to hell. What was I supposed to do? You know I still love you..." she whispers at the end

"Yeah right" Micah scoffs. "Whatever"

"Believe what you want" Naomi just says shaking her head.

She's spent the whole time they were together trying to convince Michaela that she loved her. Now she doesn't have the energy to do that or anything else for that matter. Micah drained her and now she's just a shell of whatever she used to be.

"Is that all you have to say?" The auburn haired girl says.

"Yeah" the blonde responds with a shrug.

"You're a fucking cunt Naomi Campbell. I'm done with you! I'm cutting you out of my life and I never want to see you again" She yells in rage.

Naomi's eyes fill with tears and her heart is breaking all over again. She feels the panic rise in her chest, because she realizes that, this time, nothing will fix them. She pushes the panic down though. She's fought enough and now she needs to let it go even if it hurts.

"Well... for what it's worth, I _am_ sorry. I love you" she mutters, but that only infuriates the other girl more.

"You don't get to say that anymore! Just go fuck your little slut for all I care!" Michaela spats.

Then, she turns on her heels and walks out of the flat while the blonde looks at her go, tears falling the length of her cheeks. Naomi remains on her spot for a few seconds until her flatmate comes out from her room carefully. She gives Naomi one look and the blonde turns a bit to hide her face, quickly bringing her forearm to her eyes to wipe away the tears.

"You alright?" Her roommate asks unsure.

They don't really know each other well, but even then the other girl can tell Naomi isn't alright at all.

"Yeah yeah. No worries" she lies though. "I'll just... I'll be in my room"

She turns around and locks herself in the small bedroom, finding the comfort of her bed quickly enough. She buries herself in the thick blankets and lets fresh tears fall from her eyes. She's sick of crying, sick of all this, but Micah just broke her heart- again- and she probably just broke Micah's heart as well. She doesn't know how else to react so she cries and hopes that she'll just fall asleep when her body is too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

;;

The next few days aren't much better. True to her words, Michaela properly disappears from everywhere. Of course, Naomi still has her number, but texting her would just be stupid. Naomi goes to her classes because it's what she should do, but she's definitely not listening much now. Everything she does feels like it's done on auto-pilot. She probably looks like shit too since she still can't sleep at night.

Three days after the night out, Cook sends her a text to know if she's alive. She sends off a quick reply not to worry her friend, but she feels a bit sick when he continues the conversation and asks her if she did end up shagging Emily. He's all kind of "proud" of her when she admits she did and it really pisses her off. She doesn't see what there is to be proud of when she just broke hers and Michaela's heart by her actions. It's infuriating that the only thing Cook can show is amusement. It's not amusing if she's hurting so much.

As for Emily, the redhead sends her a text at some point during the week and Naomi really doesn't know how to react to that. She feels like an arsehole because she just wants to avoid the other girl. Yet, she can't really do that. Emily isn't stupid, Naomi knows she saw the look of regret on her face the morning after. But it's still difficult to imagine herself facing those hopeful brown eyes again. Most days, Naomi feels like such a fuck up, it's unbearable. She just wanted one night to forget and now she's managed to hurt everyone around her. Splashing about is a lot more trouble than she ever thought it would be.

;;

It's around two weeks later that the blonde agrees to meet with Emily. She knows they have to talk and even if she really doesn't want to, she owes it to the redhead. They choose to meet in a neutral environment, another café. The blonde arrives early and orders something before she cowers in a corner and waits for the other girl, her heart pounding in nervous anticipation. She doesn't have to wait very long before Emily walks in.

She's wearing the turquoise pants they bought together and a bright yellow jumper. She's just as colourful as Naomi always saw her and her hair is still vibrantly red. A few people in the café turn around to look at her when she walks in and the blonde feels relieved that, at least, she doesn't seem to have ruined Emily if the petite can still wear such outfits.

Two seconds later, Emily has spotted Naomi and waves at her before going to the counter to order something. It's not long at all before the redhead is sitting in front of the blonde. She doesn't greet her with her usual shinning eyes and bashful smile though and that reminds Naomi acutely that she fucked up big time- Emily's attire had made her feel like maybe she hadn't messed up that bad.

"Hey" the blonde whispers because it's her job to explain and make things right if she can.

"Hey" the redhead says, her voice so quiet it's barely there.

"How've you been?"

Emily looks at her for a few seconds and it's clear that Naomi just asked a stupid question. Jesus. She's not good at talking. She's no use at explaining her thoughts and feelings in general and right now she's so confused all the time that it's even worse.

"Look Ems... I'm sorry I didn't contact you sooner... I just needed some time okay?" she tries.

"Yeah sure..." the petite replies this time.

They stare at each other in silence after that and Naomi wishes she could find something else to say. She's freaking out, feeling so out of her depth. She's terrified she'll make things worse with her words. To be fair, there's a fair chance of that happening. She's trying to find something else to say when Emily does it for her, just like she always does.

"I hope you don't regret the other night too much..." Emily says staring at her drink.

Naomi's heart sinks. Emily looks so pained and sounds so devastated right now and she doesn't know how to make her feel better. She can't say she doesn't regret it because she does, but it has nothing to do with Emily. Fuck, the petite has always been nothing but lovely to her, she doesn't deserve to be stuck in Naomi's shit.

"I'm so sorry..." the blonde begins. "I just... I was really drunk..."

"Yeah... you were pissing gone" the redhead agrees.

"I just... I can't... I can't do this you know? I just... I still love her..." Naomi croaks feeling guiltier by the minute.

When she looks up at the other girl she sees her nodding slowly. Her eyes are full of sadness though and it's pulling at Naomi's heartstrings.

"I... I knew you couldn't be over her... I mean... we're girls and two weeks isn't enough to get over someone you really love, is it?" Emily says. "I just... I just don't understand"

"What do you mean?"

"You're the one who went for it... You're the one that made all the moves Nai... And I just…"

It makes the blonde feel worse when the petite has to stop because her voice is wobbling too much.

"I don't understand..." she whispers, her voice heavy and tired.

"I'm sorry..." Naomi repeats as if that could excuse everything. "I know I invited you and I kissed you, but... I was drunk and stoned and... I just... I thought it was what I wanted at the time"

Emily sends her a heart broken look and the blonde knows she's done a pitiful job explaining, but, fucking hell, it's not that easy to explain herself when she's ridiculously confused. She knows she's not over Michaela, but hurting Emily is much harder than she thought it would be- not that she ever wanted to hurt Emily at all.

"I feel like such an asshole" Naomi mutters, closing her eyes tightly.

She really does feel like an asshole. Every tiny bit of her does. She feels so guilty, so rotten. It's eating her up inside. She never intended to hurt anyone, but that's not how things turned out. She wishes foolishly that she could turn back time and do the night over again. Of course, she can't.

Naomi feels a hand on her hand and opens her eyes again. Emily is giving her a soft smile and the tight squeeze she has on her heart eases a bit. The blonde thinks she doesn't deserve such kindness from the redhead but then she wonders if Emily is capable of anything but such kindness.

"I'm just not ready..." she says softly, thousands of unspoken apologies hidden in her voice.

Emily trails her thumb on the blonde's hand and nods.

"It's okay Naomi. I didn't make more of what happened, okay? It was what it was, no more, no less. And well... We can keep hanging out you know... I'm not asking anything out of you. We can just be friends" Emily offers almost hopeful.

Naomi looks at her a bit bewildered. She studies the redhead's features as much as she can because she needs to know if she's honest, if she means that. She can't see anything dishonest, any other intentions in the petite's eyes so she nods and smiles.

"I'd like that" she says and Emily smiles a bit more genuinely as well.

She doesn't know what it is about Emily that pulls her in like that. She doesn't understand why she can't stay away from the redhead, why she doesn't want to. What she knows though is that she feels calmer in the petite's presence than she has in the past few weeks. So she doesn't question it any more than that, holding on to the promise of a friendship.

;;

Naomi keeps hanging out with Emily like promised, but, despite what they said, they're not friends. What's confusing is that they're not lovers either. They're in a stupidly in-between place that's neither one nor the other, yet sometimes feels like both. It's a greyish area that's a bit of a mind fuck to understand and Naomi really doesn't know how they got there. She wishes she did. It starts on its own though and as much as Naomi would like to ignore it, it keeps being brought to her attention.

One day, they go clubbing again. Freddie and Cook decide to come along although JJ passes. It's fun and a lot calmer than the last time they went. Naomi and Emily adopt a much friendlier behaviour with each other as well, but it's like one of them is a moth and the other a light bulb because they always end up much too close than they should for friends.

The blonde is careful with her drinking, doesn't overdo it like the last time and even turns down Cook's drugs when he offers, but she still finds herself dancing with Emily at some point during the night. And the problem is that it feels nice. It always feels nice when Naomi is with Emily, it's when they part that the blonde's thoughts muddle things again.

At some point, they go outside for a fag, or, actually, Naomi does and Emily follows, stealing drags here and there but not really smoking herself. They're standing close to each other, still probably a bit too close, and they just chat carelessly. Naomi's complaining about some stupid fucktart in her Economics class and Emily is laughing hard.

"I swear to you Ems, he's such a retard he still doesn't get what a GDP is" Naomi rants.

Emily laughs again and Naomi is about to continue when a guy interrupts them.

"Excuse me?" he says politely.

He looks nice enough and there's a girl, probably his girlfriend, standing next to him.

"Yeah?" Emily says with a smile, encouraging him to continue.

He does.

"I don't mean to be inappropriate, but I just wanted to tell you that you guys look really beautiful together"

Both girls stare at him as he finishes his sentence and his girlfriend nods.

"I promise I'm not trying to make crude lesbian digs, I just thought it was nice to see a couple look so happy together is all. Good night" he concludes before walking away.

Naomi and Emily are both awfully quiet after that. The blonde finishes her fag quickly and they go back inside without ever mentioning the boy's comment. Naomi wants to pretend it changes nothing, but everyone can tell she keeps her distances from Emily after that.

;;

What really doesn't help anything is that _everyone _loves Emily. Cook still thinks she's sex on legs, Freddie thinks she's fucking ace and totally girlfriend material and JJ likes her so much that Naomi suspects he's got a crush on her. She may be exaggerating there, but one thing is sure though, JJ cares a lot about Emily.

On another night, they hang out at the boy's dive with Jay, Cook and Freds being busy with a shagging rampage apparently. The evening is pretty quiet as it often is with JJ, but it feels like a nice change. Naomi cooks them something simple while Emily chats amiably with her curly haired friend. When they sit back in the living room to eat, the blonde sits close to Emily. Their thighs are touching and so are their arms, but neither comment on it. If she's honest, Naomi likes it. She likes being close to the redhead. She likes it because, when she is, she can feel Emily's ribcage elevating every time she takes a breath and she can feel her entire body tremble slightly when she laughs. Mostly, having the petite so close still has the same calming effect it always has, no matter how awkward their status is.

Naomi knows she's being selfish when they finish their food and settle back down on the couch and Emily loops her arm around the blonde's. She lets her because Emily also traces the veins of Naomi's arm with her small fingers and the touch is infinitely good. JJ sends them a wary look and Naomi can see his eyes shifting between their faces and where their arms are pressing against one another. And once the boy starts looking at that, he doesn't stop. It sort of ruins it too and after a moment, Naomi can't stand his disapproving stares and gets up to go to the bathroom. When she sits back down later, it's with more distance between her and Emily. It's always her who puts distance between them in the end.

It's not long after that before the redhead decides to head home. When JJ and Naomi are left alone in the flat, the blonde knows he won't stay silent although she hopes she's mistaken. Of course, she isn't.

"I thought you and Emily were just friends" he says.

"We are" she trails off.

"You seem awfully close for friends" JJ observes.

Naomi doesn't really know what to say to that so she just shrugs. Her friend keeps staring though so she forces something out anyway.

"We're just hanging out. There's nothing wrong with that"

Naomi herself doesn't even believe that blatant lie.

"It looks to me as though your _hanging out_ is leading to the both of you getting increasingly more physical with one another. I don't want to question your judgement Naomi, but I've read in many places that prolonged physical contact between two individuals usually shows growing attraction and affection. Although I do believe that attraction between yourself and Emily is not an issue, I think the second part deserves to be questioned. I don't believe for a second that you'd do anything to hurt anyone on purpose, but I must say your behaviour suggests that you might desire to push things with Emily beyond the friendship barrier. And if I know you well enough, which I do, I think that you're not emotionally ready to embark on a new relationship with anyone" JJ explains quickly.

"Well thanks a fucking bunch Sigmund" Naomi snaps sarcastically.

She doesn't mean to be rude to JJ, but she hates how casually he's just discussed the whole situation. It's _not_ that fucking simple. At least, it doesn't feel that simple to her. She can't deny that he's right though. Although she doesn't cry often anymore, Naomi still goes to sleep every night out of sheer exhaustion and, much too often, her thoughts still bring her back to every single memories of Michaela she has. She'll spend hours sometimes analysing the relationship they had and how it went wrong and how maybe Naomi could have fixed it. The blonde may be emotionally challenged, but even she knows that she can't start anything with Emily when that's the place she's at.

;;

Despite her talk with JJ and all her common sense, Naomi likes to cling onto the idea that her relationship with Emily really just is a friendship. She clings onto it fiercely, refuses to believe that maybe the petite is finding it hard not to expect anything of Naomi. It works rather well most of the time, but it becomes infinitely harder once the blonde's own mother, Gina, gets mixed up in it. In all honesty, it's not supposed to happen and Gina isn't supposed to meet Emily at all. But of course, her mother always has a way of worming herself into any kind of situation and this time is no different.

It happens on a weekend where Gina decides to visit Naomi. She doesn't exactly ask her daughter, more like just arrives on her doorsteps and demands some attention. The younger blonde would be bothered if she wasn't so used to her mother's extravagant ways. So instead of whining over it- although she _does_ do that a bit- she invites her in and decides to entertain her loopy mum for the weekend. Not that she'd admit it out loud, but Naomi is quite happy to see her mother.

They spend their Friday evening together as well as their Saturday. Gina insists on Naomi taking her shopping and the younger girl obliges although she doesn't do it quietly. They spend most of the day drifting through antiques and herbs shops. By the end of the afternoon, the blonde's feet are aching badly and she fears she'll forever smell of lavender and rosemary with a hint of musty old wood. It's mostly because she'd rather not let the smell impregnate her skin even more than it already has that Naomi decides to take a shower directly when she gets home.

She lets her mother on her own in the kitchen to try and figure out something they could eat for dinner and heads for the bathroom. She doesn't mind leaving her be because her flatmate is out of town again so Gina won't be able to embarrass her. Of course, she underestimates Gina.

Naomi steps out of the shower a while later in her faithful jogging pants and a t-shirt. She's towelling her hair dry when she steps into the kitchen and sees her mother on the phone. She squints her eyes and lets out an annoyed groan when she realizes that Gina is on _her_ phone.

"I'm quite partial to curry myself, I can eat anything with curry!" Her mother says before she catches sight of Naomi.

The old woman waves at her energetically and continues her conversation as if it's perfectly acceptable that she's on her daughter's phone and not her own.

"Can you? Oh that's fantastic love! Well you'll just _have_ to show me later, will you?" Gina says.

There's a pause and then she laughs.

"Oh, do you put milk in your tea? Because if you do I'll have to send Naomi on an errand. I'm afraid hers has gone sour"

There's another pause.

"Alright dear, well it was very nice talking to you, I'll see you in a bit!" Gina continues before glancing at Naomi who's full on frowning now. "Naomi says hello!" she invents before finally bidding whoever is on the phone goodbye and hanging up.

"Since when do you reply to my phone?" the younger blonde asks the minute her mum has hung up.

"Well you were in the shower sweetheart" Gina says as if it explains everything.

"So?" Naomi grunts. "Anyway, who's coming over? Did you invite the lads?" she asks.

"Oh, no I haven't! But we should call them and invite them too! It's been too long since I've seen those tree boys" her mum says fondly.

"Who was it on the phone then?" Naomi questions, feeling herself get nervous now.

Because if her mum didn't invite Cook, Freddie and JJ, Naomi doesn't know who the fuck is coming over.

"She said her name was Emily" Gina provides casually and Naomi freezes her arms perfectly crossed on her chest.

She feels the colours drain from her face as she stares at her mother, willing for her to backtrack on what she just said. Gina doesn't though and Naomi doesn't move.

"Are you alright honey? You look awfully pale?" she asks, but is met with more silence. "Naomi? Why are you so quiet?"

"I'm giving you time to tell me this is a joke and that Freds, Cook and Jay are on their way" the blonde pronounces slowly.

Her mother looks alarmed after that.

"Oh dear! Did I just invite your stalker for dinner?" She says completely serious and Naomi can't help but laugh.

"What? No! I don't have a stalker mum!"

"Oh, well good! Blimey Naomi you scared me!"

"Christ…" the younger blonde mutters under her breath. "Did you really invite Emily over though?"

"I'm afraid I have. She sounded so lovely on the phone" Gina explains.

Naomi rolls her eyes.

"I'm going to change" she announces before retreating to her room.

And as she does, she hears her mother chuckle behind her and feels certain she'll have to explain herself later.

;;

The dinner itself goes much better than Naomi expected. Emily is all kinds of lovely and Gina simply adores her. They trade recipes and stories and laughs all night long. Naomi knows that the redhead has completely won her mother's heart when she starts telling the older woman about an experimental brand of tea she's read about in Uni that is supposed to be nearly as good as modern medication. The blonde really thinks her mother will ask Emily to marry her when the petite explains that she finds it fascinating because she's not overtly fond of pills even if it's a big part of her future job.

Naomi feels a bit like she shouldn't even be there, like she's watching the dinner and not actively participating. In a way, she isn't. Emily and her mother are so lost in their discussions that they barely take the time to include her. Even so, Emily sends her bashful looks once in a while and Naomi doesn't know if she likes it or if it terrifies her. Because one the one side it's quite something to be on the receiving end of Emily Fitch's adoring gazes, but on the other, it's terribly daunting. She can't help feeling like she'll only end up disappointing the redhead in the end.

When the evening comes to its end and the petite has to leave, Gina doesn't even hesitate before grabbing her into a tight hug. It's a bit ridiculous that, in comparison, the hug Naomi gives her is shy and tentative.

Once Emily is gone, Naomi doesn't lose a minute before changing back into her comfy clothes and settling with her mother in front of the telly. She lays her head on Gina's lap and the older woman starts playing with her hair absentmindedly. It's nice and quiet for a while, so much so that the younger blonde lets herself think that her mum will just let her be. She's surprise but not overtly when she doesn't.

"So…" Gina says slowly. "Emily's nice"

Naomi tuts and rolls her eyes. Her mother is as subtle as an elephant.

"We're just friends" she snaps.

"If you say so sweetheart" her mum muses.

Naomi wishes her mother's words didn't bother her so much, but they do.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she says, sitting back on the couch to face the older woman.

"Nothing love" Gina tries to reassure.

They stare at each other for a while before Gina finally continues.

"It's just… that girl looks at you with stars in her eyes Naomi…" she whispers.

Naomi winces and she knows a look of despair crosses her features. It's not her mother's fault really- she's just being honest with what she saw- but knowing that even her mum, who's seen Emily once, thinks the redhead is looking at her like they're a lot more than friends makes it hard for her to go on and deny it. She feels like such a twat. She knows she's to blame for how the situation has turned out. She never wanted it to be so confusing, but it just _happened._

She knows there's more to the situation though. She can't keep blaming everything on unknown circumstances when she knows she's given Emily hope by indulging her in their little touches. And really she's a fucking cunt for letting that go on when she _knows_ she can't give anything more than that to Emily. What makes her feel really guilty though is the fact that she _still_ doesn't really want it to stop even if she knows she'll end up hurting Emily.

Her mother seems to see how upset she is because her expression changes automatically.

"Oh sweetheart" she coos and Naomi can't help the tears from forming in her eyes.

Gina makes her lie back on her lap again and brushes her hand in her hair softly, methodically. Naomi closes her eyes and feels some tears escape, but her mother's touch is soothing nonetheless. She hates feeling like a villain, she really does, but she doesn't know how _else_ she's supposed to feel. She's fucked up so much already and the thought that she's not even ready to set things right again isn't helping her conscience. She thinks she deserves to be the villain this time, even if it tears her heart apart that she is. She wishes she could be a bigger person, a better one.

They continue to watch some crap show for a while and Naomi is ridiculously glad that her mother lets her be this time. Her tears dry and she even has time to stop feeling so fucking sorry for herself for a minute. It's probably because Gina knows her so well that when she brings the subject up again, Naomi feels like she's ready for it.

"You know you're going to have to talk to her love"

"I know"

"She's a nice girl, I'm sure she'll understand if you just tell her"

"I know"

"Try to be gentle too sweetheart. Heartaches are the worst kind of pains"

"I know"

Her mother takes a pause and places a soft kiss on her daughter's hairline.

"I know you know. I'm just reminding you" she offers.

"I know" Naomi repeats automatically.

She closes her eyes and lets her herself get lost in her mother's touch again. She knows the situation has gotten too confusing and she knows she needs to stop being a selfish twat and be honest and upfront with Emily. She already hates the conversation they'll have and hates her mother for reminding her that the redhead will be gutted. Of course, she doesn't _really_ hate her mother.

"Thanks" she whispers after a while and even if she can't see her, she knows her mother is smiling.

She needs to sort it out, sort herself out. But right now, she just can't and she's not sure what kind of person that makes her.

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**Any good? Until next time xx**


	4. PART I: Chapter 4 Don't Hate me

**A/N: You know I've just discovered that you never really know how Angsty a story will do until you write it out. I never imagined that Part I would be this sad (although I knew it would be the saddest) until I typed it. Well this is the end of part I and I can already tell you that the other two parts won't be as heavy. Thanks to those still reading, thanks for the alerts, thanks for the reviews. Always appreciated. **

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PART I

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Chapter 4: Don't Hate Me

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It's a beautiful day outside, a lot more beautiful than it's been in a while. The sun is shining brightly, so much so that Naomi's skin is feeling tenderly red, her pores prickling under the hot rays. It's a nice feeling though, it doesn't hurt, doesn't bother her at all. Actually, it's the best she's felt in a long time.

She's in the middle of a town fair and it's all colours everywhere. It's a bit amazing how vibrant and alive everything feels under the wonderful hot pinks, vivid crimsons, warm oranges, frosty cerulean, bright yellows and fresh emeralds. She's rarely felt so overwhelmed herself, like her senses are pulsating with everything she sees and hears. Because, apart from the beautiful colours, Naomi is surrounded with sounds. There are the natural sounds like chatter and laughter that are especially nice since there are people of every age around. It fills her heart with warmth to hear toddlers giggling. There are also other sounds, like music and noises coming from the big variety of games around. It's a bit chaotic, but it's a nice, happy chaos so it's hard not to feel transported by the atmosphere.

What makes everything grander though is that Michaela is there with her. She's there and she's smiling and laughing along, more so than Naomi has ever seen her before. It really suits her too the carefree look on her face and the complete ease she has in her eyes. She's so fucking beautiful that it hurts Naomi a little. It hurts in the way that the blonde's heart is so fucking full of love for Micah that it might burst from the exertion of keeping it all in.

They're walking hand in hand, looking at the games, sometimes stopping to try them. They barely ever let go and when they do, Micah never goes really far and even finds other ways to keep touching Naomi. There's no difficult discussion, there's no confusion. There's nothing full love and laughter and smiles and it feels darn good.

The day has been a blessing so far, something the blonde knows she'll remember for a long time. They stop next to a food stand and she buys some cotton candy, just because she can. She doesn't even like cotton candy that much because it's full of artificial sugar. But today, they're at the fair and everything goes. Micah is happy, she's happy and nothing can ruin that. They eat the treat together, laughing throatily when they're inevitably left with more candy on their fingers than in their mouths. They kiss and when they do, Naomi can barely taste anything but ridiculous sweetness on Micah's tongue.

When they're done, Micah drags Naomi to the centre of the fair with a bright smile. The blonde is intrigue because there seems to be something in the other girl's eyes more than sheer joy. She's planning something and Naomi has no idea what it is. She follows diligently though, decides to play along and lets herself be tugged more and more to the centre of the place.

When Michaela stops, she turns to the blonde and gives her an adoring bashful smile. Behind her, Naomi notices a big stage and furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

"I wanted to do something special for you because _you're _special" Michaela tells her.

Then, she lets her hand go and walks to the stage. It's a complete shock when Micah grabs a microphone from somewhere and starts singing. It's a shock because Naomi didn't even know she could sing. And fucking hell she really _can_ sing. The blonde doesn't recognize the song at all, doesn't think she's ever heard it before, but the lyrics are nice and Micah's voice is just a perfect mix of soothing and sexiness. Naomi will be damned if she doesn't disappear in a puddle of goo by the end of the other girl's performance. She's never been so enthralled by any voice ever, never been so profoundly touched by an arrangement of sound and words. There are goosebumps on her arms and she feels tears well up in her eyes, but it's all positive. She didn't know her heart could swell any more than it already had.

When Michaela ends the song, she gives the microphone back and hops off the stage. She puts her arms around Naomi's neck and pulls her in close. The blonde complies willingly and squeezes the auburn haired girl's waist.

"That was amazing Mic…" She whispers, her voice thick with emotion.

"Thank you" Micah chuckles.

"Why did you do that?"

"I wanted to show you just how much I love you Nai…"

And the second she hears those words, Naomi can't hold in the happy tears anymore. She's so fucking happy it's a bit disgusting. She feels like she's been waiting forever to hear those words come out of Michaela, to have her open up to her like that.

As she shifts against Micah and brings her lips to the other girl's, Naomi thinks that this is it. She'll never actually be able to top this moment. Her heart won't ever know any better feeling than what she's feeling right this second, than the pure bliss of kissing the girl she loves and that loves her back.

It's exactly at the moment she thinks that it's a dream come true that Naomi actually wakes up. She flutters her eyes open with a smile still lingering on her lips, still feeling the exhilarating joy that surrounded her in her dream. It takes just a few seconds for the blonde to remember where she is and for her brain to catch on that the whole thing, the fair, the cotton candy, the song, those things were a dream.

It's not a pang she feels it's a stab right to her chest that manages to attack both her heart and her lungs. She feels like sobbing crazily and she's just been awake for a few seconds. How can her imagination ever be so cruel though? How can she dream of her life being exactly the way she desperately wants it only to have her awoke to the painful reality that it isn't? It's downright sadistic and it's probably the most brutal way she's ever woken up.

Naomi lets a lone strangled sob escape her lips and closes her eyes again tightly. She turns to her side and hides her face between her hands as the overwhelming need to cry engulfs her yet again. She's trying not to, she's trying to rise above the awful deception she's feeling, but she just can't. It's too painful, too heart wrenching and she's too disappointed. So she weeps, making it as quiet as possible by biting her bottom lip. As her body trembles with each sob, Naomi asks herself when and if it'll ever end.

;;

She knows she's supposed to fix things, but she doesn't know how. Worse than that, things get progressively worse. Her relationship with Emily becomes more confusing every time they hang out and, even though she tries not to, she always messes up and ends up hurting the redhead's feelings. Naomi really thinks she ought not to talk at all when she ends up hurting Emily one night when she doesn't think before speaking.

They're hanging out with the boys at her flat and the whole evening is pretty nice at first. They're watching some war movies and the boys are over enthusiastic about it, especially Cook who keeps grinning and howling every time guns are fired. Naomi doesn't really care, but finds it a bit hilarious when it turns out Emily knows all the movies they're watching by heart.

"Fuckin' tip top Emilio" Cook approves. "A bird after my own heart!"

They laugh and Emily cuddles a bit into Naomi's side. The blonde lets her although she carefully avoids looking at JJ. She still remembers what he told her a while ago and she definitely doesn't need to see the disapproval in his eyes. She knows he's right and she shouldn't let Emily cuddle her like that, but her brain is just too tired of thinking right now, so she's winging it. They watch the movie in silence for a few minutes until another raging battle scene occurs and Cook gets so bloody excited about it that he spills half of his beer on his front.

"Ah shit!" he exclaims getting up.

It takes about two seconds for him to put the bottle down and take off his shirt and trousers before sitting right back down without feeling the need to get dressed again. Naomi isn't overtly surprised or shocked- Cook has always been rather comfortable with his nudity and she's seen him starkers more often than she likes- but she wonders about Emily. Of course, he's not naked completely, but, still, he's hanging out in his pants and the redhead barely knows him. When she turns to look at the petite, she does a double take because not only does Emily look completely fine, but she's definitely eyeing Cook.

"Starting to think about me offer love?" the boy says with a self-satisfied smirk.

"Not a chance Cook" Emily replies with a scoff. "I was just trying to look at your tattoo. I didn't know you had one on your ribs"

"Sure do. You like that, yeah?" Cook continues with a wriggle of his eyebrows. "Guess what I've got tattooed on me cock!"

Emily starts laughing loudly and it's clear that she doesn't actually believe the boy is serious. When she spots Naomi's exasperated expression, she sobers up.

"Oh my god, are you serious? You've got a tattoo on your knob?" she exclaims incredulous.

"Yeah! Wanna see?"

"Trust me, you _don't_ wanna see that" Naomi intervenes.

"Naw you know you love me tattoo, D'Art"

"Cocks should not be that colour is all I'm saying"

"You sure about that Naomikins babes?" Cook teases and the blonde laughs.

"Fuck off wanker" she mutters with a smirk.

Cook wriggles his eyebrows at her before he turns to Emily again.

"Anyway, What about you Emilio man? Got any ink?" he asks.

"Yeah sure, I've got one" Emily nods and Naomi can't help but snap her head to look at her.

"You do?" she asks without thinking.

She knows she's fucked up the second Emily turns to her, her eyes full of hurt.

"Ace, where is it?" Cook asks, not aware at all that Naomi said something wrong.

The redhead doesn't reply anything and keeps looking at Naomi as if she expects the blonde will jump in and answer the question for her. She wonders why Emily seems to be expecting that and it's then that it clicks in Naomi's brain that she _should_ be able to answer that question. She feels herself blush in embarrassment and remains silent. She really feels like a fucking twat because, for fuck's sake, she _slept_ with the girl and she just can't remember anything about a tattoo.

She feels the petite shift a bit to reposition herself further away from her. Emily is studying her face carefully and Naomi hopes she doesn't look too guilty.

"You don't remember where it is, do you?" The redhead asks her softly.

Her voice is laced with sadness and her eyes well up in tears when the blonde shakes her head sheepishly. The boys have gone really quiet now and Naomi knows they're feeling as uncomfortable about the situation as she does. Emily gives her one last sorrowful look before she turns to look at Cook.

"It's on my hip" She explains and he nods quickly.

The realization that Emily has a tattoo on her fucking hip and that Naomi didn't even remember isn't lost on anyone, but no one mentions it. Maybe it's better that way, because if, at least, they stop talking, maybe the blonde won't hurt Emily even more.

;;

A few days after the tattoo incident, Naomi gets into a fight with Cook. They've had tiffs here and there and they've definitely argued their fair share, but never like this. It starts innocently enough one night they're at the bar for a few drinks. They're just them, Naomi and "her" musketeers and it's nice. It hasn't been this simple in a while and the blonde really appreciates being with them. She's been such an emotional wreck lately and her life has been so confusing that it's good to get some normalcy back.

Of course, it all changes when she gets mad at Cook. To be fair, she _knows_ he doesn't mean to piss her off so much. She knows he doesn't mean to hurt her, but his words cut her like knives and she's just been so on edge in the past few weeks that she simply breaks.

She's nursing a pint of larger when he starts.

"So Emily couldn't come?" he asks her.

She shakes her head even though it's a lie and she just didn't invite the redhead.

"That's a shame! I like that kid! She's pretty ace, isn't she? Like fucking fit and all that, perky tits and nice round bum, but she's also a clever one. Totally fits you, mate" He continues.

And at first, it really doesn't bother her. She knows they all love Emily. They've been telling her for weeks. So this isn't anything more than usual. It's the rest that's sort of a problem.

"I'm so glad you dumped that other cunt though!" Cook says suddenly and the blonde freezes.

She hasn't heard from Michaela in quite a while now, but she can't help reacting every time her name is mentioned. And really, she knows she shouldn't, but she can't help longing for her still. She fucking hates that Cook thinks that because they're not together anymore he can badmouth the auburn haired girl all he wants now.

"That bird was proper loony, mate" he goes on, slurring his words a little so Naomi knows he's quite drunk. "Like that girl was fucking deranged, you know what I mean yeah?"

She doesn't reply anything. It's not that she doesn't want to, but she really doesn't want to snap.

"And like, I can't tell ya how glad I am that you've moved up from that mong to date a girl who's not only fucking lush, but just so much better in every way"

Naomi purses her lips in anger. The more Cook talks and the more she wants to bite his head off, but she really wants to avoid the confrontation.

"I don't know what went through your head when you fell for her though D'Art I gotta admit. You're too fucking nice is what you are" Cook continues obviously oblivious to her building anger. "She was like your bloody charity case!" He laughs. "Like the fucked up kid you dated out of pity because she was too much of a-"

"Right" Naomi interrupts, finally losing her patience. "I gotta go, thanks for the drink"

She gets up and leaves the bar as quickly as she can. The blonde is still biting her bottom lip though because she doesn't want to start yelling. She reckons she could have avoided the fight if Cook hadn't followed her outside. Of course, he does though.

"Naomi!" He yells after her.

She clenches her eyes shut and keeps walking. If she doesn't acknowledge him, maybe he'll get the hint and fuck off. But this is Cook and Cook doesn't get hints or doesn't disappear even if it would suit you better.

"Naomi" he says again grabbing her by the arm.

"What!?" she snaps.

It's actually nearly a snarl because she's so angry by then that she can't hide it anymore.

"What's wrong? Are you mad at me?" He says dumbfounded.

"Course not!" she sneers. "Why would I be?"

"I'm sorry" He offers immediately, but Naomi can tell he doesn't mean it.

"You can shove your apologies where the sun doesn't shine Cook. Good night!"

She moves to go again, but he stops her.

"Come on Naomio, don't be like that" He pleads. "I was just pissing about"

"Yeah, well I'm sick of it alright?" she shouts and the boy recoils a bit.

"Okay…" He pronounces slowly. "Well I won't say nothin' 'bout nothin' anymore, alright? Come back in"

It's probably the fact that he's talking to her like she's a petulant child that makes Naomi so freaking mad. She's got the right to be upset she reckons. She's been going through hell, or so it feels like, and he's her best friend and he just doesn't seem to care. The blonde feels her body start shaking with the anger and the disappointment and she shakes her head.

"You don't get it, do you?" She says.

"Fucking hell mate… It was just a bit of fun is all. Nothin' wrong with that, just fun between friends, yeah?"

"Well I'm certainly not laughing" She continues. "You don't give a _fuck_ about how I feel! How d'you think I like it when you keep insulting Micah!? I might not still be with her, but I still love her okay?!"

Cook scoffs and shakes his head.

"Oh cheers Cook! Laugh it off! It's all you can do isn't it? Laugh at everything?"

His expression darkens then and he's definitely not laughing anymore.

"I've been there for you mate, don't fucking say I haven't!" He warns.

"Physically maybe, but that's it! You don't care Cook! You don't bloody care! All you care about is that I'm not with Micah anymore!"

"That's not true…" He defends, but it doesn't feel as certain anymore.

"It's not?" Naomi says sarcastically. "Don't lie. You've been pushing me to go for Emily since day one! It's all you fucking talk about! Oh Emily's fit, Emily's tip top, Emily this, Emily that!"

The blonde is yelling now, full on yelling in the middle of the streets and she doesn't care. Her stress is flowing out of her body by means of her mouth and she just can't stop now that she's started. The more she speaks, the more Cook recoils into himself. She can tell he's becoming more and more upset, but that doesn't stop her.

"I don't _want_ Emily alright?! I want Micah! I want her to love me like I love her and I want it to be alright" She says desperately choking on her tears. "I want her to kiss me and tell me she loves me, but she won't okay? I don't know if she ever would have, but now that I fucked up she sure as hell won't!"

The second the words are all out of her mouth, she feels like she's going to be sick. It feels like months of pent up pain and hurt are finally coming out and she feels more lost then she's ever felt before. Cook looks a lot more seriously than he did minutes before. He's also looking at her with brand new eyes as the blonde tries to control the sobs that make her body tremble. She doesn't expect him to do anything, so when he takes a step closer and wraps her in a hug, she clutches at his shirt and holds on tight.

"Shush babes, I've got you, I've got you " he mutters in her ear.

And for the first time, she feels like he really does.

A lot later that same night, they're sat next to a tree in a small park next to her flat, a blanket covering their legs. They haven't talked in a while and neither feels the need to. It's when the sun starts to rise that Naomi finally feels the squeeze around her heart relinquish its hold a bit. She places her head carefully on Cook's shoulder and he turns his head to place a soft kiss on her hairline. She doesn't know why, but the blonde turns her head then and catches the boy's lips with hers. It feels soft and rough at the same time, soft because he's so familiar that it couldn't be any other way, but rough because she's quite used to kissing girls by now, so kissing a boy feels rough in comparison. It's full of tenderness though and when she ends the kiss and cuddles back into her friend's side.

"I know you're lost Blondie" Cook whispers suddenly. "But all lost people find their way in the end, alright?"

She nods and lets a small smile crawl on her lips and for the first time in weeks, she feels like it's going to be alright.

;;

Part of her really wonders what the fuck she's playing at. Because she keeps saying she's in love with Micah and that she doesn't want to be with Emily, but every time the petite is around, she feels better and she doesn't want her to go. She keeps hanging out with her and they keep getting closer, but Naomi always feels like there's something missing as well. It's not that Emily doesn't have something, more like she doesn't, like there's a big part of her that is just gone. And fuck if she knows how to get it back.

She really thinks she could win the Cunt-of-the-year award when they're hanging out at Emily's one evening. They didn't do much all night, just talked and laughed. By the end of the evening, they've retreated to Emily's bed and there are infomercials on telly in the background. They talk from time to time. It's mostly Naomi that makes fun of the various products on show and Emily giggles beside her. They're not exactly cuddling, but the petite isn't very far either. It's been this way all night actually and it's a bit different then how they usually are.

It's not that they cuddle that much or anything, but Emily is a pretty tactile person. She likes to touch things and people when she can, she finds it more human. The first time Naomi noticed it was when they went to the market to buy some vegetables that one time. They'd spent several minutes discussing which food they should get and they'd spent even more time selecting the right ones. Naomi had always been a bit careless about her vegetable selection if she's honest. She cared about freshness, but she usually just picked the one that looked the best. Not Emily. No, when Emily had to choose a vegetable, she had to hold it in her hands first. Naomi had laughed at her at first, but the redhead hadn't cared and had instead tried to show her the difference. When Emily had stopped by a barrel full of various nuts during their shopping trip and had dug her hand through them, Naomi had stared.

"Do you have to touch _everything_?" she'd asked incredulous.

"Yep" the petite had replied proudly.

And since that day, Naomi had noticed that Emily _did_ touch a lot. Whether it was the fabric of a shirt she thought looked nice or the bark of a tree before resting against it, she always touched it. And it applied to people too. Emily had this natural easiness with other people, this genuinely natural aura that made her get along with everyone.

So it's more the fact that they aren't touching that makes Naomi wonder more than the fact that they aren't cuddling. Emily seems lost in her thoughts and the blonde really wants to know what's going in on in there. So she asks before she's got time to stop herself.

"You alright?" she asks quietly and Emily turns to look at her.

The petite doesn't say anything, but nods. She doesn't look alright though and now that Naomi has talked, she's looking at her instead of the telly. The blonde always feels a bit self-conscious under the petite's watchful eyes. If Emily knows though, she never cares, she never stops looking just because it makes Naomi want to fidget. This time, Naomi lets herself indulge in the stare. She really lets herself get lost in the petite's eyes. They're always shinning so brightly, always full of hope and joy and everything good that, often, the blonde can't stand looking in them. But tonight, she's letting herself indulge.

There's no doubt that Emily is a beautiful person all around. There's not an inch of badness in her. She's got a gorgeous smile and an addicting laugh among the perfectness of her delicate body and the sharpness of her intelligence. She's got it all and Naomi is certain she could have anyone she wanted, but here she is, stuck in a too complicated situation with her, watching night infomercials. She asks before her brain can stop her.

"Why do you like me?" she says plainly and watches Emily's eyes grow wide in surprise at her words.

It tells a lot about Emily when she doesn't try to deny that she likes the blonde and when she doesn't ask her to repeat herself. It confirms what Naomi always thought, that the petite is fearless and brave and so much better than what should be allowed for one human being. She gulps slowly and raises a hand to caress Naomi's collarbone softly as if it's the most precious thing she's ever touched.

"I don't know how to explain it" she says, her voice a bit croakier than usual.

"Try…" Naomi almost begs.

"It's just something about you…" Emily starts. "You've got this… I don't know if I should say vibe or just… charm..."

She pauses and Naomi says nothing. She wants to give her whatever time she needs to answer.

"You're gorgeous" Emily adds. "Of course you are, but beyond that… there's just something about you. There's a confidence when you talk and in the way you are. It's beautiful Nai… And you're just so fucking charming!" Emily scoffs, rolling her eyes a little.

"You make it sound like it's a bad thing" Naomi teases.

"It isn't" the petite assures. "It's just a bit aggravating because sometimes I wonder if you know how astounding you are…"

Naomi can't help it when she has a hard time believing Emily.

"I don't feel astounding at all…" She mutters. "I barely ever _do_ anything anymore"

"Well, _I_ think you can do anything" the redhead says instantly and she sounds so sure of herself that the blonde stares.

Naomi still can't get used to how highly Emily talks of her. Even after everything, even through their fucked up situation, Emily never stops being utterly lovely.

"Yeah?" she questions, uncertainty lacing her word.

Emily just nods calmly and the blonde's heart swells. She doesn't think she's ever appreciated Emily more than she does in that moment. Not more than in that single time and place where Emily reminds her of everything she always though she was. She sends her a sheepish smile and she keeps staring into ridiculously brilliant brown eyes. The eyes that believe in her more than anyone's ever believed.

It's probably because she's feeling so grateful for Emily that she feels like total shit when the petite flutters her eyes closed and leans into the blonde to kiss her and Naomi can't find it in her to let her. She moves her head away and Emily stalls. When the blonde looks at her again, there are tears in her eyes along with so much sadness and disappointment.

Naomi's stomach churns uncomfortably and her throat squeezes. She hates making Emily disappointed and she hates how often it happens. But she can't help it. She doesn't know why she didn't let Emily kiss her. She realizes that part of her wants it, but the other- fucking stubborn part- panics every time the petite gets closer. And it's completely overwhelming, this panic. She doesn't know what to do about it, doesn't know how to fight it. She's still not sure she should. Maybe if she was a stronger person she could get over this fright she seems to have developed, but she isn't and it's Emily who's stuck to live with the consequences.

"I'm sorry" she chokes, feeling like sorry doesn't quite cut it, but not knowing what else to say.

Emily nods slowly and Naomi thinks it'll be it, but when the petite asks her a desperate "why?" and she feels herself freeze. She shrugs because she doesn't have the words to explain anything anymore. She feels worse for not even _trying_. Everything feels so stuck deep in her chest and it just won't come out.

"I think I should go" she says a few seconds later.

She gets up and gathers her stuff and she knows she'll have to do something about all this mess soon when Emily doesn't even try to stop her.

;;

She doesn't know why she ever thought she'd be the one to bring up the conversation. She doesn't know why she let herself believe she'd ever be the bigger person. When it's Emily who finally makes them have the conversation, it feels to Naomi like it was always going to happen this way. She shouldn't be surprised really, not when Emily is such an honest and direct person.

It's maybe a week after the almost kiss incident. They go out for drinks one night and the second they hit the pub, Naomi knows something is wrong. She knows it's wrong because they don't feel as easy as they usually do. Emily doesn't laugh as much and she doesn't smile with her eyes like she always does. The blonde tries to shrug it off at first, tries to pretend she hasn't noticed, but it's hard to fake. So, she offers Emily to make it an early night and they leave the pub.

They walk in silence for a while and Naomi hopes she's wrong and that Emily is just feeling a bit tired. But then, they pass a park and Emily grabs her by the hand before leading her to a bench a bit further from the main road. Naomi follows her because she really doesn't know what else she can do. Also, whatever happens next, needs to happen. Her heart is beating furiously already and her palms are sweaty, but still, she can't run away.

Everything is quiet around them, there's barely a rustle of leaves. It's early, but it's still getting darker, the sun setting behind them. It feels ridiculously peaceful for the turmoil Naomi can feel eating away at her guts. Emily sits and stares at the artificial pond in front of them. Her hands are poised on her lap and she looks focused, but not exactly bothered. If Naomi didn't know her better she'd think she was just at ease.

The blonde lets herself look at Emily then. She's not sure why she takes the time to admire the way the ruby locks fall on her shoulders or the way her chest heaves a bit with every breath, but maybe it's because Naomi fears it will be the last time. The air is cooler than they both expected and the blonde can feel goosebumps on her arms. For her part, Emily looks fine except for the red tinge of her cheeks.

It's when Naomi starts wondering how long she's been looking at her that Emily turns to look at her. Her expression is as open as ever and it feels like a stab when Naomi sees all the anguish and sadness that reside in the brown orbs. She knows she's caused the redhead pain, but not as much as she thinks she's seeing now.

"What's going on?" Emily asks her in a ridiculously calm voice.

"What do you mean?" Naomi replies.

"_You fucking chikenshit_" she thinks.

She knows what Emily means, of course she does. She's not that daft, but she can't bring herself to be straight about it. She's a runner, a coward. She's not brave like Emily is.

"With us Nai… What's going on with us" Emily explains and Naomi really has to admire how fearless she is.

She tries to formulate some answer that would be honest. She really does try to find some way to explain, but she can't. So she plays the dumb card like she's so adept at doing.

"Well… we're mates…" the blonde replies slowly.

When Emily frowns and even more sadness penetrate her gaze, Naomi really feels like a tosser.

"Is that it? Because… It doesn't feel like that's it" Emily pushes.

"I…" she starts but fumbles. "I just… That's what it is to me"

Emily's frown gets bigger and so does Naomi's guilt. They're so tightly knit together that Naomi wonders if it's not Emily's expression that controls all her feelings.

"I'm sorry" she offers, as if it will change anything.

"You're sorry?" Emily scoffs. "What the fuck Naomi"

The blonde flinches under Emily's words but not because she yells them. God, Naomi wishes the redhead would yell- maybe she'd feel less guilty if she got properly yelled at- but no, her voice is eerily calm, just sharp. She has no answer of course. She's got nothing to say, no words to make it better.

"Then why?" Emily snaps when Naomi refuses to add anything. "Why did you let us get closer if we're just friends to you?"

"I… I didn't mean… I just…"

"Just what Naomi?"

"I don't know…"

Emily sighs heavily and Naomi can't help but look at her knees. She hates this, hates that this is happening. The redhead doesn't say anything else and, after a while, she forces her head back up. The blonde has to bite her lip to stop it from shaking when she sees that Emily's eyes are filled with unshed tears. She's hurting so much and it's all Naomi's fault.

"I… I thought…" the petite starts, but stops herself when her voice quivers.

She breathes slowly for a few seconds before continuing.

"Is that really how you feel then? You see me as a friend only?" Emily asks.

Naomi stays dead silent. She doesn't think her chest as ever felt so tight, her head ever felt as confused. There's this hollow part in her that's screaming to answer "yes" to say that a friend is all Emily is. But there's another part, a bit fuller, that whispers that no, it's not quite it either. She scrunches her face, her eyebrows knit together and turns to Emily. She wants to cry as well, she want the redhead to just _see_ what she feels. She wants the redhead to make the confusion go away, but it just won't.

It's probably because Naomi hasn't said anything that Emily decides to lean in. She lets her get really close before turning her head, yet again. She wants to shout at herself, she really does. She hates the panic that rises in her throat and consumes her when Emily gets too close; the stupid panic that makes her run away and hurt the other girl.

The second Naomi has refused her, the petite shifts away and a small sob echoes in the desert park. The blonde wants to say something as tears stream down Emily's face, but her mouth is feeling pasty and isn't working properly. She begs the redhead with her eyes, but she already knows it's pointless.

"I just… I really like you Naomi… I thought there was something more… Don't you feel it?" Emily says.

Her voice is so broken now, her words uneven. There's a sense of desperation too and Naomi wishes she knew how to deal with it. She feels torn, torn between what she wants and what she can. Because if she's honest she _wants_ to want Emily. She wants to give her everything, she wants to open her heart. The other girl is everything Naomi's ever wanted in so many ways. She admires all that she is; her big fearless open heart, her kindness, her simple nature, her beautifully shinny eyes and the rest. Naomi doesn't think she's ever seen someone possess so much. She doesn't think she's ever wanted to want someone so much. But she doesn't know how.

And at this point, it's not even that she's fighting it. It's more like her heart has sealed itself for repair after Micah flung it back to her in pieces. And now that the seal is there, Naomi doesn't know how to rip it open.

"I'm sorry" she says in a wobbly voice. "I never meant to hurt you… I'm so fucking sorry"

Emily nods slowly and, of all the things she could do, she smiles. She gives Naomi her trademark soft and kind smile and the blonde doesn't think any smile has ever looked so beautiful and devastated at the same time. It makes her heart ache, makes her want to cry, but she holds the tears in.

The redhead calms down and wipes her tears away with the back of her hand. She looks up at the sky and takes a big shuddery breath. When she looks back at Naomi after that, she looks much more in control of her emotion, but not in the way that she's hiding them. Naomi doesn't think Emily even knows how to hide her emotions.

"I think I need some time off" the petite whispers.

Naomi nods.

"I just… It means more to me. So I'm just going to take some time…" she continues.

The blonde nods again and she feels the desperate need to ask Emily how long she'll need, but she fights it off. She can't do that. She can't hurt her like this and then pressure her into remaining in this confusing grey place they've been for too long. She doesn't know how to give herself to Emily, doesn't know how to silence the panic, so she does what she actually can, she lets go.

"I understand" She mutters.

Emily shifts closer and Naomi feels ever soft lips make contact with her cheek. She closes her eyes to really live the moment as the lips linger on her skin. When Emily pulls away, it's the blonde's turn to let a shuddery breath escape her mouth.

Emily gets up and looks at her and it feels awfully like the other girl thinks she'll never get to look at Naomi ever again.

"See you around Naomi…" Emily mutters.

The words are meant to make this simpler, lighten the situation. But they feel a bit too much like lies to really work. Then, Emily turns around and walks away and Naomi watches her go. She's still torn, she still feels a part of her that wants to stop the redhead from going, but she doesn't do it. She just lets her go. Somehow, Naomi thinks it's really the kindest thing she could ever do.

**End of Part I**

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**So that is that. I hope you still find this worth reading. And I promise it gets better.  
**


	5. PART II: Chapter 1 Surprise me

**A/N: Sorry this is a bit late (I try to update at least once a week), but there's this thing called Christmas coming and it's been keping m busy! I wish you all a terribly nice holiday season, regardless of your religion. Thank you so much for the reaction to the last chapter, it was grandly appreciated. Without further ado, here's the beginning of Part II. **

**ps: I'm going to try to have 4 chps for each part. Because I think it's symetrical and I kind of like that. **

**.**

**PART II: KNOWING YOU**

**.**

Chapter 1: Surprise me

.

_1 year later_

_._

The second time she meets Emily Fitch, it's just as unplanned as the first time…

"…The relationship between SDT and childhood or adult psychopathology and or psychological distress has not been empirically tested; however, the relationship between the quality of the early attachment relationship and childhood psychopathology, as well as adulthood psychopathology has been empirically examined by a number of researchers. Because there are a number of theoretical…"

Rinnnng

Naomi only hears the bell reverberate in the classroom for a few seconds before the sound of bustling students completely covers it. She gets up and gathers her things like everyone else, catching a few homework instructions from their teacher in the mist. She notes a few pages he tells them to read, but doesn't really bother because she knows half the class didn't even catch anything to begin with. Besides, the teacher still treats them like A-levels students. Naomi thinks it figures when more than half the class _just_ started Uni. She sighs and offers an apologetic smile to the poor teacher before stepping out of the classroom.

She's already lost in thoughts when she gets a text.

.

_**Gay-Jay**_

_Cook wants to know if you're_

_up for a drink tonight?_

_._

Naomi rolls her eyes and smirks as she notices that Cook probably changed her contacts' names. The thought is confirmed a few minutes later when he texts her himself.

.

_**Your Wet Dream**_

_Yo! Got Gay-jay's text?_

_You up for it?_

_._

She sends them both a quick "okay" before continuing her way to the school's grounds. It's been a long morning and Naomi just wants to sit by a tree and get some readings done. She's all set on going until she's stopped.

"NAOMI!" a voice she unfortunately knows yells behind her.

"Fucking Hell" The blonde mutters under her breath before turning around with the biggest fake smile on her face. "Mandy! Hi!"

"Hi!" the other girl says energetically. "I'm so happy I ran into you!"

"Yeah… How great" Naomi replies, hoping it doesn't sound as sarcastic as she means it.

It's not that this girl, Mandy Fischer, is the most annoying person she's ever met. Actually, she's nice enough, Naomi supposes. She's rather tall with long black hair and brown eyes. She's okay looking too. It's just that she's _very_ sociable, a lot more than Naomi is. She's known her for about a week tops and Mandy acts like they're old friends. Mandy always looks like she's extremely pleased to see her every time they run into each other, like it's been months when sometimes it's been minutes. There's something about her whole enthusiasm that just manages to irritate the blonde.

That and the fact that Mandy befriended her for their mutual appreciation of women.

Actually, Naomi sort of refers to her as the recruiter, because it seems that Mandy loves to befriend every single girl who seems to be on the muff muncher team. Maybe Naomi wouldn't have developed an irk for the tall girl if it hadn't felt like Mandy was trying to make her join a sect. It's either that or the blonde has been hanging out with boys for too long to be friends with so many girls now.

Still, Naomi has just started her classes in this new Uni and Mandy has been there for two years or something, so the blonde tolerates her. She never knows, she might need her help someday and it's smarter not to antagonize the other girl.

"Got any time to hang out with the girls?" Mandy asks joyfully and Naomi's fake smile becomes even crisper.

"Huh… sure" she mumbles because she can't figure an excuse to bail.

"Perfect! Come on!"

She follows the tall girl with a reluctant look. The worst thing is that Mandy doesn't even seem to notice that Naomi's not totally into their brand new friendship as she is. They walk through the school and the black haired girl talks about everything. Naomi makes a point of nodding every now and then, but really, she's half listening. She gets her cellphone out and sends a group text to her boys.

_Help! Got abducted _

_by the recruiter _

It doesn't take a minute before she's got a reply.

.

_**The Funsponge**_

_Back luck mate! Maybe_

_you can pretend to have _

_a boyfriend? _

_._

She snorts at the name. Fucking Cook.

.

_Don't think it would work._

_Her gaydar is sadly accurate_

_._

Her reply is barely off before she gets another text.

.

_**Your Wet Dream**_

_Lick her muff! Unless she's_

_a clingy, guaranteed she_

_moves on to the next after._

_._

She shakes her head at how predictable her friend is.

.

_Not my type. Oh and btw,_

_nice name changes… Twat_

_._

When the text is sent, she's got too more waiting.

.

_**Gay-Jay**_

_Is she going to conduct_

_experiments on your_

_brain, you reckon?_

_._

_**The Funsponge**_

_Tell her I'm your lad._

_I'm pretty enough to_

_turn lesbians. She'll_

_believe you._

_._

She laughs loudly at their responses and she's about to reply when she catches Mandy's disapproving face.

"Sorry…" she mumbles before shoving her phone down her pocket.

Mandy smiles at her and continues talking as if she hadn't just caught Naomi blatantly not giving a shit about their discussion. The blonde just has to roll her eyes at that because, clearly, Mandy loves talking about herself too much to care about the quality of her audience.

When they step outside, finally, Naomi notes with pleasure that the weather is gorgeous for once. There's not even a cloud in the sky and, for September, it's a freaking miracle. They walk to a large circle of people Naomi knows are Mandy's crew or whatever and she falls back behind a bit when the other girl springs forward excitedly.

"Hey guys!" She shouts at them and they all turn around.

It's when they do that Naomi notices someone among their mist that she recognizes and not because she's hung out with Mandy's sect once or twice before. Surprises splashes across her face, quickly followed by a smile she just can't stop. The other girl spots her instantly too and, just like Naomi, a beaming smile crosses her lips.

"Emily…" Naomi says and even she can't miss the fondness in her voice.

"Naomi!" Emily exclaims.

The blonde feels her heart flutter a bit when the redhead smiles broadly, looking genuinely pleased to see her. It feels like a weight is lifted from her shoulders, but the funniest thing is that she didn't even know there was a weight there to begin with. It's only when it's lifted that she realizes how heavy it was.

There's just something undeniably wonderful about seeing Emily smile again. And it really helps that the redhead is smiling at her and that she looks exactly like the girl Naomi used to know. She's got the same sparkling eyes, rosy cheeks and button nose and she's got the same unique fashion sense. Emily's wearing skinny black jeans and a shockingly orange cardigan with a neon green t-shirt underneath. The orange sort of clashes with the red of Emily's hair, but she _still_ manages to pull off the outfit for some reason and that alone makes Naomi want to giggle with familiarity.

"What are you doing here?" The blonde finally asks as she let her eyes get reacquainted with the petite girl in front of her.

"I just started here! What about you?"

"Really? Me too! In what?" Naomi asks excitedly.

"You two know each other?" Mandy interrupts.

And it's a bit weird because Naomi had totally forgotten that they were surrounded by other people.

"Oh, yeah" she provides with a shrug.

"How did you meet?" Mandy questions looking a bit too interested.

Naomi and Emily exchange a look then. The blonde is pretty sure she must look a bit scared, but she's soon relieved when she spots Emily's smirk.

"It's a long story" Emily finally says.

If Mandy is unsatisfied with the answer, she doesn't express it. She gives Emily what _has_ to be her best smile and decides to brush off the whole thing. Naomi wants to pursue her conversation with Emily, she wants to know why the petite is at Uni again and in what and she wants to know what happened with her nursing plans, but she can't ask anything because Mandy decides to grab her by the arm and leads her away to talk to her.

Naomi looks at them go with a displeased look. She feels a bubble of irritation develop in the pit of her stomach. It's not that she's jealous, of course it's not. It's just that she hasn't seen Emily in ages, not since that awful conversation on the park bench. She hasn't tried to contact the redhead, even if she still has her number and everything. She's never had the heart to delete it, no matter how useless she knew it had become. She's always felt like she didn't deserve to call, like it really was better if she steered clear of the other girl.

But now that Emily is right _there_, right in front of her, she can't ignore the fact. She feels like it must mean something, like the petite's reappearance in her life must be a sign or something. Not something divine though, Naomi reckons she was probably born atheist. She never was baptized anyhow. Actually, she's pretty sure her mother had some sort of freak hippy ritual to welcome her into the world- she wouldn't put it past Gina if it happened in a field with a group of naked 50 year-old women.

Naomi doesn't have much time to dwell on the fact that Mandy walked away with Emily though because, about five seconds later, someone else is sitting next to her. She turns and when she sees who it is, she wishes she had declined Mandy's offer to hang out.

"Hello Naomi! It's so good to see you" Sophia says in a chirpy voice.

The blonde nods awkwardly and looks around her. She wants to groan when she realizes that there's absolutely no one close enough for her to start a bogus conversation with. It sounds really mean that the mere task of speaking with Sophia is aggravating for Naomi, but, really, she's not being that bad. It's not that Sophia is grade A ugly and even if she was, Naomi likes to think she's not that shallow that she'd want to ignore her for it. It's just that Sophia pretty much idolises her and that's uncomfortable by anyone's standards. It doesn't seem to matter that they've seen each other twice before, even after the first encounter, Sophia seemed already enamoured. She always looks at the blonde with her large eyes and her half-there smile, as if anything that comes out of Naomi's mouth is pure gold. The blonde is pretty confident, but even if she is she knows she's not nearly that interesting or smart for that matter.

"What did you do this weekend?" Sophia asks in her forever dreamy voice.

"Huh… Nothing. Just watched Friends reruns" she replies with a shrug.

"Oh I _love_ Friends!" Sophia exclaims and Naomi nods along keeping her eyes well open to refrain from rolling them.

Since she's known Sophia, there isn't once where she hasn't just happened to love whatever Naomi was talking about. It's completely ridiculous and, if she must admit, a total turn off. It's probably because she's cursed that Sophia doesn't seem to notice how bored and uninterested she is. Whatever it is, the other girl just decides to launch into a very detailed story of her weekend and Naomi thinks she'll proper die of boredom before the end of the day.

She realizes at some point, that she's not paying attention to Sophia's words at all, but just keeps sending glances to the place where Emily and Mandy are talking. She tries to be discreet about it, only looking for a few seconds at a time, but even then, it takes very little time before she assesses that Mandy is definitely interested in the redhead. She's not sure if she's annoyed or if she actually just wants to laugh. It's a bit annoying because Mandy keeps laughing loudly in the most ludicrously fake tones every few minutes. It's also hilarious for the same reason; that and also the fact that Mandy is probably a foot taller than the petite and definitely looks like she could trample her.

Naomi is glad she's been spying- _no_, not spying, looking- at them for the past minutes when she sees Emily get up and wave goodbye at everyone. She feels her heart begin to pound faster in her chest and her face falls. Sophia is still talking to her, but she doesn't give a toss. She just can't let Emily go, so she gets up as well, throws a bad excuse to explain her sudden departure and runs after the redhead who's quickly disappearing in the distance. She fastens her pace until she's not far behind the petite and calls out her name.

"Emily!"

She hates that she sounds a bit desperate, but she's willing to forgive herself when it works and the other girl stops and turns around to look at her. She gives her a smirk when Naomi catches up, but doesn't say anything. The blonde isn't that surprised. She knows she's the one that ran after the redhead, therefore she's the one that must speak first.

"Hey" she starts a bit lamely.

It's not a big deal, she's used to being lame in front of Emily Fitch.

"Hey" Emily says back huskily.

"So hum… I didn't know you were back at Uni…"

"I am"

"I can see that. I switched degree… and Uni" She provides.

"I can see that" Emily teases back.

It's a bit awkward. There's some tension between them that Naomi can't help understanding. She's certain that Emily remembers their last evening together just as well as she does. So it's hard not to make it awkward in those circumstances. Still, the blonde doesn't want to let Emily walk out of her life again.

"I guess you've got class and I don't want to hold you up too long, but… well… It'd be nice to catch up, don't you think?" she offers.

Emily looks at her and Naomi feels like she's being judged. Not in the mean girls kind of way, but more in a pie contest kind of way. She feels like Emily is appraising her, trying to figure out if she's worth it. So she does the only thing she can think of and offers a goofy smile to the redhead being careful to show off the full extent of her dentition. She knows she looks absolutely twatish, but she doesn't care when Emily giggles. Naomi takes it as an opportunity to say something more.

"I promise more of this, more laughs, in the catching up session. Satisfaction guaranteed or full refund"

Emily giggles again, but still doesn't reply.

"Look Ems…" Naomi says and they both cringe a bit at how awkward it is to be so familiar with each other. "I just want a chat is all, yeah? I… I'm just curious"

What she really wants to say is that she's missed her. Only, she can't say it because it's as she says it that she actually realizes that she does. She hasn't spent the last year thinking about Emily, so the fact that having her right here in front of her makes her want to reconnect more than anything is a little troubling. She reckons the redhead can see right through her though and she nods slowly.

"Yeah alright. I've got class now, but sometime this week?" she asks.

"Yeah! Just name the time and place" Naomi nods vigorously. "Do you still have my number?"

"Yeah" Emily confirms, blushing a bit.

"Brilliant. Well then. See you around Emily" the blonde finishes with a soft smile.

"Yeah, see you…"

;;

It doesn't end up being the same week, but the week after that. Still, when Naomi texts Emily to arrange something and the petite replies, the blonde feels elated. She knows Emily is a woman of her word and she has no reason to believe she'll back track after she agreed to meet her in the first place, but Naomi can't forget that Emily owes her absolutely nothing. Hell, she probably deserves a big brush off and some sass, so she's infinitely glad that she doesn't seem to be getting any of that.

They agree to go for coffee. Partly because it's always safe and partly because it's sort of their thing. It's a place they've never gone before, so there's no memories attached to it. Naomi reckons it's for the best and when Emily arrives a few minutes after her and sits nervously, she really thinks she was right. Because if Emily is a bit nervous, it means she still remembers what happened between them clearly and Naomi doesn't want that. She doesn't want the redhead to be wary of her, doesn't want that at all. What the blonde really wants is a start over. She wants a clean slate so it's a good thing they're somewhere that is new.

It sounds really easy in her head, but in practice, Naomi finds that sitting in front of Emily Fitch is pretty unnerving. The problem probably is that she remembers everything too. She remembers the moments they spent together, the evenings spent talking and laughing and the silences spent in contemplation. She remembers Emily looking at her with so much hope she'd though the petite would burst. She also remembers Emily looking at her with more disappointment then anyone has ever shown towards her. So it's a bit unnerving, remembering all that, to feel like this is alright, to feel like them having coffee is no big deal.

And really, being with Emily is an oxymoron. It's an oxymoron because it's awkward and a bit terrifying to be with her, but at the same time it feels completely natural and familiar and it's comfortable to be with the other girl. Naomi thinks that it's probably because they were always easy in a way, but always complicated in another. They've never had problems just _being_ together. They've never struggled with being themselves or holding back or learning each other or any of that really. They've always just known. Yet, their history is a complicated one filled with mistakes and problems and pain and, if the blonde is honest, regrets.

"So…" Naomi starts after clearing her throat.

Emily chuckles and the blonde is soon to follow. The light chuckles transform into a giggle fit then. Both girls start laughing uncontrollably, clutching at their stomachs. It feels like the laughter evacuates all the ridiculous tension, because when they emerge for air after a minute or so, Naomi feels a lot more relaxed. She looks at Emily and she's pleased that the redhead seems equally calm now.

"How have you been then?" Naomi tries again.

"I've been good" Emily confirms and there's a soft smile on her lips.

"Yeah? How come you're back to Uni then? I thought you graduated"

"I did! I graduated then I went to Peru to work as a nurse for Doctors without Borders for a while"

"Wow!" The blonde exclaims her eyes widening instantly. "I had no idea! Jesus Ems… Must have been quite the experience"

"Yeah! It really was. I… It's not the same in those countries. You think you know how it's going to be, you think you've imagined the worst, but, once you get there, you realize your imagination could have never conceived the things that actually go on"

Emily's expression grows a bit dark after she says this and Naomi extends her hand to place it atop the redhead's. She's not sure if she should do it, but when the petite sends her a thankful smile, she's glad she did. They don't stay like that for long though. After her initial thankfulness, Emily takes back her hand and the blonde let's her.

"That must have been something… I can't believe you did that" Naomi muses.

"I can't believe it either" Emily says with a chuckle. "My mum and sister were completely horrified. Mum was certain I'd die out there"

"I can imagine it would worry them" The blonde can't help but agree.

"Yeah… It's a good thing they don't know exactly how bad it was" Emily continues with a slight frown. "Anyhow, when I came back, I got a job in a Hospital, but things were just so… quiet you know?"

"Not really no… Quiet how?"

"Well, I was used to the worst conditions, with barely any resources and always this intense pressure. So when I got into a modern hospital with all the supplies at hands, even the ER felt ridiculously calm"

"Oh… you're right… So you decided to drop everything?" Naomi asks and she can't help but sound appalled.

It's not that she's judging Emily, it's mostly that she's surprised. She always thought the other girl was in the perfect field. She always thought the petite was just perfect for the job with her calming stare and reassuring smiles. So if Emily dropped everything, it sounds wrong to Naomi somehow.

"Not entirely" Emily assures with her trademark soft smile. "I'm studying to be a paramedic now"

Naomi stares for a second then grins genuinely and nods.

"I can definitely see you doing that" She tells the other girl and the redhead's smile seems to grow even bigger.

And she does. She really does see Emily as a paramedic, a lot more than she sees her as a nurse actually. She can see the petite with all her cool arrive at the worse accidents and manage to reassure and help people. She can see her in the throng of action, being so genuinely calm and levelled and being absolutely loved for it.

"Thank you. It means a lot, you saying that" her eyes are shinning and Naomi can't help but be proud she shared her opinion. "Anyway, enough about me! What about you? You said you switched degree?"

"Yeah!"

"But Naomi! What will happen to the world of politicians and economists if you don't bless them with your wits?" Emily teases.

"They'll have to live without my awesomeness" The blonde quips playfully. "As heart wrenching as that may be"

"Still so modest" Emily giggles.

"I only speak the truth"

"Just tell me what you're in now, you big wanker" the redhead scoffs.

"Ok… don't laugh… I'm in Educational Studies" her expression quickly going from cocky to timid.

Emily's eyes widen so much it's actually comical.

"You want to be a _teacher_?" She inquires, her voice laced with surprise.

"Cheers for the shock, but actually, no, not quite"

Emily's eyes are back to normal now, but there's still a lot of curiosity in her gaze.

"Then what do you plan to do with that degree?"

Naomi can't help the blush that covers her cheek from emerging after that. It's not that she's ashamed of the life choice she's made, far from it, but she always finds it a bit embarrassing when she needs to explain it. Also, the fact that Cook keeps calling her a softy ever since she's told him doesn't help. She knows she'll sound ridiculously corny and she's not quite sure how she feels about that. Still, as Emily fixes her gaze on her and regards her with the most serious expression, the blonde feels the desire to tell her.

"I want to work with kids or teenagers… in like… an organism or something" she starts slowly.

When Emily gives her a nod and a smile, she takes it as an incentive to continue.

"I started working for this non-profit organisation this summer and it just… it blew me away. It was a group that went around town talking to homeless youth. They sort of work as street counsellors if you will, but mostly they're just people who will listen to those kids. It was… I can't even describe it. It was amazing though and I felt so alive… I knew I had to switch degree. I made a right pain in the arse of myself too because I had missed the deadlines, but in the end they let me switch. Anyway, I want to work in a youth centre, I want to work with kids that need help. I know a lot of them just want someone to be there and… well… I'd love to be that someone" she finishes with a shrug.

She's not looking at Emily anymore when she finishes. Instead, she focuses on her nails and tries to wear the most indifferent look she can. She hates sharing herself like that and she hates how she sounds when she explains her degree switch, but she doesn't know how _else_ to describe it. It's the first time in her life that Naomi has felt like she belonged somewhere, like she would _matter_. She can't hide that fact.

Emily is silent for a while, as if she knows she needs to give the blonde her space for just a tiny moment. She clears her throat after a few seconds and Naomi looks up, hooking her gaze with the brown eyes in front of her.

"I can definitely see you doing that" the petite says with a smirk, echoing Naomi's earlier words.

The swell of happiness the blonde feels at hearing those words doesn't just show by the huge grin that breaks through her lips. She can also feel it soar in her chest and fill her body to her finger tips. It's amazing how glad she is for having met Emily Fitch again in that moment. How silly she was to ever let her go…

Most of their time together after that is filled with stories and laughter. Naomi launches herself in epic tales of nights out with the lads when Emily inquires how they've been. The blonde has to admit she's ridiculously proud too, because she's got Emily in hysterics most of the night. She tells the redhead about a time a few months ago when they had all decided to skip town for a weekend and ended up in a hole somewhere. Then, when she tells Emily how Cook, Freddie and JJ ended up participating in a race in which they had to carry grannies on their backs, it's almost too much for the redhead to believe her. She finally does end up believing the blonde though after Naomi assures her between laughs that she's completely honest.

She tells her of another time where they ended up feuding with the local thugs and stole their boat and Emily is watching her with such interest that Naomi never wants to run out of stories. She knows she's talked most of the night though so she manages to shut herself up and ask the petite about her. Emily tells her of her sister who, as it turns out, still hasn't found a lush footballer to marry her and she speaks of her best friend Effy and how she's decided to go back to school. Emily's stories are a lot simpler, not quite as extravagant, but Naomi is captivated nonetheless. It's funny how much she wants to know about the redhead's life without her.

They've probably been seated at the same coffee shop for hours when Emily tells her of the big goodbye party Katie and Effy threw in her honour before she left for Peru. It sounds like a really good night and it's when Emily tells her the date that Naomi's heart stalls for a moment. It's the first time she realizes that, since the party was barely a month after their talk on the bench park, Emily must have decided to go to Peru very shortly after. She knows she shouldn't feel guilty about it, but a part of her feels incredibly responsible for the petite's departure. It's probably very conceited of herself, but she wonders if she was the cause of it, if Emily left because of her.

Her expression must be pretty obvious when she looks at the other girl and sees that she's wearing an apologetic look on her face now.

"I… I thought of inviting you to the goodbye party" Emily says slowly. "But I didn't think it would be the best idea… and neither did Katie to be honest"

"Of course…" Naomi nods. She can understand the sentiment. "I get it…"

Still, even as she says it, the blonde can't really push aside the regret from her tone and Emily can't really push aside to regret from her eyes. It feels like it's stronger then them, this moment. Because neither wanted the awkwardness to seep back in their evening, but it has now. They try to chit chat after that but it's half hearted. Soon enough they decide it's best to end the night there. Naomi offers Emily to walk her for a bit and the petite accepts.

They walk mostly in silence until they reach the apartment building in which Naomi knows the redhead lives. They stare at each other on the door step and it feels somewhat like the end of a first date, but they're both aware it isn't. It's just two friends catching up, Naomi tries to think to calm her nerves, but it has the complete opposite effect. It does because they're not friends anymore, not really. This is the first time in a year they've hung out and even before that, they had muddled the friendship line too often to qualify themselves as just that. Naomi knows this, no matter what she told Emily back then.

"Well thanks for inviting me" Emily decides to break the silence and the tension.

It's so common an expected that Naomi wonders if she'll _ever_ be the one to man up when faced with these situations with Emily.

"No problem, it was nice catching up" She replies.

"It was… I'm glad we did" the redhead approves.

"Yeah, me too"

They stare at each other a bit longer. Emily observes her carefully, as if she's waiting for Naomi to say something else. Of course, the blonde _does_ want to say something else, but she doesn't know if she should. She's brought out of her musing when Emily chuckles and shakes her head. Naomi gazes at her with curiosity when the petite looks up and tucks a lock of red hair behind her ear.

"Naomi… I don't know what you want to say, but just say it" Emily says softly.

"How did you…" Naomi asks her eyes widening in surprise.

"You've been chewing on your bottom lip for the past half hour. I know you do this when you're upset over something and want to talk about it. So just say whatever is on your mind"

It comes as a much bigger shock to Naomi that Emily knows her so well. She frowns and looks at her feet and when she realizes she's chewing at her lip more then ever she stops abruptly. She lets a sigh escape her lips and looks back up at Emily.

"I'm sorry" the blonde announces then.

"For what exactly?" Emily asks curious.

"For how things turned out last year"

She knows the redhead didn't expect that at all when she stares in shock for a few seconds. She composes herself soon after that though and nods, willing Naomi to continue with her eyes.

"I was in a bad place and I treated you like an accessory and I'm so sorry" she says, feeling her voice thicken a bit. "I never wanted to hurt you… I never thought I would… I should have spoken to you more and I didn't and I was just so confused… But that still doesn't excuse how I handled everything and for that, I'm sorry"

She can feel her heart beating loudly in her chest and she fights off the tears that have filled her eyes. She feels pathetic to be getting so emotional now, but she really is sorry. She feels like she's been waiting for a full year to give Emily a proper apology and she wants nothing more than the redhead's forgiveness.

"I know you have no reason to even talk to me and you're here and you are and I just… I don't feel like I even deserve a second of your time" Naomi admits. "I'm so sor-"

"Stop" Emily interrupts her. "Stop Naoms… You've… you've apologized enough"

Naomi nods sheepishly and waits for Emily to continue. She doesn't even know if the petite will get mad or not. She doesn't know if what she said was enough. She hopes it was.

"Apology accepted" Emily says simply with a smirk and it's as if she knew Naomi was wondering.

A huge smile crosses the blonde's lips then and a wave of relief crosses her heart.

"Thank you" Naomi says.

"It's alright. We all make mistakes and I know you were in a really bad spot"

"I was" Naomi agrees.

"What… what happened with Micah?" the redhead inquires.

Naomi can tell she's shy to ask and she finds it endearing.

"Nothing… Well, we dated again after… after everything. And it was just as shit as the first time. So I ended it… again. For good this time. I ran into her a few months ago and I was okay. It was the first time in a long while where I've felt like myself"

"I'm glad to hear that" Emily says gently.

"Thanks" Naomi replies and pauses. Then "So… we're… friends now, right? We're… we're doing this proper this time, yeah? Friends?"

Her words feel heavy and as she waits for Emily's reply, the blonde doesn't understand how nervous she can be. But then, the redhead gives her a smile and nods.

"Yeah, friends"

And with that new beginning, Naomi feels happier then she's been in a long time.

.

**Happy holiday again. I hope you have a smashing time and not too much family drama! (God knows Christmas is good for that). If you can spare two minutes of your time, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter :) Thanks xx**


	6. PART II: Chapter 2 Hang with me

**A/N: Sorry this took longer to post. I was caught up in the Holidays. I hope it's not too bad. I feel like it's a bit choppy, but then again I'm quite sleep deprived at the moment. Thanks again for the reviews and follows and favs. xx**

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PART: II

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Chapter 2: Hang with Me

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This time around, the friendship is actually exactly that, a friendship. There's no confusion, no lingering touches or looks. They hang out on some nights and when they do, it's always great. Naomi had forgotten how nice it was to be with Emily and how much laughter always comes from it. At school, they often find themselves running into each other in hallways. It's like they're two magnets, forever finding each other. The blonde doesn't know how it can even be possible, but it is. She's not complaining.

They go to Tate Modern one day because Emily insists on seeing a particular exhibition and Naomi can't find a good enough excuse not to go. They walk around the gallery, the redhead excitedly going from one piece to the other while the blonde drags her feet behind. It's not that she doesn't appreciate art or anything, she does, but she's not sure she gets modern art and especially the sort of recycle oriented stuff this exhibit shows. She does enjoy reading the card on the side of each piece though because it's completely hilarious to her the bollocks people will say about art. It's like that pile of garbage shaped as a dog they saw a few minutes after walking in. To Naomi, it's a pile of crap shaped into a dog, but to the explanatory card it represents the fragility of nature. Seriously?

But Emily loves it so Naomi obliges. She follows her around, laughing quietly when the petite looks at something with a concentrated brow. Sometimes, Emily gets so captivated that she remains in the same spot for what feels like hours to Naomi. It's both bothersome and amazing though. Because it's a pain to have to wait for Emily to be done looking at piles of crap- God forbid she'd walk ahead, Emily wants them to experience things together- but it's also quite cute to see the redhead be so enthralled by anything. It's probably one of the things she loves the most about the other girl, the fact that she's so calm and quiet yet so passionate. She's always known Emily loves life, always known she's one of those people who don't only see the glass half full, they see it half full of water and half full of potential. But it still always amazes her nonetheless every time she's reminded of how open about everything Emily really is.

It doesn't help not finding her adorable when, every time she sees something she particularly likes, the redhead shoots her arm out to grab Naomi's wrist and exclaims a big "Oh, look". And it's a bit sad that, most of the time, Naomi has no clue what has gotten her so excited in the first place. Still, the exhibition is nice enough and the blonde doesn't have such a bad time. It's mostly because of Emily.

When they walk out of the museum, the redhead turns to her.

"You don't really like Arts do you?" She asks.

"No! I mean, I _do_" Naomi defends immediately.

"Truth?"

"I swear I do!"

"But…?" Emily asks with a smirk, knocking her shoulder lightly into Naomi's as they walk along Bankside.

The blonde smirks too before rolling her eyes.

"But I just find the whole ordeal of museums and exhibits to be entirely wanky" she admits.

She holds her breath for a second, worried Emily will be offended, but then the redhead laughs and Naomi smiles in relief. She kind of loves that Emily never gets mad at her for being honest or for having different opinions.

"I'm so not surprised by that statement" the redhead says after a while.

"Am I that obvious?"

"It just fits your haughty personality" Emily teases as Naomi gasps.

"You did _not_ just call me haughty!" She exclaims, trying to look offended, but not quite managing to with the wide smile on her lips.

"Can't face the truth can you?" the redhead quips.

"Take that back!" Naomi demands advancing menacingly on Emily.

The redhead shakes her head defiantly though and screams "Never!" as Naomi bends to grab a few rocks and chases Emily, occasionally throwing a stone at her back. They're giggling like a pair of teenage girls and a few people are looking at them as if they're completely mental, but they don't take notice. After quite a bit of running, they stop to lean on the metallic banister and look at the Thames. They can see the London Eye in the distance, but they're not that close. Still, with the evening settling in properly, the sun has gone and the street lights have surfaced. It's a beautiful sight all around.

They stay silent for a few seconds until Naomi decides to speak.

"You see the twinkling lights on the water?" She asks Emily.

"Hum" the redhead nods.

"Well, actually, it was planned to look that way" She says seriously.

"Really?"

"Yes. It's supposed to represent the fleeting nature of modern society. The lights representing the modernity, the advancement of our age, while the water is the foundation of everything, always solid and always adapting. So you see, it's there to show that modernity, when it clashes with the pureness of nature, can only be fleeing" Naomi explains trying to sound as serious as possible.

Of course, the redhead knows her too well not to know that she's being made fun of.

"_God!_" Emily exclaims with a laugh. "You're such an arsehole"

The blonde just starts chuckling then as Emily pushes her shoulder and walks off. She knows the redhead isn't really mad, she knows that, deep down, the redhead thinks she's hilarious. So she follows her.

"But I'm a nice arsehole right?" She quips and they laugh together again.

;;

At first, her boys are a bit apprehensive about her hanging out with Emily again, but she assures them they've really got a platonic friendship now and nothing else. It takes a bit of convincing on Naomi's part to make them believe her, but they relent eventually. Of course, the blonde is not surprised when she gets warnings from all three of them to thread carefully. After all, her relationship with Emily comes from a tough place and she knows they all still care about the petite girl even if they try not to show it too much. She finds it endearing in a way that they care about both her and Emily. But she's sure everything will be fine, it has to be.

;;

Despite Naomi's reluctance, she also hangs out with Mandy's troops more often then she'd like. She's aware that a big part of the reason why she does is because she knows Emily will be there too. It doesn't bother her though that she so obviously seeks the other girl's presence. She doesn't question the fact that she's willing to stand Sophia's blatant crush on her if it means she gets to be with Emily too. It's just that Naomi barely ever gets along with girls so she's finding out that when she does, she tends to cling onto it. At least, that's how she reasons it.

Their friendship with the group is first put to the test though one night Mandy organizes an outing to the restaurant and invites the both of them. After confirming with Emily that she'll be there, the blonde agrees to join and she must admit it's a bit half-heartedly. It's not that she hates the group at all, they're nice enough she guesses, but they're not really her kind of people. Of course it's probably just her amazing ability of being completely antisocial that makes her think that way. Still, when they all go to a pizzeria and Sophia sits next to her eagerly, she wishes she hadn't bothered.

Emily is in front of her, but she can barely articulate one word to her because when Sophia isn't taking all of her time, Mandy has the redhead pretty occupied. It annoys Naomi in a way it probably shouldn't, but she keeps telling herself it's just because she thinks Mandy is beneath the redhead. Not that Mandy is horrible per se, but Emily is pretty great, too great for the tall girl. She's too smart and too funny and too everything to be falling for a girl who recruits every lesbian at school as a hobby.

When they get their food, Naomi barely acknowledges Sophia's exclamation over her choice.

"Mushrooms and cheese! Such a good idea! I _love_ mushrooms!"

By now she's used to Sophia loving whatever she does. She gives the brunette a tight lipped smile nonetheless and cuts a piece of pizza to shove in her mouth to save herself from answering. She chews slowly and always takes a bite before finishing the one she's already got to make sure she really doesn't have to speak. It's not like Sophia notices anyway. She just keeps talking about everything, looking at Naomi with dreamy eyes. If the blonde was a bit braver she'd tell the other girl she's got no chance, but she just can't handle hurting her feelings. She chances a look at Emily and her heart squeezes. She can't help but think she's hurt enough people in her life not to want to go there again. So she listens to Sophia, sometimes even replies when she asks her simple things like her favourite brand of cookies and the likes. She feels nicer in a way, but awful in another. No amount of small talk will make her interested in the brunette, she thinks.

She looks at Emily now and then and every time she does, the petite is talking to Mandy. She frowns at one point and wonders for the first time if, perhaps, the redhead is actually interested in the other girl. Something flares inside her chest at the idea and her frown intensifies. She pushes it away though, reminds herself that she doesn't care if Emily likes Mandy or not. It's not her place to care.

When the night comes to its end, they part ways. Sophia offers Naomi to drive her home about a dozen times, but the blonde finds excuses each time. She really doesn't want Sophia to know where she lives, feels like the outcome of the brunette knowing that could be disastrous. Also, Emily gives her a look when they're saying goodbyes and Naomi thinks it means that the petite would like to walk with her. They've barely talked all night so the blonde really wants to do that too. In the end, they're left together to walk and they get to talking comfortably. And, like every time, Naomi is impressed at just how easy it is. They've probably been walking for fifteen minutes when the blonde decides to bring the topic of Mandy.

"So Mandy eh?" she says with a coy smile on her lips.

"What about her?" Emily replies.

"You two seem… quite chummy" she teases.

The redhead's jaw drops as she catches on to Naomi's meaning.

"Oh come on Ems! Don't look so surprised!" she continues.

"What are you even implying there!" the petite says finally finding her voice again.

"Well… She likes you alright" Naomi explains. "And you don't seem to mind"

"What?!"

"You can admit it if you like her"

"I do _not_!" Emily defends automatically and Naomi can't even pretend she's not pleased.

"You sure about that Ems? I wouldn't mind you know" she assures, her hands deep in her pockets.

"I'm quite sure!" the redhead says with half a giggle. "Jesus! What made you think _that_?"

"Maybe the fact that she's all over you?"

"She's not!"

"Oh come on" Naomi snorts at Emily's offended look.

"Look who's talking!" the redhead says then, a smirk replacing her gobsmacked expression.

"What d'you mean?"

Emily snorts loudly and rolls her eyes. "Mushroom and cheese? Such a good idea, I _love_ mushrooms" the petite starts in a high pitched voice. "Oh my God! Garibaldis are your favourite?! I _love_ Garibaldis! Are you wearing a black top? That is so marvellous! I _love_ black"

"Alright stop!" Naomi says half stern, half laughing.

Of course, Emily just keeps teasing.

"Wow, did you sneeze? Gosh I _love_ sneezing!"

"I said stop!" The blonde says through giggles and the petite joins in her amusement.

"You can't tell me Mandy's all over me when Sophia can barely contain herself in your presence." Emily says once they've regain a bit more control on their laughter.

"I have that effect on women" Naomi says seriously and the other girl shoves her.

"She fancies you so much, I wouldn't be surprised if she stalked you"

"I'm very stakable"

"You're so full of yourself" Emily snorts.

"Not really though, yeah?" Naomi feels the need to add.

"I know" the redhead reassures.

They're silent for a few moments after that. It's probably because they're still feeling really comfortable that they start laughing hard when Emily adds:

"Seriously though, you should check her locker to see if she's built a shrine or something"

;;

The next time they hang out, it's still with Mandy and Sophia, regrettably, but it's at the movies this time. The group decides to meet after one day of classes and after a quick text to Emily, Naomi joins. They go to some gross food joint before and then they make their way to the theatre. They're a small group, not just Naomi, Emily and their two other fan girls, so, when they get to the cinema, they start discussing movies. The blonde listens distractedly while she looks as well. She doesn't expect them to choose anything decent and when they all seem to be agreeing to go see some ridiculous new action blockbuster, she's proven right. She cringes though at the idea of paying 8 pounds to see something so shitty though. So when her eyes fall on a smaller poster of another, clearly independent, movie, she doesn't really hesitate before voicing her opinion.

"I'd like to see that one actually" She says and everyone stops talking to look at her.

Sophia, who was just smiles a moment ago, turns to look at the poster and her smile falls. Mandy looks as well, but instead of deception on her face, Naomi can see irritation. She doesn't really mind that she's annoyed the taller girl though.

"You want to see _that_?" She asks disdainfully.

"Yeah" Naomi confirms.

She's not just doing it to be a pain in the arse, although it's a nice bonus. She really is interested in that other movie and she'd much rather support a small local production versus some giant American crap.

"Well…" Mandy starts. "You're the only one who wants to see that so… are you like, going to go alone?"

The blonde shrugs because she doesn't mind going to the movies alone. It's not worse than doing anything else alone and it's not like it would be the first time. As it turns out though, Emily speaks up a second later.

"Actually" She says drawing the group's attention. "I think it looks interesting too. I've seen the poster around the city and I've been wanting to see it"

Naomi eyes the redhead curiously after that declaration as if she's trying to decide if she's just told a lie. Emily sends her a challenging look though and the blonde keeps quiet. For her part, Mandy looks completely mortified. She stares at the petite in utter disbelief, her mouth wide open.

"What?" she says. "You do?"

"Yeah" Emily nods. "It looks intriguing"

"But _no one else_ wants to see it" Mandy pushes.

The redhead seems a bit uncomfortable then. Naomi looks at the poster quickly, before coming to her rescue.

"So? Look, the movies are playing at the same time anyway. You guys can go see the one you wanted and Emily and I will go see that one" she explains. "It's no problem, is it?"

If looks could kill, Naomi is fairly sure she'd be very much dead. Mandy looks furious at the blonde's suggestion, but the rest of the group mutter their agreement. Except Sophia who's looking at Naomi like a kicked puppy, that is. The blonde pushes away the urge to roll her eyes at that because honestly, she doesn't owe the brunette anything. And it's not like they're shunting her, if Sophia wants to, she can very well join them in their movie choice. She doesn't though and neither does Mandy.

So they just part ways, the group dividing in two for movie purposes. They do tell each other that whatever movie finishes first will wait for the other group in the lobby afterwards. As Naomi and Emily make their way to their movie, the blonde elbows the other girl gently in the ribs.

"Do you think Mandy's family is in the mafia or anything?" She asks.

"What?!" Emily asks half laughing. "No! Why?"

"Phew, it means I probably won't wake up at the bottom of the Thames tomorrow then"

The redhead laughs loudly and shakes her head.

"D'you think she'd maim you?"

"If she could get away with it, absolutely" Naomi confirms with a false serious look on her face. "Did you _see_ how pissed off she looked?"

Emily shakes her head and rolls her eyes, but Naomi knows she's as aware as she is of Mandy's irritation with the both of them. It doesn't make them feel any guilty though.

Turns out the movie is absolute crap. It's almost funny how horrible it really is. It's not for lack of trying, Naomi thinks. The actors are decent and they do their best with the lines they've been given, but the story is just really fucking dull. So they spend most of the movie giggling and throwing popcorn at each other instead of watching and when they walk out as the credits roll in, Naomi still thinks it was better to spend her 8 pounds on that movie than the big blockbuster.

They throw away their remaining popcorn and walk to the lobby. When they get there, no one is waiting for them, so they lean casually on the wall and start talking. When no one has joined them fifteen minutes later though, they start wondering. Naomi fishes her cell phone out of her pocket to see if she's got any new messages, but apart from a few rude ones from Cook, there's nothing. Emily does the same and it's just as blank as Naomi's.

"D'you reckon the movie is still playing?" the redhead asks her.

"I don't think so" she replies shaking her head.

The blonde brings her phone to her ear to call Mandy then, but it goes to voicemail after two rings. She frowns and tries again, but the same thing happens.

"I think she's ignoring me" she says only slightly disbelievingly to the redhead.

"What?"

"Yeah… The call gets cut off after two rings so…"

"I'm sure there's a reason… hang on." Emily assures before bringing her own phone to her ear.

The petite's eyes widen a few seconds later though.

"Mandy, hey!" She says her voice filled with surprise. "Where are you?"

Naomi hears so noise as the taller girl replies, but she can't distinguish the answer.

"Oh… okay… well… yeah alright, see ya" Emily says and brings her phone down again.

She looks back up at Naomi.

"They left" she announces.

"What?"

"They left. Their movie ended before ours and they had to go apparently"

"Thought we were supposed to meet each other after" the blonde states with a smirk.

"Change of plans apparently. Mandy sounded upset"

"Wow!" Naomi snorts.

"What's so funny?"

"I think you just broke the poor girl's heart" she says amused.

"Oh will you shut up with that" Emily replies with a snigger.

"No I mean it! She's clearly ignoring me and she's short with you. By the way I hope you're right about the mafia connection, I like the Thames but I bet the bottom is rancid"

Emily laughs and shakes her head.

"Let's go" she says and Naomi follows.

They walk in comfortable silence like they always do for a few minutes until Naomi breaks it.

"It's too bad though" she says almost reminiscent.

"What is?"

"About Mandy. Fitch and Fischer had _such_ a good sound to it!"

Emily gasps and tries to shove her, while she lets the bubbles of laughter in her stomach erupt through her throat. So the rest of the walk is really more like a run as they throw playful insults at each other.

;;

They don't really hear from either Mandy or Sophia after the movie night. At least, Naomi doesn't. She knows Mandy is ignoring Emily though, but she's definitely not as forthcoming as she used to be. The blonde finds it hilarious. She doesn't understand why Mandy made such a big deal out of a simple movie choice. It's not like she's never split up for a movie before. Whenever she goes with the boys, Cook and Freddie end up in one room while JJ and she end up in another. It's not like Emily chose her over the tall brunette or anything, she chose a movie and that's it.

She's telling Freddie exactly that one night they're standing outside the boy's den smoking a spliff casually.

"It's just childish you know?" she explains her voice thick with smoke as she hands the spliff to her friend.

He takes a slow drag, his eyes squinted as if he needs to be concentrated for this, and lets the smoke go and looks at her.

"I don't know D'Art…" he starts carefully. "You sure there was nothing for Mandy to get jealous about?"

"Of course there wasn't!" Naomi huffs.

"Yeah? Cause I don't mean to be a prick, but since you've started hanging out with Emily again it's all you talk about"

"Is not…" The blonde defends, crossing her arms across her chest. "Is it?" she asks after a pause.

"Sort of is" he nods, taking another drag. "And I don't give a shit or anything, but like, if there's something there, there's something there ya know? It's normal for other people to get jealous"

"But there's nothing" Naomi assures.

"You sure about that?"

"Course I am… Why would you think I wasn't?"

"You haven't dated anyone in a while"

"I haven't _met_ anyone" she defends rapidly.

"If you say so mate. I'm just observing"

She's annoyed with the tall boy, but she doesn't want to show it. She doesn't even know why she's so annoyed with him. She can understand that he'd think that of hers and Emily's relationship, but it isn't like that. Okay, so maybe she hasn't dated anyone in a while, but she could. She definitely could. And so could Emily.

"We could you know" she says. "Date other people. We both could and it'd be totally alright"

Freddie nods and tosses the spliff away. He looks at her and Naomi feels a bit self-conscious, but then he smiles gently and she feels relieved. He's not trying to make her uncomfortable, she knows he's not, he's just looking out for her. So she uncrosses her arms and shuffles over until she's leaning her head on his torso, his arm secured around her shoulders. He smells of laundry and spliff and spices and it's all Naomi needs right now.

"I think I will" She announces and they both know what she means.

"I think you should" he whispers and they both notice he sounds guilty.

;;

It's not a long time after that she starts dating Daphne. It's a good thing. Daphne is pretty, with shoulder length black hair and pale green eyes. She's nice too and smart, has a lot of ambitions and a love of large earrings of any kind. They don't really have anything in common, but it's not that bad, not as bad as Naomi thought it would be when she'd first met the girl.

When she tells Emily, the redhead is surprised, but she's also genuinely happy for the blonde. Naomi's not sure if this is a victory or a defeat. She doesn't know why she doesn't know though.

They see less of each other for a while, Emily and her. They still hang out of course, but they don't have as much time as they did before. Naomi spends more time with Daphne and it's understandable. Still, at least once a week she takes the time to go for coffee with Emily or to another exhibition. The amount of time they spend in museums is actually outrageous and Naomi seriously thinks Emily makes her go to the weirdest exhibitions to test her snarky commentary abilities. Test or not, Naomi is certain her abilities are top notch.

She introduces Daphne to her lads and she's a bit nervous, but, after Micah, her boys are pretty much ready to accept anyone. She's a bit unsettled though when JJ admits that he thinks that, perhaps, she is too. She defends it immediately of course, because that's who she is. But when things with Daphne don't exactly go as easily as they should, Naomi reckons JJ might have had a point.

;;

She whines to Emily, of all people, about it when Daphne seems to be giving her the cold shoulder one day after a fight they had. The blonde thinks she doesn't deserve someone as kind and selfless as Emily Fitch in her life when the redhead just listens to her and gives her sound advice on how to talk to Daphne.

;;

It's not exactly a surprise when things with the black haired girl turn sour and they decide it's best not to keep seeing each other. What is a surprise though is that Naomi does feel a bit shit when it happens. She's not depressed or anything and it's nothing to how she felt after things ended with Micah, but she's still a bit blue and it's annoying.

But of all things surprising, what really, ultimately gets her happens on a night of hang out with Emily. They're in the library, the very one they first met in, and they're checking books. It's not for school though, so neither of them is that attentive, showing each other their interesting or funny finds once in a while. They've been there for a while when Emily decides to question Naomi about Daphne.

"So… how are things going with Daph?" she asks casually.

"Hum… actually… they aren't going any longer" Naomi admits, her cheeks reddening.

"What? Oh no Naoms! I'm so sorry!" Emily exclaims turning around to put a hand on the blonde's shoulder.

Naomi shrugs it off though because she's not that bad, really, and she doesn't want Emily's sympathy. She really doesn't deserve it. Still, the redhead looks sincerely sad for her, almost to the point of worry.

"It's okay Ems" She assures. "I promise it's fine"

She smiles at her, but Emily only barely responds, her eyebrows in an uncharacteristic frown.

"What's up with you?" The blonde asks. "I'm really fine! You don't need to worry"

"It's not… I believe you…"

"What is it then?"

"It's nothing. Forget it" Emily says quickly before turning around.

Naomi grabs her arm though and makes her face her.

"Ems… You're absolutely horrible at lying. Seriously, I reckon Big bird is a better liar than you are. So just... tell me"

Emily's frown worsen and she starts chewing on her bottom lip, but the blonde stares her down and never let's go of her arm. She gives the redhead an encouraging smile and Emily sighs.

"It's just… I really didn't think things wouldn't work with Daphne! I mean… It's such bad timing and it's not even important so…"

"Emily…" Naomi says slowly, her confusion growing by the second.

"I… I met someone" the redhead admits with a look that is half gleeful and half guilty.

Naomi let's her arm go right away.

"Oh?" she says, her mouth forming a perfect circle.

She lets herself wonder for a second why the petite thinks it matters that she's newly single. Why she hesitated to tell her about this new person just because Naomi is single. Could Emily mean…? Does the other still… like her? She can't help but notice how her heart picks up a bit faster at the thought.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know you had just broken up and here I come with my love announcement! I feel like shit!" Emily explains fast. "I don't want to like rub my brand new relationship in your face!"

The blonde nods with a tight lipped smile, because, of course, that's why Emily cared. She wants to scoffs at herself for even thinking for a second that the redhead wasn't over them.

"So you've got a girlfriend" Naomi states.

"Yeah" Emily confirms with a nod and a smile.

"And she makes you happy?"

"Yeah"

"Well… That's good Ems, I'm really happy for you" she manages to articulate.

She's not sure if she sounds sincere, hell, she's not sure if she _is _sincere, but she wants to be for Emily's sake. The next second, she's got the petite's arms around her neck and is pulled down in a hug.

"Thank you… I'm really sorry about you and Daphne" Emily mutters.

"Yeah… me too" Naomi replies.

Only, she's not sure what she's really sorry for anymore and she's not sure she wants the answer to that particular question.

.

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**So that is that! Any good? Still interested? Happy weekend to everyone. **


	7. PART II: Chapter 3 Don't Forget me

**A/N: Hi! A bit ahead of schedule (one day yeah!)! But the writing is going well so I figured I could post today anyway! Thank you so much for the response to the last chapter! It's much appreciated. I know it's not such an easy story and I know things are complicated, but I'm glad some of you still find that quite entertaining! Here's the newest chapter, hope you enjoy! **

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PART: II

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Chapter 3: Don't Forget Me

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She's not jealous. She really isn't. She knows she's feeling a lot of things, but jealousy isn't one of them. When she's pushing aside the stubborn feeling of what _isn't_ jealousy, her stupid brain tries to say that she's upset. But she's not upset either. She's surprised, that, she is. She's surprised that she didn't know until now. She's also curious, curious to see this new girl in Emily's life. And no, she's not curious because she's jealous, for fuck's sake. She's just curious because that's human nature.

And there's nothing wrong with human nature. Nothing wrong at all. Even if it's not perfect, it's always excusable because it is what it is. And you can't change human nature so why even try?

The more Naomi repeats things like that in her head, the more they start to sound phony. She's not sure why though. Okay, so maybe she's a bit uncomfortable with the idea that Emily has a girlfriend, but it has nothing to do with jealousy, it really hasn't, so why can't her brain leave her alone? It's more that she's never heard of the girl before and suddenly she's Emily's girlfriend. That's more what's concerning her a bit.

She doesn't want to judge yet she can't help finding it weird. Is that really how things happen? Did she just meet this girl out of nowhere and then what? They fell in love? And really, Naomi always considered herself to be close to the redhead and now she's not so sure anymore. She doesn't understand why Emily didn't tell her she was seeing someone in the first place. She doesn't understand why that bothers her so much either.

Of course, now Emily has told her and Naomi tries to be as subtle as she can with how that makes her feel. She doesn't want to be mad at the other girl, doesn't want Emily to know she's upset at all. Because it's silly and childish and the blonde knows she's guilty of getting worked up for ridiculous reasons a bit too often and she doesn't want to do it now. She wants to think she's a lot more mature than that- even if she doesn't feel particularly mature now.

So when Emily suggests that she joins her and her friends one evening for drinks, Naomi accepts. It's not, like, official or anything, like Emily will introduce her particularly to her girlfriend. It's just a hang out and she's invited and she'll meet the girlfriend in the process. It feels a lot more easy-going to put it that way. Besides, there's absolutely no reason why meeting Emily's girlfriend should feel any kind of official. She's not family or anything. And she's not Emily's ex either so she's not sure why she feels so nervous about the whole thing. The fact that she doesn't understand it doesn't keep her from being nervous altogether.

Emily's friends are supposed to meet at 9h00 at a local pub, but Naomi doesn't go there for that time. She doesn't want to be too early, doesn't want to be one of the first people there. Naomi is already pushing out of her comfort zone by going in the first place, she doesn't need to be the centre of attention. Also, she doesn't exactly want to be left with _just_ Emily and the new girlfriend because that would feel way too much like playing third wheel and Naomi doesn't want that at all.

So she gets there by 10h30 and when she steps in she spots a small crowd at the back of the bar gathered around a few pool tables. She sees Emily amongst them, her hair as bright red as ever and a huge smile plastered on her face. She's a hard sight to miss, if she's honest, Emily does shine brighter than anyone she's ever met. Naomi observes her from a distance a few seconds and feels her chest tightening when a tall girl with long brown hair settles next to the petite, casually placing an arm around the other girl's waist. The blonde has already figured out that this must be the almighty girlfriend, but she's confirmed of the fact when Emily leans up to press a kiss to the brunette's lips. It's silly, but it's then that Naomi realizes that she's never actually seen Emily kiss anyone before. She realizes that she's the only one she's ever seen be close to the redhead at all. She thinks that it should definitely not feel that weird seeing Emily with someone else since she has no claim on the girl.

She gulps slowly and makes her way over. It doesn't take long before Emily sees her and she waves her over energetically. A bit too energetically actually, especially when the redhead runs towards her and grabs her in a tight hug.

"Naomi!" She exclaims happily and the blonde notices that she's slurring her words a little.

When she looks at her, she also notices that her pupils are a ridiculously big. She chuckles then because Emily is clearly pissed.

"Here, I want you to meet my girlfriend" Emily says happily, grabbing Naomi's hand and lacing their fingers together.

It's with a small pang that the blonde notices how well their hands fit together. She doesn't dwell on it much though because Emily tugs her to the tall brunette and lets go of her hand altogether when they get there. Also, why would she dwell on that to begin with? She's not fucking jealous.

"Naomi, I want you to meet Alexia! Lexy, this is my friend Naomi"

The blonde is surprised then by how genuine a smile she gets from Alexia. The girl extends a hand and shakes Naomi's and all the while, there's this smile on her lips that just can't be anything but sincere. This girl has no reason to dislike her and Naomi realizes that she's got no reason to dislike her as well. At least so far she doesn't.

"It's nice to finally meet you" Alexia says and her tone is just as pleasant as her smile.

"Yeah, nice to meet you too" Naomi nods.

She tries to give off a smile that's as welcoming and enthusiastic as the brunette's, but knowing herself it probably isn't. She must do a decent enough job though because Alexia doesn't seem bothered and neither does Emily. But perhaps Emily is just too drunk to mind anything tonight.

"Where's your drink?" the redhead exclaims when she notices Naomi is empty handed.

"I just got here Ems" the blonde replies with a chuckle.

"But you need a drink!" The petite pushes, her face falling like the fact that Naomi has no drink is the most outrageous thing she's ever heard of.

Both Naomi and Alexia start laughing then and Emily just seems confuse.

"What?" She asks, her face scrounged up in a serious frown.

"You're so cute when you're drunk" Alexia mutters before leaning towards Emily and kissing the frown out of her face.

It takes half a second for the redhead to readjust her head and catch her girlfriend's lips with hers. They start snogging energetically then and Naomi's amusement disappears. She averts her eyes and decides to make her way to the bar. A drink sounds exactly like what she needs at the moment. Besides, the two girls next to her won't miss her presence.

She gets 10 quids out of her pocket and waits for the barman to notice her, her elbows propped on the counter. She looks at the bottles of alcohol on the wall with a bored expression until her gaze reaches a mirror and she catches a glimpse of Emily and her girlfriend still sucking face behind her. She lets out a sigh and shakes her head slightly, because it's frustrating that the sight bothers her. Not jealous.

"You're Naomi right?" A voice says next to her and she turns around.

It's not that she expected anything when she decided to face the voice, but Naomi is still pretty surprised when she's met with penetrating cerulean eyes that seem to ooze of boredom and confidence. What's a bit more unsettling is that the mysterious eyes belong to an equally mysterious girl. Or at least that's how it feels to Naomi in that instant where this stranger just happens to know her name and she doesn't know shit about her.

"Huh... I am, and you are?" she asks cautiously.

"I'm Effy" the girl provides simply and it clicks then.

She's Effy, Emily's Effy, as in best mate Effy.

"Oh! The best mate?" Naomi says with a smile.

"The one and only" the other girl confirms. "And you're _the_ Naomi" she continues cryptically.

"Well I'm Naomi alright... not sure if I deserve a title though"

"Oh you do" Effy says with a smirk and the blonde isn't sure how to feel about that.

She doesn't even know if it's a good thing that Effy seems to know who she is. She's not sure it's a good at all that she has a title. To be fair, it's to be expected though. Of course Emily's best friend would know who she is after what happened between them. Yet, she's not entirely sure it's reassuring that she does. And really, it would only be fair that Effy dislikes her for what happened. Hell, she partly dislikes herself for it as well. But at least, she knows how messed up she was so she can cut herself some slack. She's not sure the intriguing brunette will be so indulgent with her.

The barman comes eventually and Naomi orders. Effy stays silent next to her and it's totally unnerving. She's still wondering if she'll get bullied or befriended and, honestly, either one is fine as long as she can know now. The blonde never really was patient. Still, she's sure anyone in her position would positively fret so it's not just her this time.

"Jesus Christ" Effy says after a while. "Could you be any more nervous?"

"Wh-what?" Naomi struggles to say because she doesn't think she's been that obvious.

"I can practically hear your thoughts and if you keep chewing on that bottom lip so much, there won't be any left soon. So just, calm down, will you? You're giving me a headache"

"I huh... sorry?"

Effy nods and shrugs at the same time though.

"Look, I'm not going to bite your head off" the brunette says.

"Really?"

"Really. You were a cunt, that's a given, but we all are sometimes"

It's Naomi's turn to nod and she can't help feeling a bit relieved. What Effy is giving her isn't approval, but it's not hatred either. It's something in between that would probably be confusing to most, but it's something she can deal with. A lot more than full on hatred at least. She's not a very good fighter so even if Effy is ridiculously skinny, if she decided to rough her up, the brunette would probably win. Of course, Naomi would try to go down with charm and dignity, but she would much rather deal with uncertain tension then a fist to the face regardless.

After that, they both join the rest of the group. Emily is properly ecstatic when she sees the two of them together. She introduces them as if they haven't just done it themselves and neither Naomi nor Effy says anything about it. Honestly, the redhead is way too chipper to contradict tonight.

Against all odds, Naomi doesn't exactly hate her time with the group at first. Everyone is pretty nice and even if her abilities to mingle are poor, she doesn't do as badly as she thought she would. The night starts being a bit shit though about two hours later when Emily is so drunk that everything she seems to want to do is snog her girlfriend's face off. Effy has disappeared somewhere a while ago and everyone else seems to be busy. So Naomi has absolutely nothing better to do than sit there and nurse a drink. She tries not to look at Emily too often, but her stare keep being dragged back inevitably.

Her heart feels heavy every time she catches them trading their heated snog for sweet delicate kisses. She can't deny that they both look pretty smitten with each other. After anticipating the night so much and after her brain bullying her into believing she's jealous, Naomi is shocked when what she feels is loneliness. She looks at Emily again and feels a pang deep inside her heart. She crosses her arms in front of her chest as if that will protect her from the feelings that are invading her.

She thinks of Daphne a bit then. She thinks of how they weren't all bad together and how they were even fun sometimes. She reminds herself of some evenings they spent cuddled together and she thinks it's really a shame it ended. She really tries not to stare at Emily and Alexia, but it's proving harder than she thought it would. They look so happy that it's a bit nauseating. At least it is to her.

She's not mad at the redhead though for being happy. She could never be mad at her. Not for that. Even if she's feeling positively depressed in that instant, she could never hold it against Emily. Naomi takes the time to look at her then, really look at her for what maybe is the first time this evening if it's not the first time ever. She really has a gorgeous smile that's for sure. And her eyes are so bright, so full of joy that Naomi can't help feeling even more lonely. She remembers a time where she'd hang out with the redhead and she'd look at her with similar eyes. Now though, she's not. And Alexia actually looks at Emily the same way.

It's mostly because of that that Naomi decides to leave. That and also because the crippling feeling of loneliness that's been crawling under her skin all evening has finally settled in a way that makes her feel like it's drained all her life force. So she gets up to leave. She considers going over to say goodbye for a minute, but in the end she doesn't. She doesn't want to interrupt and she knows she would. She also knows that no matter how drunk Emily might be, there's no way she'd miss the emptiness Naomi knows has taken place in her eyes. She doesn't want the redhead to worry about her, she just wants her to keep being this happy at least for the night. So she makes sure she's got all her stuff and leaves as if she was never here in the first place. It's better that way.

;;

She doesn't hear from Emily as much as she used to. They text each other now and then, but the redhead doesn't have that much time to hang out. It's okay though, Naomi doesn't blame her. Besides, the feeling of loneliness that invaded her the last time she saw the petite is still firmly lodged deep in her heart and it doesn't make her want to see the new couple too often. She can't imagine it growing any bigger, she'd really rather not.

By default, but also because she wants to, she spends more time with the boys after that. It feels nice to be with them most nights again and it's definitely hilarious when Cook and Freddie manage to convince her to go on a pulling contest, well on the kissing part of a pulling contest. She doesn't exactly participate seriously, but it takes her mind off being alone and kissing pretty girls is not something she actually minds. JJ is a bit worried for her though because Naomi thinks he's the only one who sees that she's not enjoying the snogging of strangers as much as the other two are. So when JJ ends up asking her about it, she's expecting it.

"Why do you do it Naomi? Because, correct me if I'm wrong, but I am under the impression that this kind of behaviour does not suit your personality as much as it may suit Cook's or even Freddie's."

"It's just a laugh Jay, don't get you knickers in a twist" she tries to reassure him.

"I don't mean to make a big deal out of it, but I am concerned about how this may affect you if you continue. It's not you Naoms... No matter how much you may want to deny it, you're the type of personality that always seeks serious relationships rather than meaningless flings"

"No I'm not!" the blonde argues. "I've never even been in a serious relationship"

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean it's not what you're looking for" JJ presses.

She chews on her bottom lip and considers his words for a moment. He does have a point, she thinks, when she reminds herself of this hollow feeling in her stomach. She does feel lonely most days still and she just wishes she could meet someone that mattered. But she doesn't need anyone either, she doesn't need anybody and the idea that she might terrifies her more than anything ever has. She's best left on her own, it's safer that way.

"Look... I'm not saying meeting someone wouldn't be nice, but... I just don't think it's really what I want right now. I'm good on my own Jay, yeah? It's working for me" she says with a firm nod.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"Does this have anything to do with Emily being in a relationship now?" JJ questions bluntly.

"What? No!" Naomi exclaims. "Of course not! Jesus! What is up with you lads? When will you get it? Emily and I are _friends_. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm _happy_ for her"

"If you're sure..."

"I'm sure, I promise"

"Good then"

"Yeah, good"

;;

She reckons JJ talked to Cook and Freddie after their conversation because none of her boys mention that she might not be okay with Emily's new status again. She's glad for it too. She doesn't need them questioning her so much. She doesn't need them making her look like some kind of lovesick puppy when she really isn't. She's decided a long time ago that Emily and her would be friends and she's not regretting this decision. No matter what her friends are saying, she knows she made the right one. And for Christ sake's there no way she's fucking jealous.

;;

Naomi ends up hanging out with Emily and Alexia again two weeks after the first night out. It turns out Alexia is a barmaid so they all go to her bar to get a few drinks. What's really nice is that it ends up being mostly on the house. They sit together, the three of them with a few friends of Alexia's, and it's more comfortable than the last time. For one, Emily and the brunette aren't as physical and Naomi thinks it's a good thing if it helps keeping her loneliness at bay.

The evening is quiet and everything goes fine. Alexia is actually really nice and smart enough. She's fun to be around and Naomi can sort of understand what Emily sees in her. The brunette is personally not really her type, but that hardly matters. What matters is that she seems to be exactly what Emily wants and that's what the blonde repeats to herself when she goes to bed that night.

;;

Naomi finally gets some time to hang out with the redhead on her own another week after that. They decide to go to the movies because it's been far too long and there's a documentary they both want to see. They meet in front of the theatre and the blonde can't help sniggering when Emily greets her with a "I'm starving!"

"Bloody typical" she snorts and shakes her head. "Why didn't you eat before leaving?"

"I did" Emily defends and Naomi doesn't even question that statement.

She probably did, but Emily's stomach is a bottomless pit of never ending hunger. They go to a small sandwich shop across the street nevertheless and the redhead buys some vegetarian thing that looks like cow food to Naomi. Which obviously she makes a point of telling Emily all the way until they're seated.

"Will you stop!" the petite says with a bright smile.

"But it does! Just look at it! I can't believe you're going to eat that"

"Better believe it soon!" Emily shots back before taking the sandwich from her bag and removing it from its cellophane.

She takes an energetic bite of it and makes a big show of moaning as she chews. Naomi laughs, but she also feels her cheeks reddening when she realizes that she's not that unfamiliar with the other girl's moans. She feels guilty for remembering them so well. She's brought out of her dirty thoughts a few seconds later though because the man who's sitting in front of them suddenly turns around and tuts loudly.

"Yes? Can I help you with something?" She snaps as she takes in with disgust his greasy hair and oval glasses.

"No" he says quickly. "This is a quiet cinema and you are disgraceful young women. You are not allowed to eat in here"

Naomi raises her eyebrow real loud before she shots back:

"Yeah? So go fuck yourself! Tosser"

The man looks properly offended and Emily clasps a hand to her mouth to stop herself from laughing. The blonde just stares the man down with the sweetest fake smile she can muster.

"The smell is bothering me" the man says irritably.

"It's cow food! It doesn't smell, or taste, like anything! Ouch" Naomi says with a snort as Emily punches her shoulder.

The man doesn't try to engage them after that though and it's much better. Emily gives her an amused look too and Naomi really can't help feeling like she's accomplished something even though she didn't really.

Still, as the movie starts and they both fall quiet, the blonde continues to be pleased. The feeling isn't replaced either when they subtly throw left over peppers from Emily's sandwich to the man's back and try to muffle their laughter. The feeling isn't replaced when they exit the cinema much later and discuss the scenes and facts they've just seen and learned. The feeling is definitely not replaced when Emily starts talking passionately and touches the blonde every time she's got a new point to explain. The feeling does dissipates though when the redhead gets a phone call from Alexia and a huge smile spreads across her lips. The feeling feels properly gone when, a few minutes later, Emily mutters a sweet and loving goodbye to the brunette and announces that she has to go home. She hugs Naomi close to her chest before going though and that makes the blonde feel better. She still thinks it shouldn't though.

;;

She meets her on a quiet Wednesday morning. There's absolutely nothing special about it either. The sky is cloudy and grey and it will most certainly rain later, but it's not dark grey so it won't be that bad. There's a fair amount of people around the school even if it's pretty early and Naomi even has a steaming cup of decent coffee in her hands so she could be a lot worse off.

Her morning class is sociology and although it's not her favourite, it's not her worse class either. The teacher is competent enough even though he often goes into wanky philosophical speeches about the nature of humanity. Her classmates are pleasant, or at least there's no one in her class she absolutely cannot stand, which is quite rare.

So although the morning could be better, like spent in bed lazing around, it's not a total waste of her time. When the teacher announces a group project though, Naomi thinks the day has just turned for the worst. She hates group project, like properly despise them. It's not that she doesn't want to discuss ideas and is that much of a control freak, it's just that, most of the time, she doesn't even get to discuss ideas because asking her project partners for ideas is like asking Hitler for compassion. It just doesn't happen often and when it does, it's so unexpected that it's frightening.

She knows she'll have to do it though. It's not like group projects are optional. She fucking wishes they were. As the teacher goes on explaining the project, Naomi starts the usual dance of looking at everyone around her. It almost feels like a mating game in the way everyone is doing it. She can see smiles and mouthed invitations from quite a few people in the room, but obviously, none comes her way. It's not surprising though, she mostly keeps to herself and, well, she's not the most inviting person as it is.

When the teacher finally officially lets them choose their partners, the blonde is already sighing in defeat. She's fully expecting to be stuck with the class rejects when someone approaches her after a minute or so.

"Excuse me?" the person says in a soft voice that is definitely feminine.

Naomi turns around to look at the girl and immediately recognizes her. Well, recognizes that she's in this class that is, because the blonde is quite sure they've never spoken before. Still though, Naomi has definitely noticed her before and it would be quite hard not to because the other girl is pretty freaking gorgeous with her light brown hair, dazzling hazel eyes, slightly tanned skin and teeth commercial perfect white smile.

"Yeah?" Naomi says as nicely as she can.

It's always a surprise to the blonde when she genuinely wants to be nice to someone. Although by now she should know she always feels a lot more amiable when pretty girls are involved. She's such a fucking lezzer it's pathetic.

"My friends and I are short one person for the project" the girl explains. "Are you with anyone?"

Naomi takes the time to look at the small group the brunette pointed, but she's already nodding.

"Yeah sure. I mean no, i'm not with anyone"

"Great" the girl says, her really perfect smile widening. "Well, how about you come over so we can talk?"

"Of course" Naomi says getting up and following the other girl.

"I'm Sasha by the way" the brunette introduces herself.

Naomi can't help thinking it's a nice name.

"I'm Naomi"

"Very nice to meet you Naomi" the other girl says with a slight blush.

"Likewise" the blonde replies feeling her own cheeks heat up.

She doesn't know why this girl suddenly makes her nervous, but she does. Her heart is beating a bit faster and her mouth feels dry. She sits with the group and they all introduce themselves. If Naomi didn't have such a good memory, she's sure she'd forget all their names except Sahsa's. It's a good thing she's got a good memory though, because it's not just impolite to forget everyone on your project team, it's also embarrassing.

During the time they spend talking and preparing their work for the project, two things happen. For one, she's shocked that she actually managed to land in a group of people that have ideas and good ones at that. It's a freaking relief that she didn't just get tricked into being with total idiots by a pretty face. She'd definitely have felt betrayed by her lesbianism if it had been the case. Secondly, speaking of the brunette, Naomi finds herself looking at her pretty often. It's hard not too because that perfect smile of hers is definitely attention worthy, but it's a bit unnerving as well. The blonde hasn't found anyone this interesting in a very long time. Actually, she's pretty sure the only person who can maintain such interest from her in her life at the moment is Emily and that's different because Emily is just Emily, they're friends. This new girl, Sasha, she doesn't know her, has never talked to her before, yet, Naomi wants to. And that totally scares her.

By the end of the class, her teammates and she exchange cell numbers so they'll be able to contact each other if need be. When Sasha gives her her number, she does so with a shy smile.

"You can text me anytime... If you have questions about the project or... well... you can just text me or call me"

Naomi nods dumbly at that because both the blush on the brunette's cheeks and her words make it sound like perhaps Sasha wouldn't mind if the blonde called her for more than the project. As Naomi leaves the classroom, she can't help thinking that she doesn't know if she will though. She's not sure she read the situation right to begin with since she just doesn't know the other girl and, even if she did, she doesn't know if she wants to date anyone just yet. She doesn't know why she's hesitating so much. A flash of red comes across her mind and she frowns, not sure what that means either. So she pushes both the flash and Sasha out of her mind. She really doesn't need to make a decision right now, does she?

;;

Hanging out with Emily and Alexia becomes something Naomi does a bit too often in her opinion. It's not that she doesn't like Alexia, because she still likes her alright, but she misses spending time with Emily on her own. Still, it's pretty much all she can get at the moment so she takes it. The blonde doesn't want to be too greedy if it means she doesn't get to see Emily if she is. Besides, they're still a pretty new couple so Naomi wants to think she understands how they're always together.

They go out for drinks at Alexia's bar again one night and the evening really does start out fine. Effy isn't there and there's only two extra friends of the brunette present. By then, Naomi knows them a bit so it's not awkward and there's a pool table so she can pretend to be very invested in a game whenever she has nothing to say.

The first game changer for the night comes when Naomi goes to the bar to order a pint and Emily follows her.

"Hey!" the redhead says happily. "I'm dry too"

"Well you've come to the right spot I reckon"

"I reckon you're right!"

Naomi smiles brightly and feels happier than she's felt in a while now. She doesn't know what it is about the redhead that warms up her heart. She also notices that she feels a tinniest bit less lonely in that instant. The barmaid comes up to them shortly after that and they both order. They continue to chit chat and laugh a little until the barmaid comes back with their orders. The woman has barely placed their drinks in front of them before she addresses them.

"Did you plan it?" she says.

Naomi frowns and looks at Emily for explanation, but the petite looks just as confused as she feels.

"Your outfits" the barmaid provides obviously noticing their confused expressions. "It looks like you matched them"

Naomi and Emily exchange a look and it's only then that they notice that they do match a bit. It's nothing huge, but they're both wearing black t-shirts, Emily's tight and Naomi's loose. But what really makes them match is the fact that Naomi has a long red necklace and red bracelets around her neck and wrists and Emily's t-shirt has a bright yellow design on it. They both chuckle a bit when they notice.

"Couldn't help, but notice" the barmaid adds. "You guys are like the perfect match"

And with that she goes to help another client. Naomi feels stunned though and doesn't dare look at Emily after that statement. When she hears the redhead clear her throat though she chances a look and sees that the petite's ears and cheeks are as bright as her hair. Naomi gulps slowly suddenly feeling very nervous. She doesn't know what she's supposed to say to that. The blonde is pretty sure Emily is thinking just like she is about that one time they were told they looked great together. She's not sure what comment she's supposed to make though so instead, she grabs her pint and chugs a good portion of it. It seems to be what brings Emily out of her bubble and she grabs her own drink before walking back to the pool table, back to her girlfriend, without saying a word to the blonde at all. Naomi doesn't know what to make of it, so she drinks again.

That's pretty much how a good part of the night goes. After the barmaid's comment, there seems to be a tension that settled between them and Naomi hates it. She doesn't know how to deal with it though, especially not when Emily's way of dealing seems to be by sticking to her girlfriend's side as much as she possibly can. So the blonde, for her part, drinks.

It's a bad idea any way you look at it. It always is. But that doesn't stop Naomi from doing it. There's a lot of things like that in one life that you do because you just do and not because it's a good idea or particularly clever. So it doesn't take that much time before Naomi is feeling pretty fucking tipsy. She stops when she's at that point though. She at least remembers that. The problem is though that it's already a bit too late. It's too late because her tongue is loosened and it should be. Not when it leads to what turns the night into a disaster.

Naomi has just come back from the washroom when it happens. She walks in the direction of their table and spots Emily alone at the bar, a few quids in hand. She doesn't even hesitate before chaging her direction and heading towards the redhead.

"Emilyyyy" She slurs when she's level with the other girl.

The petite turns around and gives her a tense smile that quickly turns into a highly amused smirk when she spots Naomi's glossy eyes and unsure steps.

"Well hello there Naoms. Someone looks pretty off themselves" she teases.

"Nonsense!" The blonde defends self-righteously. "I'm fineee"

"Course you are" Emily snorts with an eye roll.

Naomi giggles as well just because she can and just because she feels good now that Emily is there and talking to her. She doesn't know what else to say so she scans the room for a topic of conversation, anything that will give her a reason to stay with the petite. Her eyes settle on the other girl's hands and that's what she chooses to talk about.

"Jesus Ems!" She says grabbing Emily's hand with hers. "You have tiny baby hands!"

"No I don't" The redhead says.

She tries to snatch her hand away, but Naomi holds onto her fingers until she relents.

"You do!" She exclaims adamantly. "Like tiny baby palms with freakishly long fingers!"

"What?!" Emily asks with a laugh.

"Look! It's true" the blonde continues, placing her hand against the petite's. "My palm is way bigger than yours, but our fingers nearly arrived at the same place. Freakishly long fingers, I'm telling you"

Emily laughs and tries to take her hand back, but Naomi laces their fingers together nonchalantly. If she was sober, she'd be mortified that she seems to want to maintain some kind of physical connection with the redhead, but she's not sober so she doesn't care.

"Don't look so offended Ems, long fingers are a good thing when you're a lesbian" Naomi teases as Emily bursts out laughing.

"You did not just say that" She says through her chuckles.

The blonde has to admit she's pretty pleased of herself for making Emily laugh so much. She's pleased with herself and she can't help grinning. This moment feels like the best of the night and it's probably because it's just them and because she can smell Emily's perfume when she's close to her like that. It's most definitely the alcohol in her blood that makes her say what she says next though. She feels so good that she can't see that nothing good will come out of it. She just wants to ask so she does.

"Hey Ems..." she starts in a much softer and more serious voice.

The petite lifts her gaze and their eyes lock automatically, as if it's the most natural of things. It kind of is, Naomi thinks.

"Do you still find me charming?" The blonde asks and she knows it's a mistake the second the words are out.

Emily freezes instantly and Naomi feels powerless as her eyes widen in horror. The next second, the redhead has clocked herself out of her frozen stupor and snapped her hand back from Naomi's. Her eyes don't look scared anymore, but angry. She's furious and the blonde can only gulp slowly.

"Why did you fucking say that?" Emily snaps.

"I huh... I.." Naomi mumbles helplessly.

The redhead doesn't say anything else, but stares the blonde down, her eyes still so full of anger and turmoil.

"It's just a question" she feels the need to defend herself.

"It's a stupid one" the petite sneers.

"Well answer it if it's that stupid" Naomi challenges and that probably makes the redhead even more angry.

"I'm not answering that"

"Why not? It's just a question! I don't know what the big deal is"

Emily turns away from her and doesn't say a thing and Naomi frowns in confusion. It's not that big a deal is it? She doesn't know why Emily seems so affected by such a simple question.

"Just answer Ems, I'm curious is all... Like I'm single and I just want to know if I'm still charming you know? To like... get a girlfriend someday perhaps" she explains.

The redhead sends her a look that's half angered and half hurt then.

"I'm not answering it Naomi, just drop it" she says, her tone a lot more quiet then moments ago.

"Look, if the answer's no, just say it! I won't mind, promise! Just be honest!" the blonde pushes.

"Stop it!" Emily snaps.

"Stop what? Just answer"

"No. Fucking drop it Naomi"

Her tone sounds so final that the blonde doesn't add anything. She feels disappointed that the redhead won't just answer her question. She feels that it's unfair that Emily seems to be so mad at her for so little. Also, she doesn't really know why, but she feels hurt that the other girl refuses to answer this one question for her. She's not sure what she wanted Emily to say, but nothing wasn't it.

"Well I'll take that as a no then" she says bitterly.

The petite shoots her a deadly look then, her jaw firmly set.

"Right" Emily sneers. "Just choose whatever answer suits you, why don't you? You're so good at that anyway, aren't you Naoms?"

It's Naomi's jaw that stiffens this time.

"What? Am I making the wrong conclusions then?" she asks an eyebrow raised.

Emily narrows her eyes and holds her stare for a moment before breaking their staring contest and fixing something else stubbornly.

"Thought not" Naomi huffs before turning away towards the exit. "Think I'll go" she says and when Emily doesn't say anything, she just leaves.

She doesn't stop being mad for a long time, but when she does, it conveniently matches the time where she becomes sober again. She regrets it almost instantly, regrets ever asking that stupid question in the first place, but mostly regret pushing the matter with Emily. She goes to bed after only bothering to take off her bra and jeans and when her head falls on the pillow and her eyes close, all she can see is Emily's angry eyes.

She doesn't know how things will be in the morning, but she can't help the fear from building in her chest, squeezing at her lungs. She knows her sleep will be fretful if she gets any, but there's little she can do tonight. There's possibly little she will be able to do in the morning. She knows the mistake is done now and nothing she can say will erase it.

.

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**A/N: I know this is not where most of you wanted this to go and I guess I'm sorry for that! But just bear with me please, it's going somewhere and not just to the world of heartbreaks :P There's still a whole Part left after all! Next chp is the end of Part II and after that the story will launch into it's final Part :) Hope you can trust me till we get there! Feedback? Please? Thanks! xx**


	8. PART II: Chapter 4 Don't Ignore me

**A/N: I'm not gonna lie, I'm kind of proud of myself right now! Not exactly because I'm that proud of this chapter, but mostly because it's the longest I've written so far AND it took me 4 days between the last one and this one to update! I'm quite glad with that. :) So here is the final chapter of Part II. It's a bit heavy, but I hope you'll enjoy it regardless. Remember there's an entire Part after that alright? Alright! **

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PART: II

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Chapter 4: Don't Ignore Me

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They never actually mention that they're drifting apart, but they are. It's a month after the last night at Alexia's bar and Naomi still wonders if perhaps she should have apologized. Part of her thinks that maybe she should have. Especially if that would make her closer to Emily now, but the other, more stubborn part of her, refuses to do so. She's still convinced she didn't do anything wrong and still thinks it's not her fault if the redhead was uncomfortable.

She doesn't really discuss it with Cook, Freddie and JJ. They don't mention Emily often anymore anyway. Not since she told JJ that she wanted them to stop harassing her with the topic. She's glad for it too, glad that they don't mention how they barely see each other anymore. They've talked since that night, of course they have, but it was quite brief.

Naomi doesn't like to dwell on it though. She doesn't want to think about it because, when she does, she often finds that she misses the other girl. She misses a lot of things about Emily actually. She misses how easy it used to be with her, she misses the jokes, she misses the playful shoves and nudges. She even misses the nights out at the museums. She never goes anymore, not alone, not with anyone. Some days, she tells herself she's not interested in any exhibitions at the moment and on others, she realises that she just doesn't want to go if she can't make fun of everything with Emily afterwards. She misses the petite's appetite and the way she scrunches her face when she's about to sneeze. She knows all these simple details that she misses can be described as missing Emily in general. She guesses she _does _miss her in general. She misses her presence, misses her friend. She's not entirely sure it's just that, but she doesn't want to dwell on that either.

The more time goes by without a lot of Emily's presence around her, the more Naomi finds replacements for it. She makes a few acquaintances at school that aren't part of Mandy's recruited crew- not that she even sees Mandy, or Sophia for that matter, around anymore. Most of all though, with more free time on her hands than she actually cares for, Naomi finds that she's slowly growing closer to her sociology classmate Sasha.

It's actually quite practical and easy at first since they have a huge project to do together, but as the weeks pass, it becomes more than that. It starts out with silly little texts. Nothing that even means anything, they just text each other about their project, asking the other questions and making suggestions. It doesn't take that long before it turns into more personal texts, but nothing extremely bold either. It's more along the lines of "so what are you doing?" and everything. By the time their project is nearly done, they've moved on to texting each other even when they have nothing to say about the project at all.

Naomi doesn't know where it's going, has no real idea of where she wants it to go, but she's not displeased with the growing friendship either. Sasha is, by all accounts, a fantastic girl. The blonde has found her to be beautiful from their very first meeting, but now that she knows a bit more of her, she's found out that she's not only gorgeous, but also ridiculously silly and funny. Above all, Sasha is easy-going and simple, something Emily hasn't been around her in ages.

So it comes naturally that she starts spending more and more time with the brunette and less and less thinking about or trying to reach out to the redhead. It feels like what she should do and that above all is what drives Naomi on.

;;

She discusses it with Cook one evening. It's just the two of them at the flat, JJ being at his parent's for the weekend and Freddie having gone to dinner with his sister Karen. It's a quiet night, one of those that are usually rare with her sandy blond friend. She knows he's not feeling top notch although she's not sure why. Cook rarely ever talks about feelings and she knows better than to push him to do so. Still, she knows she's helping by just being there.

They end up watching Hollyoaks because they really have nothing to do, but they're not paying it that much attention. It's well into the evening that Naomi notices that, every time she mentions Freddie, Cook flinches. She frowns because, even if she doesn't want to push, she can't ignore that.

"Did you fight with Freds?" She asks concerned.

"No, why you askin'?" her friend replies entirely too fast.

"Shit Cook, what happened?" She questions.

The boy scrunches his eyebrows and clenches his teeth. He's not looking angry though, just upset and that worries Naomi even more than if he was actually mad.

"It's nothing" Cook states. "Just me and old Fredster got our sight on the same bird is all. Bit of friendly competition"

"You sure you're keeping it friendly?"

"Yeah yeah..."

"Cook..."

"Don't worry D'Art. Nothin' me and Freds can't handle alright?" her friend finishes with a small smile.

Naomi nods because, even if the boy still looks sad, she knows he also meant what he just said. If they'll be okay then so will she. It's a bit selfish, but she needs them to always be okay in the end. Because the four of them together they're the musketeers and she can't lose that.

"Anyway Blondie bird, what about you?" Cook says obviously changing the subject.

She shrugs.

"Oh come love, be a bit more vague will you"

She smirks.

"There's nothing much to say" Naomi starts explaining before she gets a text.

She fishes her cellphone from her pocket and smiles when she sees it's from Sasha.

"That doesn't look like nothing" Cook points out with a sly grin.

"That's Sasha..." The blonde starts.

"Oh! So it's the brunette bird then"

"As opposed to?" she questions.

"The redhead" her friend provides with a shrug.

Naomi can't even stop her shoulders from stiffening when Cook reminds her of Emily. It's really been such a long time since any of the boys has mentioned her that it feels like it's even more uncomfortable now that Cook has.

"Yeah... no" She says. "Emily and I aren't talking much lately"

"Something happened?"

"No... We're just... I guess we're just busy" she lies.

She wants to tell about their fight, if she can even call it that. She wants to ask him what he thinks and tell him they're drifting apart, but she can't.

"You don't look too happy about that"

"It's fine" she assures with a wave of her hand. "That's how life goes"

From the look in Cook's blue eyes, she can tell he doesn't believe a word she just said, but it doesn't matter. She doesn't add anything and, thankfully, he drops it. Instead, he launches on the subject of Sasha.

"So what's up with that brunette one then? Sasha, yeah?"

"Nothing's up" She says with an eye roll.

"Well that's too bad, if you know what I mean" he comments with a wriggle of his eyebrows.

"Sod off!" She laughs.

"Alright, but are you going to try her?"

"Try her? She's not a fucking attraction park ride"

"Does that mean you don't want to ride her?"

"Sex is literally the only thing you think about isn't it?" Naomi asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Almost" her friend confirms with a proud nod. "But seriously though babes, that girl is grade A lush, I don't see no reason why you wouldn't willy waggle with her unless…"

"Unless what?" She asks almost afraid.

She wonders if perhaps she should be afraid like that at all.

"Unless you like… want someone else" Cook says slowly.

"Like who?"

Her friend doesn't reply, but gives her a pointed look. She knows who he means instantly then and her stomach churns uncomfortably.

"No, there's no one else I want" She says as steadily as she can.

It's a bit sad that she's not entirely sure if she just lied. Cook nods though and doesn't add anything. They focus their attention on Hollyoaks for lack of anything else to say. After a moment though, Naomi smiles.

"She is really gorgeous isn't she? Sasha I mean…" she admits with a small blush crawling on her cheeks.

Cook cackles straightaway and Naomi blushes harder.

"You like her!" Her friend says pointing at her.

He looks happy too as he says it. Happy that his best mate seems to be showing a real interest to someone.

"I do..." she admits because she can't deny it.

Sasha feels right and not just because she's fit. She feels right in a lot of ways Naomi can't explain. Her life may be complicated and there may be other relationships in it that she doesn't fully understand, but Sasha does feel right regardless.

"D'you reckon she likes you?" Cook asks her and the blonde blushes harder.

"Yeah... I think she does" she replies sheepishly.

She doesn't want to be over confident, but she recalls one night Sasha had come over to her place to work on the project and they'd ended up watching movies on her couch, the brunette's legs draped across her lap.

"So what's stopping you?" Cook asks looking more serious than she's seen him in a long time.

"I..." She starts, but then stops to consider her answer.

A flash of red comes across her mind, but she does what she always does and pushes it away. She's very much single and she doesn't owe anyone anything. In the end, when she thinks about it properly, there isn't anything, but herself, that's stopping her. She feels likes she's been waiting for a while, but she doesn't know what for. So it's with that in mind that she replies to Cook.

"Nothing. I guess nothing is stopping me"

;;

It's about two weeks later that Naomi can say she goes on her first date with Sasha. It's not as official as it could be though because it happens after the blonde decides to visit the other girl at work. Sasha is pretty surprised when she sees Naomi arrive in front of her counter, but she's also all smiles so the blonde knows her surprise was a good one. She pretends to be shopping a bit, but of course, Sasha isn't fooled. In the end, they decide to go bowling and it's both silly and perfect.

The bowling itself is quite hilarious. Naomi is much better than she should be and Sasha looks great, even in goofy shoes. They have a lot of fun and the brunette can't help sniggering when Naomi misses a throw and lets out a complete set of expletives as a result. It's when the blonde sits back down that she notices that they're surrounded with old people who are looking at her like she's the antichrist and she blushes a bit as she sends them all evil glares.

They play two games before leaving and Naomi buys an old popcorn bag to eat as they start walking around town in direction of Sasha's flat. She eats the popcorn, but complains every two sentences that it tastes like shit. In her defence, it really does. She's pretty relieved though that Sasha seems to find her grumpy mood to be amusing rather than annoying. They chat all the way to the brunette's front step and it's so easy, so comfortable that it's uncanny. When they're in front of the door, Naomi nearly feels like she's in a romance movie. They stop and stare at each other for a few seconds and the blonde decides to take the plunge.

She steps closer and presses her lips delicately on the brunette's. It's more like a ghost of a kiss than anything else at first. It becomes an actual kiss when Naomi steps just a fraction on an inch back and Sasha brings her hands behind her neck to pull her back in. The blonde's stomach lurches in pleasure and happiness and she kisses Sasha back fiercely. She even lets herself smile into the kiss when she feels the brunette doing the same.

They snog like teenagers on Sasha's front step for a while, both taking the time to drink each other in. It's a bit amazing how Naomi can't get enough of the other girl. She's got her hands around her back, fingers lazily playing with the hem of the girl's sweater and it's blissful. Their lips are moving together like they've been doing it for years instead of minutes and with every nip and peck and tug, another wave of warmth is sent to the blonde's heart. It feels good to feel this good, it really does. After a moment longer, Sasha disconnects their lips and looks into Naomi's blue eyes. Her own are dark and slightly hooded and her lips are swollen from all the kissing and Naomi really thinks she's never looked better. Their fronts are flushed against each other and the blonde can smell Sasha's perfume engulfing her too and it feels magical.

"D'you want to come up?" the brunette asks shyly.

Naomi thinks she'd be a fool to refuse so she smiles and nods and follows the other girl inside.

;;

They don't end up sleeping together after that first date, but mostly spend the rest of the night cuddling in Sasha's bed, kissing from time to time and talking about everything and nothing. They do end up dating though and Naomi is both amazed and impressed by the fact that she's now got a girlfriend.

Cook, Freddie and JJ are completely ecstatic about it and take to Sasha really fast. It helps that the brunette has a sense of adventure that always makes her do the craziest dares Cook challenges her with. It helps that she has a brother who's trying to get in the skateboarding pros and always spends a lot of time discussing moves with Freddie when they play ProSkater on the boy's old Ps1. It also helps that she's quite the math and philosophy nerd and never shies down from a conversation with JJ.

Naomi thinks she's really lucky to have found such a perfect girl.

;;

It's maybe 3 months after she started dating Sasha that Naomi runs into Emily at school. She's so surprised at first that she just freezes and stares. It's a bit of a relief that that's what the redhead does as well.

"Oh hey, hi!" She finally manages to say after a moment.

"Naomi... hey!" Emily greets her with a smile.

There's a little tension, but the petite also looks glad to see her and that's definitely positive. They stare some more at each other, like they don't quite believe they're in the same place at the same time. They both chuckle when they notice they haven't said anything else in a minute.

"Wow, sorry" Naomi mumbles. "It's been a while"

"Yeah it really has" Emily confirms with a nod.

"So, how've you been then?" The blonde asks.

And really, she's dying to know. She's not just being polite.

"I've been good! Thanks. You?" the redhead replies.

"Good good"

They fall into silence again and it's a bit annoying how they don't seem to know what to say. But then again, it makes sense. They haven't really hung out in at least 3 months, probably a bit more Naomi thinks. So it's understandable that meeting like this is a bit peculiar.

"Hum... How's Alexia?" Naomi asks suddenly remembering.

She glad when she realizes that it's the first time she says the girl's name and it doesn't sound bitter. Emily gives her a tense smile in reply though and she frowns for what's coming.

"Oh, I don't know actually. We broke up a while ago" the redhead explains.

"What? Oh shit... I'm sorry to hear that" Naomi provides automatically.

It's weird how she's sincere when she says that, but she's not at the same time.

"No worries" Emily assures. "It was mostly my decision"

"Really? I'm surprised..."

"How so?" the petite questions with a chuckle.

"You seemed... quite enamoured" the blonde explains slowly.

"Right... Well, after the honeymoon period things weren't as peachy I guess"

Naomi nods.

"Well I'm glad you're okay about it in any case" She adds.

"I am... I huh... I saw you had a girlfriend" Emily ventures.

The blonde nods again and can't help, but stare at Emily as she does. She doesn't know what she's looking for as she does, but she honestly can't help looking. The redhead's face lets nothing on about how it makes her feel though. She gives Naomi a polite smile.

"I'm happy for you" She says, her voice heavy.

"Thanks... I'm happy for me too" Naomi admits.

Emily smiles again and she's not sure if it's entirely polite anymore.

"Can I ask you something?" The petite says.

"You can ask me anything Ems..." She replies in all honesty.

"Do you love her?"

Naomi stalls after the words have left the redhead's mouth. She feels something grumble in her guts and it's only after a moment that she realizes it's fear. She never knows why she gets so afraid around Emily, but she does, every single time. But there's only one answer she can give Emily in this instant, the truth.

"I... I'm not sure yet. It's still all very new. But I'm getting there"

And it's after that that Emily's eyes let one small look of sadness through. It's so small and fleeting that Naomi might have missed it if she wasn't paying so close attention. It doesn't last though and when the sadness is gone, the blonde sees true softness.

"I'm really so glad for you Naoms..." She says almost in a whisper.

It's because her beautiful brown eyes look so soft and caring that Naomi knows she means it. She focuses on that then and it's like it's everything that exists. In that moment, the blonde knows that Emily and she have drifted apart, but they're not strangers. They never will be.

Knowing that, it feels a lot less like a farewell and a lot more like a goodbye when Emily tells her a few seconds later that she has to get to class and leaves her alone in the hallway. It's not a farewell.

;;

Time continues to go by though and things with Sasha just continue to be wonderful. The more Naomi knows her the more she cares about her. The blonde realizes that she actually _does_ love her girlfriend maybe 5 months into dating her. It's funny how it comes as both a surprise and a very simple fact all at the same time. She's been a twat most of her life and has been afraid of love for so long, that it's pretty comical when this time, she's not afraid of the feeling, but embraces it.

She figures it out on a rainy day. They both have their sociology class to get to, but they stayed up late the night before and they're completely knackered. The minute their bodies finally settled for sleep, they fell into it within seconds. So when Naomi's alarm clock rings loudly in the room and snatches them out of their blissful state of unconsciousness, they both groan. The blonde tries to rid her eyes of sleep with her knuckles and it's not totally working. That's when Sasha just says it.

"Can we like... fuck sociology today and just stay in your bed forever?"

Naomi turns her head to look at her and raises her eyebrow.

"You're serious? You, oh so studious one, want to skip?" she asks.

"Yes, very. I just want one day with my girlfriend where everything else can fuck right off"

Naomi smiles so brightly then and she's so elated that she doesn't even catch the words that come tumbling out of her mouth until a few seconds after she's said them.

"God I love you so much right now!"

Sasha's eyes go as wide as saucers and she gapes at her.

"Pardon?" The brunette asks, not entirely sure she heard right.

"I huh..." Naomi fumbles before she pauses.

She scrunches her forehead in thoughts for a few seconds before she adds anything. She doesn't want to mess this up and she knows what she'll say next is very important so she doesn't want to lie either. It's for all these reasons that she thinks about it, like, really thinks about it. And the answer is so simple that it makes her smile more brightly than she feels she's ever smiled.

"I love you" she repeats, locking her gaze with Sasha's.

Hazel eyes sparkle wonderfully at her words and the next second, she's pushed on her back, her head deep in fluffy pillows, lips firmly on hers and a naked body deliciously flushed with hers. It's a very simple moment, but it means the world to her.

;;

Life continues like that for a while. Naomi's relationship is as great as ever. If Sasha and her fight on occasions, it's nothing they can't talk about and resolve. Her friendship with Emily, on the other hand, feels like something that happened in another lifetime.

Some days, she sees the redhead across the hallways. They usually don't talk, sometimes exchanges hellos, but it rarely ever goes beyond that. Naomi has gotten so used to it by now that she's not overly bothered, but every time she sees Emily in the distance and realizes that's she's no longer a part of that girl's life, it hurts.

Most days though, she forgets what her life used to be like. She forgets how it was when Emily was in it. It makes it entirely easier not to miss the redhead on those days.

;;

She's reminded of Emily one evening shortly after she's celebrated her 1 year anniversary with Sasha and it's because of Freddie. They're hanging out at school because Freddie decided to take classes for the first time in years and Naomi is so happy about it that she's promised to keep him company.

"I saw Ems the other night!" He states at one point and Naomi feels excitement erupt in her guts.

"Did you?" she says, feigning casualness. "Where?"

"Well, I've met this girl, yeah? And she invited me over to her friend's house and there Emily was"

"You're seeing someone? Why am I only hearing of this now?!"

Freddie gives her an uneasy smile.

"Cook sort of... liked her before... and we... well... it was complicated for a while" he explains and Naomi's eyes widened.

"Oh! She's the girl you both fancied!"

"Yeah... But she fancies me so... yeah..."

"Yeah... anyway, who is she?"

"Her name's Effy"

Naomi nearly chokes on her saliva when Freddie says that.

"Effy?! You're dating Effy?!" she splutters.

"Huh... yeah. You know her then?"

"Of course! She's Emily's best mate!"

"Oh, right. Wow. Small world" Freddie says.

"I'll say... anyway, you said you saw Emily?" Naomi asks and she wonders if she should feel so excited to hear about the redhead.

"Yeah! She looked good enough. She recognized me straight away"

"Course she would"

"She looked a bit uncomfortable though. Think she wasn't that pleased to see me" the boy muses.

The excitement in her guts turns into discomfort at his words.

"Really? That's not like her..." She whispers, because it isn't.

Emily is kind and lovely. She's not the kind of person that gives others attitude so Naomi has a hard time believing she wouldn't be pleased to see Freddie.

"Just the vibe I got" the boy continues with a shrug. "Anyhow, after she figured I knew you, Effy asked me how you were. Ems looked mighty interested in that particular question too" he continues with a sly grin.

"Was she?" Naomi says, her cheeks blushing and her heart fluttering slightly.

Freddie nods and although the blonde wants to push for more information, she doesn't. Of course, her tall friend launches on her sudden muteness like a hawk.

"Naoms..." He starts. "What happened between you guys? I thought like... Well I thought you were pretty good friends"

Naomi sighs loudly. She doesn't really want to get into this if she's honest, but at the same time, she probably owes it to her friend to explain.

"I'm not sure Freds..." She shrugs. "We... I guess we had a fight and then we just... drifted"

"You had a fight?" He asks frowning. "You never told us that"

"Wasn't important. I just asked her something and she flipped" Naomi explains.

"What did you ask?"

"I asked her if she thought I was still charming" she mumbles quickly.

Freddie winces.

"I was pissed alright? It was just a stupid question. I don't even know why she cared" Naomi complains.

"Did you ever think perhaps it might have been because she does?" the boy tells her in all seriousness.

"She doesn't" the blonde states. "I said I took it like she didn't and she didn't object"

"And you just took it as the truth didn't you?" He scoffs playfully. "You're a bigger prat than I thought then!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naomi huffs.

"It means I think that Emily still finds you charming is all and the question offended her"

"She doesn't..." she repeats stubbornly.

"Right... well... can I just tell you one last thing then?"

"If I said no, would that stop you?"

"No"

"Then go right ahead"

"If you miss her... Just tell her. Be the bigger man here and just call her. Sounds pretty petty to lose a friendship over one fight" Freddie says and Naomi thinks he isn't wrong.

When she spots the look in his eyes, she thinks he doesn't only mean Emily and her. For the first time, the blonde realises she could have well lost her two best friend over their fight for Effy's affection. By the look in Freddie's eyes at the moment, she knows it probably came a lot closer than she ever knew. So she puts a hand on Fred's knee and gives him a soft smile.

"Maybe I will" She mumbles with a shrug.

They don't say anything else about Emily after that, just drop the subject altogether, but it's enough to get Naomi thinking about the redhead for a while. She doesn't think Freddie's right about Emily's feelings towards her, she really doesn't, but his words put some doubt in her mind. It's not that the blonde really wants it to be true, at least she doesn't think that's the issue, but if she's offended Emily, she wants to do something about it. Also, Freddie's right, if she misses her- and, well, she does- she should just call her.

;;

In the next few days, Naomi spends entirely too much time thinking about how to go about calling Emily. It shouldn't be as big a deal as it is, but they've spoken so little in the past year that it's a bit unnerving. In the end, she finds herself an excuse and makes the call before she has time to back out of it. It takes two rings before she gets an answer.

_"Hello?"_ Emily's unmistakable voice says on the other end of the line.

"Ems hey!" she responds.

_"Naomi! Oh, hi!"_ the redhead says sounding shocked.

The blonde realises with a pang that the petite probably didn't even check her phone before answering. She can't help wondering if Emily would have picked it up having known it was her.

"I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time..." She says tentatively.

_"No no, you're not! What's up?"_ Emily assures.

"Oh well I... huh... I was thinking of joining a gym and well... like... your father owns one, doesn't he? So I figured I'd ask you about it"

_"My dad's gym is in Bristol"_ the redhead says.

"Oh right... I forgot about that... well, never mind then" Naomi continues, cringing at her ridiculous excuse.

There's a short silence before the blonde licks her lips nervously and gulps.

"It's been a while" she says suddenly.

_"Yeah... It has. I saw Freddie the other night"_ Emily offers.

"Yeah yeah he told me. What are the odds eh?"

_"Yeah..."_

"So like... would you like to have dinner sometime? To catch up and stuff? It's been so long... I mean, you could come to my flat and I'd cook you something or we could order or... you know... just hang out" Naomi finally offers.

_"Oh hum... Yeah, I guess we could" _The redhead says slowly.

"Yeah?" The blonde asks, feeling herself perk up now that she hasn't been turned down.

_"Yeah sure. To catch up and stuff right?"_ Emily confirms, although Naomi can't help thinking she doesn't sound that enthusiastic.

"Great! Well, when are you free then?"

_"I'm not sure... I've got exams and stuffs. I'll let you know alright?"_

"Oh huh yeah... okay" the blonde says feeling a bit dejected.

_"Good. Okay well, I've got to go now Naomi, talk to you some time okay? Bye" _

"Bye"

The blonde barely has time to reply before the petite has hung up. She puts her phone on her kitchen counter in front of her and stares at it with a frown. It's the first time she feels that disappointed from talking to Emily, yet she can't help feeling any differently. She's never had the petite brush her off like that and she's not sure she likes it. She doesn't know what she did wrong, perhaps it's really been too long for Naomi to suddenly just call her out of the blue and invite her like that. She lets a sigh fall from her lips and closes her eyes. She doesn't know why things with Emily are always so freaking complicated now. She wishes they weren't.

;;

It's not even surprising that Emily never calls her back. It's not surprising, but it still hurts. Naomi doesn't know why it bothers her as much as it does, but it's undeniable that it really does. She talks about it with Sasha because it's the kind of relationship they have, the type in which you talk about stuff. The brunette tells her to try again if it bothers her so much so she tries again. She calls Emily again, but never gets an answer. She texts her and gets a reply this time, but it's vague and no date is decided. It's a disappointment each time and no matter how many times it's been now, Naomi ever gets used to being brushed off by Emily. She wishes she knew what she did to deserve that to begin with. They've fought and argued, but the blonde never thought it was that bad.

After two months of trying to find some time with Emily, Naomi pretty much abandons. She's tired of getting no reply and no enthusiasm. She still misses Emily, but this brand new attitude isn't something she's that fond of either. Freddie sees the redhead around because of Effy and according to the boy, the petite is never really happy to see him, always gives him tense smiles when she's smiling at him at all. It confuses Naomi tremendously because it's everything the redhead never was. She's not the kind of person to be rude, so why is she now?

;;

One evening, Naomi decides to have a night out with her lads because it's been too long. Sasha doesn't mind at all anyway and it's one of the reasons why the blonde loves her so much. Sasha never minds her taking some time for herself and for her friends. She understands and is all for it as long as she gets to see the blonde as well.

They go to some crappy pub really close to the boy's flat. Cook knows every barmaid by name and they all seem to know him as well although Naomi thinks they're not as proud of that fact as he is.

Freddie orders them a round of drinks first and Naomi downs her pint in record time. It's Cook's turn then to buy everyone drinks and, again, it disappears really fast. By the time JJ buys them a round- with an almighty soda for himself- the blonde is feeling a lot cheerier. She buys the next round and it's quickly followed by another one from Freddie's. A few hours later, they're all feeling pretty drunk- bar JJ- and they're laughing a lot.

Naomi thinks she hasn't felt this drunk in a long time, but she doesn't care either. She sends a few drunken texts to Sasha and gets very amused ones in reply. She knows she should slow down thought, but the boys don't look anywhere near ready to stop.

It's official they're not going to stop when Freddie gets a texts from Effy and says that the girl is at a bar not too far from here. Naomi doesn't want to, but her attention is caught at the mention of Effy. She's not drunk enough that she doesn't watch Cook though and feels a lot better when she notices that her friend seems fine at the mention of the elusive brunette.

"Let's go join her then, Fredster!" Cook announces happily.

"Yeah?" Freddie inquires.

"Sure mate! No problem, alright? Let's move this party elsewhere! Besides Effy is Emilio's mate isn't she? So she's bound to be there. You and Naoms both have reasons to go"

The blonde blushes at the suggestion that Emily is a reason for her to be anywhere, but she doesn't deny it either. Freddie observes Cook for a while longer and grabs him by the neck to whisper something in his ear. When he lets him go, Cook gives him a self-assured grin and a nod and Freddie looks so relieved that he hugs Cook to his chest tightly. Naomi feels like crying herself because she knows for certain now that her boys will be fine. Also, she's pretty drunk and every time she drinks she gets a bit teary. JJ and she exchange a look and he's looking as sheepishly happy as she is.

The next second, the hug is done and so is the emotional moment and they're out of the bar. Naomi doesn't remember much about walking to the other place because she's a bit too drunk, but she knows they sing along the streets while Cook jumps around yelling at the top of his lungs. When they finally reach their destination, the blonde feels a bit antsy at the thought that Emily is in there somewhere. She doesn't know where because the place is really big and has several levels though. She can tell that Freddie is pretty eager too, but neither wants to go looking for either Effy or Emily just yet. So, instead, they sit at a table in a corner and Cook orders another round for everyone.

Naomi doesn't even think about whether or not she should continue. At this point, she's too far gone and the boys just keep bringing the alcohol. Who would she be to refuse? They continue laughing and chatting and Cook keeps howling, when Naomi takes her cellphone out and decides to text Emily. She can at least tell her she's there right?

_Hey, I'm out with Freds. _

_We're at the same pub. _

_He wants to see Eff. _

_Naoms_

A few minutes later, she gets a reply from the redhead and she's honestly both relieved and excited.

_Really? _

_Where are you? _

_Ems_

With the way things have been lately with Ems, it's a relief that she gets an answer at all. Naomi doesn't reply anything back and just puts her phone back in her pocket, secretly grinning at the thought that she's the one that denied Emily a reply for once and not the other way around. She doesn't want to upset her, but the blonde actually thinks it'd be nice if the redhead was the one that came looking for her. So Naomi just drinks the shots that Cook brings and smiles and laughs and always keeps an eye out in the off chance that Emily might find her.

She's half disappointed when it's Effy that comes to find them first. She waves at them all before sitting on the tall boy's lap. She plunges her fingers in his hair at the base of his neck and brings his lips greedily towards hers. Of course, Freddie obliges eagerly and Naomi sends a worried look towards Cook. She's relieved when she notices that her friend really doesn't look like he minds that much. Still, she gets up, finding out for the first time how difficult it is, and walks to Cook.

"More shots?" She asks him and he sends her such a thankful look in return that she knows she did just the right thing.

"A woman after my own heart!" He yells happily. "Come on then D'Art, let's get our shots on"

They walk to the counter and Cook orders entirely too many shots for Naomi's liking, but she lets him.

"All good mate?" she questions.

"Yeah yeah" he brushes off.

So she shoves his shoulder lightly with hers and raises her eyebrow to get a proper answer. He gives her a shy grin, sadness making its way to his eyes for a moment.

"It's a bit rough, but I'll manage" he explains pointing his chin to Freddie and Effy who are still sucking face.

"You call me if it gets rougher, alright?" Naomi says as seriously as her inebriated state can manage. "Promise" Cook replies before pushing another shot in her hands.

She drinks it and two seconds after she's slammed her glass on the counter she feels a hand on her back. She turns around and there she is, all smile and bright red hair, Emily. Naomi isn't even sure if she breathes for a few seconds when her gaze falls on her. Her hair is long and falls naturally on her shoulders, fringe pulled back in a quiff with curls near her forehead and ears that are of a richer crimson because her hair is a bit damp there. She's wearing a simple pair of skinny back trousers, an electric blue vest top, a silver bracelet on her forearm, a long silver pendant around her neck and she even has matching bright blue feathers dangling from her ears. She looks stunning and it's exactly how Naomi feels, stunned. The look is great, but it's her smile, that really does it. The blonde almost feels like crying of relief because it's so wide and so open and the petite's chocolate eyes are burning with amusement and joy in a way that Naomi hasn't seen in a very long time.

"Hey" Emily says simply. "Fancy meeting you here"

"Just admit it. I made your day" Naomi shoots back jokingly.

The redhead throws her head back and laughs loudly. When she lowers her head again and looks back at Naomi, her eyes are twinkling.

"Come here" She mutters and draws the blonde in her arms.

Naomi doesn't fight it at all, just lets herself be embraced by Emily. She breathes in deeply the scent of the petite's hair and she nearly hums. Too soon, they let go of each other though and get back to a respectable distance. Still, the blonde feels ridiculously happy.

There are so many things she wishes to tell the redhead, she finds, but she doesn't even know where to start. Just having Emily right there in front of her is a bit overwhelming. It leaves her breathless and speechless and she doesn't know what to make of that. When Naomi still hasn't spoken, a few seconds later, the petite crinkles her nose and laughs lightly.

And it works like a catalysis for Naomi because then she starts speaking. She asks Emily about her studies and about her life. She's glad when the answer she gets is that school is going great and Emily is single. Her heart flutters at the thought even though the blonde knows it shouldn't.

Naomi knows she's still pretty pissed as they talk because she needs to keep leaning on the counter to keep herself upright. She also knows she's pissed because her other hand keeps reaching towards Emily's waist as they talk. The blonde knows herself enough to know she wouldn't be so bold if she was sober. Yet, now that she most definitely isn't, she_ is_ bold enough and just can't help wanting to touch Emily in some way. It's never long touches, never lingering ones, but it's as though her hands are irrevocably drawn to the other girl's body. She wonders if she should try harder to stop herself, but Emily doesn't say anything about it so she doesn't. If it's not bothering the redhead then, why should she stop?

They continue to talk and Naomi is just her usual goof. It doesn't help that her brain seems all fuzzy because of the alcohol. Nevertheless, the more ridiculous stuff that come out of Naomi's mouth, the more Emily laughs so, in the end, it's okay. Especially since there is nothing nicer than the sight of the redhead smiling so openly. And really, the blonde wonders if her laugh was always this clear and vibrant. Her heart feels lighter just by hearing the other girl's laughter, it's that powerful tonight it seems.

It's probably because she's so caught up in the moment that Naomi lets the next words come out of her mouth.

"You're so beautiful tonight Ems..." she whispers, her eyes glued on the petite's face.

Emily blushes cutely which only makes her even more gorgeous. She looks down for a second and when she looks up again, she locks her brown gaze with Naomi's and it's all the blonde can see. There's an intensity in the petite's eyes she hasn't seen in a long time and she's completely enthralled by it. She's enthralled by everything Emily in that moment, her smile, her eyes, her lips... The blonde notices with a jolt of her heart that her hand is poised possessively on the redhead's hip.

"Naomi..." Emily begins. "Are you... are you still with your girlfriend?"

"Yeah" the blonde replies in the most natural way the second the question is out.

The redhead's reaction is almost instantaneous. Her smile falls and her eyes cloud over with confusion. She steps away a little and Naomi's hand falls from the other girl's hip.

"Right... well, I'll go catch up with the others" Emily states and the next second she's gone.

The blonde stares after her, surprise evident in her eyes, until she notices Freddie just a few feet away looking at her with a painful expression.

"Did you see that?" She asks him.

He walks over and nods.

"Yeah... I did"

"What the fuck was that?!" Naomi groans.

"I think you know babes..." the boy replies before leaning to place a kiss on her forehead and bringing the two glasses in his hands to their table.

The blonde stays on her own for a few extra minutes, but eventually joins her friends again at the table. She manages to enjoy the rest of her night, but it's with a sickening feeling that she notices that Emily stays as far away from her as possible. She hates that things have turned sour yet again between them and she hates that it seems to be her fault again. When she goes to bed that night, she doesn't understand what happened and she wonders if she ever will.

;;

When she wakes up the next morning, there's a huge headache that awaits the blonde. She pops some ibuprofen and chugs down a tall glass of water before crumbling on the living room couch. It's the middle of the day and her roommate is most likely out working or something. Naomi feels a bit grateful to be alone though because she feels like she caught her death last night. Thinking of the night before, the blonde feels her gut wrench painfully at the memory of both her awesome time with Emily and the awkward state it developed into afterwards. She sighs loudly and takes her cellphone out.

She's in the process of texting her boys and Sasha when there's a loud knock on her front door. The noise is so loud that it feels like it's pounding directly in her head. The blonde gets up quickly to answer because she doesn't think she can manage to endure another round of knocking.

She's ridiculously surprised when she opens the door and sees Emily standing in front of her. She wants to stare and ask why the redhead is here, but Emily pushes passed her into the flat and Naomi is left closing the door in confusion behind her. She walks back to the living room when she sees the petite standing in the middle, her arms crossed on her chest. Naomi stands awkwardly looking at her and when it becomes obvious that Emily isn't saying anything she finds something to say instead.

"Did you finally come round for that dinner I promised?" She jokes. "It's a bit early and I'm not sure the smell of food won't make me want to vomit, but we can work something out"

Naomi knows it was the wrong thing to say two seconds later when Emily's eyes narrow and her jaw clenches. She's not exactly sure why the petite is looking at her with such anger, but there's no doubt she's pissed off.

"What is this?" The redhead snaps suddenly.

The blonde stares at her dumbly.

"Huh... pardon?"

"What is this Naomi?" Emily repeats slower this time.

"What is what?" the blonde shrugs, having absolutely no clue what the redhead is on about.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what? For fuck's sake Emily what's wrong? Why are you so mad?"

"Why do you keep inviting me to dinner!? Why do you seek me out!? Why do you tell me I'm beautiful!? Why Naomi!? Why!?" the redhead says forcefully.

The blonde stares some more, not quite finding her words. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, until Emily decides to speak again.

"What do you even want from it?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you want from that dinner? How am I supposed to take it? Is it between friends or more?" the redhead demands.

Naomi panics a bit then, her heartbeat picking up dramatically.

"It's a friendly dinner!" She says quickly, almost on the defensive.

"Is it?" Emily challenges.

"Yes!" Naomi confirms, her voice wavering only a little.

"Then why do you fucking come out and tell me I'm beautiful then? What do you fucking want?" the petite snaps, clearly furious now.

"I... I..."

"Because you can't do that Naomi! You can't just invite me to dinner and tell me I'm beautiful! You can't! I'm over you, alright? What happened between us was ages ago and I'm over you!"

Naomi doesn't even know why the redhead is telling her that, she doesn't even know why it's supposed to be relevant to the conversation. She knows Emily is over her, she's known for ages. She remembers her talk with Freddie and how he suggested it might be different, but she knows he was wrong. Still, even if she knew, even if she's certain she didn't expect anything else from the petite, it hurts like hell to be told. She feels her heart clenching painfully and her words get caught in her throat, like they're choking her.

"I know that" she says, not nearly as strongly as she had hoped.

"Do you? Because you need to, okay? I need you to know that we're over! You didn't want it and I moved on! You can't just bounce back and tell me all these things now!"

"For fuck's sake Emily!" Naomi finally snaps. "I was just saying! I find you attractive, so fucking what?! I find loads of people attractive! That doesn't mean I want to jump you, does it?!"

Emily's eyes narrow, but her stance falters a little. The blonde is on a roll now though and nothing will stop her. Now that she's spoken the first words, it's like a dam has broken inside her and everything comes spilling out. She doesn't know why every word Emily just said feel like an attack, she doesn't know why she feels like she needs to put up a huge wall in front of her to protect herself, but she does.

"Jesus! I have a _girlfriend_! And, in case you had forgotten it, I love her! I really fucking do! I wanted to invite you to dinner because, once upon a time, we used to be friends!" She says the last word almost sarcastically. "We used to laugh and you've been there for me in rough times so I figured I owed it to you to at least make an effort with our friendship! But of course you think so highly of yourself now that you'd think something else entirely! Well fuck you Emily! I love my girlfriend, okay? To fucking pieces! She's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with her! So sorry if you got confused and stuff, but that's how things really are!"

The redhead stares at her for a moment and the expression in her eyes is unreadable. Naomi doesn't even know why she just flaunted her relationship in Emily's face. She doesn't know why she felt so threatened by the petite's words that she needed to establish the fact that she is happy without her. They stare at each other for a few tense seconds before Emily's shoulders relax a tiny bit and she decides to speak.

"Friends... of course. That's always what it is to you isn't it Naomi?"

The blonde doesn't know what to reply to that. She doesn't what she could say that wouldn't reveal herself entirely to Emily and she's not ready to do that. She's not ready to show Emily what's inside her head, not ready to be vulnerable in front of the redhead. So, since she doesn't know what to reply, she replies nothing.

It seems like it's all too much then because Emily shakes her head and walks away without adding anything either. Naomi lets her go, doesn't even try to hold her back. She's furious, furious at Emily, but furious at herself as well. She never wanted things to get to this point between them, yet, she's not sure she could have avoided it.

Naomi stands alone in her living room long after the petite has left. She wants to cry and wants to punch something all at the same time. She doesn't do either though and lets herself fall back into her couch instead. She doesn't open the telly or even moves much at all. She wishes she didn't know why she felt so bad at the moment, but, for once in her life, she does.

She didn't just watch Emily walk away from her flat, she watched her walk away from her life and she did nothing to stop her. Naomi thinks it shouldn't be allowed to feel like this is familiar, like watching Emily Fitch go is all she ever does. It doesn't change the fact that it is familiar.

Naomi doesn't try to call her though, doesn't try to call and ask her to come back. There's nothing that she could say that would make things alright now. So she doesn't try. She'll let it go, just like she let _her_ go. It's all she knows how to do, letting go. Always letting go.

.

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**So huh... Did I forget to mention the full OTHER part coming? Don't despair alright? It's not over over! :P I know this wasn't what you guys wanted to happened still... but well... it's what was planned to happen! I'd still love to hear your feedback though! And you know what? If I get 10 reviews on this, I promise to update on Friday (Pinkie swear). Deal? Deal! :) Thanks xxx**


	9. PART III: Chapter 1 Live Without me

**A/N: So it's Friday and here's the update! I'm updating because I Pinkie swore and I take my Pinkie swears VERY seriously. I'm also updating because you guys are absolutely amazing. I asked for 10 reviews, I got 22. It's an amazing feeling to get your feedback on this story and know that you're intrigued and stuff. So just... thank you for that!  
**

**I know a lot of you were a bit gutted though by where things ended last chapter! I know I left Naomi and Emily in a rough place! And I know a few of you are feeling like they're just... over. Which, in all honesty, was the point. Because that's how the characters feel at that point. I told you this would be a complicated story :P  
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**This chapter is 3 things. 1- It's the longest so far. That's the least important thing. 2- It's the beginning of another Part. Which means to say it will feel different from both previous Parts. That's kind of important. 3- I guess it's somehow a bit transitional. From one Part to the other, things always change a lot. The dynamics between some characters and the characters themselves at times. It has to. This part is the one in which there was the most changes needed. So this first chapter is the introduction of that. It really is the most important info of the three.  
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**With that in mind, stop minding my ramble and read on. :)  
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**Part III: Deserving You**

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Chapter 1: Live without me

.

.

The third time she meets Emily Fitch… well it isn't exactly a third time and perhaps that's why it's the most unplanned of them all.

It comes around 2 years after they fought in Naomi's flat. The blonde hasn't seen or spoken to Emily during that time and as much as she thought it would be hard to lead a life without Emily Fitch in it, it turns out to be much easier than she expected. It's not that she doesn't care about the redhead anymore, but it's more that she thinks the redhead doesn't care about her. So she just drops the friendship altogether. It's not the bravest of choice, but since when has she been brave anyway?

It's been so long since she's heard anything about the other girl that it is completely unexpected when Sasha randomly brings her up one morning in their new flat.

"I saw your friend Emily today" she says calmly as if it's nothing at all.

Naomi supposes that it is actually nothing to the brunette. Still, her heart leaps excitedly when she hears that.

"Did you? Where?" the blonde asks, trying to sound disinterested or at least casual.

"I saw her as a paramedic in Soho. She was helping an old lady"

"She's a paramedic?"

"Sure seemed like it" Sasha says with a smile.

"Huh... Good for her" Naomi muses suddenly feeling pretty silent.

"Yeah" the brunette agrees before continuing her morning routine.

Naomi is lost in her thoughts for a while then, thinking about Emily for the first time in months. She's not sure what her feelings for the redhead are, but she's sure that she's genuinely happy that Emily seems to have accomplished her dream. Despites everything, Naomi will never wish anything bad on the petite girl, ever. She can pretend nothing happened between them, but she can't stop caring.

When Sasha leaves for work after placing a soft kiss to the blonde's cheek, Naomi picks up her phone and walks to the kitchen with the intention of texting Emily for the first time in two years.

She hesitates for a long time. Almost too long. She doesn't know why she's staring at her phone so much and why it's such a mental debate whether or not she should make the text. She doesn't want it to be a big deal or anything, just a simple congratulation text. Yet, it does feel somehow like a big deal.

She decides to check Facebook before she makes any kind of decision about texting. Naomi doesn't have one personally because she can't be arsed to keep one, but she knows that it's what the rest of the world does. So she logs onto Sasha's profile and types "Emily Fitch" in the search bar.

It doesn't even take that long for Naomi to find her and when she does she doesn't know what to think. On her profile picture, the petite looks happy, like, really happy. Also, she's in the arms of another woman. The blonde's first thought about it is that she thinks the other woman looks quite older than Emily. Then, Naomi thinks that she doesn't find her very pretty altogether and she starts scoffing and laughing to herself until she sees that Emily's new girlfriend isn't just older, she's got kids too. Then she doesn't find it that amusing anymore.

Naomi is way away in judging land by the time she registers Emily's beaming smile in the photo and realises it's not her place to judge the redhead's life. So she shakes her head and decides that if Emily is happy with this woman, Alice according to Facebook, then that's all that matters. It bugs her in a way, but she refuses to let that control her. She hasn't got the right to be bothered by anything regarding Emily.

She closes the page and grabs her phone again. She decides to text Emily because, if they've both moved on, then it's okay to text her just this once, right? She keeps it simple though. The last thing she wants is more grounds on which to argue with the redhead.

_Hey, I heard you were_

_a paramedic now._

_Congrats on getting your_

_dream job._

_Naomi_

She doesn't sign with any kisses because she thinks it'll be inappropriate. It's been two years since they last heard of each other, they're not on kisses basis anymore, whether the kisses are real or by text.

She forgets about the message altogether for the rest of the day. She only thinks of it when she gets a reply much later. She isn't sure how to feel about it, she's mostly glad she got one at all, to be honest.

_Hey, thank you. How about_

_you? Where are you at now?_

_Emily_

The first thing Naomi notes is that the redhead didn't sign with kisses either. She thinks for a few seconds and ends up replying something ridiculously vague.

_You know me, a bit everywhere_

_a bit nowhere._

_Naomi_

The blonde knows she won't get a reply to that. She herself only replied to be polite. Naomi doesn't think it's a good idea anyway to have Emily in her life again. She's been good these past two years, really good and apparently, so has Emily. She's happy with Sasha in a way she never expected and she loves her deeply. Emily will always be Emily, she thinks, but there's just no room for them in either of their life. Their friendship was always a bit too complicated, with stupidly blurry lines to define it. It's simpler to drop it. It really is.

That's why she sends a text that is too vague to invite a reply. She doesn't want one.

She doesn't get one either.

;;

Life continues without Emily and it's okay. Naomi finishes her degree and finds a job not too long afterwards. She's quite pleased with herself an even if it's not a very important position, it's in a youth centre in Hackney and it's exactly the kind of job she always wanted.

Sasha is ridiculously proud of her. The night Naomi gets the call that she got the job, the brunette cooks her something to celebrate and buys a bottle of champagne. They laugh so much that night that Naomi is certain her jaw will be sore in the morning. Instead of sleeping, they spend the night making love and every time Sasha kisses a part of Naomi, she smiles into her skin and hums. It's a bit overwhelming how loved she is, the blonde thinks.

;;

The next day, they invite Cook, Freddie, JJ and his brand new girlfriend over and they celebrate again. Freddie and Cook take it in turns to regal them of their most dubious sex stories while the rest of them just laugh and nod along. Freddie and Cook are both single. Not that long after he started seeing her, Freddie's relationship with Effy ended and he hasn't really had a girlfriend since. Some days, Naomi wonders if it's because he still misses the brunette, but she never brings her up. Cook, for his part, hasn't even ever had a serious girlfriend. The blonde has long lost faith that he'll ever settle with anyone. She guesses he's just not that kind of person.

It's a great night overall, a great moment in Naomi's life. When everyone goes home later and Naomi cuddles with Sasha in their bed, she's still happy and doesn't think anything could ever go wrong now that her life feels so right.

;;

Of course, thinking that is like a curse in itself. At least, things don't go tits up right away. When Naomi and Sasha celebrate their fifth year together, everything is as perfect as it always was. The blonde has been working for the same Youth Centre for a year now and the kids and her boss love her. It's a good thing because she absolutely loves her job as well and often spends extra hours volunteering there. She fights about it with Sasha on occasions, but they're regular couple fights that get solved with a good argument and wonderful make up sex. Overall, it's not at all what changes everything.

The real game changer comes shortly after though when Sasha is offered a new job, her dream job. Naomi is ecstatic when the brunette tells her because she knows it's everything her girlfriend has always wanted and who wouldn't be happy about that?

"Oh my god babes! It's amazing!" She exclaims cheerfully.

Her smile falls though when she notices that Sash isn't smiling as brightly as she is. And since the girl has just been offered a dream on a platter, the blonde really worries.

"What's wrong? I thought that position was what you wanted?" the blonde inquires, placing a hand on her girlfriend's shoulder.

The brunette lifts her gaze to meet Naomi's blue eyes and there's so much sadness in them that the blonde stalls. She feels her chest constrict and braces herself for what's to come.

"It is what I wanted… but the thing is… Naoms… the position they've offered me is in Glasgow" Sasha says in her ever so soft voice.

And there it is, the thing that can change them completely. Naomi feels her heart give a painful thud in her chest. She feels winded and feels the colour drain from her face. She knows how big this decision is, she knows that whatever they decide, it will change their relationship. So Naomi takes her eyes off Sash and leans her back on the kitchen counter that's just behind her. She pushes a hand in her hair and exhales slowly. When she finally looks back at her girlfriend, she notices with a jolt that the brunette's eyes are full of tears. That springs her into immediate motion and Naomi darts forward to wrap her arms around the woman she loves. She coos her softly as Sasha cries in her arms.

"Don't cry babes…" the blonde mutters softly.

"I'm just so torn…" Sasha admits.

"I know…"

"I've wanted this for ages and now I have it, but _fuck_… I don't want to take it if it means moving and losing you"

"Shush… It doesn't mean anything at the moment alright?" Naomi assures. "How long can you take to decide?"

"They've given me a week to think about it"

"Okay…" The blonde says, slowly taking in the new information. "And what happens if you say yes?"

"They move me to Glasgow at the end of the next month. They'll pay for everything…"

Naomi nods and gulps slowly.

"Okay. Here's what we're going to do" She announces. "I'm going to go to the store and buy the best bottle I can find at this hour. We're going to open it and drink it and be _happy_. This is a good thing Sash, I'm so completely proud of you and no matter what happens next, what you decide, I want to celebrate this properly, alright? Let's not make any decision, but the decision to be happy for you tonight, okay?"

The brunette gives her a love filled gaze then and brings her arms around her neck. She kisses her slowly and tenderly and Naomi let's herself sigh in contentment into the kiss. When Sasha pulls herself off a little she nudges the blonde's cheek with her nose and Naomi just smiles.

"You're so perfect sometimes, you know that?" she whispers.

Naomi grins wider, because, it's not something she's been told by anyone else but Sasha in her life. She has a stupid tendency to make life complicated for herself, but since she's met the brunette, she's been better, calmer in general. Sasha makes her a better person, or perhaps it's love that does.

"I do try my very best" She teases and kisses Sasha's cheek.

;;

They take the initial evening exactly like Naomi described and they refrain from discussing what's to come. The very next day though, they have to. They sit down at the kitchen table and Naomi takes out a piece of paper on which she writes with a marker Pros and Cons. She prompts Sasha to list things afterwards and refrains from saying anything. She doesn't want to influence the other girl and as much as she's aware that she's an important factor in the decision, the choice is not hers to make. Of course, it doesn't take that long before Sash gives her a meaningful look and she places the marker down.

"Would you move with me?" She asks her.

It's more a formality than an actual question. They both know the answer, they just need it to be said.

"I don't think so babes…" Naomi mutters her voice thick with sadness, with apologies.

Sasha nods and grabs the marker, quickly adding "Naomi" to the list of Cons.

"You understand why though right?" the blonde questions.

Sasha nods sadly. It's not that Naomi doesn't love her girlfriend enough to move with her because she does. If it was the only factor, Naomi would be moving without hesitation. But it's not. Love is rarely the only factor to consider in real life. The blonde is in a good place at work at the moment and she can't just throw it away. It's not even just a question of ambition and a fear of starting elsewhere. Naomi just can't drop it and start over just yet without it ruining everything she's built for the past year. Even if she was ready to ruin everything, Sasha wouldn't let her. Just like Naomi indulges the brunette with the Pros and Cons, but she already knows she won't let her pass up on this opportunity. She loves her too much to stand in the way of the girl's dream and Naomi isn't stupid, she _knows_ she's the only thing standing in her way.

;;

It takes three more days of discussion before Sasha finally decides that she does, indeed, need to go. As much as Naomi knew this is the right thing to do, it's not easy. She's terrified of what will happen, terrified that she'll be living miles apart from her girlfriend. She tries to stay positive though. Partly because she needs to be, and partly because she doesn't know how else she's supposed to be.

She calls her mum one afternoon when Sasha is at work fixing the details of her move. She ends up crying on the phone for over half an hour while explaining everything to her mother. The older Campbell, being the Saint that she is, comforts her and doesn't even comment on how barely coherent her daughter must be. When she hangs up, Naomi feels a lot lighter though and she's happy she called at all. It's probably a good thing because when Sasha and she are cuddled in bed that evening, it's the brunette's turn to get a bit emotional.

"Do you think we can make it work long distance?" she asks.

"Of course I do" Naomi replies instantly.

She doesn't know if she means it, she doesn't know if she really believes it, but she's willing to try her hardest to make it happen. Sasha is the best thing that happened to her, Naomi is convinced of that and she can't just let her go.

;;

Everything works fine the first few months. They call each other every night and talk about their days and the likes. Sometimes, they even talk dirty and manage to get each other off over the phone. They Skype some nights as well, but that one is harder when they realise they can see each other, but not touch each other.

Some nights it's fine. Naomi sees her friends and focuses on work and when she falls in bed at home sleep invades her instantly. On other nights though, it's horrible. She gets homes and cooks something for herself and watches telly. It feels like she's walking in circles in her own apartment and it's annoying as fuck. On those nights, the blonde goes to bed early and the coldness beside her manages to multiply by a thousand. It's those nights that make it hard, too hard.

;;

They try to make it work despite everything, they really do, but it doesn't stop the situation from ruining their relationship in the end. What's probably the worst thing is that it just happens. They don't even fight, don't even get into a huge argument where they say things that hurt so much they can't be forgiven. No one cheats and no one lies. They just fall apart a bit like it was meant to fall apart from the start. The only thing that keeps Naomi from thinking it's alright is how much it actually hurts even though it's way too late to do anything about it.

It occurs to Naomi that the break is inevitable on a specific night. Sash is in London for the weekend and the blonde can't get enough of her. Which works well because Sasha can't get enough of her either. Naomi knows she's missed her more than she could ever explain and she revels in every touch, every smile and every laugh they share. She's rediscovering the woman she knows she loves so much and everything about it is sweet. But it's also a bit bitter and that's the part that hurts.

They're in Naomi's bed, curled up naked together under the blankets after having spent a very long time rediscovering their bodies. Sasha's head is laying on the blonde's shoulder while she's drawing patterns on her bicep. They're in their own bubble of happiness, their own cocoon made of their bodies' warmth and the blankets and the post-orgasm highs. They feel so right together, Naomi thinks. She's always felt that way about them. And now that Sasha is actually here, in their flat, telling her about the last month or so of her life, it feels in a way like they were never apart. Only, it's not all there is and when Sasha tells her a particular story, that's when it hits Naomi.

It's not that the story is extraordinary in itself, not at all actually. It's just a random tale about a night out for drinks Sasha had with her co-workers. And it's not even that Naomi's worried about anything or is suspicious about something in the story because she's not. It's more about the fact that, the more Sasha mentions people, the more Naomi realizes how much she doesn't know about her girlfriend's new life. Because half of the names that come out of the brunette's mouth are names she's never heard before and the other half are names she's only heard once or twice. She's not even mad that she doesn't know all these people in Sasha's life because she _knows_ she could tell her girlfriend about a similar night out she had with her own co-workers the other week and Sash would feel exactly like she feels right now. So that's when she first realizes that it's going to happen eventually.

;;

She really gets a feeling of desperation when, about two weeks later, she goes to Glasgow for the weekend to visit and it doesn't change a damn thing. Sasha is completely thrilled to see her, of course, and by then, Naomi's not sure if it's making things better that her girlfriend loves her so much or if it's making them worse. It's a bit horrible that they both love each other so much yet there's nothing that seems to be able to stop them from breaking apart. The night Naomi arrives, they do nothing, but take advantage of each other. They probably make love in every single room of Sasha's apartment to finally end in her bedroom all tangled up. And it feels so damn good that, for a moment, Naomi forgets that it's not working, that _they_'re not working anymore.

;;

The second night of Naomi's stay, they go out with friends of the hazel eyed girl in a small town pub that's got really good music and a few pool tables. Luckily, the blonde gets on with everyone and it's almost painful to see that she _could_ fit right in if she were to move to Glasgow. She considers it for the first time that night. She considers abandoning everything she's got in London just for the sake of being with the woman she loves so desperately. But then she just knows it wouldn't solve anything, not really. Because as much as Naomi is having fun with Sasha's friends and as much as they accept her, her place is not in Glasgow. It's just not her world, not her life and she'd end up hating Sash for making her move. And above everything, no matter what happens, she never wants to feel anything but fondness for her the other girl.

During the night out, she also notices that Sasha clearly has made an impression on a few people notably a girl that's been introduced to her as Molly. Or at least that's what Naomi believes by the amount of time Molly glances longingly at her girlfriend. It's a bit weird, a bit unsettling, but she isn't even mad at the other girl for eyeing Sasha so obviously. She's not mad because, mostly, Molly is just looking. Yes, her eyes linger, but her touches don't and she's being completely respectful of the fact that Sasha is taken. So Naomi can't even be mad at her because she gets it. She gets why someone would fancy Sasha, of course she does.

And when Sash laughs and jokes with Molly, Naomi can't even pretend that she's jealous. Well, she isn't but she is and it's a bit confusing. She's not jealous because she's afraid Sasha also has feelings for Molly, because it's obvious in everything the brunette does that she's completely in love with Naomi. She's been keeping a physical contact with the blonde all through the night as if she's scared that if she doesn't touch her, she will disappear. Naomi can't even pretend she doesn't understand the feeling and even if, usually, she doesn't love having someone so scotched to her, tonight, it feels good.

So the reason she's a bit jealous has nothing to do with Sasha and everything to do with Molly actually, but not because Molly is being obvious. She's jealous because Molly's life is in Glasgow, because Molly really _does_ fit there and she doesn't. She wishes she did so badly, but she just doesn't see it. When she catches Sasha's eyes later in the evening and she sees that glow in them, she knows instantly that her girlfriend is letting herself believe just for a moment that Naomi belongs in Glasgow with her and it breaks her heart. She lets her though, let's her indulge for the time being.

;;

When Naomi leaves the next day, when she needs to go back to London, the tears in Sasha's eyes lets her know that her girlfriend isn't indulging anymore. The brunette knows just as much as Naomi does where their relationship is headed. It makes her feel even more powerless, because she's come to think that maybe it was just her and maybe if Sasha believed it was still working she'd be able to fix everything. But now that she can see Sash knows it just as much as she does, there's no denying it anymore. Sooner or later, it's going to break.

But she can't bring herself to say anything now, she just can't. So she hugs Sasha to her chest, holds on tight for as long as she possibly can and Sash does exactly the same. When she tells her she loves her, there's a tremble in her voice and when her girlfriend replies, her voice isn't much better.

;;

When Naomi arrives at her flat that night, she passes the doorway and locks up behind her. She puts her bags down beside the door and stares at her big empty place. She lets her eyes linger on her furniture, notices briefly that she should dust the place. Then it hits her how _empty_ her flat is without Sasha in it, how empty _she_ feels without the hazel eyed girl. She leans her back on the front door to stop herself from falling over and slides down the length of it until she's sat right there.

And then she just starts sobbing. She brings her hands to her face and cries her heart out like she doesn't think she's ever cried. She doesn't even know if she'll be able to stop herself. She wonders if she'll even fall asleep right where she is once she's cried all the energy out of her body. She hasn't eaten in hours, drove straight from Glasgow to London and only stopped once for gas. She's not hungry though, the thought of eating is making the bile rise from her stomach. Naomi wonders briefly if she'll feel like eating eventually, can't quite fathom that she will, yet knows that she'll have to at some point.

She doesn't even know how long she remains there, sitting against the door. All she knows is, by the time her tears have stopped falling and she gets up to go to her bedroom, her butt hurts tremendously and she feels exhausted. She slumps on top of her comforter fully clothed, doesn't even care that she's still got her boots on, and just falls asleep right there.

;;

It barely takes a month after that weekend for them to make the decision. Sasha drives down to London one weekend and it's obvious to the both of them that this will be their last time together. They don't do anything, don't plan to go out with anyone, but just take the time to be together. They're threading carefully around each other and it's like neither wants any reason to fight. Naomi knows she doesn't want to stain their last weekend and she reckons Sash feels the same.

By the time Saturday afternoon rolls in, the tension is already too much for either of them to handle. They can't just keep pretending it's not happening, because that's way too hard. It's Sasha that initiates the conversation and instantly Naomi knows it couldn't have been any other way. God knows she's way too terrified to do it. She realizes she might have lasted a lot longer, might have lasted a lifetime of being this miserable because she can't bear herself to break things off.

Sash is sitting at the kitchen table while Naomi is washing a few plates at the sink. The brunette is playing with her fingers and she sighs before she finally lifts her gaze from the table to look at Naomi.

"Naoms…" She whispers desperately and just from the way she's said her name, Naomi knows that this is it.

Her body freezes instantly, her limbs stiffening. She carefully stops the running water and grips the edge of the sink. She doesn't even look at Sasha, but she knows the other girl is looking at her. She can feel her gaze penetrating the side of her head, she can almost feel her girlfriend begging her to just _look_ at her. It's not that she doesn't want to look at her, but, at this point, she'd do anything to delay the conversation neither of them wants to have.

"Please Nai… just come and sit down" Sasha hushes.

Naomi breathes in slowly, with difficulty. She knows it sounds laboured, probably because it is in a way. There's really no way to express just how much she wishes they weren't doing this right now, didn't have to do it.

"I don't… I guess I have to, don't I?" she finally answers or more like croaks.

Naomi turns her head slowly to finally look at her girlfriend and she's not all that surprised when she sees that her mouth is a thin line because she's pressing her lips together so hard and her eyes are already full of tears. The blonde walks slowly to the kitchen table and sits across Sasha. She's not quite close enough to the other girl so she's in her personal space, not close enough to smell her perfume, yet not so far away that Sasha couldn't reach for her if she tried. It's her way to put a bit of a buffer between them, because it's easier if she's not too close. Naomi doesn't think she can get around to having this conversation at all if she can smell Sash all around her.

They remain silent for a while, both stealing glances at the other once in a while but too scared to look for too long. It's getting to a point where their avoidance is ridiculous when Sasha breaks the silence once again.

"It's not working…" she mumbles and the second Naomi looks at her, she sees that the tears that were brimming her eyes earlier are now out in the open.

It makes the blonde feel ridiculously horrible, but what's worse is not that Sash is already crying, it's the fact that her voice is full of despair. She feels her throat constrict and her own eyes fill with tears. She pushes them back, doesn't want to cry, because she's not sure if she'd be able to stop if she started. Sasha looks at her with such hopeless eyes and it's evident she's waiting for Naomi to say something, but the blonde is not sure she can. She knows this is what needs to happen, but if she opens her mouth to actually speak, she's not convinced she won't just beg that they try harder to make it work. And ultimately that wouldn't change anything, it would just make things harder.

So instead she nods slowly, closing her eyes when Sasha lets a strangled sob escape her lips. She can't leave her eyes open or she'll see that she just killed the faintest hope her girlfriend might have had about the situation turning out differently. She realizes for the first time that Sasha _really_ doesn't want this to happen just as much as her. And then she feels anger flare up inside her because, surely, if they are both so torn over this, it shouldn't have to happen! Yet, it's fucking happening and Naomi is just pathetically powerless.

When she opens her eyes again, her cheeks are wet and even if she told herself she wouldn't cry, she understands that that's nearly impossible. Sasha isn't sobbing anymore, but looking at her with the most defeated expression she's ever worn.

"I love you so much…" The brunette whispers with a bittersweet smile.

Despite everything, Naomi smiles back and nods.

"And I love you so much as well" She confirms just in case her girlfriend might have doubted.

Weirdly enough, Sasha is all smiles when she continues "But that doesn't change the fact that it's not working, does it?"

It's not a happy smile, so in a way, it works. Naomi thinks that actually, the smile makes it a bit tragic. She nearly scoffs at herself for even daring to think something like that. It makes her feel like such a drama queen.

"I wish it did though" she utters and it's the brunette's turn to be nodding.

"I'm so sorry" She says. "I feel like this is all my fault"

"Why?" Naomi asks curiously.

"Because I'm the one that left" Sasha admits with a shrug.

The blonde considers this for a second. It's funny that it never occurred to her before to blame Sasha for where their relationship ended up. She never once considered the idea that her girlfriend moving away made it her fault.

"If it's worth anything I don't see it that way at all" she says.

The look her girlfriend sends her after that is part shocked, but part grateful.

"Glasgow is definitely where you need to be Sash…" she mutters. "You thrive there"

She looks at the brunette again and she sees that she started crying again. Naomi lets her cry as much as she needs, doesn't add anything else. She'd cry herself if she could, but right now she's just feeling numb.

"Can you please stop being so bloody lovely?" Sasha jokes. "You're making this awfully hard"

Naomi laughs for what feels like the first time in ages. She shakes her head then and quickly loses her smile.

"I… It's just… I wish it wasn't happening at all you know?" she says so faintly that's it's a miracle she was heard at all.

"I know…" the brunette replies. "I feel the same"

"I just want you to know… If… if like there was… _anything_ I could do that would work I would… I just… I don't think there is… I'm sorry I can't move to Glasgow with you" Naomi says stumbling on her words.

Her eyes fill with tears then and she's the first one surprised to see feelings surging through again. But when she looks at Sasha, the girl is shaking her head.

"I know Nai… You belong in London just as much as I belong in Glasgow"

Naomi nods along and she's glad they're agreeing. She's not sure though if they're supposed to agree this much while they're breaking up. The second the thought crosses her mind, she feels faint. It's the first time she consciously realizes that that's what's happening. They're breaking up. Before the end of the day, Sasha won't be hers anymore. That's probably the thing that tips her over and makes her start sobbing like a lost child. She grabs her head between her hands and feels waves after waves of sadness wash through her. It takes barely a second before Sasha is kneeling next to her and bringing her into her arms. Naomi clings to her and it's only okay that she's letting herself cry her broken heart in the brunette's arms because Sash is doing the exact same thing in hers.

And then things just start happening fast. Naomi crashes her lips against the hazel eyed girl's only to find that that's all the other girl seems to want as well anyway. Their hands are roaming freely with a desperate eagerness that's never been there before. They properly shag right there on the crap linoleum of what used to be _their_ flat and neither really cares that it's a bit cold and a bit uncomfortable. It's all about owning each other one last time in a way and it's just what they both need at the moment.

;;

Later, they move to Naomi's room and, this time, they don't just shag. They take all the time they want and they make love one last time. It's beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time in a way that is hard to describe. Naomi knows she's trying to convey every feeling she contains every time she kisses Sasha's skin and every time she brushes her fingers on a different area of her body. She tries to make her lips firm and not quiver, but at times it's just plain _hard_ not to shake all over. Every time her memory reminds her that this is the last time she'll ever get to be with Sasha like this ever again, she sorts of loses it. Of course, Sash brings her back to the present every time it happens so it's alright.

;;

When they're done and they've both made each other go to the highest peaks possible, there's nothing left to say or do. Sasha curls up to Naomi's side and lays her head in the crook of the blonde's neck. Naomi plays with her hair, moves some locks around and digs her fingers deep until she's diligently massaging the brunette's scalp. Sash is humming against her skin and it feels so freaking good. They nearly forget for a moment that this will be the last time. It feels like a beginning, not an ending, but perhaps that's how it was supposed to be all along.

Naomi battles with her mind half wanting to tell Sasha that she'll miss her, half not wanting to. In the end, she just says nothing, but presses a lingering kiss to the brunette's temple. Sasha squeezes her in reply and the blonde knows instantly that she really doesn't need to say it, the other girl knows.

;;

They let themselves float on this illusion cloud of cuddling for a little while longer, but when the pressure returns, they get dressed in silence. It's quickly decided then that Sasha needs to leave, even if she had originally planned to stay all weekend. Staying would just make things harder anyway and, really, there's little point to indulge further in the fantasy that they're still happily coupled.

When the brunette has gathered all her belongings and has walked to the door, she sets hers bags on the side just for a moment, just so they can share one last goodbye. She looks at Naomi, eyes full of sadness and apologies.

"Do you… Did you want to stay in touch or…?" She says unsurely.

Naomi shakes her head and Sasha isn't surprised at all.

"I'd rather a clean break… I mean, I think it'll be easier" The blonde explains and, of course, Sash is nodding along. Naomi knew she'd feel the same.

After that, the brunette steps forward and throws her arms around Naomi's neck. The blonde lets her because she knows Sasha needs it. She even circles her waist when she realizes that she needs this too. They hug for probably too long, but neither really cares. It's the last thing they'll have so they're taking it. They don't kiss though because that would be just too much. And before she even knows it, Sasha has pulled out of the hug, grabbed her bags and walked out of her flat, walked out of her life.

;;

When Naomi closes the door, she very much feels like she just shut out 6 years of her life. She walks back slowly to her bedroom and crawls in her bed. She buries herself under the blankets and snuggles the pillow Sasha was laying on a few moments ago. She brings it close to her nose and just inhales. It's still covered with the subtle fragrances that have meant so much to her for the past 6 years. The blonde closes her eyes and just continues to inhale, letting her memory bring her back to so many different moment in times where she was surrounded with the different aromas.

She wants to curse her brain for having such a good memory, but also, she kind of wants to bless it. They're a bit confusing and very hard to deal with, these feelings that resemble paradoxes. Her heart hurts so much that lying in her bed with Sasha's pillow is the only thing she feels like doing, like she's paralyzed in a way. Yet, she doesn't want to forget the brunette, doesn't want to be mad that it ended, because- J_esus_!- it felt so _good_ while it lasted. She can't imagine who she'd be if she had never met the other girl, doesn't even want to know. She's changed in so many ways because of the other girl. She knows she's a much better person for having had her in her life.

So she just stays there and remembers the good times. She remembers the smiles and the happiness and the promises of a wonderful future and it's a very bittersweet process. Even though the break wasn't _that_ rough, even though she knows it wasn't an ending to her life, it _was_ an ending to their life together and that is excruciating. So for now, she lies silently and feels the hot tears pouring out of her eyes. They're not uncontrollable sobs, her chest is not heaving painfully with the exertion of crying, but still, the tears pour out of her and cover her cheeks. And she just lets them. Tomorrow, she'll start working on getting better, getting over what she's lost. But tonight, tonight she's allowed to wallow in it.

;;

The first few days are the absolute worst. Naomi calls off at work because getting out of her bed is hard enough without her worrying about working at all. It's a bit sad and a bit pathetic that all she feels like doing is stare at her ceiling and let her memory go over every single happy moment Sasha and her ever had.

She doesn't even text her boys. The blonde can't stomach seeing anyone, not even the people she loves the most apart from the brunette who was still her girlfriend not so long ago. For the first few days, it works. She gets the complete peace she wanted. Her mum calls once, but she only knows because she's got caller ID. She doesn't answer.

It doesn't take too long though before Cook, Freddie and JJ start calling as well. She doesn't answer them either. Of course, they're not her mother though and they live much closer. So, a week after the break up, they arrive on her doorstep. She knows it's them the moment she hears knocking. She tries to ignore it by closing her eyes. A bit like if her eyes are closed, then it's happening in her head and there's no one knocking loudly on her door.

It's not a big surprise though when Cook walks into her bedroom minutes later. All three of her musketeers have a spare key to her flat. They're her best mates after all. She's glad it's just Cook who walks in first, she doesn't feel ready to face the three of them at once just yet. She knows Freddie and JJ are there too though.

The boy approaches her slowly, so slowly that she feels like some wild animal that could jump him any minute. Of course he's got no way to know that she feels about as ready to move as a freaking Snorlax.

"D'Art?" Cook says carefully sitting next to her.

She doesn't look at him. The blonde is too busy staring at her ceiling for that. He doesn't ask questions though and takes off his shoes before laying on his back next to her, staring at the ceiling as well. It's so perfect that Naomi wants to cry.

Neither of them says a word for a long while. If she was feeling a tiny bit better, Naomi would be concerned about Freddie and JJ being ignored somewhere else in her flat. But she's not better so she doesn't really care.

"Sash and I broke up" she eventually says after what could be 5 minutes or 5 hours.

Her voice sounds rough because she hasn't used it in so long and because she's been crying so much. Cook doesn't react to what she's just admitted right away. He lets out a long sigh that Naomi echoes though. He drags his arms towards her after that and she lets herself melt into his chest. She hates herself a bit for starting to cry again the second she's close to him.

And once she's started, she just cries… _hard_. Cook doesn't say anything, he just holds her close and she's fucking grateful for that. There's nothing he can say anyway so she really does prefer that he's silent. He kisses her hairline once in a while and draws patterns on her back.

Naomi is almost self-conscious because the more she cries, the more her nose is runny and she's probably leaving her phlegm all over him. She probably looks a mess too. She keeps hiccupping in her friend's chest and she wishes she wasn't. She's a bit embarrassed, but she's just so miserable and it feels entirely too good to have someone hold her. She'd forgotten for a second how much she loves her friends.

Naomi isn't sure how long it takes before she calms down, but when she does, Cook still says nothing, just holds her. He lets the minutes pass before finally addressing her.

"When's the last time you've eaten?"

She shrugs her shoulders. He sits them down after that and the blonde lets him.

"I'm gonna find you summat to eat okay?" he says looking at her in the eyes.

She nods slowly, but she's not sure her stomach can take it.

"D'you want me to talk to Freds and Jay?" Cook asks softly.

If she wasn't so sad she'd make a joke about how considerate the boy is being. It feels so out of character for him to be so poised. But really, she's just glad he's stepping up for her. Naomi gives him a nod because she doesn't think she can say it again so soon. Yet, she wants her friends to know. He nods and leaves her on her own. She hears him talking somewhere in the flat and then the front door opening and closing.

She closes her eyes and breathes in slowly. When she exhales, her breath is shaky, just as shaky as she feels inside. She waits for a while, wondering if Freddie or JJ will come talk to her, but neither does. She smiles because they do know her pretty well, her boys. They're waiting for her to come out. It's that thought that brings her out of her room eventually, the thought that she could have just stayed there and they wouldn't have forced their presence on her.

She can tell they're pretty relieved though when she makes an entrance in the living room. They both give her a small smile and she hugs each one of the boy in turn.

"I've put a kettle on" Freddie says.

A few minutes later tops, Naomi is sitting on the couch and has a warm cup of tea in front of her. Freddie has his own too and is sitting right next to her. JJ puts something on telly and they watch in silence.

That's how Cook finds them when he comes back with a brown take-away paper bag.

"Chinese" he says pointing at the bag. "I got you a soup though D'Art, easier to stomach and shit"

Naomi gives him the first genuine smile she's done for days and Cook's whole attitude brightens. He settles the food on the coffee table and sits with them.

The rest of the afternoon goes a bit like this. They watch some telly and they eat. The boys start joking around, carefully at first, but grow more confident when Naomi doesn't shut them down. By the end of the day, JJ is performing his best magic tricks and Cook and Freddie are spurring him on raucously. Naomi feels better than she has for days. She keeps smiling from time to time and it feels good to have something to change her mind for a while.

When the night ends though and the boys need to go back home, she feels loneliness settling back in her chest. She loses her smile and wants to cry again. She hugs Cook and JJ goodbye and when it's Freddie's turn, he hugs her closer and whispers in her ear.

"You just remember that we love you and that it gets better after a while, alright hun?"

She nods against his neck and holds him tighter. When they're all gone and Naomi looks back at her flat, she doesn't feel as alone as she did moments ago and it's a relief.

;;

As the months pass, it does get better. Every day, Naomi feels a bit fuller, a bit more herself. Cook, JJ and Freddie play a massive role too. They're here for her like they always are and that helps reminding the blonde that she's never truly alone. Her mum comes to London for a few days too and, for once, Naomi is ridiculously glad for her presence and bubbly personality.

She develops a habit though, in the following months. She develops the habit of walking around town at night. It isn't the safest thing to do really, but when the emptiness of her apartment becomes too much, it's easier to face the emptiness of the streets instead. She likes the city at night, likes how it's a mix of quiet and loud, depending where she goes.

It's debatable whether this new thing helps her or not, because on the one part, it eases her mind but on the other, it's basically insomnia turned into night time strolls. In the end, it doesn't really matter because it's helping.

;;

After 8 months without Sasha, Naomi starts being fine. She laughs again and smiles again and jokes again. She goes out with Cook and Freddie and even goes for a drink with some of her co-workers sometimes. Life is going back to normal and when she thinks of the brunette, Naomi doesn't even want to cry anymore. There's no pressure in her chest, no feeling of overwhelming loss.

It's almost ironical then when, 4 months later, she gets a promotion at work making her a centre coordinator. It's ironical because the promotion comes with an offer to run one of a few centres in different locations around Britain. Naomi is gobsmacked when her boss tells her. They want _her_ to _run _a Youth Centre. The irony truly hits when she checks her options and sees that they've offered her to run a Youth Centre in Glasgow. She wants to laugh and cry at the same time because here is exactly what she would have needed a year ago.

Naomi knows she'll take the offer the moment they offer it. Running a Centre is a dream of hers and there's no way she'll pass that up. She's not certain where she'll go though. It's a bit unsettling that she suddenly has a chance to move to Glasgow and for it to be right for her. It's a bit unsettling that she doesn't know if it's too late for that now.

The first thing she does when she gets home that night is call Sasha. It's been a year since she's talked to her so when she hears her surprised voice on the other end of the line, it nearly stuns her into silence. She pushes the shock away though and tells the brunette about her job offer. They make plans for Naomi to come to Glasgow the next weekend.

;;

Naomi arrives in Glasgow late on the next Friday night. She knocks on Sasha's front door and waits anxiously for the brunette to open it. She doesn't have to wait long before the door is opened for her and Sasha's greeting her with a shy, yet bashful smile. The blonde drops her bag and grabs the other woman in a hug and it feels like something completely familiar, but entirely new at the same time. Naomi still buries her nose in Sasha's hair though and revels in the closeness for the first time in a year.

"It's so good to see you" the brunette mutters and Naomi can only agree.

They move into the apartment after that and the rest of the night is spent talking and catching up. The blonde is all smiles when Sash tells her how well she's done for herself. The other woman's job is going ridiculously well, so well she got another promotion. Naomi is so proud of her. Then it's the blonde's turn to tell Sasha everything about herself and it's Sasha's turn to be proud.

The more they talk and the more Naomi thinks it's insane how easy it is. They talk and laugh and it feels just like old times. But they don't really touch and they certainly don't kiss. There's an intimacy between them that just seems to be missing. It's understandable though since it's been so long since they've seen each other. Still, Naomi really wonders where this will lead them.

;;

They spend the entire weekend together, Sasha and her. They go to dinner on the Saturday and visit the town a bit on Sunday. At the end of it though, they know they have to talk and, by then, Naomi is pretty sure they both know what will happen.

"It's not the same, is it?" Naomi says on Sunday evening.

Sasha looks at her meaningfully with a sorry smile.

"No, it isn't" she confirms.

The blonde nods along and although she feels disappointed, she's not in pain either. It's the weirdest feeling in the world being there with Sasha and realising she's just not in love with her anymore. Apparently, she's not the only one that feels like that.

"God…" the brunette exclaims with an eye roll. "It took me so long to get over us… I used to spend my nights imagining what life would have been like if you'd have gotten a job offer here and moved with me. I used to fucking torture myself with those dreams."

She pauses for a second, liking her lips nervously.

"And now… now it's exactly how I dreamed it and it's just… not the same. I worked so hard to move on… I guess I just… have" Sasha finishes with a finality that isn't lost on either of them.

"I know… I… worked hard too. I feel like I'm in the same place as you. I look at you and you're still this amazing person I loved so much. I recognize that, but… It's not _us_ anymore"

The brunette nods and sighs. Naomi knows she's not heartbroken though, she's just as sad and disappointed as she is feeling herself. They don't dwell on the disappointment though and spend the rest of the evening enjoying each other's company. They may not be in love anymore, but it's clear that they both still care.

When Naomi goes back to London on Monday, she feels better than she's felt for the entire year because, even though things with Sasha didn't go like she had hoped they would, she still found something very precious in the north. She found closure.

;;

Naomi spends the next week looking into the different options she's got. So when she finally makes her choice, the blonde has thought it through as much as she possibly could.

In the end, she chooses to go to Bristol. She chooses it because it's the place where the centre has the most potential for development and also because it's her hometown. Naomi never imagined she'd want to go back, but she finds that the idea of going back feels really good. She organises everything with her boss and when she tells the news to her mum, the older woman is ecstatic.

Naomi hasn't even finished packing when she catches herself on her living room floor, writing out plans and projects she wants to do in Bristol. She's vibrating with energy, vibrating with hope and reams and ambition and she almost feels like she can fly.

When Cook, Freddie and JJ drive her to the train station later in the month, they're all pretty sad to see her go. Naomi doesn't worry much though this move won't end them. There never will _be_ an end to them.

On the train, Naomi realises for the first time that she's going home, at long last. There's nothing that can deter her mood then. She's so ready for this, ready for her new beginning.

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**I have absolutely no idea where a new beginning could lead Naomi... Right?Now, I know this is just not what you guys said you wanted in the reviews. But I've got a plan and i'm sticking to it. Also, I guess i'm really just one of those people who writes for themselves first, to write something they, above everyone else, will enjoy the most. I think you'll have to indulge my vision for this story here and I do hope you continue to enjoy this experience as much as I am! Your love and enthusiasm means the world and it's the best motivation ever. I know everyone says it, but more reviews make you write faster. Everyone is right. It's corelated. I promise :) xx  
**


	10. PART III: Chapter 2 Talk to me

**A/N: ... You know, I knew the last chapter would be controversial, I didn't know it would be THAT controversial though! I must admit the best part of getting some hate (even though that wasn't full on hate, I've seen worse) was having you guys defending me afterwards! I mean, really? Could you guys be any more adorable? **

**Okay, so I know this isn't a walk in the park. I know it stirs up a lot of feelings, most of which aren't nice feelings either. I could apologize for it, but I won't. Because well, I don't want to. When I started this story, I wanted to play with those kind of emotions and that's what I did. If you're feeling so sad and heartbroken it just means I did my job. I'm not going to apologize for doing my job. What I can suggest you though is that if you're feeling just horrible after reading something, may it be this story or any other, go read any given chapter of Tell Me a Story by Fitchswitch. It's the most uplifting story on the fandom. And it is entirely impossible to feel shit after reading it.  
**

**Now, that already too many words on that subject. I'd like to thank you a million for all the support I got last chp despite everything. Every review is still a very ridiculous incentive to write faster every single time. The story is coming to an end very soon too, so it'd be pretty wicked if I could continue to have your loving support for the final bits :)**

**At last, I kinda want to say a big Bonjour to the French fans out there. I'm by no means bilingual, but I did take two French classes in College so I know a few things. Like Bonjour and Je vous aime. Is that grammatically correct? I sure hope so! Loads of love xx  
**

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Part III

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**Chapter 2: Talk to me**

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If you ask the blonde, the meeting has been dragging on for what feels like forever. Naomi hasn't been attentive in probably way too long than is permitted since she's the coordinator of the place and she's required to pay the outmost attention, but she just can't help drifting off. It's not that the ideas being presented are bad though, they're fair enough she supposes, but they're not quite right either. Also, Naomi has to admit these executive meetings aren't her favourite part of the job. She much rather prefers working with the kids, doing actual activities and seeing them laugh and smile. That's more her expertise.

The blonde decides to call off the meeting when she realises with a jolt that she has no clue what her co-workers are talking about anymore. They're going over some project that seems to involve paint and shoes, but she's completely lost on what it actually is.

"Okay Carla" She suddenly says loudly. "That was well interesting really, but my brain is about fried right now. We've been going on long enough. We'll discuss this again next week"

Carla looks upset at being interrupted, but the others look relieved. She's happy to notice she's not the only one who had enough. Naomi gives them all smiles and picks up her stuff. She leaves their meeting room to dash quickly to her office before she can leave for the day. It's well past four now, which is the time she's supposed to leave at, but she often ends up staying longer. It's entirely by choice too.

If you'd ask the blonde how her life is at the moment, she'd answer grand without losing a beat. She has been working in the Youth Centre of Bristol, YCB, for 6 months now and things couldn't be better for her. She loves the staff, loves the kids, loves the job all around. She also really loves her new flat in the city. She even loves her mother's weekly visits over and that's mostly what reminds Naomi of how much older she's gotten because she used to hate hanging out with her mother. Now she kind of thinks that the older blonde is pretty hilarious and that just shows her age.

She waves at Jimmy and Stacey as she walks through the common room. They're two of the regulars that come to the YCB. Jimmy is a ridiculously clever kid of 13 that has one of the driest sense of humour Naomi has ever seen. Most of his comments are delivered in deadly serious tones and the blonde laughs too much at every single one. Stacey is also 13, but she's a lot friendlier than Jimmy is on first approach. She's always got this thousand mega-watts smile plastered on her face and her voice is so shrill Naomi thinks it's completely possible elderly people don't hear her when she speaks.

"Hello Naomi!" Stacey shouts happily while Jimmy gives her a nod.

The two kids are huddled close on one of the common room's couch, Naomi notices. She raises her eyebrows at them.

"You two seem quite cosy" she observes with a smirk.

When the two teen blush furiously, Naomi lets a loud laugh escape her lips. She doesn't tease them further though. Secretly, the blonde absolutely loves when her kids date each other. She adores the idea that they find the Centre a safe enough place to let their guards down and find love. God knows most of those kids have a hard enough time at home and would never dream to let their defences down, so Naomi is pleased that they can at least find peace at the Centre. It's one of the things she hoped to accomplish the most when she first started here.

The blonde makes a quick stop in her office to put her folders in their places and grab her handbag. She's on her way out the door the next minute, but not before she has time to wriggle her eyebrows suggestively at Jimmy behind Stacey's back. She struggles to keep her laugh to herself when the teen sends her a death glare over his flushing face. She leaves the premises without another glance back.

;;

The sun is still hanging out when she steps onto the street and that makes Naomi feel a bit better. She loves her job to bits, but it's always a bit depressing when you leave work and it's night out. The weather feels nice too, if a bit humid. The blonde supposes it's going to rain tomorrow, but right now it's not and it feels perfect with just a small jacket on. It's how she likes it best really.

Naomi's left work for about five minutes when her cell phone starts ringing. She takes it and checks her Caller ID, mildly surprised when she sees "_**Arielle YCB**_" flashing across the screen. The kids barely ever call her, so it's a surprise every time they do.

Naomi likes to give her cell phone number to her kids and, even if she has way too many 15-year-olds-and-under numbers in her phone for what should be appropriate at her age, she doesn't really care. Most of them have absent parents and no one to really talk to, so the blonde feels safer knowing that they can call her if need be. Even then, it scarcely happens, as much as they love her, she's still a grown up and that doesn't make her the prime choice for a quick chat.

But this time, someone _is _calling her so she frowns and takes the call.

"Hello?" She says.

"_Hello? Naomi? Is that you?"_ she hears the panicked voice of Arielle on the other end.

"Yeah yeah it's me, what's going on?" the blonde demands feeling worry invade her.

"_Oh thank fuck! It's Lucy! She's like, trippin' or summat and I don't know what to do! She locked herself in the bathroom and she won't, like, come out"_

The teen sounds genuinely agitated and Naomi knows she's not pulling a prank. She can hear Arielle yelling through the phone and banging on a surface.

"_Lucy! Just come out her' alright?!" _

Naomi can't help feeling a shiver of dread run through her spine.

When she started working in this field a few years ago, the first thing Naomi was told was that they can't pick favourites amongst the kids they help. They have to keep a levelled head and treat them all equally because picking favourites can cause an additional prejudice to the kids that aren't "chosen". While Naomi completely understands that theory, it took her about two weeks to realise that no one follows it because it's bloody impossible. In a work that gets them to work closely with often troubled teenagers, it's impossible for the support workers not to feel more connected to certain kids than others. They just have to be smart about it and not let it show.

Lucy is undeniably Naomi's favourite. She is a skinny 16 year old that started hanging out at YCB about a week after the blonde's arrival. She has really long black hair with an electric blue highlight right in the front and grey eyes and she looks stupidly delicate although there's a hint of toughness to her as well. Naomi often thinks of her as the most solid piece of porcelain there can be.

For the first month Lucy came to YCB, she didn't speak a single word to anyone. It wasn't out of spite or anything, but you could see in her eyes, she didn't see the point. Most of the time, she'd look like a lost puppy and, although she wouldn't talk, she kept coming back. The blonde thinks she probably got interested in the teenage girl right then. She's always liked complex people and that girl was just that.

Naomi is pretty certain she's the first one Lucy ever said a word to at YCB. She never knew why, maybe it was because they were both new. It had been so casual too that the blonde had wondered if she'd dreamed it. She had been handing out suggestions sheets for the next Centre shopping list and the teen had asked her if she could have a paper as well. Naomi had tried not to look too stunned and had handed her one without hesitation, but with a proud smile.

After that, Lucy had somehow taken a liking to her, just as the blonde had taken a liking to the teenager. She'd spent a few evening cooped up in Naomi's office telling her bits and pieces about her life. Lucy never told her too much, she never gave her a clear picture, but she told her the basics, the blurry contours of her life. One of the things that the blonde had found out pretty early on was that Lucy lived with her mum and her current step father, her father having fucked off when she was just a kid. Of course, Naomi had found it easy to relate given the circumstances, but where Naomi's step dads over the years had been decent guys, Lucy's had been bastards.

The teenager had never told Naomi in which way exactly they were bastards though so she had no idea how bad Lucy's life had really been. It wasn't as simple as that, opening up- the blonde knew that alright of course- but with time, she had managed to weasel out quite a lot of information about the teen herself if not about the specifics of her home environment.

If Lucy often showed the world she was quite capable, Naomi knew her to be a lot more fragile than that. She'd been quite pleased to note that her original appraisal of the girl had been rather spot on. The blonde had noticed the teen often spaced out and there was way too much sorrow in her eyes for someone so freaking young. That part, she'd noticed with sadness and not pride.

It's a bit because Naomi knows this about the teen though that she's terrified when she continues to hear Arielle knocking on the bathroom door and get no reply in return.

"Arielle!" She shouts. "Where are you?"

The other teenager tells her an address and the next second, Naomi has promised her she's on her way. She tries to find a taxi as quickly as she can manage and is on her way within ten minutes.

Another few minutes later, Naomi steps out of the taxi into the poorest neighbourhood of Bristol. She doesn't really take the time to assess that fact though and just walks to the front door of the shabby looking house and knocks loudly.

"Arielle?! Arielle!?" She shouts. "It's Naomi!"

She hears quick footsteps walk all the way to the door and then it's opened in front of her. Arielle, a small blonde, is standing in front of her, eyes filled with fear and limbs quivering.

"She ain't coming out!" she says desperately.

"Show me where she is" Naomi orders and follows the second the teen is in movement.

They barely take 30 seconds to reach a white ugly door with stains of god-knows-what all over it. Naomi knocks loudly.

"Lucy!" She yells. "Lucy, it's Naomi from the Centre! Open hun, alright?"

When she doesn't get an answer, the blonde goes straight for the doorknob. She's relieved when she sees it's one of those simple ones with a hole in the middle. She takes a bobby pin from her fringe and shoves it in the doorknob. If she was a bit cooler, Naomi would totally take the door down with a mighty kick or a good shove of her shoulders, but she's not and if she tried the stunt, she'd definitely dislocate her shoulder or something. Besides, being friends with Cook has its advantages and Naomi knows how to get this lock to cooperate.

She's still a bit proud when the lock clicks open and Arielle mumbles an impressed swear under her breath. Her pride is quickly pushed aside though when she opens the door and sees Lucy on the ground unconscious, a bottle of pills on one side, a pocket knife on the other and her left wrist bleeding profusely. It's like her heart stops for a moment as she takes in the scene. The teenager looks so young in that moment as she lies still on the ceramic floor. Her skin is pasty white and Naomi really thinks she looks a lot frailer then she's ever seen her.

"Shit shit shit!" Naomi swears, not caring that she's setting a bad example for the blonde teenager who just gasped loudly next to her.

It's a bit by instinct that Naomi plunges down next to Lucy and grabs her bleeding wrist forcefully. She pushes the palms of her hand against the wound and is actually relieved when the teen groans in pain. She's not dead, Naomi thinks with a sigh.

"Call 999!" She orders Arielle before bringing the hand that isn't trying to stop the bleeding to Lucy's cheek. "Lucy? Lucy?" the blonde says.

When she still gets no reply, Naomi slaps the teen's face gently. She has very little clue what she's doing, but she can't just stand there doing nothing. She has no idea what pills Lucy took, but she'd rather not let her stay unconscious in case it makes everything worse. She's terrified though, Naomi really is. She's so out of her depth right now that it would be funny if it wasn't such a critical situation. She wills herself to calm down though, she needs to relax, she needs to be there for Lucy. She can't let her die.

Arielle walks back into the room.

"They're on their way" she says and her voice is wobbly. "Fucking hell..."

Naomi turns her gaze from Lucy's face for the first time to look at Arielle. She notices right away how pale the teenage blonde is.

"Sit down Ar!" She says wondering if the other teen will faint. "And relax alright? It'll be good, yeah? We've got her"

The older blonde isn't sure if saying things like that is considered like making promises, but she sort of hopes it's not. She shouldn't make promises if she's not sure they'll come true, but she doesn't know how else to calm Arielle.

The teen starts crying hard the second her butt touches the ground. Naomi almost wishes she could split herself in half because she wants to comfort her, but she can't let go of Lucy who's looking paler by the minute.

"Shush Ar, calm down"

"I didn't know who else to call!" the teen says through her sobs.

"It's okay hun, you did the right thing. I'm glad you called" Naomi assures.

It feels like forever, this time where Naomi's hand is clutched around the tiny wrist of Lucy. The blonde can't wish for the ambulance to come faster, if she's honest. She's shaking all over and as much as she's trying to put up a brave front, she doesn't feel all that brave.

When they hear the loud knocks on the front door, both blondes jump in surprise.

Naomi's heart does a hopeful somersault as she yells "through here!" at the top of her lungs.

The rest happens so fast that it feels completely surreal. One minute she's holding onto Lucy, her blood all over her fingers, and the next the paramedics are there in the tiny and dirty bathroom, telling her to move aside.

"It's okay Mam, we've got this" she hears a raspy voice say next to her at the same time she feels a hand being pressed on her scapula. "What's the girl's name?"

"Lucy" she whispers her eyes completely fixed on the teenager.

Gentle fingers place themselves on top of her hand and move it aside before another set of fingers latch onto the open wound. Naomi is stunned by the rapidness, the gentleness of the gesture, but what stuns her even more is the familiar voice and burning touch she experiences. She snaps her head towards the paramedic and gawks stupidly when she recognizes the face of Emily Fitch.

"Emily…?" she says, her voice full of disbelief.

The paramedic turns to look at her and Naomi sees the recognition in her eyes as they widen before Emily focuses back on Lucy and her task at hand. It's entirely not the good time for this, but the blonde can't help examining the petite girl from her past who just managed to bounce back into her life. She takes in the dark brown hair first because it's what's most noticeable in her opinion. Gone is the fiery red that once felt like Emily's trademark. It looks great though, Naomi thinks. Even tied in a ponytail like it is, it looks great.

Emily is wearing the dark green paramedic uniform so the blonde can't tell if her personal style is still as vibrantly colourful as it used to be. Now that she knows her hair isn't red anymore, the first thing Naomi wonders is if Emily's wardrobe is more conventional as well. She can't imagine it, if she's honest.

She's probably been staring a bit too long because Emily ends up giving her a pointed look before she looks back at the bandages she's trying to put on Lucy. It's either that or Emily has been talking to her for a few seconds because the next thing she knows is that the brunette is asking her a question.

"Did you see if she had any injuries other than the obvious on her wrist?" the now-brunette asks her.

And that's what reminds Naomi that this _really _is _not_ the right time to be wondering about Emily Fitch's life. Not when Lucy is still unconscious and there's so much of her blood on the floor. The fear is back with a vengeance then.

"I huh… I don't think so" Naomi says, her voice shaking and her brows furrowing instantly.

"Do you know if she has any allergies? To medication or other stuff?" Emily continues.

"I don't know" the blonde admits.

"Does she take any prescribed medication, were those pills hers?" the petite continues, pointing to the empty bottle with her chin.

"I don't know. I don't think so" Naomi says again feeling completely useless.

"What about her past medical history? Do you have any information on that?" Emily questions and, by this point, the blonde really wishes she'd stop asking questions.

Naomi shakes her head sadly.

"She said summat 'bout being in hospitals before once" Arielle provides from the doorway.

Naomi and Emily both look at the teen and the brunette gives her a reassuring smile. Naomi can _feel_ Arielle calming down just with that one look and she's impressed. She always knew Emily would be terribly good at her job, but it's the first time she sees her calming powers in action.

"Thanks, were you the one that found her?" Emily asks the teenage girl.

"I was wiv her before, but she locked herself in the bathroom and I didn't know what to do so I called Naomi. We found her together"

Naomi isn't sure if she imagined it or if Emily shivers a bit when Arielle says her name. Either way, she can't focus on that right now as the brunette quickly fires another question.

"Did you guys eat anything earlier today?" she asks the younger blonde.

"No"

"And did she seem okay before she went into the bathroom?"

"She looked upset a bit, but like, not that bad, yeah?" Arielle says, her voice sounding completely defeated then.

Naomi turns to look at her just in time to see her burst into tears again. She gets up quickly and draws her arms around the weeping teenage girl.

"S'alright Ar, Em- huh the paramedic will take care of Lucy" she says, only managing to catch herself at the last minute.

She steals a glance to the brunette and can see that there's a small smile on her lips. Naomi catches her eye for a few seconds, but it really doesn't last long. Emily is too busy taking care of Lucy and that's quite alright. She realises with a jolt though that, as random as it is, she's really fucking glad Emily is the one taking care of the unconscious teenager. She feels calmer just because the other girl is here. Seems like her calming powers aren't just working for Arielle.

A moment later, Emily's work partner rolls in with a stretcher and it's at that moment that Naomi notices he was gone at all. She guides Arielle and herself out of the bathroom though to leave him some room to work. She waits as patiently as she can as he and Emily manoeuvre the black haired girl on the stretcher and strap her in. Emily takes the time to put an oxygen mask on Lucy and a second later, they're wheeling her out of the house. Naomi follows, keeping her arm around Arielle's shoulders.

Once outside, the brunette's partner starts lifting Lucy into the ambulance while she makes her way to Naomi. The blonde feels her stomach churn and her heartbeat race the closer Emily gets.

"Are you coming with?" the petite asks her. "I mean, are you family or…?"

"No. She's a kid from the centre I work at" Naomi explains. "I'd come, but I…" She continues sending a glance at Arielle who's still looking pretty shell shocked.

"Of course" Emily nods.

Emily makes a move to go, but Naomi shoots her a question before she has time to disappear.

"Where are you bringing her? Royal?" she says.

"Yeah, Royal infirmary" Emily confirms with a nod.

They stare at each other for a few seconds and Naomi can tell there's a question just hanging on the brunette's lips. She's about to ask her what it is when Emily's partner calls out to her and she shakes her head before running back to the ambulance. The next second, they're gone.

;;

It's about half an hour later that Naomi arrives in front of Bristol Royal Infirmary. The sun is set by then and Arielle has been returned home safely. She still looked upset when Naomi left, but the blonde did her best to remind her she'd done the right thing by calling her and that Lucy was taken care of now. In the end, she'd left the teenage girl with her parents and had called a taxi to bring her to the hospital.

She walks to the reception nervously. She's still terrified somehow that Lucy might not be alright. She tries to remind herself that she was with Emily and therefore _must_ be okay, but it's stronger than her this urge to fret and worry. She really does care about the teenage girl. It's not just a front she puts up. She doesn't just pretend to care and to worry, she does. Every time one of the kids does something great, Naomi feels proud of them and every time they mess up, she worries. It's a stressful job in a way and maybe the blonde is a bit too sensitive at times, but she never regrets getting involved with troubled teens ever. Not even when she's in the reception hall of a hospital.

After a couple of minutes, she manages to get Lucy's room number and just from the fact she got one, she feels lighter. Because if the girl is in a room, it means she's fine. Naomi walks to the right floor and the right corridor and in no time at all, she's found the place. She doesn't know if Lucy's mum will be there, she's never even met the woman, but that doesn't put her off. She walks in.

Turns out the girl's mum isn't there, but the teenage girl is and she's awake. When Lucy sees her, she smiles at first, then her smile fades and her cheeks colour.

"Hey there" Naomi says soft as she walks to the bed and takes a chair to sit down.

"Hey" Lucy replies weakly.

There's a moment of silence then because the blonde hates small talk when she's feeling shit, so she doesn't want to do that to the teenager. She gives her the room to speak on her own terms and it doesn't even take that long before she does.

"I'm so sorry you had to be like... involved in my mess" the black haired girl says looking ashamed.

"Don't be silly Luce, I give you guys my number so I can precisely be there if you need me" she waves off. "Although I wish I hadn't gotten a phone call about that ever, you know?" She continues giving the teen a pointed look.

Tears automatically spring to the girl's eyes and Naomi reaches forward to grab her hand.

"It's okay hun" she mutters.

Lucy cries for a bit, but she squeezes Naomi's hand as well. The blonde thinks this is a good sign. She doesn't want to lecture the teen because she doesn't think she needs that right now, but she does want her to know that she cares. She wants Lucy to know that she was fucking afraid and that she was not okay with her just dying. So Naomi squeezes her hand back and lets her cry for a bit.

When the black haired girl calms down, they discuss a bit more. Naomi asks her about her mum and Lucy tells her she's on her way from London. The blonde tries not to comment on the fact that the girl's mother was all the way to London and left her teenage daughter on her own. She knows she had a lot of freedom too at that age and that Gina was never exactly on her back, but even then, the old hippie never fucked off just like that and left her on her own. Not without planning it with her beforehand anyway. She guesses some parents really aren't fit to be parents at all. She also guesses though that, if the woman is on her way now, she at least cares about her daughter. And in a world so fucked up sometimes, Naomi knows it's already a lot more than some people get.

;;

She leaves at around midnight when Lucy's mum arrives. The teen is fast asleep by then. The first thing Naomi notices is how freaking young the other woman is and the second is how lost and out of her depth she looks. Despite herself, the blonde feels her previous judgement of this woman seep away. She's not about to win a Mother-of-the-Year award anytime soon, but as she introduces herself quickly and hugs Naomi tightly with tearful, thankful eyes, the blonde kind of gets that she loves her daughter a lot. So she leaves them alone with a curt nod to the woman and she doesn't even feel bad about it.

;;

She checks a sign to try and find where the cafeteria is before she goes. She walks to it only to realize that it's closed at this hour. Naomi makes an eye roll at herself because it's kind of stupid she didn't figure that one out before she went looking. She's tired though, so she guesses that's why she's not all that quick.

The blonde ends up walking around the floor looking for a vending machine because with everything that happened this evening, she hasn't eaten anything since lunch and she's absolutely starving. She finds one eventually and she scans her option. She hesitates a second between a probably mouldy ham sandwich and a definitely gross looking tuna salad. She ends up buying the ever healthy chocolate bar because she trusts it a lot more than anything else in the machine.

Naomi has just retrieved her Rolo when she hears footsteps behind her. She turns around and, of course, it's not just anyone walking behind her, it's Emily. Their eyes meet and the brunette stops. Naomi gives her a shy smile.

"Meeting you by a vending machine…" the blonde says. "How fitting"

Emily's lips crack into a smile and she lets a short laugh escape. Naomi's heart leaps in her chest at the sight.

"Hello Naomi" the brunette greets.

"Hello"

They stare some more and if Naomi is studying the other girl, she has no doubt Emily is doing just the same. She forces herself not to shiver under the other girl's examination. It's still so strange that they're actually in the same room after years of no contact. It feels good though.

"You came to visit Lucy?" Emily asks her.

"Yeah. Her mum just arrived so I figured I should go home. Only, I was bloody starving. I haven't had a chance to with everything that happened" she explains.

"So you live in Bristol? I didn't know that" Emily says immediately.

"I do. Do you? I mean, I thought you were still in London" Naomi replies.

"Yeah, I do. I moved here about two years ago.

The blonde nods. She doesn't really know what else to say so she starts eating her Rolos. It's a bit awkward, but it's definitely not as awkward as she'd have imagined it, seeing Emily again. And that's kind of amazing in many ways, Naomi thinks. She looks at the brunette, looks at the curve of her tiny nose and her jaw and she feels good, feels calm.

"I can't believe we ended up in the same place" Naomi says with a short laugh.

Emily nods along, amusement in her eyes apparent. The blonde is sure she feels just as stunned as she does.

"Well, in any case, I'm glad you're still a paramedic"

"Thanks"

"Do you miss London though? Things here must be a lot calmer, quieter, no?"

"Yeah they are, but I kind of like it" Emily says with a soft smile. "I have more time with every patient you know? No rush to go someplace else in the middle"

Naomi nods because she understands. It fits Emily well also, she thinks. It fits that she'd want more time to help people, more time to connect. It's the kind of person she is.

"What about you?" The brunette questions. "What brings you here? I thought you thrived in London"

"I did, but I got offered a coordinator job and chose to come here to take it. It's got a lot of potential. Also, my mother is positively funnier than I remembered, I don't hate having her closer" the blonde muses.

"Your mother is fantastic" Emily says with a nod and a genuine smile. "And I'm sure you're making lots of changes at the centre. You always did have many ideas"

"I try my hardest... It's not always easy though"

"I bet... Is it... Is it the first time you're called on a scene like that with one of the kids?"

It's funny how Naomi thinks that she'd get annoyed at most people if they asked her that. She'd cart it off as inappropriate curiosity, but when it comes from Emily, she believes the petite doesn't want to know because she's a gossip, just wants to know because she cares about Naomi's life.

She doesn't mind the question, but it still reminds her of the events and of the fragile teenager lying in a hospital bed and that makes her a bit gloomier.

"It was..." She mutters.

"You okay?" Emily asks, her eyes furrowed in concern. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you feel bad..."

"No, no, don't be silly. I'm good. I just... fuck... It was the first time yeah. It's bloody terrifying this whole business. I don't know how you do it. I had no clue what I was doing" She explains.

"You looked pretty good though" Emily provides.

Naomi feels herself blushing and right when she does, the brunette starts spluttering as if she's just realized what she said.

"I mean you looked like you knew what you were doing! You looked calm… in control. You did really well, you slowed the bleeding and managed to calm the other girl…"

"I think that was your smile actually that calmed her. It's what did it for me…" Naomi says without thinking.

It's Emily's time to blush now. Naomi doesn't want to make her uncomfortable though so she explains.

"I just mean to say… you have this calming vibe and you just… make everyone feel at ease when you're there is all…"

She knows she did something right when the brunette's eyes flash with gratefulness and she smiles.

"Thank you for saying that…" Emily whispers.

"No problem"

They look at each other and it's a particular moment. It's good, Naomi is convinced of that. It's a good moment where they both feel alright. There's no pain, no argument, no bitterness. They just are and it's nice to just be like that together after all that's happened. The moment becomes a bit loaded though a few seconds later when they continue to look at each other and don't say anything. They're not really close, more than an arm's length apart, but they're not that far either. And they're the only two in the area. Naomi gulps slowly, trying to find something to say.

It's not that she'd have no clue what to say though. She'd like to tell the other girl she's glad to see her. She'd like to say she's missed her because now that she's in the petite's presence, it's undeniable that she has. She remembers all their afternoons and evenings spend at museums or in parks or at the cinema and it's all great memories. She missed that, of course she did.

A part of her wants to apologize for what happened between them. A part of her wants to go over their last fight and find some resolve, but then again, she doesn't really need to. It was 6 years ago and they're over it now. They're not even the same people they were then, not really. So going over a silly fight that occurred ages ago feels superficial and that's why Naomi says nothing.

Before they have time to feel uncomfortable though, Emily's stomach gurgles loudly. They both stare at it and they start laughing.

"Jesus!" Naomi scoffs. "I'm keeping you form your food and that's a no no"

"That's very true" Emily jokes.

The blonde nods and holds out her Rolo.

"Here, peace offering. D'you want the last one?"

Emily blushes furiously at that and it's only then that Naomi remembers the tagline. _Do you love anyone enough to give them your last Rolo_? She blushes too. She just wanted to be nice and she ended up looking flirty. Maybe she wouldn't be bothered if that didn't happen to her all the time. She doesn't know how to be nice perhaps. Maybe that's what makes her sound so flirtatious every time she tries.

Naomi wonders if that's it and wonders how she can explain what she just said, but then she just looks at Emily. For a second, she shuts that big brain of hers and just _looks_ at her. She's in her paramedic uniform again, her hair still as brown and still tied in a ponytail like they were earlier. Her fringe is pinned back in a quiff , but there are a few unruly locks of hair that have fell from that arrangement long ago and now they're falling on the side of her ears. Emily's cheeks are still tinted red and it's when she bites on her bottom lip nervously that Naomi realises it. Emily Fitch is fucking gorgeous.

She's always known, of course, she's not blind or anything, but it that moment, it's more than an objective assessment of Emily's looks. That girl is gorgeous inside out. She's wearing some pretty ugly uniform that's slightly too big on her, her hair is funnily messy and she even looks a bit tired, but she's still beautiful.

And it's a bit crazy how they've fought more times and about more complex things than any friends do, yet, she's standing there talking to the blonde as if it didn't happen, as if all that happened were the good stuff and they're just two people who lost touch due to unfortunate events. It's impressive, it really is, and it shows just how mature Emily really is. She doesn't hold a grudge against her and she could. She really could. The blonde would probably deserve it, but that's now how Emily is.

Naomi realises with a flutter of her heart that that's just it. It's all about Emily and Emily really is something else, some kind of wonderful woman who somehow feels like she's always been in her life. She realises that she's pretty glad for that too and, with a jolt of electricity running through her chest, she realises that she doesn't even mind if she sounded flirtatious with Emily. She doesn't mind flirting with the brunette, doesn't mind at all. She fancies her. Another look at the twinkle in those brown eyes and the softness of her skin and there really is no denying it. Bloody hell, she fancies Emily.

It comes to her way too simply and suddenly for what it should be. After years of confusion and years of gravitating around the other girl as friends, it shouldn't be this simple for Naomi to realise that she fancies her. But she does, the feeling is ever present now and the frantic beating of her heart is making sure the blonde doesn't forget it. It should trouble her a lot more than that, fancying Emily. It should bother her and scare her and everything that usually goes with that, but it doesn't. Not really. It comes ridiculously easily to her, like fancying Emily Fitch isn't new at all.

So she lifts her Rolo again and quirks her eyebrow at the other girl. She doesn't do it challengingly though, just curiously. It's not like it's a big deal, even if there's supposed to be some meaning behind the gesture, it's just a tagline of some commercial. It doesn't mean anything between them.

"So... D'you want it?" she whispers and Emily nods.

But then she takes it and their fingers don't touch, not even a little. It's like the brunette is careful to prevent it and Naomi's heart sinks a bit. All her grand ideas of flirting with Emily are shaken and she remembers their history, the complete one this time, including all the near kisses and the long touches and the hopeful gazes and the disappointment. She's hurt the other girl, she's angered her more than she should have.

She realizes with another flutter of heartbeat that the reason why fancying Emily feels so natural right now is because she's always been attracted to the other girl. They really always had this little something more between them, when she thinks about it. It doesn't change or weaken what she had with Sasha or whatever Emily had with anyone else too, but it's still a fact. There was always something more with Emily. She remembers the then-redhead trying to make her say it, but she'd always been adamant that, between them, it was juts friendship.

It feels laughable that she's tried so hard to deny it for years and now she just knows it's true, undeniable. She'd kick herself if she didn't also know deep down that she was just not the same person then. It's infuriating but it's true. She's not trying to make excuses for herself, she knows she was pretty daft about the whole thing, but she can't deny that she was in a bad place where the petite didn't fit.

The fact that Emily and her have always been a bit particular, a bit special even, doesn't change the fact that they weren't right either. Now though she can understand why Cook and Freddie and JJ went on and on about her friendship with Emily when she herself didn't understand why they couldn't let it go. They probably did look ridiculously perfect for each other, she reckons. She remembers how they'd joke around, always nudging each other or taunting each other. She remembers all the looks and smiles and she really does get it. It's hard to explain to people outside how something that _looks _so right can _feel_ like it's not.

It's not that she blames Emily, not at all. She doesn't blame anyone really. It's just that Emily and her were always in different places, always missing each other by a beat. When they'd met, Naomi had been so lost emotionally and Emily had been so confident. She remembers now though how the other girl was the only one that made her feel better and she feels like a twat for never understanding that that was special. She just wasn't ready for it, not then.

And of course, when they'd met again, it hadn't been much better. Naomi had been so busy feeling guilty for what had happened between them that she had never truly contemplated the depths of her feelings at all. And then Emily had just moved on because that was what people did and the blonde had been hurt and… well, jealous. And of course, instead of dealing with those particular feelings, she'd just decided to move on from the crush she didn't want to say she had. And then she'd met Sasha and, yeah, Emily had been single again, but Naomi was somewhere else. She'd never say she regretted Sasha, because she didn't. She was glad she'd been with the other woman even if things hadn't worked out in the end.

Still, it's infuriating, now that she thinks about it, how Emily and her always came so close, but it never happened. They were always so close to being just right, yet never exactly there either.

The brunette's pager starts ringing in the empty hall and that breaks the moment, if it's even a moment at all. In any case, it breaks Naomi from her musings. Emily looks at the beeping thing with a furrowed brow and looks back up at Naomi.

"I'm sorry, I've got to go" she says.

"Yeah sure, go on" Naomi replies and the words are barely out before the other girl has turned around and left.

The blonde looks at her go and thinks that she doesn't even know if she'll see her again. She lost her number ages ago and that's only if the other girl still has the same number to begin with. She feels a bit desperate when a sense of lost and longing lodges itself in her heart and she realises that Emily is always Emily and will always be Emily and there's always a part of Naomi that wants her, good time or bad time.

It took her years to realise that she wants it and now that she has, she can't help wondering if there will ever be a time for them to just be a _them_. She wonders if, perhaps, _now_ is their time. There's no way to know, obviously, but, for once in her life, the blonde feels pretty ready to find out. So she lets her go, but smiles. She'll see her again if the timing is right this time around.

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**Finally right? Who else wants to applaud Naomi for finally figuring it out? Now, let's see if it is their time or if it's too late yeah? Favourite bits? Favourite line? Your feedback is forever loved and appreciated! Until next time! xx**


	11. PART III: Chapter 3 Laugh with me

**A/N: So sometimes I'm busy and it takes me longer to write this story. And at other times I'm not really sure about what I've written at all. This chapter is a bit of both. I don't hate it mind and that's the most important thing right now. I'm not rushing to post though, be assured of that. It feels a bit choppy, but it's still where I wanted to go. Also, an important note would be to say that although I had planned on going with 4 chapters for each part, I don't see that happening here. It just can't with the development I want to bring. So there's going to be a fifth chapter to Part III, yay or nay?**

**Thanks for everyone who has reviewed, it means a lot to me! And since I completely forgot to warn you last chapter about rough subjects, I want to apologize! I know it went to a dark place and I should have warned you guys. So, fair warning in this chapter as well, some rough subjects are brought up, but not thoroughly discussed.  
**

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Part III

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Chapter 3: Laugh with me

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She doesn't talk to Emily for a whole week after their late night encounter by the vending machine. She doesn't talk to her, but she sees her. It's a bit funny how Naomi founds herself thinking that, if she's meant to see the other girl again she will and then it's all she sees. It's definitely comical that she spent 6 months in Bristol without seeing a trace of the brunette, yet now, she sees her every few days.

The first time she glimpses her is the very next morning. She's barely slept at all and she's feeling positively like death when she gets up to go to work. She stops by one of her favourite coffee shop on her way to work and, as she's rounding the corner of the street towards the place, she sees Emily exiting it. She's just in jeans and a brown jacket with a steaming cup in hands. Nothing special, but Naomi thinks she's radiant. The blonde doesn't have the time to catch up to her though before she disappears in the opposite direction, but it's okay. She's seen her. She'll see her again.

;;

She does see her again 2 days later and this time it's at Tesco. Naomi goes to get some stuff for her mother one evening and when she's passing the vegetable aisle, she sees Emily a few meters away examining peppers. She's got one in her hand and seems to be smelling it. Naomi chuckles because it's nice sometimes to realise that some things don't change. She's about to go over and say hi when her cellphone rings. She answers quickly. After a fascinating argument over gluten with her mother, she finally hangs up and when she looks up at the end of the vegetable aisle, Emily is gone. She sighs in annoyment, but doesn't let it bother her too much. She'll see her again.

;;

Another 3 days later, she sees her briefly while she's at the centre. It's very short and she isn't even sure it's her at first. But when the jogging woman comes closer and passes in front of the building, it's undeniable that it's her. Naomi thinks she looks really fucking great in her tight shorts and tight vest top and she most definitely stares for a while before she's reminded by amused kids that she was in the middle of saying something. She blushes hard as she gets teased by co-workers and kids alike about her moment of inattention.

"Sod off you lot" she tells them with a small smirk.

She's blushing and embarrassed and Emily totally made her look like a complete idiot without trying, but it's okay. The blonde really can't help loving it that she sees the other woman all the time now.

;;

Naomi finally ends up talking to the brunette on an evening she's at the hospital visiting Lucy. She's been sat chatting with the teenage girl for about an hour when Lucy suddenly sends her on a quest to find some decent food to eat. And of course by "decent food", the black haired girl means any type of chocolate bar she can find or perhaps crisps. She accepts the quest willingly because she's just nice like that and also because she still remembers where to find vending machines.

She chokes out a laugh when she gets there and sees that so is Emily. The brunette turns around at the sound of laughter and her eyes soften immediately when she recognizes the blonde.

"Is this going to be our new thing?" Naomi asks pointing at the vending machines.

Emily chuckles and shrugs.

"Maybe… Still find it fitting?" The brunette questions.

"It's always fitting when it involves food and you" she shoots back with a smirk.

"You make me sound like some crazy food obsessed person" Emily grumbles.

"Well…" Naomi starts, smirk still firmly set on her lips. "All I'm saying is that if your metabolism wasn't so good, you'd definitely be obese"

"Charming" the other girl snorts with an eye roll.

"Always, obviously"

They giggle together for a bit before Emily asks her:

"You here for Lucy then?"

Naomi considers saying that no, she's there for Emily, but she decides it's probably not a good idea. Besides, it's not exactly true. Although she did hope to see Emily, she is there for Lucy first and foremost.

"Yeah, she sent me on a food quest" she explains.

"Ah and that involves what tonight?" the brunette smirks. "Rolos? They seem to be a favourite of yours"

"Well... they do remind me of some good moments" the blonde shoots back with a twinkle in her eyes.

Emily blushes and Naomi is pretty pleased with herself. She doesn't know what the brunette expected from her, but if she expected Naomi to shy away from the implication, she sure got surprised. The blonde isn't that person anymore, she likes Emily, _a lot_, and she's been daft enough about it in the past. She's done with the denial. She still doesn't really know where she stands with Emily, but she wants to know, she wants the other girl to know as well. Nevertheless, she doesn't let any awkwardness settle and changes the subject quickly.

"But I was thinking something different tonight. Lucy is quite fond of Chomp for some reason..."

The brunette nods and turns to eye the machine.

"You're in luck" she says and points at the candy bar before letting Naomi walk closer.

It doesn't take 30 seconds before the blonde has paid for the candy and she turns to look at a big coffee machine right next to the one she's in front.

"D'you reckon I'd be welcomed with open arms and shrieks of glee if I brought her hot chocolate as well?" she asks Emily with a smile.

"I reckon you'd be hero of the hour" the petite confirms with a nod.

"Good. I quite like this hero business, don't want to do a poor job"

"No that would be awful, wouldn't it"

"Exactly!"

By the end of their little exchange, Naomi is quite sure she's just stalling for time. She doesn't know about Emily, but she certainly doesn't want the moment to end. As fun as it is to glimpse Emily everywhere around town, it's also nice to finally be able to just talk to her. So she stalls and she hopes it's not as obvious as she thinks it is.

To be honest, her heart hasn't stopped beating loudly in her ribcage since she's arrived and saw the brunette. It feels a bit like it's dancing along every word Emily says and reacts to everything she does. Like when Emily smiles, it flutters all the way to her throat and when Emily laughs it makes that one extra hard beat in her chest that feels like it's going to pop out. Naomi sighs softly to herself once she's come to that conclusion. She's got it bad for Emily, she really fucking does.

When the hot chocolates are poured though, there's little excuse left for Naomi to linger.

"So hum... I'll deliver my treasures then..." She says slowly. "Before it gets, you know... cold and all" She says slowly.

"Yeah, you better" Emily says quickly. "I've got to go too anyway, I just stopped for a snack, but I've got to get back on the road"

"Yeah sure..." Naomi says with a nod.

The brunette nods along and starts leaving.

"She's on the third floor, room 312!" Naomi splutters out suddenly.

"Pardon?" Emily asks her with a raised eyebrow.

"Lucy... She's in room 312... I just... I think she'd like to meet you if, well... If you were interested. You saved her life and all... I know she'd like to say thanks..."

"Oh... okay... well... I huh... Maybe I will" Emily confirms. "Are you... I mean... do you... visit regularly?" She finishes, a cute blush covering her cheeks.

"Yeah I do"

"Good... So well, maybe I'll see you there then, right?" she questions uncertainly.

"Sure! I mean, probably" Naomi responds.

"Alright... well, bye then?"

"Yeah, bye"

The brunette leaves for real this time, but when Naomi goes back to the room with the hot chocolates and candy bar in hands, she feels ridiculously chipper. This time, she'll most definitely see Emily again.

;;

The next Tuesday turns out to be a big day for many reasons. The most important one though is that Lucy has a meeting with a doctor and a therapist on that day. Her wounds have scared by then, but the impact of what she did have not. Naomi knows the teenage girl is pretty anxious about the meeting though because it will determine whether or not she can go home. As much as the blonde knows Lucy wants to go home, she's afraid of what would happen if she did. Since she's been in the hospital, the girl has been better, cheerier than usual. Naomi is pretty sure it's due to her mum being around very often and no signs of a step-father. What she's not sure though is if the girl's mum will be as present once her daughter is back home. As much as she's learned to appreciate and like the teen's mother these past few days, Naomi isn't certain she'll be there as much as she needs to be.

She gets it, in a way. Lucy's mum is busy. She needs to work a lot to provide for her daughter and herself and life is expansive. Also, it doesn't help that the girl's mum refuses to appear poor so she works extra hard to maintain some sort of lifestyle. Sometimes Naomi wonders if it's not better to be a bit broke, but have a more present mother. In the end, she isn't sure which is more damaging, being poor or being alone.

;;

The doctors ask to see her too. Naomi isn't all that surprised because she's been around the hospital enough for the staff to pick up on her closeness of the teen. So she meets with them and they ask her about Lucy. She tries to answer as best as she knows, but it isn't that easy. She's barely known the girl 6 months after all.

;;

When she's finally allowed to visit the black haired girl, Naomi goes straight away. The first thing she notices is the redness of Lucy's eyes and the tears marks on her cheeks. She sits down anyway, but doesn't point it out.

"Alright?" She asks meekly though.

"Been better..." the teen responds not looking at Naomi.

"They're not letting you go home?" The blonde questions with the softest voice she can.

"No"

They both remain silent for a little while after that. Naomi doesn't want to push, but at the same time, she doesn't want Lucy to beat herself up over it.

"I know the hospital food is shit and everything..." She starts. "But the staff does sort of know what they're doing..."

"In a very annoying way" she adds after Lucy glares at her.

At that, a small smile cracks on the teen's lips, but it's very fleeting. Naomi's heart breaks a little that it is.

"Want to talk about why?" She asks.

Lucy hesitates for a long time. She bites at her bottom lip furiously in anxiousness, so much so that Naomi wonders when she'll draw blood.

"If you don't stop munching on that lip of yours, I reckon you'll have none left by the end of the day. Now don't get me wrong, I think you're pretty cute and everything, but I think you might find it harder to get a decent boyfriend with no bottom lip" She quips.

The blonde is rather pleased with herself when Lucy starts laughing genuinely. It doesn't last though and the laughter soon turns into tears. Naomi knows she's breaching a lot of the centre's rules when she decides to sit on the girl's bedside and brings her in her arms, but she doesn't give a flying fuck.

Lucy doesn't fight her off at all, she pretty much crumbles in the older woman's arms and Naomi lets her cry her heart out. She doesn't know how long it lasts, but she doesn't move, doesn't stop holding the teen steadily. If there's one thing that girl needs at the moment, Naomi reckons, it's stability. After a while though the tears subside and Lucy wipes them away with the sleeve of her pyjamas.

"Better?" Naomi inquires.

"Yeah... thanks..." the teen replies.

"Sure hun, anytime... So... d'you want to talk about the cause of those tears now?"

Lucy hesitates again a bit and sighs loudly.

"They found... like... after they fixed my wrists and all, they found like... other scars on my arms and well... everywhere really" the girl explains her voice trembling and her eyes full of tears again.

"Oh Luce..." Naomi mutters unable to stop herself.

She doesn't want to make the teenager feel worse, but this is so far from what she ever wanted for the girl.

"I'm sorry" Lucy apologizes thickly.

"Don't hun, you don't need to do that" Naomi says firmly. "I just... I just wish I'd known"

"No one knew" she says with a shrug.

"Does your mum know?" Naomi asks.

The teen shakes her head vigorously, tears silently falling on her cheeks again.

"But they're gonna tell her… They have to, yeah? I'm a minor…"

Naomi nods because she understands. She has the same kind of obligation at the centre. If she witnesses or has knowledge that one of the kids is in a life threatening situation, she has to notify the parents.

"Are they going to keep you long?" Naomi inquires.

"I don't think so… but they want to have me meet with like a therapist for a bit before they send me home" she explains.

"You know… These people can help sometimes" the blonde offers.

Lucy shrugs and looks at the ceiling. It's clear to Naomi that she's not ready to meet a therapist, let alone talk to them. She spent long enough to try and get to know the teenage girl, she can't imagine that an imposed therapist will get anywhere anytime soon.

The blonde refrains from adding anything else for a while. She doesn't want to be one of _those_ grown-ups that nags you about what's right and what isn't. God knows that when people used to do that to _her_ when she was a teenager she'd always wind up doing the exact opposite of what they said. So she doesn't do it to Lucy, it's not her job to do it anyway. But she's also not going anywhere and if by being there she can help the teenager stop hurting herself, then that'll be a bonus.

"Alright, enough with that okay? Since it turns out we're hanging out here for a while longer, I suggest we find something _fun_ to do in this joint. Reckon that's possible?" the blonde exclaims.

"No" Lucy answers instantly. "But we can try" she finishes with a smirk.

;;

Tuesday is a big day, because it's also the day Emily decides to pay Lucy a visit. It's entirely embarrassing that she decides to show up after Naomi ingeniously managed to bring in a Nintendo 64 and when the blonde and the teen are engrossed in a very competitive game of Mario Party.

"Come on you bloody Bowser balloon!" Naomi grunts. "Will you freaking burst!"

She shouts out in exasperation a second later when it's Lucy's character that bursts, making her win the stupid mini-game.

"I swear this thing is rigged!" the blonde whines, throwing her controller on the floor.

"You're such a sore loser!" Lucy laughs.

"I am not! I bet my controller is broken or something"

"If you stopped throwing it in frustration maybe it would work better!" the teen teases.

"I'm not _throwing _it…"

"Course you're not… Anyway, you really suck at this game!"

"Oi! This is no way to talk to an authority figure!" Naomi cries out self-righteously.

"Authority figure? You're so full of shit!"

Naomi is about to reply when Emily cuts in.

"Always has been too" she says amused.

Both girls in the room shoot their head towards the door so fast it hurts. It's with a mortified expression that Naomi takes in the entirety of Emily causally leaning in the doorway. She's not in uniform so the blonde reckons she's off work. Instead, she's wearing dark jeans with a long sleeved black shirt and an aqua scarf around her neck. Her hair is down and she's got light make-up on. Honestly, Naomi is certain that if she wasn't already aware of how much she fancies the other girl, she'd figure it out right this moment, because Emily is a fucking sight for sore eyes. She looks lovely in all the right ways and the blonde just can't stop herself from perving on her.

"Huh… and you are?" Lucy says, breaking Naomi's thorough eye-fucking.

She snaps herself back to reality and feels her cheeks and neck heat up.

"Oh! This is Emily!" She provides happily. "She's the paramedic that helped you out when… well you know. She also happens to be an old… hum… friend of mine?" she finishes with an unsure look to the brunette.

She's not sure if she's got the right to call Emily a friend anymore, but she doesn't want to call her an acquaintance either. Acquaintance feels too small, too cheap for what the other girl means to her. The brunette gives her a small nod and Naomi breathes a sigh of relief.

"Oh…" Lucy says slowly.

"And you're Lucy right?" Emily says smoothly walking into the room.

"Yeah"

"I'm glad to finally meet you up and about" the brunette says with a smile that is just so genuine and bright that Naomi just cannot help but stare at it.

Of course, it's entirely impossible not to be fond of Emily, so Lucy gives her a polite smile in return, but her eyes shine a bit and Naomi knows she's mentally approved of the small paramedic.

"D'you want to play Nintendo?" she asks suddenly. "Naomi is utter rubbish at it"

"Am not!" The blonde cries out petulantly as Emily giggles.

"I'd love to, but be warned, I have a little brother and I am well trained in the Mario ways"

"Bring it on!" Lucy shouts excitedly at the challenge.

They both ignore her indignant face and Naomi doesn't even mind. She kind of loves that Lucy seems to like Emily. Because she really cares about Lucy and she fancies Emily to bits, so it's pretty great if they get along.

;;

Emily ends up staying for about an hour and a half. After a few minutes, Naomi goes to find an extra controller and they all play together. It's decided, by the end of that hour and a half, that the blonde is the lousiest player there is. Lucy and Emily bond horribly over stealing her stars and making fun of her and Naomi would be properly insulted and outraged if she didn't secretly find it hilarious.

After the hour and a half though, the petite has to go and Naomi isn't sure who's more disappointed between Lucy and her although they both try to be cool about it and not let it show.

"It was a pleasure meeting you Lucy" The petite says before leaving.

The teen nods and Naomi is walking Emily to the door when she shouts after them.

"Emily!" she exclaims and both women turn around. "Thanks for… you know… saving my life" she mumbles.

The brunette gives her a broad smile.

"Of course, I was just doing my job… Although I'm really glad we didn't lose you" she says.

Naomi is pretty sure Lucy is near tears again so she just ushers Emily out of the room to let her be for a minute. There's a bit of tension though when the two women stop in the hallway and look at each other.

"Thanks for the visit" Naomi says awkwardly. "Lucy loved you"

"I'm glad I came, she's lovely" Emily confirms.

They stare at each other in silence for a minute before Emily decides to speak up again.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure" the blonde replies without losing a beat.

"Has Lucy been through the discharge review?"

"Yeah, it was this morning, they decided to keep her for a bit..." Naomi explains.

She doesn't want to say too much, doesn't feel like it's her place to tell Emily why the teenage girl isn't being discharged, but she hates it. She feels like she's hiding something from the brunette and she doesn't particularly enjoy doing that.

"Do you know why?" Emily asks.

The blonde nods slowly, avoiding eye contact with the brunette. She's already dreading the next question because she's sure the other girl will ask her for the reasons of Lucy's refused discharge and she doesn't want to lie about it, yet she can't say the truth either. It's just not her place.

"It's about her scars isn't it?" Emily says next though, completely taking the blonde by surprise.

"You know about them?"

"Of course... I treated her in the ambulance, right? They were pretty hard to miss"

The petite makes a sad face and Naomi can tell she doesn't enjoy this bit of Lucy's life more than she herself does.

"Do you..." Emily starts saying uncertain. She licks her lips slowly and bites on her bottom lip before continuing. "I know that the hospital's protocol on the matter is that they'll arrange for her to meet a therapist and I know that, in most cases, the patients aren't exactly receptive to the idea... Especially at that age... Do you know how Lucy feels about that?"

"You've said it. She's not exactly receptive... I doubt she'll tell that therapist anything" Naomi admits with a sigh and sadness.

Emily nods understandingly as always.

"Do you think she'd be receptive to meeting someone else though? Someone who's not a therapist, but someone she can talk to about this?" the brunette questions.

Naomi frowns a little, but considers the other girl's words. She's not sure if she knows what Emily means by that, but it doesn't really matter. She thinks about the teen and about what she knows of her before replying.

"Depending on the person... I think she might" Naomi finally says. "Do you have anyone in mind?"

"Yes actually... you remember my best friend Effy right?"

"Of course" the blonde scoffs.

"Right, I forgot she broke Freddie's heart..."

"She most definitely did"

"I'm sorry about that..." Emily says feeling awkward.

"It's okay Ems, for one it's not your fault so don't apologize and also, she was a cunt, that's a given, but we all are sometimes" Naomi says with a smirk remembering the elusive brunette saying exactly that about her so many years ago.

Emily seems a bit surprised that the blonde is smirking, but she doesn't comment on it. Instead, she continues to speak.

"Okay, well, Lucy sort of reminds me of Effy when she was a teenager... Eff had a rough time back then and pulled off a very similar suicide attempt" the brunette explains.

"Shit..." Naomi mumbles. "I had no idea"

"Why would you? Anyway, I think if I told Effy about Lucy,... well I think she'd be up for talking to her, help her perhaps? I mean I know Effy isn't the most talkative person there is, but her words also have a lot of impact. The thing is though I don't want to talk to Effy if you don't think it could help... I know you care a great deal about Lucy and you know her best really so I just-"

"Ems!" Naomi stops her with a fond smile on her lips. "Stop, please. I think it's actually a wonderful idea. I know how Effy is and I think... I think Lucy would appreciate meeting someone like that and I do think it could be really good for her... So just... yeah, tell Effy, see if she's up for it"

Emily smiles broadly too and nods.

"Okay"

"Okay?" The blonde repeats.

"Yeah"

They stare again because it seems to be all they do lately. To be honest though, Naomi doesn't want to say anything because she's afraid that if she opens her mouth, she'll blurt out how truly fantastic she thinks Emily is. Because, for fuck's sake she just really is. If the blonde liked the idea that Emily appreciated Lucy it's nothing to how she feels now that she sees that Emily actually cares enough about this one teenage girl she _just_ met to seek out Effy to help. Naomi can't get enough of the other girl's big open heart. She can't get enough of her kindness and generosity. She doesn't think it's possible to get enough of it. Also, she doesn't think she's ever met someone so fucking pure in her life, she doesn't think that exists.

"I've got to go…" Emily mutters.

Naomi nods, her lips sealed tight. She feels so much affection for the brunette right now that she has to. The brunette gives her a final nod and leaves and when she's out of sight, lets out a shaky breath. She closes her eyes and tries to calm her alarmingly fast beating hard. She's so entirely smitten and so freaking screwed.

;;

After Emily has left, Naomi goes back to Lucy's room. They don't start a new game of Nintendo, because the blonde doesn't think she could concentrate on it and because the teen is tired of video games. Instead, they sort of fall in a comfortable silence as the black haired girl starts reading a magazine and Naomi just stares in space and thinks of Emily.

She thinks of her smile and how it brightened her day and she thinks of her laugh as she diligently made fun of her. She thinks of her sparkling eyes full of care when she discussed Lucy with her and it's all a bit overwhelming.

And then, of fucking course, her brain brings her to a totally different place where her imagination mixes with her memories and it's just very very distracting. She thinks about the brunette's body because it's inevitable. She thinks of those legs in those tights jeans and of the curve of her hips. She's not sure if she remembers brushing her fingers there, following the curve with eagerness or if it's just her imagination that gives her such a vivid image of it. Either way, it makes her feel hot. She thinks of Emily's taught stomach and can imagine herself tracing patterns on it all the way to the curve of the brunette's breast. And god, Naomi feels like a bloody freaking sex starved maniac when she just about salivates at the idea of feeling Emily's nipples against her palm.

She's gone very far into her fantasies when Lucy snaps her out of it rather loudly.

"OI! Naomi!" she yells. "Are you listening?"

"Huh… pardon?" the blonde says, feeling herself blush furiously.

Of course there's no way for the teen to know where her brain just was, but it's still embarrassing.

"What's up with you?" Lucy says curiously. "You've been totally distracted ever since…"

The black haired girl stops talking immediately and her eyes widen. Then, a sly grin crosses her lips and Naomi feels herself squirm. She can't possibly have…

"You have a thing for Emily!" the teen announces happily.

Fuck.

"I huh… of course not, that's just… ludicrous" Naomi defends, feeling herself blush brighter and frown.

She knows she made a poor job of denying it though when the teenage girl starts laughing loudly.

"Oh my god, you so have! That's brilliant!"

The blonde's eyes narrow and she ponders denying it further, but when Lucy starts giggling enthusiastically and claims that they'd be the "cutest couple ever" she feels her resolve crumble.

"Okay shove it worm" she snaps teasingly.

"This is so precious though!"

"It isn't…" Naomi grumbles.

"Oh, but it is! Is she into girls as well? Have you asked her out?" Lucy starts asking quickly.

"Jesus!" Naomi exclaims shaking her head. "We're not discussing this"

"Oh Naomi _please_! I've been stuck here for _ages_!"

"And discussing my love life, or lack-thereof, matters because…?"

"Because nothing ever goes on here! So I take it you haven't asked her out yet then?"

"No… I can't believe I'm discussing this with a 16 year-old. I mean every time I think I can't get more pathetic, stuff like that happens" Naomi whines.

"Now you're just being rude!" Lucy tells her with a glare.

The teenage girl continues to glare at her so Naomi lets out a long sigh and brings a hand to her hair. She doesn't particularly want to go into details about her and Emily- especially not with a kid- but she guesses she needs to indulge the young girl at least a bit. She knows, in any case, that Lucy won't let it go even if she doesn't. And honestly, Naomi can't blame anyone, but herself if the teen figure dit out. It's her fault she was so obvious.

"Okay okay, stop glaring… we can… well not _discuss_ it per se, but… whatever" She announces.

Lucy gives her such a self-satisfied smirk that Naomi considers changing her mind. But of course, being quite fond of the teen and all, she doesn't.

"So, is she into girls?!" Lucy asks.

"Yeah, she is"

"Wicked! When are you asking her out then?"

"I huh…" Naomi stammers.

Truth is, she doesn't know. She doesn't know if she'll ask Emily out let alone when. Of course she wants to believe it's their time, of course she wants to believe they can be more than friends this time around, but she's not entirely sure it can happen. The attraction is still there though, she's sure of that. She can see it in Emily's eyes when they're together, she can feel it in their moments of silence. But she's not sure if it's enough. Because, it's not like there never was attraction before, quite the contrary, yet it never worked out for them in the end. So Naomi isn't sure what could be so different this time around.

If she's perfectly honest, the blonde knows that the main reason why she hasn't done anything yet about her feelings for the brunette is because she's afraid. It's a bit terrifying when she thinks about it, the idea of asking Emily out. It's scary because, what if the other girl says no and gets mad? Naomi knows chances are that's exactly how the other girl will respond and she's not sure how to deal with that.

The argument they had ages ago is behind them, but if there's one thing the blonde knows it's that Emily had meant it when she said she was over her. It hadn't been a ploy or anything, she had been. Naomi knows that and perhaps that's why she's terrified by the idea of putting her feelings out there for the brunette now. Because… what if it really is too late?

"What are you thinking about?" Lucy asks her.

"Nothing much just… It's not as simple as that… Emily and I… we've got history of sorts" the blonde explains.

"Oh so she's like an ex?"

"Not exactly no…"

The teenage girl is silent for a moment and Naomi feels like she's being studied.

"Did she hurt you or did you hurt her?" the black haired girl asks simple and Naomi stares.

"How did you…?"

"It's usually one or the other" the teen responds smartly with a wave of her hand.

"That's a pretty good assessment" Naomi says with a snort.

"So? Which one was it?"

"You're entirely too curious you know that?"

"Just answer the bloody question!"

"Okay! Jesus…" The blonde says with an eye roll. "I hurt her"

Lucy nods.

"And now you're worried it's too late?" the black haired girl states more than asks.

"Yeah well… Can't expect her to still be into me can I?"

"Oh of course not! Emily is not like pathetic, of course she's over you"

"Cheers" the blonde mumbles with a dark look.

"No, that's not what I mean, like…. Of course she's over you, but that's like why you need to ask her out, innit? To like… show her you're worth fancying again" Lucy explains.

Naomi bites at her bottom for a moment. She doesn't know if she should be embarrassed to be told what to do with her feelings by a sixteen year-old –probably if she's honest- but it doesn't change the fact that what the teen said made sense. It makes sense, but it still doesn't make all her fears go away. Naomi doesn't think they can disappear with any words anyway.

"You make it sounds so simple" the blonde mutters.

"Huh, that's cause it is" Lucy scoffs.

Naomi doesn't say anything to that, but she doesn't agree. It's probably clear too because the teenager looks at her and adds.

"Look, if you don't ask her, how can you know? So just like ask her out and if she blows you off than you just move on too and you don't have to pine after her anymore"

The blonde processes the words slowly. Again, the teenager has a point. She may be scared of the outcome, but if she doesn't ask Emily out, if she doesn't even _try_, she won't get these feelings out. And honestly, a life of pinning after the brunette doesn't sound appealing. It sounds and looks all romantic in movies when someone is irrefutably in love with someone else despite how the other feels, but it's not in real life. In real life, it sucks.

It's probably right in that moment then that she decides that she needs to ask Emily out. She's still horrified by the possibility of Emily throwing her feelings back in her face, but she still needs to do it. Naomi has discussed the matter enough with Lucy though so she doesn't tell the teen about her conclusion, instead, she gives her an impressed smirk and points at the Nintendo controller.

"Reckon I can make it to the end of the game with two stars?" she asks.

"Not if I can help it" Lucy shoots back.

.

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**I'm still always eagerly waiting for your feedback on every chapter. Thanks in advance. See you around peeps :) xx**


	12. PART III: Chapter 4 Forgive me

**A/N: We're nearly there guys. This is the penultimate chapter, so it's really coming to an end rather soon. I still want to thank everyone who's reading and reviewing. It always means a lot to me and it's the best incentive to keep writing and posting as fast as I possibly can! I'm hoping to get the conclusion on Fridays, but no promises this time! If it happens that'll be great, but if it doesn't i'll take the time to make sure i'm satisfied with the last chapter! **

**So this one is rather large! 9000 words-ish. And it's a rather important one story wise. I hope everyone enjoys it. Just a friendly tip, read to the end :P  
**

**I really don't have much else to say, so well, enjoy.  
**

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Part III

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Chapter 4: Forgive me

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Naomi wishes she could just do it. The next time she sees Emily after she's talked to Lucy, she knows she should. She sees her at that Café she now thinks is probably her favourite in Bristol and she thinks then that she should just do it. But it's not that fucking simple and she's a bit of a pussy when it comes down to it. They talk though and it's friendly, pleasant even. Emily asks her how she is and how are the other kids at the centre. Then she tells her she's talked to Effy and the blonde actually manages to stop focusing on how fuckable Emily looks _all the fucking time_. Because, apparently, Naomi needs to talk about serious things to stop her brain from being ridiculously pervy.

Still, she thinks it's hard to blame her when Emily is just so _Emily_ and keeps sending her cute smiles and bashful looks and always looks absolutely stunning. Naomi doesn't know if it's her head making it all up, but sometimes she thinks she sees the brunette twitch as if she's about to reach out and touch her like she used to do all the time, but catches herself last minute. Naomi sort of wants to think it's what's happening, because she _knows_ Emily is as tactile as she ever was, but she never touches her anymore, not if she can help it. The blonde knows she's being ridiculous, but she misses it. She misses the casual brushes and shoves that used to accompany the brunette's words. It made her feel meaningful in a particular way she realises.

And now… well now things are different, of course they are. Rationally, Naomi understands that. They've barely been back in each other's lives for a few weeks. They're mostly strangers, she guesses, but the weirdest of strangers there are. Because honestly, it's confusing as hell being around someone you used to be close to and realise you've missed a big part of their life. It feels like you still know the person, yet, you still need to meet them, be introduced to the _them_ they are now.

Naomi wants to think that despite having been gone for years, she still knows Emily, still knows what is essentially her. So as Emily explains her what she said to Effy about Lucy and what Effy answered, Naomi half listens, but also sort of decides to test herself.

"Do you know if they're going to move Lucy?" Emily asks her and Naomi decides to do it then.

"Yes actually, they're moving her to general care ward. So she'll be as far as she possibly can from the cafeteria and they've also decided that she needed to give the Nintendo back, which is a shame because my skills were definitely improving" she says.

Naomi looks at Emily's reaction attentively and her heart flutters when the petite woman scrunches her nose in dislike and bites her bottom lip. She rolls her eyes then and the blonde feels like laughing giddily because it's exactly what she thought Emily would do.

"That's bad news all around… Although I do not believe you for a second on those skills"

Naomi laughs and doesn't even argue. She's just too happy that she _does_ still know a bit of Emily. She knows what will make her laugh and what will make her smile and perhaps that can be enough for now.

Next time, she promises herself. Next time she sees her she'll ask. But now they just figure a time where Effy could meet Lucy and they part, but not after the brunette has given her number to the blonde. Soon, she'll do it soon.

;;

Lucy is moved to a new room and, luckily, she's still alone. On the day they decided, Emily comes to the hospital with her best friend. Naomi greets them both happily and it's not as awkward as it should be with Effy considering what happened between the elusive brunette and her best friend. Honestly, Naomi doesn't like judging people for how they ended a relationship. She knows more than anyone how messed up that can be. So she's nice and polite with Effy and that's just that.

She guides both brunettes to Lucy and makes the introduction. She can tell the teen is ridiculously nervous the second she sees her. Her eyes keep shifting from one side to the other and she plays with her bed sheets. The blonde's heart breaks a little at seeing that this is so hard for Lucy. She knows deep down though that this will be good for the teenager so she berates herself for being such a concerned twat.

When Naomi makes her way to the door, Lucy throws her such an afraid look that the blonde stops and walks back over to the bed. She squats down and lays her arms on the bed crossed in front of the black haired girl's face.

"What's wrong Luce?" she asks quietly.

"Don't go… I… I don't think I can… I need you Naomi…"

It's heart-breaking to see and to hear and it almost makes the blonde decide to stay. But she knows she can't. If she does, there's no way Lucy will talk about her cutting and she really needs to. Naomi trusts Effy. Well, to be more accurate, she trusts Emily and Emily trusts Effy, so by default, she trusts Effy as well. She lifts herself a bit and pushes a lock of Lucy's hair out of her face.

"You don't hun. You're much stronger than you think alright? I know this is scary, but I _know_ you can do this on your own. Besides, Effy isn't forcing you to say anything, okay? She's just there if you _want_ to talk"

Lucy gulps slowly and nods. Naomi sends her one last confident smile before turning around again and leaving for real this time. Emily follows her out and they make their way silently to the cafeteria. She figures a coffee would be good right about now and, well, there aren't that many places to hang out in a hospital.

They've been walking for a few minutes when Emily addresses the blonde.

"Are you okay?" she says delicately.

"Huh? Oh hum… yeah sure… I mean… I'm just-"

"Worried?" The brunette offers with a smile.

"Yeah" Naomi says through a sigh.

"You care an awful lot about Lucy don't you?"

"I do… I shouldn't you know?" She explains. "I mean… I'm supposed to stay professional and not be too invested emotionally, but well… It's too late now I think. I'm already pretty invested"

Emily nods because she's seen it, of course she has. It'd be hard to miss at this point. They stay silent for a while after that. They don't say a word until they're at the cafeteria and have both bought a coffee.

"Aren't you ever scared she'll start fancying you? Lucy I mean…" Emily asks out of the blue.

"What?!" Naomi exclaims with a laugh. "No!"

"Why not? You're being awfully nice to her" the petite half jokes.

"Blimey, that doesn't mean she'll start fancying me!" the blonde insists with a shake of her head.

"I guess it doesn't" Emily concedes with a laugh of her own. "I'm just wondering, because it's obvious that girl thinks the world of you"

It's not said teasingly then, just softly and, if Naomi lets her brain think it, almost affectionately.

"I think she sees me more like a big sister you know?" the blonde explains.

"That makes sense" the brunette approves and takes a sip of her coffee.

She cringes the second the liquid touches her lips.

"This is hopelessly disgusting" she laughs as she puts it down.

"_Do it now"_ Naomi's brain screams at her.

It's the perfect opportunity really. It'd be so easy to just say something about going for _real_ coffee some time. It really would, Naomi knows it would. But she doesn't say anything, just stares at Emily. She stares at her face, stares at the very small wrinkles that form when the brunette cringes or smile and stares at every small move of the other girl's lips. She feels her heart beating hard inside her chest and she's not certain if her hands aren't shaking too. She should just say it, but she can't. Her throat feels stuck and heavy and the words won't come out.

She doesn't know why it's so terrifying to ask Emily out, but she knows it is. So she says nothing and they continue to drink their awful coffees speaking occasionally. A while later, they go back to Lucy's room and the first thing Naomi notices are the tears stains on the teen's cheeks. Still, even then, Lucy looks so much lighter when she smiles at Naomi that the blonde cannot cared that she cried. She feels relief course through her and lifts her head to give a nod to Effy. She doesn't need to say any word to the mysterious brunette to know that her message got through.

She looks at Emily after that and her heart swells to the size of mountains. The petite woman looks at her with shinning eyes and happiness and Naomi is just truly speechless. She cannot even begin to explain how grateful she is for having the other girl in her life again.

She thinks back on the moment in the cafeteria where she could have asked Emily out and didn't and she regrets not doing it. Because that woman is entirely too perfect for words, too perfect for this world, Naomi thinks and well, she needs more of her in her life. Soon. For fuck's sake, she may be a pussy, but she'll do it soon. She has to.

;;

Naomi gets another opportunity to ask Emily a few days later. It's a Wednesday, of all days, and she's making her weekly visit to the library. She doesn't expect to run into anyone, funnily enough, because she's at the library way too often as it is and she never runs into anyone she knows. Of course, when she starts browsing the place and sees Emily nose deep in a volume, brow furrowed in concentration, it's not entirely surprising. Libraries were always their thing, after all, so it's fitting that she's there too.

The brunette looks so concentrated in the book she's holding that Naomi wonders for a second if she'll go talk to her. But then Emily bites her bottom lip and smirks and the blonde knows she has to go. She can't stay away from the other girl, she couldn't even if she tried. So instead of fighting this urge that starts deep in her guts to walk over, she lets it take control of her and steps forward. She's just behind Emily when the brunette seems to feel her presence and turns around. Her worried expression turns into happiness when she recognizes Naomi.

"Hey!" the brunette greets her.

"Hey" the blonde responds.

Naomi feels like it's lame to just say "hey" when inside her chest she feels a thousand words and a thousand emotions brewing. She wants to tell the brunette she's so beautiful and she wants to tell her there's absolutely nothing like her smile and she wants to hug her and she wants to do a million other things she can't do. So she doesn't do anything, but she looks at Emily and she fears her eyes tell it all for her when the other girl looks at her questioningly.

"You okay?" Emily asks her and Naomi shrugs.

"Yeah just... didn't expect to see you is all"

"Not too disappointed?" the petite teases.

"Not at all" the blonde reassures.

They stare some more and Naomi is very aware of how close they're standing to each other and perhaps it's the closest they've stood since meeting again. It makes a cluster of butterflies erupt in her stomach and a soppy grin settles on her lips.

"What were you reading?" She asks to prevent Emily from seeing through her. "It looked captivating from afar"

"Oh, it really is!" The brunette shoots out happily. "It's a volume on Art from like the Baroque era to modern"

"Oh wow, fascinating" Naomi says sarcastically.

The blonde has never once been so glad for her sarcastic tongue when Emily nudges her with her elbow the second her comment is out.

"Sod off, Campbell" the petite calls out.

Naomi would gladly say all the sarcastic remarks in the world if it made Emily touch her again, whether it's a shove or something else. Her soppy grin has transformed into a bashful smile now and the blonde really can't help it. She can't help how happy she feels by just being in Emily's presence. From where she's standing, she can smell the shampoo from the girl's hair and even her perfume. It's a bit like heaven, really. Naomi feels completely wrapped up in a bubble of Emily and she never wants to get out of it.

"Just look at that one painting" The petite says placing her hand on Naomi's arm to get her attention.

And really, the blonde can't hold it in anymore, not now that Emily is touching her again, not now that she fancies her more than she has ever, not now that Naomi thinks that her feelings might be even more than just a crush...

"Emily!" she exclaims suddenly.

The other girl looks at her curiously and the blonde gulps slowly. It's too late to go back now though, Naomi knows at least that. Still, now that the brunette is looking at her with a raised eyebrow and inquisitive eyes, she feels nervous. It's completely terrifying, but she remembers Lucy's words. If she doesn't even ask, how can she know? So she licks her lips nervously and sighs before continuing.

"Emily I... I huh... Would you like to go for coffee sometime... with... well with like huh... me?"

If Naomi could hit rewind and repeat that sentence in a way that would make her sound a little less like a total loser, she definitely would. But at least, the question is out now and she can't chicken out of it anymore. All she has to do is wait for the answer and squirm for all she's worth as she's waiting.

It feels like a decade perhaps the time it takes Emily's eyes to widen and her mouth to close and open. Then, she furrows her eyebrows.

"Go for coffee... as in?" she says slowly, as if she needs confirmation.

"As in a date" Naomi confirms right away.

She's done playing safe, done skirting around the line, never truly crossing it. She wants this, she wants Emily and the other girl needs to know that that's how she feels. Of course, she's never been quite so blunt with Emily before, never have been so… straightforward. So she completely understands when the petite gawks at her, her eyes as wide as saucers.

"You're asking me out on a date?" Emily repeats, still seemingly in shock.

"Yes" Naomi nods.

She's willing to repeat it several times if that's what the other girl needs. When Emily's surprise is replaced by sadness though, Naomi starts being afraid.

"Oh wow Naoms… I… huh…" she stammers.

The blonde's heart drops because there's no way Emily is about to say yes, not if that's how she started her sentence, not with that much sadness and guilt in her eyes. She's quite certain of that.

"I… I can't" Emily finishes.

"You can't?" Naomi repeats furrowing her eyebrows. "What d'you… oh! Oh my god, are you seeing someone? Jesus… I'm sorry I didn't think… I was under the impression-" she starts saying quickly before Emily interrupts her.

"Naoms stop! I'm not!"

"You're not?"

"I'm not, I'm single, it's not that" the brunette explains.

"Oh… well… is there like… someone you _want_ to be with then?" Naomi inquires.

It's not her place to ask, but she needs to know.

"No… It's not that either…" Emily says very quietly, looking down at her feet.

"Then you can" Naomi says bitterly. "You just… don't want to"

Emily doesn't reply anything right away and the blonde is actually glad. There's a lump in her throat and she needs to focus on it to keep her disappointment from devouring her before she can get into any kind of conversation about why the brunette just doesn't want her. She wishes the thought of that didn't hurt her so much.

"I'm so sorry Naomi… I just feel like there's too much between us..." Emily explains. "Too much history and it's just… I'd rather we be just friends"

The blonde nods, feeling her eyes gloss over with tears. She doesn't want to cry in front of Emily though, feels like it's way too embarrassing. So she gives her a weak smile instead and nods. She can push her feelings aside for a moment, she's always been really good at that.

"Of course, no problem" she says her voice shaking slightly. "Friends sounds great"

Emily looks at her with pleading eyes, eyes that look like they're asking for Naomi to forgive her. Of course the blonde already has, she doesn't blame the brunette one iota. Oh no, she blames herself entirely, blames herself for having believed it wouldn't be too late. They do have a lot of history between them, Naomi supposes. She still wants it, despite the heart ache and the hardness of it all, she'd still try if it was just her. But of course, it's _not_ just her and Emily doesn't want to try so that's where it ends.

She doesn't blame Emily, but she can't stand being around her either and she thinks she can, at least, choose to leave if she wants to. So she tells the other girl she has to go. When Emily tries to stop her by grabbing her arm, Naomi feels like she's been burned. How can the brunette touch her so freely today, yet reject her like that? It's a bit too much.

"Naoms please… Are you… are you okay?" the petite asks, her voice wobbly.

"I am… don't worry Ems okay? Just… I'll be fine" Naomi assures.

She hesitates for a second, scanning Emily's face. She grabs the other girl's hand where it's still resting on her arm and squeezes it in her own.

"For what it's worth, I've not always known how to say it, but you've always meant a lot to me" she mutters softly before letting the brunette's hand go and walking away without a backward glance.

;;

Naomi goes to London for a few days after that. She's not exactly running away, though. She's just taking a few days off because she really feels like she needs to. She knows she'll go back though, has no doubt about it. She truly isn't running away. Maybe if it had happened before she would have. Maybe if she had been younger or maybe if she had never actually been in a serious relationship before being rejected so simply by Emily, then maybe, yes, she'd be running away right now. But that's not her case anymore, so she knows she'll go back after the few days. She just needs a break, but that break isn't going to be the rest of her life.

;;

Cook, Freddie and JJ are all waiting for her expectantly at the train station when she gets there and just from seeing their boyish grins, Naomi feels better.

They spend a lot of time catching up, the boys all speaking above each other to tell the blonde all about their daily lives. The rest of the time they spend drinking and laughing and when Naomi ultimately goes back to Bristol, she's feeling much better than she did when she left. Her heart still hurts when she thinks of Emily obviously, because she knew she wouldn't just forget that she fancies her, but at least there's a kind of acceptance that comes with the pain now. It's all she can ask for.

;;

She comes back and no one asks her why she took the time off and it's okay like that. She doesn't hear from Emily, but that's to be expected. She's not sure she really wants to hear from the other girl honestly. Her heart still feels a bit vulnerable and it's easier if she has time to get over her crippling disappointment and over her crush before she has to face the brunette again. She's better, but she's not perfect.

On her first night off, she goes to the hospital to hang out with Lucy because she hasn't been in slightly over a week. Of course she warned the teenage girl that she was leaving, but that didn't stop her from missing her anyway. She's gotten really accustomed to the teenager now and well... if Lucy considers her a big sister, Naomi surely considers her like a little sister as well. So it works well for both parties.

Lucy is doing much better overall and they're thinking of letting her go home soon. She's told Naomi that Effy still visits and that, often, they don't really talk, but the teen like Effy's presence anyway. The blonde thinks that, no matter in which way, if Effy is helping then that's great.

The evening Naomi visits is pretty quiet. Without the Nintendo to keep them occupied, the blonde brought in some teen magazines and is having a blast with the ridiculous quizzes. Actually, there's a fair chance she's enjoying the experience more than Lucy herself is.

"Alright, final question, what's the perfect date for you? A) an evening spent home playing video games B) dinner at a nice restaurant, ah classic, C) a movie or D) going to a football game?"

"None, those choices are boring"

"Aw, I thought you'd choose video games! You liked it when we played!"

"Huh, yeah, but like we were on a date were we" Lucy says with an eye roll.

"Fair point" Naomi concedes. "Anyway, choose the least unpleasant one if you think they're all bad"

"Why do I have to? It's just a stupid quiz"

"Oh come one!" Naomi presses. "You're one question away from knowing which boy of the One Direction is your ideal boyfriend!"

Lucy rolls her eyes again, but at least she answers.

"C"

"O-kay!" Naomi says excitedly counting the results. "Your perfect boyfriend is... Louis! Awesome! He's the best one!"

"Louis? Huh, no! Zayn is so much better!" The teen shoots back.

"What? No! Louis is the way to go!" the blonde repeats.

"Why?" Lucy says with disdain.

"Cause he's the funny one! Always choose a partner that can make you laugh! Plus, he's cute!"

"Because he's funny? Oh my god Naomi, what kind of priorities do you have? Zayn is well lush! That's the way to choose!"

"Nonsense!" Naomi says with a grin.

She kind of loves how they're arguing over something so silly and when a smile breaks through Lucy's features, she realizes she's not the only one.

"Speaking of dating..." The teenager suddenly says, her eyes flashing with mirth.

It's Naomi's turn to roll her eyes and she wishes her heart hadn't stopped for a second at the mention of her love life.

"Have you asked Emily out yet?" Lucy says excitedly.

"Yep" the blonde replies while flipping the pages of the magazine.

She doesn't want the teenage girl to see how upset she really is, so she tries to feign nonchalance.

"And?!" the black haired girl presses when Naomi doesn't add anything.

"And... She said no"

"What?!" Lucy exclaims clearly surprised.

Naomi is touched that the teen would sound so shock at the news that she got rejected, but that doesn't make her feel better about the rejection itself. So she shrugs.

"She's just not interested in me like that" she explains.

"Well that's rubbish..." the teen says automatically.

The blonde closes her eyes for a second and takes a slow calming breath. Had she been younger she'd have probably snapped, but she doesn't want to do that to Lucy. She doesn't deserve that, so Naomi calms herself before she continues to talk.

"Look Luce, I know you're disappointed. I know you had gotten this idea that Emily and I would be like... this perfect couple or whatever, but we're just not, okay?" she says with a shrug. "And that's alright, I mean, if she doesn't see me that way than I've got to respect that, you know?"

She's actually proud of herself for the levelled and mature speech she just gave the teen (even if it's totally not alright), but when she spots the deep frown on Lucy's forehead she wonders.

"No I mean… It's _rubbish_" Lucy repeats.

"I'm not following you" Naomi says slowly, frowning too now.

"It's just… Emily is always around…"

"Around…?"

"Well, it's like she's always passing in front of my room. Almost every day I see her just walking by" the teen explains.

Naomi pauses for a second trying to make something of this brand new information.

"So? She's checking on you, Luce, that's nice of her no?" she concludes.

"No, I mean, yes, it would be, but I don't think that's what she does" says shaking her head.

"What do you think then?" the blonde asks.

"I think she's checking to see if you're there"

Her heart flutters at the idea and instantly Naomi feels lighter. She pushes the feeling back down though because she can't allow herself to get her hopes up. Not when it comes to Emily. Because when it comes to Emily, Naomi has a distinct feeling that if she opens that floodgate, nothing will be able to hold her feelings anymore. Sometimes, the mere idea of letting go, of letting herself just _feel_ everything she does for the brunette is completely petrifying.

"What makes you think that?" Naomi asks sceptically.

She knows Lucy thinks she's being rather daft by the eye roll the teenager sends her, but Naomi can't begin to explain her why she's holding on to her scepticism so much, so she lets the exasperation roll off her back.

"She never stops to say hi!" Lucy says, throwing her hands in the air as if the most obvious thing.

"Eh?" the blonde says, still confused.

The teen sighs loudly before continuing. "She walks by my room, but she never stops to say hi, unless she sees me seeing her. She always just… I dunno like walks by, looks in and then if you're not there continues"

Naomi doesn't say anything. She doesn't know what to say. Part of her really wants to believe the teen is just that observant and that she's right, but another can't quite do it. She doesn't want to be a pessimist or anything, but she asked Emily out and Emily turned her down. It's not like she had left it vague either, so the blonde doesn't know why the other girl would be looking for her if she's just not interested.

"That doesn't… that doesn't necessarily mean what you think Luce…" she whispers, looking at her knees.

"Oh it doesn't? Then why does she always stop when you _are_ there. Bit of a coincidence, innit?"

"I huh…" Naomi starts weakly, but she just doesn't really know what to say to that.

"I think she fancies you" Lucy says with a shrug. "Only like, you hurt her in the past right? So like she doesn't trust you to not fuck up"

The blonde stays silent and that's probably what pushes the teen to continue.

"Obvious you though she was into you as well if you asked her out, didn't you? But like now she's turned you down, what like, once? And you're giving up? Naomi that's like, totally lame"

And this kind of does it. Well, it doesn't do everything, but it's the first stone that breaks the thin wall Naomi has started rebuilding around herself. That wall of denial that was always so strong and so careful of shielding her against any feelings there might have been between her and Emily. That wall she knew fell when she ran into the paramedic a few weeks ago and that wall that's getting back up now that she's been rejected.

She's still not sure how she feels about the information though. She's not sure how she feels about the possibility that all she might need is to try harder. She really doesn't want to get too confident about this, but Lucy has ignited something in her. There's a light flame of hope in her heart now and it's warming her insides. She doesn't know if it can be true, but, once again, she's ready to find out. Because... if it is, it's going to be so worth it in the end if it gets her a date with Emily.

;;

The day before Lucy is to be released from the hospital, Naomi goes over. She hasn't seen Emily yet, but that's actually part of her plan. Well, it's not really a plan per se, but Naomi has just decided that she wouldn't go to the brunette. She wants to wait and see if what Lucy said is true. She wants to know if Emily will seek her out. So she goes to the hospital every few days and waits.

On that day though, it happens. Naomi is sitting on a chair, lazily reading something while the teen is doing the exact same thing. Sometimes, they both just like to sit together and do nothing. Naomi is glad for that.

Anyway, it's then that Emily walks by the room. The blonde spots her the second she's in her eye sight. She looks beautiful, a pair of jeans and thin wool jumper on. The brunette walks casually at first and chances a glance at the inside of the room. It's almost comical when she spots Naomi sitting there and stops in her tracks. The blonde observes her from under her fringe and she thinks Emily can't see that she's looking because if she could, she surely wouldn't hesitate so much before walking in.

"Hi girls" she says with a fake cheery voice.

Both Lucy and Naomi lift their heads and smile in response, the teenager turning to send a coy smirk to the blonde right after.

"Hey Emily" the black haired girl says comfortably.

A bit too comfortably though, because it gives Naomi the distinct feeling she's scheming something. She gives her a pointed look as a warning.

"How are things?" Emily asks the teen, but the blonde doesn't miss the fast glance thrown her way at the question either.

"Good! I'm getting out tomorrow! _Finally!_ Thank fuck!" the teen exclaims.

The petite woman chuckles and nods.

"Yeah? Well that's fantastic. Will you..." she starts turning her gaze at Naomi. "Will you be there for support?" she questions softly.

"Yeah probably" the blonde confirms. "Although her mum will also be there so I might not stick around too long"

"Oh good" Emily says nervously.

She bites at her bottom lip for a few seconds and then turns her attention to Lucy again.

"Hey, do you want me to give Effy your contact? So maybe she can call you when you're back home?"

"Would that... would that be okay d'you think?" Lucy questions shyly.

"Of course" Emily reassures her with a kind and understanding expression.

"Great! Then yes! Here!"

Emily walks forward and Lucy writes down her phone number inside her hand. Naomi doesn't know if she's just being wishful, but she swears the brunette keeps sending her furtive glances as the teen writes it down. The second that is over though Emily stands up straighter and tucks a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

"Well… I huh… I better go. It was nice seeing you both" she concludes, but even through her scepticism Naomi can't miss that Emily is mostly looking at her.

But the next second she's out the door and the blonde really can't dwell on it too much.

"_God_, she fancies you so much" Lucy says through a chuckle and Naomi just smiles.

Because, well… she hopes it's true.

;;

The next day, Naomi goes to the hospital to help with Lucy's move and she's rather pleased when Emily shows up too.

"I thought an extra set of hands is always welcome" she explains and no one tells her she thought wrong.

When they've moved everything from the hospital back to Lucy's house- not that there even was that much to move- Naomi declares that she has to go. She hasn't had a proper evening with her mother since she's come back from London and the woman won't have it. Of course, Naomi sort of sees it as her daughter duties to go indulge the older woman for at least one evening.

"Alright, well I've got to go" She tells Emily and Lucy while the girl's mother is inside the house. "Got my evening plans to carry forth"

"Oh!" the teenager teases. "Have you got a hot date with some lush bird Naoms?"

Naomi frowns at her because the teenager _knows_ she's going to dinner with the older Campbell, but then Emily's head shoots to look at her, her expression nervously uncomfortable and stiff and Lucy grins like a madwoman. Naomi understands it then and shakes her head slightly at the black haired girl.

"Yes of course, a very hot and steamy date with my _mother_" she explains, giving Emily a small reassuring smile.

"You're so boring!" the teen jokes. "Well see ya, then!"

She hugs her tightly and whispers in her ear "Did you_ see_ how jealous she got? You _have_to ask her out again"

Naomi can't help but chuckle giddily because, well, as wrong as that little stunt was, she's pretty glad of the reaction it got.

"Stop meddling, worm" she whispers back, but gives the teen an extra squeeze.

;;

Naomi thinks about it. One night, she lies on her bed and stares at her ceiling and just thinks. She thinks about how she feels and she thinks about how she thinks Emily feels. She's not god or anything, she can't know for sure, of course she can't, but she _can_ try to trust her own take on this. She can objectively think about the brunette and how she is around her. She can try to push aside her fears for one moment and truly consider it. She can do the same exercise for herself.

At the end of the night, Naomi doesn't know how Emily feels, because there's no way to know, but she knows how _she_ feels and _she_ wants Emily. She wants to be with her, she wants to try. That is, again, she wants to try again. She _knows_ that there's something special between them, she's felt it. And she thinks that Emily knows it too and perhaps just needs to be reminded. And she's willing to do that. Lucy is right, if she gives up now, it's lame. Emily deserves more than a random invitation for coffee. She deserves to understand how Naomi feels and even if the blonde isn't quite sure how she's supposed to explain it, she's willing to try. And if that fails, she's willing to show.

;;

She gets her number through Lucy and to be honest, she's not sure it's a good idea to call her at all. She's never been more uncertain of a phone call in her entire life, but she makes it anyway. She doesn't have a lot of alternative anyway.

"_Yes?"_ is the answer she gets.

"Hey hi, It's Naomi… Campbell. I huh… Can I talk to you for a minute?" she replies nervously.

She can almost see hear the smirk in the reply. "You may"

It's annoyingly short, but Naomi guesses she shouldn't have expected anything else from Effy Stonem. She knew calling her would be weird.

"Look Effy… I know we're not like… friends or anything, but well I … I wanted to talk to Emily… in person and I… well I don't really know her work schedule or anything so maybe you could… well, help me with that" She explains, cringing at the awkwardness of her request.

"_Have you asked her directly?"_ The brunette asks her calmly, although the blonde is fairly certain it's only a formality.

Effy knows she hasn't.

"No… I huh… I was thinking of surprising her… perhaps, you know?"

"Surprise her?" Effy says, her voice sounding so bloody coy. "Well that's interesting"

Naomi wants to sigh and groan and whine because at this point she knows the other girl is messing with her. But she doesn't do it, because if she can't stand being teased by Effy than she doesn't deserve to get the information she's looking for.

"Why?" the brunette says.

"Huh… what?" the blonde says.

"Why do you want to surprise Emily?"

"I… I want to talk to her and well… I want to, I need to tell her… I just… I" Naomi starts rambling, not exactly finding the strength to explain it to Effy.

Of course she doesn't need to, Effy knows.

"_You want to tell her how you feel about her"_ she states.

"Yes" the blonde admits.

"_You really like her a lot, don't you Naomi"_

"Yes" she confirms again.

"Good. About fucking time" the brunette teases. "But tell me this, why should I help you?"

"Because…" Naomi stalls. "Because I think she likes me too"

Effy doesn't reply anything and Naomi decides to plunge in.

"I think she still has feelings for me, but I know we're complicated and I know I've screwed up in the past, but I also know that the way I feel about her is special… It's like… it's like I've always had this _thing_ buried deep in my chest and I've never known what to do with it or what it was so I ignored it… and when I saw her again it was just… I knew this _thing_ was _her_. Like she's been a resident in my heart for like… years and I just… I asked her out the other day and I didn't tell her. I didn't tell her why I want this and I just think she should know and maybe then she'll… I don't know… find it in her ridiculously kind heart of hers to trust me again and we could… try"

When she's done talking the blonde realises two crucial things. One, she's never opened up so much to someone she doesn't know. And two, it feels fucking great to finally let it out. She feels like a weight has been lifted her shoulders just by admitting how much she does care about Emily.

"She finishes at 7pm tomorrow night" Effy says simply.

Naomi wants to laugh because there's only Effy Stonem who would not make a big deal of everything she just said. She wishes she knew the other girl better. She feels like they could be good friends.

"Thank you" she mutters in reply and that's the end of their phone call.

;;

The next day Naomi waits for Emily outside of the paramedics' headquarters at 7pm. A quick Google research made her able to find the place to begin with and now she waits. She's nervous as fuck, obviously. She's not convinced she'll be welcomed by the brunette, but she needs to try. Everything she's told Effy is true, she knows it. She knows she loved Sasha, she really did and she believed it would last forever at one point, but the fact that Emily has always been in her heart at least in some part is also true. It doesn't take anything away from Sasha, it really doesn't. The only thing it does is give something to Emily. Because it's a bit insane to think that she's been in the blonde's life all this time and while it never worked properly, it never was nothing either.

So really, Naomi has to try. She's got to explain. She's not exactly good with words but she reckons she can do this. If she just lets her heart speak, it shouldn't be too bad.

She's not sure where the best spot to wait for the brunette is, but she chooses one regardless. It's pretty much in the middle of the car park and it's a bit awkward, but it's better than nothing and Naomi is pretty sure that if she doesn't see Emily herself, she'll see some of her co-workers who will be able to send her the right way.

She doesn't have to wait too long, luckily, and she's quite relieved when she sees the brunette making her way with a large handbag on her shoulder and her hair tied in a loose ponytail. She's got some slack jeans and a black jacket and she looks ridiculously tired, but, even more ridiculous is that Naomi still thinks she looks stunning. She stands upright, wriggling her hands nervously, until Emily spots her. The petite woman's reaction is instantaneous. She stops in her tracks.

Naomi sends her a small wave and an anxious smile. Emily hesitates for a second and starts walking again. She doesn't say anything until she's close enough for the blonde to hear her.

"Hey... what are you doing here?" She asks softly.

She doesn't sound too upset or too freaked out and Naomi thinks it's definitely a good thing.

"Hey! I... well I wanted to talk to you and well, I huh... I'm here"

"Okay..." The brunette says slowly. "Talk to me about what?" she continues.

Naomi takes a slow breath and lets it out just as slowly. She's got to be more honest, she knows she has.

"Emily... I think you're... an amazing woman and... and I know you said that we should just be friends and all, but... but like... I really think we could be... something special and well... I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime if... if you'd let me" She says, her voice shaking with nervousness.

The blonde doesn't really know what to expect in reply, but she steels herself for it nonetheless. She's been rejected once and she doesn't exactly fancy being rejected twice. Even if she knows there's a big chance that this is what will happen.

"Naomi..." Emily mutters, looking at her feet.

She's nervous too, Naomi can tell. It fills her with hope in a way to see the other girl so nervous, because it means it's not that clear in her head how she feels about the whole situation.

"If you'd ask me that... years ago... but now..." Emily says shaking her head.

"I know it's complicated Ems... But I really want this... I... I want you..." Naomi explains with seriousness.

She doesn't think she's ever been that vulnerable in front of the other girl and, truth be told, it's completely terrifying. But she's not baking down, not now. Emily seems to falter a bit at her words. She shifts her weight from one foot to the other and bites her bottom lip. Naomi takes that as a good sign and takes a step closer to the brunette. She's relieved when the other girl doesn't take one back.

"I mean it Emily... I... you mean a lot to me and I just... I just want you to know so that maybe you'll consider letting me show you..."

The brunette doesn't say anything and continues to bite at her bottom lip. She doesn't lift her head either, doesn't look at Naomi. The blonde takes another step and now she's much closer to Emily. She's so close she can smell her perfume and that's just perfect. She just wants to touch Emily, wants to brush her fingers on her shoulder and make her look into her eyes. She wants Emily to _see_ how she feels, see how _much _she feels.

So she lifts her hand and presses it lightly to Emily's shoulder. She doesn't expect the brunette to bolt the second she's touched her though. She gasps and retreats and is 2 meters away by the time Naomi has realised she's gone at all.

"Emily!" she screams after her, following.

"I'm sorry Naomi, but I just can't do this okay? I don't want to go on a date with you, I just want to be friends, _please_" Emily replies, almost whimpering on the last word.

And that, more than anything, is what spurs Naomi on. She _knows_ Emily is scared, fucking hell, she _knows_ how that feels, but she can't let that fear decide if they can have a future together or not.

"Emily STOP!" she yells and her voice must carry some sort of strength because the brunette does.

But when the blonde tries to get closer, she takes a step back, so Naomi stops walking.

"Emily... just... I know this is weird and... please can I just" Naomi says trying to make a step forward.

"No" Emily says shaking her head quickly. "No, don't. I can hear you fine from here"

The blonde wants to groan because, even if the brunette can hear her fine, there's no way she can convey what she wants at this distance. Perhaps it's exactly why Emily doesn't want to let her come any closer too.

"Okay..." she starts, licking her lips absentmindedly. "Okay... I..."

She squirms on her spot for a few short seconds, because she doesn't really know what she's supposed to do now. She looks around her for any kind of support, any kind of clue, but even if she doesn't find anything she gets an idea. She snaps her head to Emily and refrains from smirking.

"Alright Emily, we'll do something, yeah? You don't want me to get any closer and I need you close for you to understand, like really understand. So we'll play a game, okay? I'll tell you what I think, I'll tell you statements and if I'm right, you make a step towards me. If I'm wrong, you take a step back" Naomi explains.

She can see Emily squinting and considering it for a second and she gets another idea.

"You see that patch of grass behind you?" she points. "If you reach that, you can go and I'll never bother you again about taking you out on a date. That's a promise"

Naomi gulps slowly because she means it. She wants to give Emily an out even if it scares the life out of her. She doesn't want this to happen, but if she can't make the brunette step towards her then she's read the situation completely wrong and if she has than it means that Emily really doesn't want anything to do with her. She doesn't think she's wrong obviously, but she just needs a chance to prove it to Emily.

"But if you reach me... Then we go on a date..." Naomi says, looking dead serious and hoping that won't scare the other girl.

But then it doesn't and Naomi is more than relieved.

"Okay" the brunette says, steeling herself, standing straighter on her feet.

Naomi's heart beats erratically in her chest and she smiles because she's just gotten her chance. She hopes she doesn't fuck it up. So she steels herself too and takes a big breath, trying to figure where to start.

"Alright, when you walked in my flat years ago and told me you were over me, you weren't lying, you were" The blonde announces first.

Emily looks surprised that this is the first statement of their impromptu game, but steps forward nonetheless. Naomi smiles to herself because it's a step in the right direction.

"When you left after we argued and I didn't stop you and never tried to call you or anything, you thought we'd never see each other again"

Emily takes another step forward and Naomi nods.

"In the years we didn't talk, you didn't really think about me. You had a serious relationship and the fact that I was out of your life didn't bother you that much. You were done with me" She continues, her voice a bit sad now.

The brunette's eyes widen and she takes another step forward. Naomi gives her an understanding smile because she knows Emily hasn't spent years waiting for her. God, life doesn't work that way. She needs Emily to know that she knows that, that she knows the other girl had a life outside of her and wasn't crying over her for years.

"When you saw me again a month ago, you were completely surprised, but you were also happy to see me again" Naomi says, a bit uncertain this time.

She holds her breath as Emily bites her bottom lip and looks at her feet. Then, the other girl steps forward and she releases the breath she was holding, her heart beating in relief.

"You didn't think we'd get along so well again, but you can't deny that we do" Naomi says with a bit more confidence this time.

Emily steps forward. She's not very far away anymore and Naomi licks her lips. There's just a few steps left to take before she's right in front of the blonde and that's nerve wracking. She doesn't want to mess up and have the brunette start taking steps back.

"Getting along with me so well made you want to be friends instantly and that scared you" Naomi tries and she's surprised when the brunette gives a dry chuckle and shakes her head.

Then, she takes a step back and the blonde frowns. She was sure she had that right, so she doesn't understand why Emily took a step back. Then she looks at the brunette and her eyes are so sad and so full of guilt that she gets it. Her eyes widen and her heart skips a beat.

"You... you instantly wanted to _date_ me and that scared you" she says instead.

Emily gives a loud sigh and takes a step forward and Naomi feels like an explosion just went off in her stomach. She can't help, but smile brightly, but Emily isn't smiling and that's the problem. There's so much fear in the other girl's eyes it's almost unnatural. The blonde sobers up then. She can show Emily she doesn't have to be this afraid anymore.

"You hate that part of you who is still attracted to me after all those years. It makes you feel powerless" she announces.

Emily takes a step forward. Naomi estimates that there are about 3 steps left before the brunette is in her arms. Her hands are stupidly shaking in anticipation.

"You can see I'm not the same person I was years ago, but you're not sure if I'm someone you can trust and that's why you're trying so hard to push me away"

Emily lets out a shaky breath, eyes filling with tears, but she takes a step forward.

"Deep inside you can tell I'm being honest when I say that I want to be with you and that's a lot scarier than if I was lying" Naomi says in a soft whisper.

There's no need to speak any louder anymore, because Emily is right there in front of her, looking as beautiful as ever. In one question, she will have won their game and Emily will know she _knows_. Emily will know she cares.

"You kind of hate me right now, because this game doesn't only prove you how much I understand us, but it makes you _want_ to try too and that frightens you more than anything because if I hurt you this time, it'll hurt more than it ever has"

By the wideness of Emily's eyes and the flash of fear that runs through it, Naomi knows she was right, so when the brunette turns around and tries to leave, she doesn't feel guilty for grabbing Emily's wrist and stopping her.

"Emily don't" She says

She's happy when the brunette doesn't try to tug her arm away. To be honest, she probably would have let her go if she did. She doesn't want to force the brunette to do anything she doesn't want, but she wants to give her some courage. It's a bit funny how it turns out like this because Emily is the brave one between the two of them, she always was. Yet, in this instant, she's the one that needs courage so Naomi steps up and gives it to her.

"Don't leave..." the blonde whispers. "You know I'm right... so please... don't leave"

Emily hesitates, Naomi can see that. Her chest is heaving like she's just ran a sprint and it's so hard to watch. The blonde coaxes her to turn around and her heart nearly stops when she sees that the petite woman's cheeks are covered in tears. Her brow is furrowed and it looks like she's in physical pain.

"Emily, hey" Naomi says gently, letting go of the other girl's wrist to cup her cheeks delicately.

The brunette gasps at the contact, but also closes her eyes and leans into the blonde's touch. Naomi feels so happy in that moment that she can't really speak. She feels blessed to be holding the petite's gorgeous face between her hands, feels blessed for being allowed.

"I know it's terrifying Ems..." she eventually says, dragging her thumb across the brunette's skin, brushing away some tears. "Jesus, _I'm _terrified"

Emily opens her eyes to look at Naomi, curiosity now swimming in those shinning brown orbs.

"I... I feel so _much_ for you Ems... and it's... horribly, unbearably terrifying. You're not the only one who can get hurt in this... I can too" she explains slowly.

She locks her gaze with Emily, makes sure the petite can see all the honesty she's pouring into her words.

"And I can barely function when I think of how much it would hurt me if it didn't work out, if you decided in the end that you didn't want me" she continues, her voice breaking on the last few words. "But I can't help myself regardless... I... I really _do_ want you... more than anything"

The blonde pauses and licks her lips. Her throat feels ridiculously dry.

"You're one of the bravest person I know Emily... I just... please... be brave and want me back"

Emily's eyes widen again, her pupils growing larger. Naomi doesn't know what to expect, but then the petite woman lifts her arms and circles her waist, burrowing her face in the blonde's coat. And it's such a relief to have her this close, to have Emily holding her like that. Naomi brings her arms around the other girl's shoulders and holds her tight. She burrows her nose in the brunette's hair and smells the shampoo and perfume and just swoons. She feels Emily taking a huge breath of her jacket too and the grip on her waist gets tighter.

Naomi squeezes back and a part of her just wants to push against Emily's shoulders and kiss her, but she doesn't do it. It's too early. They may have made a big step tonight, but they still need to take it slowly. They need to learn to trust each other again before they can regain any kind of intimacy.

So for now, Naomi holds Emily close to her heart and doesn't let go. It's enough anyway and they have all the time in the world to let it grow into something more. Naomi won't let it fuck up this time.

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**So how was it? Horrible? Good? I'm nervous about this obviously. Perhaps a bit more than every other chapter. Can't wait to hear the feedback. Take care lovelies xx You guys are the best. **


	13. PART III: Chapter 5 Be with me

**A/N: Well this is it guys! This is the last chapter of the story. At least I made it extra long right? It's been a lot of fun to write, it really has and reading your reactions throughout has been also very entertaining. I had my share of hate, but I think it's because I decided to play with hard feelings. I regret nothing. This was a great writing exercise. But I do want to thank all of you who have lasted to the end and who have decided to trust me. I think you won't be disappointed :) So thank you, thank you a million times. xx**

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Part III

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Chapter 5: Be with me (Forever preferably)

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They spend the rest of the evening together. They decide to go for a walk for a while and the tension mostly disappears. Emily holds onto Naomi's hand and the blonde is more than happy for this small contact.

They stop in some park at one point and sit by the foot of a large oak. They're not cuddling or anything, but Emily doesn't let go of her hand and that's a good sign. They talk then, for a long time they just sit there and talk. The brunette asks her about Sasha and Naomi lets her. She tells her everything the petite woman wants to know and it isn't a big deal. Emily is polite anyway and doesn't ask anything inappropriate.

"Are you still in contact with her?" she asks at the end and Naomi shakes her head.

"No. I mean, we're not on bad terms either it's mostly like... well we wouldn't have much to say to each other. We've never really been just friends without being lovers so..."

"I understand" Emily assures.

And then Naomi asks her about Alice, that older woman she saw so long ago on the brunette's Facebook.

"How do you know about Alice?" Emily asks astonished.

"I may have stalked your Facebook page that one time..." Naomi admits, feeling a blush creep on her cheeks.

The brunette sniggers though and squeezes her hand. And then she tells her about Alice, about the time they were together and how their relationship was. Emily surprises her when she admits they were so happy at one point that Alice proposed to her on Christmas after they'd been together for two years and she had accepted. Naomi is shocked to learn that if she's completely honest.

"Wow... that's pretty big... So you were engaged?" She mutters disbelievingly.

"Yes, I was"

"Can you tell me what happened?" She questions carefully.

Of course, Naomi is dying to know, but at the same time, if Emily thinks is none of her business, then she doesn't want to push.

"Of course" Emily replies with a smile. "We just fell apart honestly. She had a more stable job and kids and my schedule was all over the place and I couldn't be reliable. We fought a lot about that"

"Work does screw a relationship up doesn't it..." the blonde muses.

"Yes and no... I mean, my work didn't help, but I think I used it as an excuse to get away from her and the kids..."

"What d'you mean?" Naomi asks astonished because what Emily is saying doesn't sound like her at all.

"I mean that it was too much for me. I love kids and well… I'd like to have kids one day and I loved her kids as well… but I guess it was just all too fast for me. I barely got time to know her before I was thrown in this step mother life and I just… flipped"

"It's a lot of pressure" Naomi admits and Emily gives her a kind smile even though her eyes remain guilty and sad.

"It was, but that doesn't excuse how I reacted. I knew from the start she was a mother. I used to feel so guilty when she called me out on it being too much… In the end, we decided it was better to leave it at that. I gave her back her ring and moved here" Emily concludes.

Naomi knows this is a big deal for the brunette so she squeezes her hand and traces patterns on top with her thumb. She wishes she could just drag the other girl in her arms and hold her close, but she's afraid to do that. She really doesn't want to push it too far. Of course, when Emily shuffles a bit closer and lays her head on her shoulder, she's far from complaining. They intertwine their arms where they're holding hands and Naomi presses her cheek to the top of Emily's head.

"D'you miss her?" she asks in a small voice.

She's asking because she wants Emily to tell her, not because she doesn't know the answer.

"Yes. Sometimes I do" the brunette answers truthfully.

As glad as she is that the petite woman was honest, Naomi feels her throat tighten. She feels like she just swallowed a pound of flour. Emily spots her expression almost immediately, obviously, because she's just that attentive. She tugs on Naomi's hand until the blonde has turned around and is looking at her.

"Alice was an important part of my life, but she's in my past. You understand that right?" she says carefully.

"Yes I do" She answers truthfully.

"Good" Emily whispers leaning her head back on the blonde's shoulder.

"Yeah…"

They stay like that for a while longer after that and this time they don't really talk. They've talked enough for one night. When it's a lot later then they both ever expected to stay up, Naomi walks Emily back to her car. They hug again, the brunette's arms trailing naturally around the blonde's waist. When the hug is over and Emily pushes herself off slightly, hands still on the other girl's hips, Naomi has one of the most beautiful sights she's seen in a while.

There are a few locks of loose hair falling in front of the girl's gorgeous chocolate eyes, the tip of her button nose is red from the breeze of the night, her lips are slightly parted and she looks so calm, so bashful that Naomi wonders if it's possible for a human to look this alluring with so little effort. Naomi wants to kiss her so bad that she has a hard time thinking of anything else. So it's not that surprising when it slips out of her lips.

"I'm dying to kiss you right now" she mutters softly.

And the second the words are out, she feels Emily tense against her and a flash of panic pass through her eyes. Of course, her pupils also dilate and she shoots her tongue out to moisten her lips, but Naomi can't ignore the undeniable fear that crossed the brunette's features before any of that. So she gives Emily a half smile, a dejected smile and she steps away from the other girl, grabbing her hand though as she does.

"But you're still afraid" Naomi explains. "I'm not going to kiss you until I can make that terrified look in your eyes disappear"

She lifts the petite woman's hand and presses her lips to her knuckles lightly instead. And that gesture earns her another hug and a muffled thank you said into her coat. In all honesty, Naomi is rather proud of herself.

;;

After that night, they don't make specific plans to go on a date, but they keep seeing each other here and there. It's nothing official, it almost feels like they're hanging out as friends, but they both know there's more to it. They're getting to know each other again, but this time, it's not as friends, this time it's so much more. So when Naomi makes Emily laugh and Emily shoves her, the touches linger and it means something.

The blonde is on cloud nine, if she's perfectly honest. Because, yes, things are going slowly and two weeks after their talk in the car park they still haven't done much more than hold hands, but that's exactly how Naomi wants to take it too. They're creating memories together, replacing ancient wounds with better, more beautiful things. They're installing a foundation of trust in their relationship that was never there before and Naomi thinks that that's perhaps the smartest thing they could have done.

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Even if they're taking things slowly, Naomi doesn't hesitate to show she cares to the brunette. She doesn't so much say it in words, but she shows it in actions. One morning, she goes to Emily's Café before the other girl. She asked Emily the day before when she was starting work so she estimates at what time the brunette is most likely to show for her daily coffee and plans to go ahead. Then, she goes to the counter and smiles at the barista.

"Hi!" She says cheerfully. "I want to buy coffee for someone, but they're not here yet"

"Hum, okay?" the barista says slowly.

Naomi fishes her cell phone out and shows the young girl a picture of Emily she snapped a few days ago.

"That's her. She'll come in later and order a soy late. I'd like to pay for it now" Naomi explains.

The barista nods, fixing her eyes on the picture to make sure she'll recognize the client later.

"Also" Naomi says digging in her pocket, retrieving a small origami heart. "Can you tape that to her cup and sign an "N" underneath?"

"No problem" the girl responds taking the heart and Naomi smiles brightly.

She knows shit about origami, she's got no talent at all for it, but she can make simple hearts. And she knows it'll make Emily smile. So she pays for the coffee and leaves quickly.

When she gets a text message about 15 minutes later, Naomi is rather pleased with herself.

_**Emily**_

_You're so freaking cute_

_Thanks for the coffee_

_Ems xxx_

She spends the rest of the day smiling like a loon and she doesn't even care when the kids make fun of her.

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When Lucy questions her and Naomi admits that Emily and her have been casually seeing each other, the teen is overexcited. If the blonde wasn't so happy herself she'd be able to pull off the eye roll she tries, but honestly, she's too damn pleased with the situation to be sarcastic about it.

"This is so precious!" Lucy exclaims and Naomi chuckles.

"Don't get all excited Luce, it's very casual, we're just... hanging out you know?"

"Yeah…" the teen drags out. "But you like her and she likes you, right?"

"Well… yeah" the blonde says with a goofy grin.

"Then it's not _just_ hanging out, innit?"

"I suppose not" she concedes, her smile still etched on her face, unwavering.

"Bloody hell! Your eyes are shinning! You're such a sad sod Naoms! You're totally whipped!" Lucy laughs.

"Am not!" the blonde tries to counter, but without much conviction.

Lucy just starts laughing hysterically and Naomi lets her. She guesses she _is_ pretty much whipped after all.

;;

It's three weeks after the car park conversation that Naomi finally asks Emily out on a proper date. When she asks the brunette out, she gets no hesitation in the answer this time and it's not a rejection. She's nervous about the night, but at the same time, she knows that she just needs to be herself. Emily and her fit in a way she doesn't think she's ever fit with anyone before. What they have is unique, she knows that, she's sure of it. And she wants to trust it, trust that link that holds them together against all odds.

She invites her to dinner first in a semi-fancy restaurant. It's not somewhere very posh where there's an official dress code or anything because she finds those wanky and she doesn't want to bring Emily there, but it's not some cheap joint where you worry about cleanliness either. It's a happy in between and that's exactly what they need.

Naomi picks up Emily at her flat and her heart about stops when she sees the brunette exit the place in a ridiculously flattering strapless red dress. The garment is tight around the girl's chest, but flows a bit more freely around her hips and legs. There's a silver belt dividing the top from the bottom and Emily has paired the dress with a leather bolero that makes her look fiercely gorgeous. Add the beautiful necklace and earrings and carefully placed hairdo and Emily is just jaw dropping, heart stopping beautiful. And that's exactly how Naomi feels like she reacts. Her jaw drops and her heart stops and she's wordless. Until Emily walks up to her and places a soft kiss on her cheek.

Then it's like an electric current runs from the spot Emily's lips touched and goes right to her heart, jump starting it back into action.

"Wow…" She mutters dumbly. "Ems you're… I… I don't even know what to say. You're… I mean, you're going to be named the 8th wonder of the world if you carry on looking like that"

Emily chuckles and rolls her eyes, but her cheeks colour and she bites her bottom lip.

"Do these cheesy lines ever work Naoms?" she asks.

"You tell me" Naomi replies with an amused shrug.

Emily blushes harder and it tells Naomi that they do work. At least a little.

"But seriously Emily, you're stunning" the blonde announces with a soberer expression.

"Thank you" the petite woman replies bashfully. "You look great too"

In all honesty, Naomi is dressed in a much simpler fashion. She's got a black pencil skirt and a cerulean satin blouse, but, at least, she knows that that blouse makes her eyes pop like sapphires. It's why she chose it to begin with. She knows Emily loves her eyes and well, everything is fair in the dating business, isn't it?

"Thank you" She says with a grin. "Shall we?" she continues in a posh accent, extending her hand.

"We shall" Emily replies in the same tones before giggling and taking Naomi's hand in hers.

They get to the restaurant and everything goes great. The food is fantastic, especially the deserts. They order three different types just so Emily can try them all. At the end, Naomi pays after a short argument. She's the one that invited the other girl therefore she pays.

She leads Emily to Nelson street afterwards because the grey, dull buildings have been painted on and what used to be a very mundane walk is now like walking through an exhibition, but with the fresh air of the evening. And obviously, she knows how much Emily loves the Arts, in all their forms, so it's no surprise when they round the first corner and the brunette gushes over the bright colours that compose the urban frescos. They stop to examine many works, Emily's hand tightly secured in Naomi's. It's such a natural gesture now between them, they do it without thinking and it feels amazing every time.

Once they're done looking at the pieces of artwork, Naomi leads them towards Pero's bridge because it's gorgeously illuminated at night and she thinks it's a rather romantic atmosphere. When they reach the place, the blonde knows it was a good choice because the lights flicker on the water of the harbour and Emily's eyes shine with awe.

"Did I ever tell you the meaning of the flickering lights?" Naomi teases.

Emily giggles and shoves her with her shoulder. Then she lets her hand go and leans against the railing, looking at the half sleeping town all around them. Naomi digs into her pocket and takes out the restaurant's receipt. A few seconds later, she presents the bill newly folded into a heart and offers it to Emily with a grin. The brunette takes it and although she looks happy, pleased by the gesture, she also looks a bit sad.

Naomi frowns and reaches her hand towards the petite woman's face. She tucks a stray lock of hair behind the girl's ear and brushes her fingers along her cheek until she turns around, leaning on her side, to look at the blonde.

"What's wrong?" Naomi asks softly.

"Nothing…" The brunette mutters, looking at the space on the ground between Naomi and her.

"Emily…" the blonde sighs. "You can tell me, you know? Just tell me what's on your mind"

The other girl hesitates for a moment and Naomi knows she's nervous. She gives her an encouraging smile then and that seems to give Emily the courage to speak.

"It's just… this is lovely Naoms… This night… you… everything. It's incredible and I… I'm loving everything, but I… at the same time I can't help feeling… weird I guess"

"Weird how?" the blonde asks weakly, feeling her heart falter at the other girl's words.

"It's just… I know this, _us_, I know it's a clean slate and I want that, I want… I want to try this with you, I promise I do, but… I can't forget what happened and you keep making jokes about it and part of me finds it funny and the other part… the other part isn't so sure…"

Naomi nods slowly and licks her lips. She frowns a bit, trying to find her words. She knows how Emily feels, she feels it too, but there's something she understands about it that she doesn't think Emily does. So she searches her brain for the right words to explain it.

"Look Emily… I feel like I should apologize for reminding you in a way, but, in another, I'm not going to" she starts. "Just hear me out" She says when she sees the brunette's eyes widen in surprise.

Emily relaxes after that and nods.

"I know how weird it is in a way, but… but I don't see it as a clean slate like you do I guess. Ems I… I can't pretend we just met and I can't pretend nothing ever happened before because it's not true. It'd be dandy if we could close our eyes and pretend nothing of that ever happened, but A) it's not true and B) I don't want to forget what we had before" she continues.

Emily frowns a bit, but it's more like curiosity than disagreement. Naomi can work with curiosity.

"What we had before ended badly. You got hurt, I know that. But what we were before matters to me because it's also part of who we are now. We had that connection then and, yeah, I didn't realise and well… things were fucked, but that doesn't change the fact that we had that connection regardless. And I don't want to forget that because I don't ever want to forget how special we really are" She shrugs.

Emily's frown disappears and her eyes shine with understanding then.

"I don't want to erase our history just because it was a bit grey at certain points. It's _ours_ Ems and just because of that well… it's precious" Naomi finishes with a blush on her cheeks.

She hates being this emotional, she really does, but Emily needs to hear this, she thinks. And Naomi is pretty certain she was right when the brunette's eyes sparkle with what feels a lot like love and she puts her arms around the blonde's shoulders and pulls her down into a hug. Naomi holds onto her waist tightly as well and lets the brunette burry her nose in the crook of her neck.

"You say the most perfect things sometimes" Emily whispers and if it wasn't such an emotional moment, Naomi would crack a joke.

But it _is_ that much of an emotional moment, so she doesn't say anything and just holds Emily. A few seconds later, the brunette lets her go and turns to look at the water again, but she grabs the blonde's hands and positions her so that Naomi is hugging her from behind, enveloping her carefully in her arms. The blonde has absolutely no complaints to make.

It's in that moment though, while she's holding Emily close to her heart that Naomi realises how badly in this she is. She drags her nose along Emily's hairline and places a careful kiss there and when the brunette hums, Naomi's heart feels ready to burst with affection and… and love. She almost feels her blood freeze in her veins when the thought occurs to her, but then she feels Emily's thumbs against her wrists, tracing invisible lines there and she relaxes.

Okay, so she doesn't just fancy Emily anymore. She loves her. It's so obvious to her now, in that simple instant where her body is pressed against the brunette's. She's in love with Emily Fitch and no matter how much she'd try to deny it, she can't. She's a total goner. She loves everything about the petite woman in her arms. She loves the way she bites her bottom lip when she's shy or nervous or anxious, she loves the way her eyes light up when there's something that fascinates her, she loves the way her voice gets deeper when she's serious and she loves the way she's just perfect when she does nothing at all.

Naomi closes her eyes and lets herself get lost in Emily's scent and Emily's touch and if she was just a tad more whipped, she'd probably cry for how unbelievingly lucky and happy she is right now to be there with the other girl. She's not quite there yet though so she doesn't cry, but she _does_ smile goofily. Love is a beautiful thing after all, she's got nothing to cry about and every reason to smile.

;;

After that date, they see more and more of each other. What makes them even more involved in the other's lives though is Naomi's idea and she's quite proud of it. It occurs to her during one staff meeting and she thinks it's bloody brilliant. So brilliant that she smirks coyly to herself the rest of the meeting. She's even more cockily proud of herself when she proposes the idea and it's welcomed enthusiastically by the entire staff. She gets the green light to talk to Emily and she plans on doing it as early as she can.

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As early as she can turns out to be that very evening. They go for coffee and Naomi just asks her.

"Hey Ems… I was thinking of offering some first aid courses to the kids at the centre and well… you're the only paramedic I know" she explains with a smirk. "Would you like to teach the classes?"

Emily stares at her a little, but then she raises an eyebrow and gives Naomi a curious look.

"You want me to teach at YBC?" she questions.

"Yes" Naomi confirms.

"What's in it for me?" she asks, obviously teasing.

"Well…" the blonde starts with a drawl. "For one, you'd be helping several kids learn the basics of first aid and that's like… helping humanity, isn't it?"

Emily chuckles and rolls her eyes.

"And well, secondly…" Naomi says coyly getting closer to Emily. "You'd get to hang out with like a totally fit blonde bombshell"

"Really! Who? You'll _have_ to introduce me" the brunette exclaims.

Naomi laughs throatily and nudges delicately the other girl.

"But seriously…" the petite says, but there's still a hint of amusement in her eyes, so Naomi knows she won't actually be serious. "These kinds of gigs are usually volunteer work, aren't they?"

"Yes" Naomi nods.

"So tell me… why should I do this?"

And really, there's a challenge in those brown orbs and that's what pushes Naomi to react like she does.

"Well…" she starts, inching even closer to the brunette so that their thighs are pressed against each other now.

She lifts her hand and runs a finger on the length on Emily's arms. She feels shivers rise in her wake and she smiles to herself. Naomi turns her head slightly and brushes her nose to Emily's cheeks, tracing the curve of the brunette's jaw until her lips are an inch from the brunette's ear.

"Because it would make me very _very _happy" the blonde whispers, dragging her nose along Emily's cheek again after she's done.

She feels the petite woman shiver next to her and when she distances herself enough for Emily to turn her head, she has to bite her bottom lip to keep from chuckling. She doesn't know what's funnier, the darkness of Emily's eyes, the fact that she darts her gaze from the blonde's eyes to her lips or the fact that she looks like she's not sure if she should be mad or incredibly turned on. In the end, Naomi thinks Emily decides on feeling turned on, because her cheeks colour bright red, but she smirks and leans closer.

When it's her turn to be an inch from Naomi's ear, she mutters "Well in that case, how can I refuse?" and then she presses a lingering kiss right in the junction of Naomi's ear and jaw and the blonde almost moans at the feeling.

Naomi doesn't kiss the girl though. She doesn't know if she should. But she smirks at her and laces their fingers together and it seems enough.

;;

They spend the next few weeks discussing the project pretty often and when Naomi posts the inscription sheet in the centre's common room, she's happy to see it filled out rapidly. Of course, Lucy, who started coming to the centre again a while ago, is the first to enlist. She says she wants to learn first aid, but Naomi suspects she just wants to see the two women interact with each other. She's probably right.

;;

About a week before the classes are to begin, Naomi invites Emily over to dinner to thank her for her involvement. She decides to cook the brunette something and although she's still not the most fantastic cook there is, she's certain she can do something that will be memorable.

So she goes to the market and laughs at herself when she picks out every vegetable carefully, examining them first. She also takes the time to buy two good bottles of wine. She doesn't want to get the brunette drunk, but she wants to treat her properly.

She gets home early to prepare everything. She sets the table and although she doesn't overdo it with like candles and stuff, she does get her best silverware and her best tablecloth out. When everything looks fine and ready for Emily the blonde hops in the shower. Afterwards, she puts on some dark skinny jeans and a nice white silk blouse with the first few buttons undone- showing what she hopes is a tasteful amount of cleavage- and she spends at least thirty minutes in front of the mirror, trying to fix her hair and her make up.

She's nervous, a lot more nervous than she thought she would be when she first invited Emily over. It's not that she has grand plans for the night, not really, but she hopes everything goes well. To be honest, ever since she teased the other girl in the coffee shop a few weeks back, Emily and her have been teasing each other more and more physically. It's like they've been finding new ways to tempt each other and it's just about driving the blonde nuts.

If it was just her, Naomi would grab the brunette and kiss the life out of her. She's been almost literally dying to do so for a long time now. Probably ever since she set her eyes on Emily again all those weeks back, but ever since she's realised she loves the girl, the urges have grown more intense. She just wishes she could press her lips against the brunette's perfectly full ones and show her how much she's into this, into them, into her.

Every time she thinks of telling Emily the depth of her feelings, Naomi thinks her heart will just skip right out of her ribcage and fuck off. It's like terrifying isn't explanatory enough to express how truly afraid she is at the prospect of opening her heart in that way to Emily. It's not that she never plans on telling her, she will... eventually. But she's not sure when. It's just that they haven't even kissed yet and Naomi doesn't think the other girl feels quite as much for her. She's scared of making a fool of herself or scaring Emily if she goes and confesses her love right away.

So she's nervous, nervous because she wants to kiss Emily, more than anything, and because she's afraid that if she can't let her feelings out this way, she'll end up blurting out something she's not ready for. And that's without taking into account that she doesn't want their second first kiss to be rushed either. She's determined not to ruin it this time around so even if she thinks they're ready to take their relationship to the next step, she could be wrong. And if she is… God she can't even imagine it.

She's so painfully brinking it that she paces her flat tirelessly as she waits for Emily to arrive. She keeps checking on the food every time she passes the kitchen and checking herself every time she passes a mirror.

When Emily arrives and rings the doorbell, Naomi goes to answer quickly.

"Hi" she greets nervously when she opens the door to the always beautiful brunette.

Emily opted for something casual as well, she notes. She's got black leggings on and a long grey tunic with colourful designs on the front.

"Hey" she replies simply, handing the blonde a bottle of wine.

"Hey..." Naomi repeats dumbly.

The petite woman chuckles.

"Are you going to let me in or are we dining on the front step?" she asks teasingly.

"Oh shit! Right! Sorry!" Naomi shoots automatically.

She steps aside and Emily walks in. When she closes the door, the blonde also closes her eyes for a second. She's ridiculously too nervous and she obviously needs to calm down. But Emily's arrival has only made things worse. She thinks it's the discrete gloss on the brunette's lips that's to fault because she'll be damned if the other girl didn't make herself even more kissable than she usually is. And it's entirely unfair that she has to deal with that.

With a sigh though she shakes herself out of it and turns around, all smiles.

"Make yourself at home" She says. "Dinner will be ready in half an hour I reckon"

"Good" Emily smiles.

If she's nervous too, she's not letting it show. The other just strolls in as if she's been there several times before. She sets her purse down near the kitchen table and turns around to give Naomi an amused look. Then, the blonde realises she hasn't stepped away from the door yet and makes a nervous chuckle before walking into the flat.

She lifts the bottle of wine in the air and says: "I'll put this in the kitchen, yeah? D'you want a glass?"

"Yes please" Emily replies politely.

"Grand!" Naomi squeaks.

Naomi turns around quickly, cheeks colouring and heart beating. Grand? She'd punch herself on the nose if she could. She walks into the kitchen and sets the bottle on the counter next to the other two she already bought. She grabs one to open and digs in her drawers to find the corkscrew. She methodically opens the bottle, trying to focus her mind on the menial task. Maybe if she can focus enough she won't be so damn nervous.

She puts the bottle back down and grabs some glasses. The blonde can't help noticing how much her hands are shaking when she does.

"Fuck's sake Naomi…" She mutters to herself. "Get it together will you?"

She fills the first glass and she's about to fill the second when she hears Emily walk in the kitchen. Even if she hadn't heard her, she's pretty sure she'd have known anyway because the hairs on the back of her neck rise the second the other girl is in the room.

"Hey" Emily says simply. "Everything alright here?"

"Course!" Naomi shoots out nervously.

She takes the glass between her fingers and offers it to Emily.

"Here, you take the first one"

Her voice is shaking just as bad as her hands and Naomi knows the other girl can probably tell how tense she really is. She tries to breathe slowly to calm down, but it doesn't really work, especially not when Emily takes a few steps towards her until she's right in front of the blonde. The brunette curves her fingers around the glass, but also around Naomi's own fingers.

Then, she reaches her other hand behind the blonde's neck and tugs her down gently. Naomi barely has time to wonder what Emily has in mind before the petite woman presses her lips fully against hers.

If Naomi had been expecting it more, maybe she wouldn't have frozen, but, as it turns out, she didn't expect it at all so she freezes, completely. She doesn't even close her eyes and just stands there completely shocked for a few seconds. Until her brain registers that Emily is _kissing her_. Then, she closes her eyes and it's lucky that Emily is still gripping the wine glass, smartly putting it back on the counter, because Naomi completely lets go of it and cups the brunette's cheeks instead. She feels Emily smile against her lips as she starts kissing back enthusiastically.

And it's really a fucking bliss. She knows she's kissed Emily before, but it's been so long that the blonde doesn't even remember it properly. At least she doesn't remember it ever being as fulfilling as it is now. Because it feels like her lips were never made to kiss anyone else. Not with the way Emily's fit and slip against hers. Not with the way they nip playfully at her bottom lip and part to introduce a godly hot tongue. Naomi takes it in hungrily, swipes her own against it and thinks she'll never tire of this feeling. Her heart is pumping fast, her fingers twitching in excitement on Emily's cheeks and there are goosebumps on her arms. She can feel the petite's grip on her hips and she's not sure if she's feeling so light-headed because she needs air or if it's just the effect of kissing Emily Fitch. It's probably a bit of both.

Eventually, the kiss ends. Entirely too early if you ask Naomi, but then again, they _do_ have to breathe. Emily stays close to her though, even as she puts a bit of distance between them. A greater human being wouldn't stare, but Naomi is no such being so she most definitely stares when she sees Emily's coy and satisfied smirk along with her slightly swollen lips.

"You looked nervous" The petite says smartly. "I figured I'd help… ease the tension"

Naomi gives a nervous chuckle, but also beams. Because- _by fucking God!_- she's so in love with that girl. And also because, Emily just made everything so clear now and it's obvious they're on the same page. If her senses weren't still so full of Emily, she'd probably find it in herself to make a smart comment in reply. Instead, she connects her lips to Emily again and rejoices in the low hum that comes out of the other girl's throat as she does.

Naomi's not sure how much longer they kiss, she doesn't care. All she cares about is that they do. They kiss and eventually they laugh and eat and chat and kiss some more. It doesn't go any further, but Naomi couldn't care less. They're kissing and it's enough, god it's not _enough_, it's everything.

;;

A few days later, they're at the centre and Emily is giving her first aid lesson. Naomi has to be there because she's the centre's supervisor, but even if she didn't have to, she's pretty sure she'd be there anyway. Emily looks so beautiful when she's passionately explaining the medical protocols and techniques. Her eyes are sparkling and she moves her hands a lot when she speaks. It's adorable and Naomi is staring and she's being really obvious. She knows because Lucy keeps throwing her bits of paper and winking at her and Naomi would totally tell her to stop if she wasn't too busy perving on Emily.

She snaps herself out of it eventually and takes a piece of paper lying in front of her. She decides to fold it into a heart to give to Emily later, because it's sort of their thing now. She's not paying much attention to anything else so she's a bit surprised when a voice asks:

"That's so cool Naomi! How'd you do that?"

She lifts her head and sees Stacey looking at her expectantly. She blushes when she notices that everyone is looking at her including Emily. The petite woman also has this stern look in her eyes and, if it wasn't so sexy, Naomi might be a bit intimidated.

"Oh huh… well I don't mind showing you, but Emily's lesson is-"

"Over actually" The brunette specifies. "Go ahead, Naoms, I'm curious to know too"

"Alright then" the blonde shrugs.

She picks another piece of paper and starts instructing the few kids that are still around. It's not a really hard technique and it doesn't take very long before she's shown everyone. When she finishes her heart, she beams at the group.

"And _then_, when the heart is done" she explains. "It's very important that you give it to the loveliest and most beautiful person in the room"

And with that she turns towards Emily and offers her the paper heart shamelessly. She grins proudly when the brunette blushes furiously, but takes the heart nonetheless with a little smirk on her lips. She hears Lucy "aww" in the distance and turns to the teen just enough to give her an eye roll. When she turns to Emily again afterwards, it's just in time to see her put her paper heart away in her wallet. With a jolt to her heart, Naomi sees that the heart is stored in there with every other ones she's ever given the other girl. When Emily sees that she's noticed, she blushes even more and bites her bottom lip.

In that moment, Naomi wishes they weren't surrounded by a bunch of teenagers, because she wants nothing more than to wrap her arms around the other girl and kiss her senseless. It's also the first time she thinks that, perhaps, Emily loves her too. The idea makes her feel all sorts of things, from light-headed to giddy, without forgetting incredibly happy and slightly euphoric.

She can't walk up to the brunette and kiss her right there, but she can still talk to her. So she _does_ walk up to Emily and instead of grabbing her by the hips, she places a careful hand on her lower back to get her attention. Of course, Naomi has a bit of fun when she realises that no one can actually see her hand, so she lowers it dangerously close to the brunette's ass and trails her thumb on the fabric of her shirt. When Emily looks flustered enough, she gives her a satisfied smirk and asks:

"So I'd like to know in advance what coming in the first aid class, d'you think you could meet me in my office when you're done packing up?"

"I think I could manage that, yes" Emily squeaks.

"Brilliant" Naomi exclaims. "I'll see you in a minute then, yeah?"

Emily nods and Naomi laughs and she's not even sure she has to wait a full minute in her office before Emily comes marching in. The second the door is closed behind the brunette, Naomi saunters over, traps the other girl in her arms and kisses her soundly. Emily meets her lips greedily and readily and the blonde just has to smile.

The brunette plunges her hands in Naomi's hair and pulls her towards her and the blonde moans in pleasure. The blonde doesn't even hesitate before pinning the other girl against her office's door. Their hips knock against each other as they kiss and Naomi can almost feel her blood pumping faster in her veins, redirecting itself everywhere so that she feels more connected to Emily. She loves how their bodies fit together, loves it so much that it takes all her will power not to shift her hips so that her thigh will move in between Emily's.

"You make it so hard for me not to kiss you publicly" Emily whines when they emerge for air a few seconds later.

"I know the feeling" Naomi agrees, pressing her lips to the brunette's jaw.

The blonde pushes her head back to look at Emily, when she feels her smile.

"God you're beautiful" she mutters in awe.

"Thanks" the other girl responds, blushing cutely.

They don't say anything for at least a full minute. Naomi doesn't even mind. She's just content to look at Emily. It's like she's cataloguing her every feature, her every beauty spot and line and well... just everything. In this minute of silence, Emily sets one of her hands behind Naomi's neck while the other starts playing absentmindedly with the hair along the base. It's so domestic in a way, but at the same time, it makes the blonde's heart leap.

And then she's dying to say it. She knows she won't, because she's still way too uncertain of how the news would be welcomed, but she's dying to said it nonetheless. It's funny in a way because it's a very simple moment, a very plain moment too. Since they've kissed in Naomi's kitchen, they've kissed plenty. So Naomi doesn't really know why it's while they're pressed against her door, saying and doing absolutely nothing that she wants to say it the most. She reckons it might be because you truly understand and know that you're in love with someone when they do nothing and it means everything to you.

;;

The girl is flirting with her; Naomi can't even pretend she doesn't notice. It's pretty funny because usually, when people flirt with her, she doesn't really notice, but this time she does. She guesses Ima is being very obvious though with her lingering touches on her arm and her sugary voice. Honestly, the only reason why she doesn't tell her to piss off is because the girl is from Bath's youth centre and, as YBC's coordinator, Naomi has to work with her. Still, it's annoying.

"You'll keep me posted on the project, won't you Naomi?" Ima questions when she's finally about to leave.

The blonde would roll her eyes at how elongated the other girl made her name sound if it wasn't completely unprofessional to do so.

"Course" She mutters curtly and Ima leans over to hug her before she goes.

Naomi pats her awkwardly on the back and lets a sigh of relief when Ima is finally gone. She starts gathering her things when she feels someone walk up to her. Naomi turns around and is completely surprised when she sees that Emily is standing right next to her. And she looks very agitated too.

"Ems!" she exclaims happily. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" the brunette demands hastily, not smiling at all.

"Huh... sure" Naomi nods, before following Emily to her own office.

She closes the door behind them and barely has the time to say "Emily, what's wrong?" before the other girl launches into a long speech.

"I'm so sorry to be barging in on you like this, but I wanted to surprise you and well, I couldn't tell you I was coming, because that's what a surprise is, right? When you _don't_ tell the person you'll be there and then you are…. Anyway, I wanted to surprise you so I came and then I walked in and I saw you were busy so I decided to wait until that girl was gone, but then… well, she was flirting with you and… I don't want to say that I'm jealous because we've never discussed the status of our relationship and well, that means we're not dating exactly or at least not officially, but I thought…"

"Emily" Naomi tries to interrupt, but the other woman just continues to talk.

"We sort of were and well even if we _are_ dating I guess we never discussed the exclusivity of our relationship. And I'm not saying I think you were flirting with her, but she really most definitely was and well she was cute, you know? And I didn't know if you were thinking of flirting back with her or not. I mean I don't know if you're interested in other people that way…"

"Ems"

"I mean, _of course_, you probably find other women attractive because you have eyes and that happens and I don't mind, but, well… I wasn't sure what were your thoughts on us because we haven't discussed it, like I said. So I wasn't sure if you'd think it was okay to see other people along with me and… well I'm not saying it's not, but well… I'm not sure it's what I want and…"

"Em!"

"Well if it's what _you_ want, to see other people I mean, well I don't want to stop you, but I… I don't think I'm okay with that. I really… I really care about what we have and I was under the impression that we were exclusive and well it just occurred to me right now that I don't know if we are, so I'm asking…. Are we? Is it… I mean, how do you see this relationship and, please, just be honest Naoms, because it's okay if you thought this wasn't exclusive, I promise I won't be mad and if you want-"

The next words come out automatically. Naomi doesn't even think about it, she just says it.

"I love you"

"You can see other people, just not- wait what?!" Emily says, her eyes widening.

Naomi feels her cheek heat up under the other girl's stare. She's been holding this in for so long, she doesn't even know what made her say it finally. But it's out there now and there's no way to go back. And honestly, the blonde doesn't want to go back. Maybe it was the panic in Emily's voice that made her blurt it out like that, but as she stood and heard the brunette rant about their relationship and its exclusivity, Naomi just had to say it. Because, really, the idea that she's seeing other women now that she has Emily is ludicrous. She's ridiculously enamoured with the woman standing in front of her and if there's any doubt of that fact in Emily's mind, then Naomi had to tell her.

"You… you" Emily stutters.

"I love you" Naomi repeats with a shrug.

Of course she's not as calm and relaxed as she may seem. She's nervous and terrified actually, but the last few months with Emily has made her a lot more courageous she ever thought she'd be. It's probably why she's said it, if you look at it this way.

"I'm ridiculously crazy about you Ems… I don't want anyone else, I just want you…"

"I… you are?" the brunette asks dumbly. It's like she doesn't believe it.

"Of course… I… I didn't want to scare you so I didn't tell you… but I am, unwaveringly so. And well… I know we never discussed our status so I guess my feelings may sound a bit premature… but well… I'd love it if we _were_ official… I just… didn't know if it was what you wanted. If you preferred we didn't put any label on us"

Emily continues to stare and Naomi starts getting scared, as in, her heart might not make it if the brunette just tells her they should end this right now. She's never felt so vulnerable, yet so open in her entire life. She's not sure if she's proud of herself or if she thinks she's definitely turned mental.

"You love me?" Emily says again as if she's not quite sure if this conversation is really happening.

"I love you" Naomi repeats again.

She thinks she'll repeat it forever if Emily needs to hear it forever. But then, her voice shakes a bit as she says it because, she really is terrified and standing there in front of the woman she loves and being so completely emotionally naked is rough.

It's like the quiver in her voice is what triggers Emily though, like it's the one thing that makes her realise what's happening. And then… She smiles. She smiles and her eyes fill with tears and the next second she has leaped in Naomi's arms and has pressed her lips roughly against the blonde's. And Naomi holds her there tightly because she's pretty sure her confession was just accepted and if that's not the most relieved she has ever felt in her entire life, she'll be damned.

Emily disconnects their lips and buries her face in the blonde's neck.

"Thank fuck it's not just me" the brunette says and Naomi's heart makes a furious leap.

"What?!" she says as she distances herself from Emily to see her face.

There, in Emily's smile and in Emily's eyes, she finds a thousand treasures, a thousand emotions dancing. And it's pretty evident then, what the petite woman means.

"I love you too Naomi" Emily clarifies regardless.

The blonde has never thought words could sound so beautiful and so perfect ever. She hugs Emily close and just starts chuckling. She's chuckling because she feels a bit incredulous and she's chuckling because it's like all the worry, all the tension that was weighing her down lately has disappeared. Because if Emily loves her back then there's absolutely nothing wrong with her life.

"I can't believe you do…" She whispers, her voice thick with emotion, thick with awe.

"How about me, eh? I've _always_ felt so strongly about you so when I realised I had fallen in love with you already… well I wasn't that surprised" Emily admits. "But I never thought you would love me back so soon"

"Can I tell you a secret?" Naomi says shyly and Emily nods. "I wouldn't know how _not _to love you anymore…"

It's horrifyingly corny, much cornier than anything the blonde has ever said, but it's also fucking true. And when Emily kisses her again, lovingly, Naomi thinks it's worth it sometimes to say things like that.

;;

They decide that day to make it official and the blonde couldn't be happier about it. When Naomi tells her boys, they're so ecstatic that she's only allowed to hang up the phone after she's promised each of them individually that they'll have dinner one night all of them together.

The blonde is glad her friends are excited for her, if she's honest. She didn't really know what to expect from them. She didn't know if they'd think she didn't deserve the brunette, because, let's face it, she, herself, doubts that she does sometimes. Because Emily is like a little ball of sunshine. She brightens everything with her mere presence. And Naomi is more like a cloud, most of the time. She's got a temper and she can be quite moody. And since her boys know their history, Naomi wouldn't have blamed them if they thought Emily was too good for her.

But of course, that's not giving them enough credit to think like that. Because all three of them love her to bits and that includes her faults and her moments of weaknesses.

"You're having a laugh aren't you? How could I not be happy? Always thought you two should get your shagging on!" Is what Cook tells her happily.

"Although I may understand your worries on the matter, I do not hold what happened years ago against you. You are a fantastic person, Naomi and a dear friend of mine. I think Emily is a very lovely girl as well and I wish you both all the happiness you deserve" is what JJ has to say.

"It's cool mate. I wouldn't judge anyway, but I think you and Ems are gonna be great together. It's fine by me" is what Freddie thinks.

So all in all, her friends are really every bit as wonderful as she always thought.

;;

The more delicate situation comes when she mentions it to her mother and the woman is so freaking enthusiastic that she makes Naomi promise to bring Emily round for dinner. And as much as the younger blonde argues that it might be a bit early to meet the parents, her mother is adamant.

"Oh pish posh love! I've already met Emily, so this is completely different!" Gina says.

"I'm not sure it's that different… you are, despite how much I've tried to deny it over the years, my mother" she counters.

"Well I don't care! Bring her round! At least for a cuppa!"

"I'll ask" Naomi finally says with a sigh.

When she asks Emily, she figures she should have known the petite woman wouldn't mind one iota. And honestly, when the dinner does come around, Naomi thinks it could have been worse. Her mother greets Emily with "Emily! I'm so glad to see you love! You know I've been _dying_ to know that chicken curry recipe you told me about for _years_! I'm so glad I'm going to be able to know it now!" and it's a bit embarrassing, but at the same time it's her mother's way of showing the both of them she supports their relationship. Naomi thinks her mother is mostly lovely when it comes down to it.

;;

They don't hang around that long to Gina's even if the older Campbell does try to make them stay forever. Instead, they decide to make it back to Naomi's flat and catch a movie on telly. They don't exactly care about the movie, but they do enjoy how they get to cuddle on the couch. Naomi lies on her side and Emily decides to lie in front of her, the blonde's arms wrapped around her. It's a pretty perfect position because, with the arm rest of the couch, Naomi's arm isn't crushed behind the brunette and she can therefore hug her as long as she wants.

They barely even talk. Sometimes, Naomi insults one of the characters and Emily laughs, but most of the time, they just lie together in silence. At other times, the blonde kisses her girlfriend's- she smiles every time she uses that word, she doesn't think she'll ever get tired of it- shoulder.

Hours later, when they've watched the end of a movie and a whole other, Naomi reckons they should go to bed. She starts getting nervous then, because it's not like they'd decided at the beginning of the evening that Emily would sleep over or something. So she doesn't know what's supposed to happen now. The blonde supposes she could always call a taxi, but she doesn't really want to. To be honest, she just wants to go to bed with Emily wrapped around her. But at the same time, she doesn't want the brunette to think that she just wants to shag her. It's not even about sex- although, in all honesty, Naomi wouldn't mind. The blonde really does love Emily and she wants to wake up to her smile and her voice. She thinks that would be akin to waking up in heaven.

She nudges the brunette lightly and Emily turns around on the couch to face her. Naomi waits before speaking just so she can admire the other girl for a bit. She kisses the tip of her button nose and Emily smiles at her bashfully.

"D'you want to stay over tonight?" she asks her.

When Emily doesn't reply right away, Naomi panics.

"I mean as in... sleep. Like... you could sleep over to, you know... sleep. I don't want you to think... not that I... I just... You could sleep over if you wanted and you should know it'd be fine... to just do that" she finishes feeling like a complete moron.

She doesn't know what it is about Emily that always makes her babble like JJ, but it's inevitable. Maybe it's because the brunette makes her so freaking nervous and because she sometimes still feels like she's walking on thin ice in this relationship.

"Okay" Emily agrees and Naomi's stomach makes a powerful lurch.

They move from the couch and start getting ready for bed. Emily asks the blonde if she can take a shower and, of course, Naomi guides her to the bathroom. Then, she starts pacing her room, picking up every little thing that's lying around as she goes. She grabs a t-shirt and shorts from a drawer and puts them on. She doesn't usually wear pyjamas, but she can manage for one night. She gets an extra pair of shorts and an extra t-shirt for Emily and sets it on her dresser.

A few minutes later, Emily walks in the room with a towel tightly wrapped around her petite frame, her hair wet and her skin glistening. Naomi gulps slowly and clenches her hands into fists to stop her fingers from lurching forward just so they can touch the girl.

"Hey" She says nervously.

"Hey" Emily replies.

"I huh... I got you some pyjamas..." she provides pointing at the clothes. "I hope the fit isn't too bad"

"Actually..." the brunette says, taking a few steps towards the blonde. "The thing is Naomi... I don't _wear _pyjamas"

The blonde feels her eyes widen as she takes in the entirety of that statement.

"Is that going to be a problem?" Emily questions teasingly, her body inches from her now.

Naomi shakes her head vehemently and wraps her arms around the brunette before connecting their lips. She kisses her with all she's worth and allows her her hand to roam the other girl's body over the towel. Her heart is pounding hard and she can feel her own body oozing of want and desire. Emily moans against her lips and walks them slowly towards the bed. When the blonde is about to be knocked on it, she stops the brunette though.

"Are you... are you sure about this?" she asks incredulously. "We don't have to if-" she continues but is cut off by lips.

"I am" Emily assures. "Naomi, I know you've put a lot of pressure on yourself with this relationship. I know you've been careful not to hurt my feelings and careful to show me you could be trusted. I also know that I was very scared at first and I can never thank you enough for the love and respect you've shown me. But there's something you've got to understand now… I _trust_ you and I _love_ you and I most definitely _want_ you"

The brown orbs are full of sincerity and full of love when Emily says those words. Naomi knows she means it, knows she means everything and she smiles brightly. The thought that Emily trusts her is actually what really makes her feel like nothing could go wrong in the world. Because, honestly, if Emily trusts her then they'll be alright.

"It's actually a relief" the blonde says. "Because I don't wear pyjamas either"

And with that, she kisses Emily hard and grabs the towel between her fingers before pulling it off.

;;

If Naomi didn't remember much of their actual first time together, she certainly knows she'll remember their second- or _real_ first night as she likes to think of it- for the rest of her life. There's no simple way to describe it, to describe that night they spend making love for the first time.

Naomi guesses she could explain it in different ways. She could explain it in a more practical way. She could say how beautiful Emily is naked and how much time she spent discovering her body. She could explain how she nearly choked with tears when she _finally_ got a chance to see what Emily's hip tattoo was again and marvelled at the carefully drawn peacock she found there, neck and beak following the curve of Emily's hip bone, making the whole thing incredibly sexy. She could say that she spent several minutes dragging her tongue across the ink and she could say how much it made Emily squirm.

She could try and explain how Emily's skin felt under her fingers, how very soft and delicate it was and how every brush, every caress raised goosebump. She could probably spend a whole hour describing how the brunette's pert breast felt when she held them with her palms compared to how they felt when she licked every inch of them. She could most definitely spend another hour telling everything she loved about the other girl's nipples because there were just too many.

Then, if people really wanted to know, Naomi guesses she could explain how utterly wonderfully wet Emily was when she slid her fingers inside her. And, really, the blonde remembers everything about that specific part so she could say it all. She could talk about all the moans and cries of pleasure and all the kisses delivered as she made love to the girl.

If Naomi decided to explain it differently though, she'd focus on how she _really_ felt throughout. She'd explain first how she felt like their hearts were beating in unison, because it's one of the things that amazed her the most about it all. Naomi doesn't think she's ever felt this connected to anyone, connected enough that she really had the impression that she could _feel_ everything Emily was feeling and vice versa. Then, she'd probably explain how completely, maddeningly crazy Emily drove her. And not because she was just _that_ good- although she was that too- but because Naomi is so in love with Emily that every touch feels like a promise, every kiss feels like a testament and every moan feels like a confession. She feels everything tenfold when it's shared with Emily.

Honestly, Naomi could explain her night with Emily in all those details and it would be completely true. The problem is that it would never be enough either.

;;

Weeks turn into months and they stay together. Spring changes to summer and summer changes to fall. They have several dinners with Cook and several with Freddie and several with JJ and several with Effy. They have a couple of dinners with Gina and they even have a dinner with Emily's sister Katie at one point. Their relationship holds together really well throughout it all. It takes a bit of time before Katie warms up to Naomi though. Apparently she's still a bit bitter about what happened years ago. But in the end, her girlfriend's twin gets around to their relationship and becomes even supportive. Naomi couldn't be happier about that.

;;

One lazy Sunday of November, they're hanging out at Emily's, lounging on her couch. The blonde is settled in one corner, the brunette's legs on her lap and a book in her hands. They've been like that for a while, Naomi reading while Emily flips through the channels. At one point though, the brunette closes the telly altogether and breaks the silence.

"Babes? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Hum? Sure" The blonde says a bit sleepily. "What's up?"

"I wanted to talk to you about the holidays actually…" Emily says nervously.

"The holidays? As in Christmas?"

"Yeah..."

"What about it hun?" Naomi inquires.

She can tell her girlfriend is nervous so she places her book aside and sets her hand on her knees and gives it a light squeeze. Emily takes in a big breath and asks:

"Would you… would you spend it with me? I mean with, well, my family"

Naomi's eyes widen.

"You want to introduce me to your family?" She questions.

"Yes. I want to bring you along as my girlfriend and I want to introduce you to my parents" Emily confirms.

"So I'm parents material?" the blonde smirks.

She knows it's a big deal for Emily to ask, because the brunette _hates_ introducing her girlfriends to her parents. Apparently her mum is always a pain in the arse with her girlfriends which is why Emily tries to avoid it if the relationship is not serious enough. So the fact that she's asking Naomi to meet them, and furthermore to spend the holidays with them, means a lot. And Naomi can't pretend she doesn't know that and she can't pretend it doesn't make her happy.

"Yes, you're parents material" Emily confirms with a smirk of her own.

"Well I'll have to think about it" Naomi teases. "I mean… I'm not sure how excited I am to meet the infamous Jenna Fitch I must admit"

Emily chuckles.

"The less you know the better, hun… trust me" the brunette says.

"Is she really that bad?"

"Oh yes! I mean, don't get me wrong, you're beautiful, smart, witty and funny. If you weren't preventing me from perhaps one day meeting _the_ man that would make me change my mind, she'd love you. Hell, if James ever brought you as his girlfriend, she'd _adore_ you. But as it is, you're my sexy, witty girlfriend so she'll dislike you. I think it's a question of principle for her"

"She sounds positively lovely" Naomi chips.

"Very much so" Emily jokes. "Oh and, speaking of James, I'm terribly sorry if he grabs your ass and blames it on the alcohol"

Naomi laughs loudly at that. She wants to keep joking, but she also wants to acknowledge how happy she is that Emily invited her at all.

"Come here" she says, grabbing Emily's leg and tugging her closer so that the end of Emily's thighs is flushed with the side of hers now.

She kisses her girlfriend softly on the lips. She takes her time to kiss her too, doesn't rush it, but it's not because it's slow and gentle that it's not as passionately filled with love. When she disconnects the kiss, Emily's eyes are sparkling.

"Thank for inviting me, I'm looking forward to meet the Fitch clan" Naomi says sincerely.

Emily smiles even more bashfully and grabs the blonde by the neck to kiss her again. Naomi is more than happy to oblige, feeling the now familiar beat of excitement shake her ribcage as she feels Emily's tongue connect with hers. They pull apart just enough so they can speak, but their lips remain an inch from each other's.

"So I guess this is pretty serious then, eh?" Naomi whispers. "Us, I mean. It's pretty serious?"

"Yes, yes it is" Emily confirms nudging Naomi's nose with hers.

"Good" the blonde replies with a smile. "Because I'm kinda serious about you, you know?"

"Yeah, I know"

"I love you so much…" the blonde mutters giving a kick kiss to Emily.

"I love you too" the brunette says back her voice all smiles.

"I'm so ridiculously happy right now"

"And so am I… But _God_ I can't believe the time it took to finally _get there_" Emily says with a chuckle.

"I know! And I heard it was all the fault of some blonde twat" she teases.

"Well she got there in the end, didn't she?" Emily says with a laugh.

"Oh yeah, she did" Naomi agrees.

Then they kiss again unhurriedly, because they can. It won't be the last time they kiss anyway, they have their whole lives to keep kissing. They say it's all about the journey and not the destination. Naomi wants to disagree when the destination is Emily Fitch, but then she thinks that it's because of the hardships they've been through, Emily and her, that they are so much more tied together, so much stronger and so in love now. And she thinks that, perhaps, in her case- because she's lucky like that- she might have gotten it both; the enlightening journey and the ridiculously perfect destination.

.

**THE END**

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**One last thank you to all of you who have reached this :P I hope you enjoyed the conclusion. Of course, I'd love to hear your final comments on this :) See you in the next life right? I don't really have plans to write anything else, but you never know. I love you guys! xx  
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**This story is dedicated to V, who will probably never read it, but if she does, I hope it makes her smile.  
**


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